Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - REMIX： The Law Offices of Berlant & Novak Pt. 2

00:00:00.800 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:00:02.320 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:00:03.440 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:00:08.160 Two untamable intellects.

00:00:09.940 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:00:10.780 This is our hell.

00:00:11.640 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:00:13.940 This is POOG.

00:00:15.720 Greetings, everybody.

00:00:16.900 This week, we've put together an episode full of some of our most favorite moments.

00:00:21.340 Featuring grievances, injustices, and scams.

00:00:24.480 Enjoy our latest remix while we're off the clock.

00:00:26.580 here it is the law offices of berlant and novak

00:00:30.540 so i have sometimes like an elderly fear of being scammed or like i feel like i could be

00:00:40.180 scammed so easily like for example a couple times i've gotten a text where i have to show

00:00:44.480 the person i'm with and go that's a scam right and it's like a very clear scam and i'm like

00:00:48.100 almost like wiring like money no like i'm so fucking gullible in this way and i got a call

00:00:54.560 from just a number and I didn't think it was spam I picked it up hi this is Brian from Bank 0.99

00:01:00.880 of America whatever I'm like this fucking scam artist piece of shit and I go uh-huh and then 0.99

00:01:06.200 he starts talking to me and then I'm like wait well it sounds kind of real I just to be frank 0.99

00:01:12.160 how do I know that this is real at all yeah and he was like totally and I told him how his number

00:01:17.800 came up and he was like oh and then I said he wanted to set up an appointment with me and I

00:01:22.040 said yeah why don't you email me and then he emails me within moments and it has like the

00:01:27.520 bank of america and this is what's weird to me i think it was legit logo's not enough the logo is

00:01:32.520 not enough and truly the logo looked like shit kind of i need to see this okay i have to bring 0.87

00:01:41.900 honestly bank of america must be humiliated if like b of a logos are so bad kaperland thinks 0.90

00:01:49.260 they're a scam they always tell you to check to look closely at the email address that it's sent

00:01:54.820 from because it'll be like that bank of tarica took me a while he was like i'm a small business

00:02:01.780 banker or something what sure well yeah that does sound i mean sorry key question is that your bank

00:02:08.900 bank of america yes okay okay yeah i'm a small business banker okay so look at this and this

00:02:17.000 is why it feels legit he said thank you for taking my call looking forward to connecting

00:02:22.080 this is wild and helping to deepen the relationship with the bank this is bizarre did you recently

00:02:29.840 make a massive deposit no that's the thing so then he included it says business card right 0.96

00:02:36.280 but look at this bank of america logo fuck you're blurry will you will you send it to me i need it 0.93

00:02:41.140 screenshot and listen it says here like this message any attachments whatever like it looks 0.99

00:02:45.540 pretty real and then i think it is real and then his okay yeah okay it's it's legit because his

00:02:53.120 email address is his name at very closely bfa.com bfa uh-huh b-o-f-a bank of a bank of a dot

00:03:06.000 calm baby i'm gonna forward it to you because i almost gave him everything and i got excited

00:03:13.300 dot com baby like you know it you love it i feel like it's like jewish or something like i have this

00:03:21.560 like my deep desire to have close relationships like doctors and lawyers like because like to

00:03:27.760 help me and so similarly i'm like i had this flash of like me and my small business opening

00:03:34.580 the relationship this flash of my small business banker and i going out for like

00:03:39.460 yeah once a year we get an obligatory lunch i also like the idea of them being nothing to discuss

00:03:43.860 what really is he going to be your financial planner there's no fucking way i almost wanted 0.68

00:03:48.540 to say what's in it for you brian you're skimming a little off the top like no 0.95

00:03:53.060 you know and you famously say in your act that women should be allowed to steal from sephora 0.65

00:04:06.880 right yes i used to shoplift heavily from sephora in my youth um and i stand by it and again i don't

00:04:13.840 i don't stand by stealing from small businesses or anything like that but a corporation like

00:04:18.460 sephora that is you know pulling in money built on um the weaponization of women's bodies against

00:04:24.700 ourselves really uh i don't think they deserve to turn a profit and they do they factor in

00:04:29.600 shoplifting into their annual budget i'm sure hilarious and i don't think there's anything

00:04:34.200 wrong with me stealing a cream that I shouldn't have to buy just so that you know I can erase

00:04:39.660 lines that will then make me more palatable to the men in charge to hire me and so I do believe

00:04:47.120 that I now I stopped because after Giuliani's daughter was was arrested shoplifting from

00:04:51.720 Sephora I was are you serious yes and that really was the wake-up call I was like calling my mother

00:04:56.960 and being like kate i got arrested from shoplifting dior mascara like i was like i can't imagine my

00:05:06.360 parents would be like would they be devastated yeah i just i was like did they teach you did

00:05:11.940 they teach you not to steal as a child or was it never brought up here's what's funny my mom 0.94

00:05:17.300 has a bit of the shoplifting bug holy shit so i completely heard anyone say that very she'll be 0.94

00:05:24.300 so embarrassed to hear you talking about this but like first of all and i talked about this with 0.96

00:05:28.900 john early yes because he was like he grew up having you know all these friends these girlfriends

00:05:34.620 that would shoplift and he was like i feel like it's a significantly like kind of female disease

00:05:40.320 or compulsion which i completely agree with i think that women we feel like we're being robbed

00:05:44.720 since birth we are so much is being demanded from of us and stolen from us i'm laughing by the 0.99

00:05:50.740 severity of the language and yeah and no so it's like genius it's like yeah we should get a goddamn 0.94

00:05:56.760 freebie here and there well like i always feel like it's like girls stealing thongs for some 0.62

00:06:01.080 reason in my mind like thongs from annie says and maybe that's because like my friend stole

00:06:06.460 thongs from annie says this is why i don't know always that oh oh very east coast okay east coast

00:06:13.360 it's almost like a tj maxx or something got it um i wonder how if they'd be happy to hear me say

00:06:19.480 that well that's then of course american apparel in this way that i remember shoplifting stuffing

00:06:25.740 my bag so comically like i went in with like santa it was like santa's bag like the it was

00:06:32.660 like a duffel basically i'm leaving with it stuffed and i remember it just being because

00:06:37.920 there was a mania that came over me it really is drug addiction shoplifting because it's like

00:06:41.140 this adrenaline rush and like stealing things i don't even particularly want just being like put

00:06:46.160 them in put them in you know it really is compulsive behavior and it feels incredible yes oh

00:06:50.740 and so one thing so my mom is not like a habitual shoplifter yeah but I think she and this is also

00:06:58.200 I think honestly political and radical and completely okay and of course you know the 0.58

00:07:02.800 it's also just of course you're like a white lady in a story you can get away with murder

00:07:07.080 but it's like she oh god yeah my mom has a couple times had kind of that moment happen of oh is it

00:07:15.400 this is in the cart oh did i not pay for that like kind of like like a couple times i've been

00:07:20.000 with her or she told me she let something kind of slide into her hand and pass the checkout counter

00:07:25.480 just like petty theft and but it's like yeah because when you're a woman over a certain age

00:07:29.620 you're invisible right and so it's like you should be able to make me invisible yeah it's like well 0.88

00:07:35.600 then i'm going to be the invisible man and and goddamn steal and so and i haven't had a couple 0.72

00:07:40.520 because i recognize it now it's kind of like an ocd thing i would awake in the night craving a 0.94

00:07:46.260 certain item convincing myself how do i get it i don't want to pay for it and for me i remember

00:07:51.360 one time it really circling around ceremonial grade matcha and i was like i need the ceremonial

00:07:57.920 grade matcha and i need but i'm not spending 45 dollars it was like 40 dollars i was like i'm not

00:08:03.820 spending 40 something dollars on tea absolutely not so in my mind i was like i'm going to steal

00:08:08.940 it from Whole Foods. And I remember being awake at night being like, here's what I'm going to do.

00:08:13.000 And by the way, I did it. I did it. So here was my plan. I was like, I'm going to have the shopping

00:08:17.180 cart. I'm going to have a huge, I'm going to be loading things into the shopping cart. I'm going

00:08:20.900 to put a tote bag in the shopping cart and I'm going to be at the tea section. I'm going to toss,

00:08:28.860 recklessly toss a couple of boxes of like $3 tea. And then I'm going to exactly into the cart so

00:08:36.500 that if anyone sees me or on the security cams oh she's tossing tea okay she's tossing tea

00:08:41.600 so then what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna pick up the tin of the ceremonial grade matcha with the

00:08:48.160 same light-hearted with the same recklessness yes but i will aim perfectly for the tote so that

00:08:54.600 even if it lands in the tote well i had no idea let's check the camera sir okay so my heart is

00:09:00.560 the best story i've ever heard i'm literally in shock and how did how does this not come up

00:09:05.840 anytime we've mentioned matcha okay go on i don't know i don't know i'm thrilled i toss back i toss

00:09:13.100 the three dollar box it lands i'm tossed it's perfect i grab the tin i arc it then i pick up

00:09:19.180 the ceremonial grade matcha i arc it beautifully okay the ceremonial grade matcha arcs lands

00:09:25.540 perfectly in the tote just as planned you cannot be serious i delicately note this from a side

00:09:31.340 glance. I rise to my feet. At that moment, a security guard. Wait, rise to your feet because

00:09:36.840 it was low down on the shelf? I was crouching. Oh, right. And by cart, little handheld, not a

00:09:42.600 wagon. No, a full-blown shopping cart because the key to this was that I had the wagon filled.

00:09:49.520 So I was, oh, she's shopping, right? So at that moment, a security guard turned down the aisle

00:09:54.220 and my heart truly dropped. I was like, oh no. And of course he walked right by me. He didn't

00:09:58.720 notice or anything. And so here's what I did, which was a weird move. So my skin is on fire

00:10:04.720 because the matcha is firmly in the tote. Okay. I make the strange decision to take it to the car

00:10:10.320 now. So I abandoned my cart. I take my tote. I abandoned the cart. I go to my car. I put the,

00:10:17.860 I transfer the serenity of green matcha into the console. And then I'm, I'm, and I was like

00:10:23.300 screaming with laughter alone, like shaking, screaming with laughter alone. Yeah. Like that's

00:10:27.480 with the yeah and so then i'm like go back in so i went back in and filled out my cart and then

00:10:31.620 checked out but that was a weird move like i probably should have just stayed with the cart

00:10:35.760 i don't know astonishing move but i have it let me tell you the matcha i just remember having that

00:10:41.440 it tastes like 10 times sweeter when it's free oh my god that's interesting and then i almost did

00:10:48.140 i was obsessed with the idea of wanting to shoplift manuka honey because i was like

00:10:51.800 Manuka honey is probably a total scam and I don't want to spend $50 on honey, but I want to taste the, you know, I want that experience.

00:11:01.020 I want to, you know, to be.

00:11:03.560 This is astonishing to me because.

00:11:06.740 And then I never did shoplift the Manuka honey.

00:11:08.520 I got too scared.

00:11:09.400 Congratulations.

00:11:11.500 And I don't shoplift anymore for the record.

00:11:13.360 i want revenge i'm furious i've been wronged i've been abused i have been abused by a chimney sweep

00:11:30.660 okay so kate she's really just oh my god i'm getting a chimney sweep whatever right okay i've

00:11:38.920 got a i've got a fireplace now i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i get you gotta get a chimney

00:11:42.400 suite i heard her tell someone else you got to get chimney sweet well for safety okay so you call

00:11:47.120 next thing i know okay i get sent pictures of kate's white curtains and the very top of the

00:11:53.020 curtain so high high up in the air way high above the level of where the chimney is okay up and they

00:12:00.500 are blackened like a fire happened in that room yeah you know and things got so so they're like

00:12:06.000 blackened curtains stick the entire corner like a vignette like the white curtain has been given

00:12:10.940 in a vignette corner okay see that then i see other areas of fabrics okay i see other just a

00:12:18.460 level of damage has been done oh she goes you know so she texts me you know my house is ruined or

00:12:22.540 something okay so so you ever see me like this i've never been so upset so i just ask you about

00:12:29.320 something and you go and for tomorrow you go i'm in nightmare okay i'm in nightmare okay i'm like

00:12:38.500 studio cities seeing if you were nearby still chimney sweep ruined my house okay i wrote three

00:12:44.680 question marks and then here come the photos yeah yeah okay just just devastation no but okay but

00:12:53.860 but so yeah the vignette i'm talking about really densely on a you know this would require serious

00:12:59.280 cleaning and then and then let's see yeah there's just soot and i go and he left i'm in right i don't

00:13:06.700 You know, it's a man, okay?

00:13:08.020 And he left because I'm going, if he's still there, I'm getting on the phone, whatever.

00:13:11.020 I know, I know.

00:13:11.240 You, okay, all right?

00:13:12.080 You should never have let him leave.

00:13:13.140 So, Kate Berlant, I'm on phone.

00:13:15.420 So, articles have been dropped.

00:13:17.740 Articles?

00:13:18.160 Ruined house.

00:13:19.100 Like, you know, my house.

00:13:20.700 Okay, you're going, I'm on phone, not I'm on the phone with him.

00:13:23.620 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:23.860 All right.

00:13:24.440 900.

00:13:25.380 You dropped the word 900.

00:13:27.240 Okay, out of conduct.

00:13:28.140 So, I'm going, okay, she's saying that it costs $900, right?

00:13:31.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:31.320 Like, I've been fucked. 1.00

00:13:32.440 900, right? 1.00

00:13:33.520 I go. 1.00

00:13:34.020 Motherfucker. 1.00

00:13:34.300 If he had a company, because I was like, was this a fucking scam? 1.00

00:13:39.120 You know what I mean? 0.97

00:13:39.480 I go, if he had a company, they need to pay for cleaning or replacement.

00:13:44.240 The law offices of Berlin and Novak are open.

00:13:47.520 Okay, now those who know us know in the past, Kate will think she deserves nothing but a free drink down in the lobby, perhaps, of your choosing, something you've mixed, pre-mixed, perhaps.

00:13:58.240 Okay, where I'm going, full refund and pay for damages, essentially, right?

00:14:02.000 Always.

00:14:02.340 I'm always pushing for that.

00:14:03.140 so i start to feel this panic i gotta if he's still there i gotta get on the phone before kate 0.94

00:14:06.620 undersells i know but she's out i hear this is giving me a fucking heart attack so i'm on phone 0.92

00:14:11.600 900 i go they need to play for cleaning or replacement trying to trying to get the words 0.96

00:14:15.020 into her quick and i hear are you ready they're taking off 450 okay okay i go kate four question

00:14:25.200 marks okay i go that's not enough add me to the call this is rapid fire where i don't wait to

00:14:32.860 finish the whole sentence i need it through so i go add me to the call i'll pretend i own the house

00:14:36.880 and then and then i go it's not happening i go i'll call and you can yeah and you can add me

00:14:42.120 confusion i meant add you the contact is dropped you drop the contact please call you say you go

00:14:47.620 please call i almost cried so i'm being charged 450 i start texting in need i need you on the call

00:14:53.780 okay i call instantly do you understand i don't like to make phone i never make phone calls so

00:15:01.080 cool and then what happened again he hung up on you you're like hello okay yeah and i go hi um i'm

00:15:05.800 at and i referenced let's say your street was yeah you know yeah yeah i don't know why yeah

00:15:10.120 ginger street okay hi i'm calling regarding the ginger street street property um that i uh managed

00:15:15.360 yeah yeah and genius okay okay because i'm like i'll say i own the house because and you you had

00:15:20.860 written back i said i owned it so i'm moving quick okay and i go hi i'm hearing about um like i went

00:15:27.720 into a different identity i'm hearing that the house was left with a layer of soot yeah on a

00:15:33.040 variety of things yeah and then i'm trying to say like the little lady was almost confused yeah

00:15:37.480 like i'm hearing about a 450 like i'm hearing about a discount seems like clearly it should

00:15:42.840 be a full refund plus payment for cleaning services since the primary promise it's not

00:15:48.440 that they did a half good job okay and then what happened what they say okay and then and then i

00:15:54.420 see you or i go i gotta add her okay i gotta add her i try to add you i think it's gonna happen

00:15:58.960 really fast because he's not replying i go back he hangs up on me then i called back and i then i

00:16:03.960 got sent to like the mailbox is full laugh with a laugh with complaints it was the sound of it

00:16:09.560 it was like um the mailbox like no like it was a woman's like the mailbox is yeah yeah it was him

00:16:14.700 okay the mailbox is full wait more hold on i was so in it right now i'm gonna i'm gonna say right

00:16:21.040 now i called to get my chimney swept i love here here here it all is the guy calls me he's at my

00:16:29.600 front door he's he's a full 30 minutes early and i said oh well you know my partner i said i said

00:16:35.340 oh did you ring the doorbell okay i'm getting too into the forensics it's not important the point is

00:16:39.640 here's what's important i felt in my soul run when you were first no no i felt my whole body

00:16:46.220 was flooded i'm not kidding you i'm not kidding you i was like i don't like him i was like

00:16:51.900 something's off something's off got there let him in i felt something was weird my partner

00:16:58.520 tells me he asked them if they were jewish that's the detail but listen the point is

00:17:06.420 i go and i'm i felt and later my partner remarked i was unusually short with him not rude but just

00:17:12.920 like i wanted it over he was like this chimney hasn't been cleaned for a long time it's gonna

00:17:16.980 cost five hundred dollars i go okay he goes i really suggest for safety you get this sealant

00:17:23.780 for an additional 450 i start going or i can't do the math i came to 900 the point is and everything 0.99

00:17:29.380 in me goes don't get the sealant this guy's a fucking lunatic do not trust him something i go 0.97

00:17:33.320 but i'm going safety fires i'm scared you know i don't know so i go okay sure like yeah i get out 0.99

00:17:39.360 of there i go take a shower i'm like i don't even want to be in the same room i swear to god i was

00:17:42.400 like get me away from him i come out he's setting up i go oh do you have more drop i had a marvelous

00:17:48.960 chimney sweep a beautiful man who came to my house years ago i couldn't find the information 0.98

00:17:54.000 that guy gear so i knew a little bit i go where's all this motherfucker's gear he has one little 0.96

00:17:58.740 drop cloth i go oh do you have another drop cloth he goes no no it'll be fine what do i know right 0.98

00:18:05.820 everything i know so i go i go that makes me sad because i gotta go okay well he says it's fine 0.98

00:18:12.260 like i guess it must be fine motherfucker doesn't put a job cloth on my white couch a little on the 0.96

00:18:19.140 corner i came with a towel we came with a towel put a towel on going on i come out i touch a table 0.98

00:18:25.680 in my living room and go like this and my hand is covered in soot there is a soot layer i'm not

00:18:33.460 exaggerating on every surface in my home for example there's like a record player that's

00:18:38.680 underneath the shelf i go like this right soot right there is a notebook in the other room i go

00:18:44.020 like this it's like 9-11 i go in no it's 9-11 it's everywhere i go in the hallway hallway you

00:18:50.060 can't even see the fireplace i'm here soot on the ground i go oh my god oh my god i go wait wait 0.99

00:18:57.600 wait wait wait there's there's soot on everything this motherfucker has the gold wait he's still 0.98

00:19:02.780 there yes and you do the thing there yes i thought this jacqueline yes i thought you came home to 0.99

00:19:07.600 destruction no he's there and i go wait there's soot everywhere he he starts going oh okay i'll

00:19:15.840 clean it i'll clean it i think i did know this he goes over to the wall the wall i'm gonna post the 0.93

00:19:20.380 photos there's fucking soot everywhere and the guy he starts to go i go i need to talk to your 0.97

00:19:27.860 supervisor or someone like i can't pay full price for this or he goes it's a dirty job he starts 0.98

00:19:33.760 going look at me no no no oh yeah this guy's out of his mind he's just going look at me I mean I'm

00:19:40.340 in there it's a dirty job I'm like well of course it is right and again I've been to this before

00:19:46.460 I've had my chimney swept my house is normal it's like nothing happened so and then he goes no

00:19:50.880 Jacqueline are you ready for this yeah I don't even know if I told you this oh I do know he's 0.86

00:19:55.240 fucking yeah I come in I know I go into the other room waiting for I go into the other room I come 0.93

00:19:59.540 back and i noticed in the other room again the hallway there's soot i go there's soot in the 0.99

00:20:04.680 hall i show him the bottom of my foot there's soot all the way in the hall he goes maybe your house

00:20:09.540 is dirty and i looked at him and i went are you kidding me and then he makes it he goes well

00:20:18.100 i go i needed to talk to someone i never get angry i'm not raising my voice to him at all 0.58

00:20:22.220 he goes outside starts talking to his boss comes back seventy dollars we can take off seventy

00:20:28.180 dollars i laugh i go seventy dollars there's so let's just stop for a second i hate that you said

00:20:35.700 discount and not full refund i know jacklin i know i'm up on the night my job's dislodged because

00:20:41.980 all i'm thinking is why did i let him why didn't i i should what i wish i done said i'm not paying 0.91

00:20:46.140 i'm not paying right and everything's fine okay because i've learned my fucking lesson no right 0.70

00:20:51.660 but i'm just i'm just bringing up that point of pain okay so that just to make it lodged for next 0.91

00:20:58.480 time never never let the word discount should never come out of your mouth okay refund refund

00:21:02.540 refund only okay so and not even kate kate kate and additional costs yeah oh i know okay so so 0.91

00:21:08.860 this guy on the phone is fucking awful he's the manager is he on speaker yeah okay they go 0.91

00:21:15.000 we can take a hundred dollars off i go no they go 200 is the most we can do 0.99

00:21:24.540 and i just go i mean i again i want it i want him primal i want him out i'm just like get out

00:21:30.060 yeah i was like okay i venmo don't want to get into it wait hold on hold on hold on hold on

00:21:36.780 so you hadn't paid yet kate no i didn't pay them anything jacqueline no so you flew into let me

00:21:44.080 give them money you could have withheld i know you could have said well like like take me to court

00:21:51.740 yeah or oh i wish i'd said i'm not paying and they would say you have to go and how do you spell 0.98

00:21:57.000 that and you put a little emoji of a chimney i know i know you're in art uh fucking i want him 0.95

00:22:04.920 out of my house right so i've emma him seven hundred dollars he leaves i'm talking about 0.96

00:22:11.320 maybe 25 seconds later i notice the curtain i go over i go and then it all i see the count like it

00:22:18.240 like yeah like it all hits me i see the curtains and i go oh my god like i hadn't seen it i was

00:22:22.740 like blind i was like i immediately call the guy the guy on the phone his manager is

00:22:29.020 so rude is so outrageous is saying i go i go i need this all refunded he goes

00:22:35.520 no he goes um he goes i could send my my cleaning guy to you still hadn't talked to me

00:22:42.000 no okay he goes i i could i could send my cleaning guy to you i go yeah you give me a

00:22:47.880 refund and send the cleaning guy he goes no it's what i give you i'll give you another 250 dollars

00:22:51.540 or the cleaning person no no i want the money back he goes oh so it's not dirty you just want

00:22:56.500 the money back no no no wait wait okay so so so i this okay so this sort of thing gets me okay

00:23:06.460 because my heart races and goes when something's like wrong as you know this is why i like to we

00:23:12.020 were talking about like i like to write a nine paragraph email just for my own sake of no of no

00:23:16.460 and not send it necessarily just to make sure that my my argument is is perfect and i want to

00:23:21.760 be unimpeded by the way i need your help because i will be doing that i'm going to send a formal

00:23:24.940 Because you will sort of go with emotion, which has its value.

00:23:27.840 OK, but I want to be un-fucking-impeachable if I'm going to, you know what I mean? 0.91

00:23:32.440 Like, I want to be a I want to be a viper. 0.97

00:23:35.760 Like, exactly.

00:23:36.380 Nothing.

00:23:36.860 There's no, you know what I mean?

00:23:38.540 It's like so when things happen in an exchange, OK, where we're like tense conversation like this is so almost upsetting to me because you don't necessarily have all the tools in the moment.

00:23:51.000 I know.

00:23:51.500 It's like literally like rhetoric.

00:23:53.240 I was shaking.

00:23:53.700 someone can confuse you i know i know and they say something back to you and i'm not a fighter

00:23:57.840 right now i'm like i was shaking like i i was just like yeah and then i was like excuse me and he

00:24:06.400 goes my technician said that the house was dirty there were cobwebs there is a and by the way here

00:24:13.900 is unimpeachable in the corner above the living room about there was a hundred percent a cobweb

00:24:18.500 And by the way, a cobweb is not soot.

00:24:21.540 And by the way, this is another impeachable thing.

00:24:23.980 See, this is where I go further than you.

00:24:26.120 OK, you go, my house isn't dirty.

00:24:27.760 My house isn't dirty.

00:24:28.600 Doesn't matter.

00:24:29.260 It doesn't matter.

00:24:30.440 OK, your house can be.

00:24:31.740 If your house, OK, had food smeared.

00:24:35.700 OK, because that's how you like to live on every wall surface.

00:24:37.960 And they put soot on top of that.

00:24:40.040 Yeah.

00:24:40.360 They have an issue.

00:24:41.380 Oh, yeah.

00:24:42.200 Oh, yeah.

00:24:42.480 Get the soot off of the food I've smeared on my wall.

00:24:45.920 OK, so.

00:24:47.100 OK, so.

00:24:47.700 So I, he goes, I'll give you another $250, which means I'm getting half off, $450 off.

00:24:55.880 And I go, you're comfortable charging me $450 to have.

00:25:00.380 Kate, I like that.

00:25:01.480 That's good.

00:25:02.020 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:02.860 To have soot sprayed over my house.

00:25:05.860 I go, your technician did not bother to put drop cloths down, proper drop cloths down.

00:25:10.640 And also, by the way, the sweet, sweet couch cleaning guy, I told him what happened.

00:25:14.160 He goes, oh my God.

00:25:15.060 he said sounds like he must have somehow had he said some reference to some like something's

00:25:20.520 supposed to be outside it was like it was like the vacuum was like spraying everything yeah like

00:25:24.280 like sounds like he didn't yeah exactly touch the thing inside yeah it's like something i was like

00:25:28.800 yeah the x yeah and i just go oh god so so i have the i have the half off my partner and i and i 0.76

00:25:36.920 want to give actually them credit they fucking spring into action they start cleaning hard we 0.84

00:25:41.360 are on all four by the way ruined i mean we were like by the way me hours me like remembering that 0.94

00:25:47.880 like you have a partner that i can actually i don't have to like be your whatever it's funny

00:25:53.620 yeah like because i'm like in an old mindset or something that you have to protect me yeah that i

00:25:59.060 have to like husband you yeah totally no i need like four husbands but like

00:26:03.700 so we're cleaning we're cleaning i mean it's just devastating no no i have tons and with every

00:26:10.720 trying to know with every new with every new soot cloth it's like i can't believe this happened and

00:26:15.960 anyway so i start calling so so here i'll just jump ahead and say that the company is called

00:26:22.720 pro star so mr chimney like contracts out this company pro star okay and so the people that came

00:26:27.880 to my actual house and did the wrecking was pro star they're like in cahoots i don't know how it

00:26:32.840 works and did you know yeah now did did whenever you looked at yelp because i know you like to

00:26:37.960 look at yelp for stuff you were looking at mr chimney's yelp yeah yeah yeah and no but here

00:26:43.240 do they just close that they are pro star before it's okay no no no okay no that's why i go right

00:26:48.500 when i paid i go wait i'm sorry pro star i thought it was mr chimney he's like oh well yeah like it's

00:26:53.600 the same or whatever it was like i was like okay what wait have you talked to mr chimney oh my god

00:26:59.260 let's get into it sweetheart okay mr chimney is who i'm almost the most mad at and i call mr chimney

00:27:05.360 and i'm like hi i call with you and they go yes i see that you had an appointment today did it i go

00:27:11.080 yes i'm confused pro someone from pro star came and they're like oh yeah that's our whatever the

00:27:16.560 hell i explained to this person what happened they go okay can you send me pictures i go and

00:27:22.140 you said i'm talking to the first nice person i've talked to right yeah is that the person

00:27:25.440 that you said that no that was yesterday someone else no got it so i start i send all these

00:27:29.400 pictures they go okay um we're gonna get back to you i go okay click i would like to tell you

00:27:34.320 something no one from mr chimney ever called me back and i called wait for it nine times

00:27:41.840 and on the 10th time the manager happened to pick up interesting was remorseless did not say i'm

00:27:48.740 sorry i explained everything she didn't say sorry she didn't say anything i said i'm trying to

00:27:52.180 understand what happened in my house how did this happen she goes we gave you the half refund and

00:27:57.920 that's all we're going to be able to do and of course i go i'll take you to small claims court

00:28:03.500 did you say that yeah good she goes okay oh really she goes take us small claims no yeah

00:28:08.920 i go well i'm going i'm going to eviscerate your business online wait did you say those words yes

00:28:14.380 okay i'm really i mean and she said she said okay and i go okay this will be fun and i hung up

00:28:19.320 wait you said yeah fun good look at me and by the way i want to just take a minute with this

00:28:26.160 i called nine times so so but listen okay but i just want to say today i pulled over to the side 0.89

00:28:32.620 the road because i'm a fucking safe driver and i was like can't the chimney conversation while 0.88

00:28:36.040 i'm driving it's too dangerous so i moved over pulled over to the side of the road spoke to the 0.98

00:28:40.620 absolute abomination of this manager allegedly mr chimney who couldn't even say sorry and i was

00:28:47.720 physically shaking my hand was like like hitting like the end button i was like like my adrenals

00:28:52.960 were shot yeah shaking from rage it's kind of a good one no it's good to release it no shaking

00:28:59.640 can i call an air and just say i'm so upset why don't we do it now what let's try to handle it

00:29:06.760 again together okay let me because i i want to see wait where's mr chimney okay wait why don't 0.98

00:29:12.920 you let me talk okay i'm sorry the number you have they blocked me okay oh bitch you wait they 0.98

00:29:22.860 blocked me that's amazing see now i'm getting they blocked me okay my heart's panning all right 0.99

00:29:30.720 give me the number oh here

00:29:34.940 i'm so excited but don't pipe in like i'm not gonna pipe in

00:29:45.580 I'm not going to pipe in.

00:29:51.440 Interesting.

00:29:52.160 A call going through.

00:30:00.940 I still make it nervous.

00:30:02.360 Do you think they think it's me?

00:30:04.920 No, because in theory, if they blocked you, they're not getting the call, right?

00:30:08.760 Should we get my dad's advice?

00:30:10.280 What?

00:30:10.880 I know.

00:30:11.260 Call him next.

00:30:13.580 He will have advice.

00:30:14.540 I got this before with these people

00:30:17.660 You're going to do a message?

00:30:20.720 Should I?

00:30:21.220 No, just call back again

00:30:22.860 Call back immediately again

00:30:25.280 Like some

00:30:27.500 You know, sometimes you have to 0.99

00:30:29.680 Just say I got fucked this time 0.99

00:30:33.300 Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's someone else 1.00

00:30:35.480 Fucking happens 1.00

00:30:37.420 Getting fucked happens, right? 1.00

00:30:39.040 Dero 1.00

00:30:39.240 I talked to my friend, Mr. Timney blocked me

00:30:43.600 I mean, you've been. Hi, how are you? Hi, I'm calling about the property. I just want to make everything right here.

00:31:01.280 So are you are you up to date on everything that's going on? I will have to fill up the information here now.

00:31:08.840 Okay, sure. It is, I'll say it, it's the ****** street. 0.72

00:31:17.620 How about the number? Is this number associated with...

00:31:22.980 The number I'm calling from? No.

00:31:25.700 The appointment? Okay.

00:31:28.000 I can give you that number if you need.

00:31:29.260 Please give me a moment now.

00:31:30.540 Sure.

00:31:31.220 The name is, should be Caperland.

00:31:38.840 immediately on hold.

00:31:41.200 I haven't even heard

00:31:42.880 their...

00:31:43.680 I'm going to try a different approach than I normally would.

00:31:45.700 Okay, great. I don't even know your approach is. This is exciting.

00:31:47.960 I don't either. It's going to be intuitive.

00:31:52.020 I think I might even just say

00:31:53.360 like...

00:32:00.660 You could just say my friend's really upset.

00:32:03.880 I'm just...

00:32:04.540 Friend is so...

00:32:05.760 Okay, my employee.

00:32:08.840 this is amazing

00:32:11.940 I haven't heard this

00:32:12.560 I called them nine times

00:32:13.560 yeah

00:32:13.820 I called them nine times

00:32:16.140 in two days

00:32:17.560 it's a sacred

00:32:17.880 it's a sacred

00:32:18.520 sacred number

00:32:20.220 nine

00:32:21.500 I thought they were

00:32:27.380 I mean

00:32:27.860 they blocked me

00:32:29.060 huh interesting

00:32:31.820 yeah

00:32:33.620 what do you think about that

00:32:35.180 you could just say

00:32:38.500 we're releasing this and your company is not going to do well what's your treating people

00:32:43.240 what did you zell what vema what'd you do zell so do they so they in theory have your yeah they

00:32:49.380 could sell you back oh you know it'd be the real phone call to make yeah the manager the man

00:32:56.780 the man who is this this is mr chimney it's all so confusing right i think i think we do one more

00:33:04.920 call you have to call him because he's the one that really did the damage i mean these people

00:33:11.740 are they they you know it's all they're all interconnected but they're technically at the

00:33:16.340 top yeah this is the top so technically buck stops with them yeah and they said no the best

00:33:20.800 we can do is yeah they both did thank you so much for patience and waiting no problem

00:33:26.920 um you there i guess so uh i see here so uh latest update that you see

00:33:36.760 um there's a refund request for the service yep

00:33:44.960 um so so um has the refund gone through

00:33:52.800 we don't have further information

00:33:58.120 this has already been escalated

00:34:00.000 to our managing team

00:34:02.360 oh so

00:34:04.240 who do I need to call

00:34:05.320 who do I call for the

00:34:08.280 management team

00:34:08.980 you haven't received a call from the management team yet

00:34:12.100 no unfortunately

00:34:14.040 so I've

00:34:16.340 already sent that follow up

00:34:18.040 them and

00:34:19.620 follow up on the refund

00:34:22.100 request and the complaint I've awarded it to the management team and um and um the management team

00:34:32.100 is um is Mr. Chimney is is Mr. Chimney yeah say two days no call back so you I'm sorry did you

00:34:44.640 re-up you sent them something again or you mean it's already been escalated and

00:34:49.120 basically

00:34:51.280 it has already been escalated

00:34:53.460 because we don't have

00:34:56.500 further access

00:34:58.460 we don't have further access

00:35:01.520 on our end

00:35:02.140 the management team is already handling this

00:35:04.660 so the best I can do is to

00:35:07.040 send a follow up and request

00:35:09.000 for me just a call back

00:35:10.400 and we sincerely appreciate your patience

00:35:12.720 yeah that would be great

00:35:14.120 and what about

00:35:17.200 is there a phone number for

00:35:18.600 Mr. Chimney HQ

00:35:20.580 that I could just call

00:35:22.100 because I'm more than happy

00:35:23.120 to just call.

00:35:24.660 This is the number

00:35:25.480 you can call now.

00:35:26.820 I have to get the photos.

00:35:28.700 Okay, like I've mentioned,

00:35:31.560 the issue's already been

00:35:32.540 escalated.

00:35:34.020 Oh, right.

00:35:34.520 I was just wondering

00:35:35.100 if you knew the business name.

00:35:37.560 What?

00:35:39.440 All right.

00:35:40.100 Thank you.

00:35:41.820 Thank you.

00:35:42.460 Have a good one.

00:35:43.200 Take care.

00:35:44.560 Yeah, it's just, you know,

00:35:45.680 it's whatever.

00:35:46.360 So I would argue

00:35:46.740 the person who

00:35:47.740 you have the i'm looking up i don't know not too much no i'm just sort of it's been escalated and

00:35:55.720 you're waiting on a callback right yeah that's the latest yeah two days of no they're never

00:35:59.740 going to call me they block my number at this point we're like we're getting to like i have

00:36:04.200 one more call all right for you to make because you want to make it right this is the guy who

00:36:11.020 told me hey my technician says your house may have been dirty this is the guy the guy who said 0.97

00:36:15.920 to me he also said to me i want you to be happy i said i can't be happy there's shit all over my 0.91

00:36:22.480 is this a text yeah i'm looking this is on the phone and he said send me the photos and i did 0.62

00:36:27.440 send the photos and he looked at them and he was like and then and then he was one who said i can't

00:36:31.860 do more than um the discount i've given you this is his number you can say you can say it's what

00:36:40.380 happened i'm your tenant i'm your tenant with him i don't think i've been threatened him with that

00:36:45.120 yeah but he's he's the real he's kind of the real villain to me i forgot who he is he's he's pro star

00:36:53.020 he's this he's he's the manager of the guy who came to my house is there anything is there

00:36:58.820 anything that more can be done i really want you to call him this is this is not it's from my phone

00:37:05.300 what that's from it's my phone why is that a problem okay sure go on speaker

00:37:10.180 oh i see what you're saying i'm going to leave oh you wrote i'm going to leave a scathing review

00:37:18.460 unless i have the remainder refunded i paid 450 to have my house ruined yeah yeah this is a

00:37:25.240 nightmare you're right it's on every surface there's okay you've given him an erotic photo

00:37:32.280 of the bottom of your foot just like full foot full 100 foot okay okay he's already sold that

00:37:41.440 online i think if you call him and you go real sweet is there anything we can do well that i

00:37:47.260 will never say those words that is like you tell me what i'm worth i mean you know what i mean like

00:37:51.620 is there anything you can do that's just calm the opposite of what i am i'm gonna go i'm gonna go

00:37:56.160 with full transparency okay you're saying i'm her friend whatever i gotta go speaker i hold

00:38:02.200 close i'm sorry you can't leave a message because the person you called has a voicemail box that

00:38:08.500 hasn't been set up yet goodbye yeah he blocked me too i'm fine i'll try it great they're running

00:38:16.120 the business on like burners by the way something is weird here like something is weird and i i'm

00:38:23.260 not gonna call it oh sorry sorry okay this is good my palms are sweaty now i want peace now i want

00:38:29.380 peace well i want to change this is the thing i'm like i want to explore i'd like the money back but

00:38:34.860 i want peace okay hold on um this is about i'm sorry you can't leave a message because the person

00:38:46.940 you called has a voicemail box that's what happened when i tried to call for you so here's here's

00:38:52.300 where it's at okay yeah it's over okay something out of outside of your control happened you've

00:39:01.000 lost 450 on on another and another 400 to clean it yeah like something happened to you that you're 0.88

00:39:06.560 gonna have to pay for shit happens right yeah it's also a part of life okay it's it's a getting 0.98

00:39:16.780 fucked my businesses is a part of life right getting getting back like it's literally a part 0.99

00:39:22.300 of life you know what i really saw in this you hear these stories of people who are in legal 0.90

00:39:25.980 battles for like 4 000 years with companies and they go it's not about the money anymore i know

00:39:30.500 it's about the principle right and that you gotta let it go well because also take that if it's about

00:39:35.600 justice okay or it's about whatever certainly take that bring it out i'm releasing i feel it

00:39:41.360 okay i'm getting it out okay because like i could get into an argument you know on the street with

00:39:48.060 someone like yeah it's like where are you putting what you feel lost no no i feel i feel because

00:39:56.300 you know you know what i just felt i felt compassion for the for the world and for

00:40:00.260 humanity and how people you know and that was i was thinking about someone driving in their car

00:40:05.140 right and we all had this experience someone flips you off or something and you and it wasn't

00:40:09.960 really deserved or something and you're like that person is going through it right right or like i 0.96

00:40:14.960 was on the freeway the other day and this person was driving like a fucking maniac and came up 0.96

00:40:18.160 behind me so fast dangerous flashing brights flashing brights trying to intimidate me or 0.98

00:40:21.780 you know i mean i was like it's really scary that person is going through something right they had

00:40:26.820 their chimney they were just they were betrayed by their chimney yeah the molestation is passed

00:40:31.280 down yeah i mean so it's like and i and i went i was trying to say you know what i thought about

00:40:35.340 because because on the way here yeah i flip someone off

00:40:39.020 but that's why i feel bad because then i carry the anger you mean it's like i don't want to flip

00:40:48.780 people off i won't be angry the chimney the chimney man wins again if i'm angry well sure

00:40:55.940 but but also where i thought you were headed okay i'm disappointed you're not now i'm gonna

00:41:00.980 sell him a thousand dollars well that's always fun that'd be fine should i sell him a dollar

00:41:06.920 and say i'm gonna give you a dollar every day

00:41:11.060 i was traveling the other day and i got an altercation with a fellow

00:41:25.520 and I was able to yell at a man and okay so I'll tell you what happened all right let me walk you

00:41:32.080 through it so I'm arriving from I've been in New York for months doing my show I'm arriving back

00:41:38.060 in LA I have a lot of bags and by the way folks I went and purchased in a way suitcase in a hurry

00:41:44.220 because I had could not fit the stuff I went into a way I got the um the big one yeah not the hugest

00:41:53.760 one, but not the carry on flex, the size up, whatever. It's great. I know the one. So I run

00:42:00.100 out, I get that. I'm like, okay, I'm doing it. I have, so I have a huge, what I'm trying to say

00:42:05.500 is I had two really big bags, a small bag, a shoulder bag. I had too much stuff. I'm trying

00:42:10.180 to justify right now that I, when I landed in LA, I got a curbside pickup from Uber because I

00:42:16.000 couldn't manage the shuttle on my own. It was 11 PM. Are you saying that you just had, you

00:42:21.480 described having so many bags to justify getting an uber yeah like not taking the shuttle it's

00:42:27.120 crazy what who cares to the uber center at lax we have to take the shuttle remember you've seen

00:42:33.360 me take the shuttle yes yes to take this shuttle to like the the area and it was crowded whatever

00:42:38.500 so i thought you know what i'm just doing it i'm getting curbside and so this so i'm waiting the

00:42:44.740 uber driver calls me he's like there's a lot of traffic at the airport i'm 10 minutes away

00:42:47.940 sorry i was like that's fine i'm waiting i'm waiting i'm see the car start to pull up and i

00:42:54.020 see check the license plate oh it's my car i start to struggle to get my bags over to it and then i

00:42:59.320 see this guy who's loading all his stuff i can hear it and i can feel it i can feel the struggle

00:43:03.620 i can feel all of it oh yeah you can't imagine the bag loses no when the bag slips from the

00:43:09.560 shoulder contact with my shoulder slips down i curse it yeah so then i'm seeing this man loading

00:43:15.920 his stuff into my uber with his girlfriend or what have you i go oh no and i go oh maybe i'm

00:43:22.320 wrong and then i look down and go no that is my car so i walk over he's in his girlfriend's in

00:43:27.080 he's in he's about to close the door and i say so politely i go yes oh overly classic oh no right

00:43:35.340 yeah oh i go oh even though you'd known for my voice up 10 octaves of course i go oh sorry i

00:43:42.780 think i even said sorry maybe i said all right oh oh um i think this is my uber yep and he goes

00:43:48.640 it's not he goes it's not and slams the door and i go wait oh slams it from the outside and he's

00:43:58.000 about to move around to his side because he just put his his no no sorry he's in he goes the the

00:44:03.140 window is okay got it pulls it closed pulls it closed he pulls it closed okay he looks at me 0.98

00:44:07.560 he goes it's not and slams the door and i go jesus asshole and i said i don't know who the 0.99

00:44:12.160 fuck raised you i didn't say fuck i said i don't know who raised you but learned some manners oh my 1.00

00:44:16.240 gosh wait hold on i wait hold on full throated whose uber is it and he goes don't you want to 1.00

00:44:23.760 hear the rest of the story i'm sorry i thought i thought you were done okay go on oh i'm not done

00:44:28.540 so i'm trying to think of what the first contact was or no maybe no he goes it's not he slams i 0.95

00:44:33.840 go jesus asshole and he goes but the windows open what he no yeah and then he goes what and i go 0.98

00:44:39.420 I don't know who raised you, but you should really learn some manners. You should learn 1.00

00:44:44.660 how to talk to people with some decency. No. And he goes, hell yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then

00:44:50.280 the Uber starts to drive away. I look down. It was my Uber. Okay. So I look down and I see

00:44:57.760 on the app, it says heading to my address and I go, yeah, I knew it. So I immediately call the

00:45:01.540 driver. The car is gone. Not super quick, but it's like, you know, half a block down.

00:45:07.300 His name, Kate, her name, Kate, I call the driver, I call the driver and I go, hi.

00:45:14.340 And he goes, that's in the driver's apologetic.

00:45:17.780 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

00:45:19.260 I go, that's OK.

00:45:20.860 And he's like, can you come this way?

00:45:22.680 I go, yeah.

00:45:23.360 So I so then I start lugging again.

00:45:25.740 The huge bag, the other huge bag, the carry on wheelie and my shoulder bag.

00:45:29.940 And by the way, I pick up the pace because I go, I want to see this course.

00:45:34.680 You don't want him. 0.98

00:45:35.400 and i'm literally i'm not joking in the night almost cackling i say out loud i fucking can't 0.89

00:45:41.560 wait to see him i'm i'm practically skipping yes yes so i get there the driver he's already 0.84

00:45:47.520 unloaded the stuff the driver's like i'm so sorry that was their name and yeah no no i don't see

00:45:52.700 him yet and i go that's okay it's not your fault and then i i literally drop my bags at the back

00:45:58.900 to, he's gonna, you know, I drop my bags. I go looking for him. I walk to the front. I'm looking

00:46:06.260 around. I see him. What I interpret as cowering, because there was a, this like big column. He's

00:46:13.380 like way in the back. There's always a column at LAX. I'll tell you that much. And he's, he's back

00:46:17.960 at the column. I know him well. I go and I go and I put my hands in a prayer position. I bow and I

00:46:22.600 go, have a, I go, thank you so much, asshole. Have a great night. No, you said asshole again? 1.00

00:46:26.780 yes oh and then did i say asshole maybe no maybe i didn't say asshole i said i said no no i think 0.99

00:46:32.380 i just i i grasped i clasped my hands yes thank you and i went thank you so much have a great 0.98

00:46:38.260 night and then and the girlfriend goes like all right that's enough and i go teach your boy and

00:46:44.140 i go put i think i said like what did i say something like teach your boyfriend how to 0.92

00:46:48.660 like i what did i fucking say i said something about like yeah yeah something like that like 0.81

00:46:54.020 I wish I remember what it was, but it was something good, baby. 0.93

00:46:57.280 And I felt, and when I tell you, I felt so vindicated and so alive and so good because

00:47:01.840 I will, the only circumstance I will do that, if you are so outwardly, aggressively rude

00:47:08.580 and it's like, there's just no, and by the way, you were wrong.

00:47:14.420 Like you should have, you made like, I mean, there really was there, I would have, okay.

00:47:20.280 He was cowering in a way that you felt he was hoping to not have an interaction.

00:47:24.500 And by the way, there's something else I did, too.

00:47:26.680 There's something else I did, too.

00:47:28.400 And then later I was reflecting on the story.

00:47:30.160 I was like, did I go too hard?

00:47:32.560 But then but then I get in the car.

00:47:35.020 I'm laughing with the Uber driver.

00:47:36.120 The Uber driver goes, he offered me.

00:47:37.440 He said I said, Kate.

00:47:39.340 And the girl, I guess, said yes.

00:47:41.260 And then she was like and then he just like offered me cash.

00:47:43.700 So he did.

00:47:44.600 He was he was purposely trying.

00:47:46.460 He knew I have a lot to say about this.

00:47:48.280 That's not cool.

00:47:48.480 so his technique we got to watch out for his technique we're going to discuss his technique

00:47:52.780 in a second don't forget okay okay so then so then and i said to the driver the driver and i

00:47:57.540 are laughing and i go and i go i really don't talk to people like that but he was just being

00:48:02.040 it was just outrageous it was so rude i couldn't believe it and the driver said no no he was being

00:48:06.100 you know it's crazy so then we're pulling up he gets in his other car so it's like oh by the way

00:48:10.820 just if you had waited three more minutes i see the guy in his car they pull off i'm up next to

00:48:16.800 them no two cars next to each other yeah yeah and i stick and i flip them off because i know

00:48:23.120 he's there and my uber driver's loving it he's laughing we're having fun

00:48:26.660 that was poog if you enjoyed poog please subscribe rate and review if not we will press charges

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - August 25, 2026

REMIX： The Law Offices of Berlant & Novak Pt. 2

Episode Stats

Transcript