Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Smoothie

00:00:00.000 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:00:02.580 Guaranteed human.

00:00:04.420 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:00:08.020 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:00:11.960 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:00:15.780 No, I am not your guru.

00:00:19.420 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:00:21.720 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:00:24.660 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:00:28.200 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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00:01:05.080 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:01:06.540 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:01:07.640 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:01:12.380 Two untamable intellects.

00:01:14.160 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:01:15.000 This is our hell.

00:01:15.860 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:01:18.120 This is POOG.

00:01:19.540 Today's topic, loosely speaking, toaster oven, monuments, smoothie.

00:01:25.540 i just saw kate kate nice to see you i saw your berry lip and i'm now screaming for um

00:01:32.360 one for myself chris will you grab any lipstick at all you're in the closet vanity yes i grabbed

00:01:39.660 my westman atelier lip god you in the compact it's just i know red i love gazing how much time

00:01:46.100 do you spend gazing into a mirror on average almost none i gaze constantly really well as a

00:01:54.500 child i as an only child of course but i spent so much time in the mirror that was like chris has

00:02:01.420 returned with us with a true red go on about your only child isn't as um well as thank you chris as

00:02:07.680 a child as an as an only child i spent an infinite number of hours in the mirror and i remember

00:02:16.420 actually i had a mirror in my room and then i had a little like play vanity so i was like in front of

00:02:21.300 the mirror and then in front of the mirror was like a little vanity mirror so there were actually

00:02:24.880 two mirrors but um but i would constantly i mean i think it's like the average stuff of just um

00:02:32.520 you know lip lip syncing interesting lip singing this always happens to me lip singing no lip

00:02:39.040 syncing wait it's lip syncing okay yes i just remember it's lip syncing but i actually think

00:02:44.860 it should be lip syncing beautiful because lip syncing you're syncing to the music but

00:02:48.380 okay i guess lip syncing actually makes sense to someone else's singing yeah right yeah i called

00:02:54.580 it lip singing for 22 years really without knowing you thought everyone was just kind of

00:02:59.240 hitting it hard hitting the consonant hard i think i was confused but i also kind of doubled down

00:03:03.380 you doubled down because you think it should be that to me it was always lip singing yeah

00:03:07.300 because i wasn't singing i was singing just with my lips anyway but uh wait lip singing no right

00:03:14.020 but then that implies that you're singing right right right that's true that's true that's true

00:03:19.060 another another mirror thing i did i'll just say yes from the only child vault that i'd spent hours

00:03:25.880 doing and this is what makes me so grateful for having not been exposed to the internet or just

00:03:29.520 not having the internet as a youth not to mark myself as being in my very very very early 30s

00:03:36.280 but i used to walk around my house with a mirror under my nose if you place a mirror directly under

00:03:41.760 your nose to check if you're alive it looks like you're walking on the ceiling oh that old gag i

00:03:45.740 thought it was hypochondria no no i would spend so much time walking around my house imagining i

00:03:50.980 was walking on the ceiling and it was like utterly it's i mean i can access that memory somatically

00:03:56.220 it was like deeply thrilling and terrifying because like oh my god i'm gonna you know

00:04:00.180 walking off up to the certain like ledge totally the ceiling and thinking you're gonna fall off

00:04:04.980 it's great but wait let me take that in where did i go i was just talking about the mirror and then

00:04:09.300 i have a huge full length i have like a a wall in my bedroom it's just purely a mirror i think

00:04:13.960 i've mentioned that actually before a dancer's wall so to speak so it's great sometimes just

00:04:17.920 to look in there and gaze and i sometimes i've i've scared myself in the mirror which is one of

00:04:22.880 the really fun things of mirror work is actually scaring yourself like i've sometimes gotten so

00:04:27.420 close and i convinced myself i'm being possessed and i've done that actually in an airplane bathroom

00:04:32.240 once i like took a nap went pee in the bathroom and you know the airplane mirror is like right

00:04:37.200 there if you're if you're squatting sitting whatnot and i remember staring into my eyes with

00:04:41.820 such a dead gaze for so long that i scared myself i thought that maybe i had either died or that i

00:04:46.140 was suddenly possessed and i would never return and then that makes you laugh because you realize

00:04:50.820 no i'm not possessed i'm worrying about the laughter and laughing ecstatically in a mirror

00:04:54.540 two inches from your own face yeah soaring 50 000 feet above the earth yeah i highly recommend well

00:05:00.380 there's a feeling in going to the bathroom in a public place that i love particularly if you're

00:05:04.700 dinner with someone and you go to the bathroom or are left at the table frankly yeah it's this

00:05:10.300 thing that happens there's this moment when you're no longer we but i yeah it's very odd it's like

00:05:17.820 well well similar to maybe there's a better example is when when do you okay if you're with

00:05:25.660 someone on the street and say goodbye imagine if i was about to say i'm not and then you walk the

00:05:29.980 the same direction and it's hell okay okay fear not folks uh we're not going there we only go to

00:05:37.400 sights unseen okay we are frontiersmen yeah so not that i was going to going to say

00:05:43.840 the moment when your facial expression and you can watch it on other people and it's awkward

00:05:47.960 okay if you watch two people say goodbye the moment that the facial expression goes from

00:05:52.020 the goodbye facial expressions of kind of like so here okay here's what it is okay okay let's

00:05:57.820 Yeah, it drops, right?

00:05:58.840 It can't be so sudden, okay?

00:06:00.320 Because spiritually, it feels spiritually impolite

00:06:03.180 even though the other person can't see your face

00:06:04.680 once you turn around, right?

00:06:05.820 You carry a smile until you turn.

00:06:07.520 I think you carry it.

00:06:08.760 On the full pivot.

00:06:09.860 I carry it a good four seconds post turn.

00:06:13.580 I'm like two steps away before the face is dropped, okay?

00:06:16.480 Wow.

00:06:17.320 My utter generosity of spirit.

00:06:18.840 I think I drop on the pivot.

00:06:20.500 You drop instantly, okay?

00:06:21.580 I think I drop on the pivot.

00:06:22.420 You seen it?

00:06:23.260 Because you're like a hard shoe gal.

00:06:24.220 I don't know.

00:06:25.060 Show's over, honey.

00:06:25.900 as i dismount i am sick okay i'm sick in the head and have this fear almost like i guess

00:06:32.700 that someone else would witness my face drop and and there and think there's something false there

00:06:39.160 okay so i continue the act it's kind of like that idea that they taught us you know at seven

00:06:43.620 performing in shows okay like you need to stay in character till you're like you know

00:06:48.900 10 feet off the stage right right don't anticipate that you're about to be on stage and drop your 0.94

00:06:53.640 character back to your asshole self when you get near to the curtain i'm guilty of that i've seen 0.98

00:06:58.240 myself in bit roles on television shows where i see myself and i'm 100 not acting no no it feels 0.99

00:07:05.060 too embarrassing to admit but there's one particular there's one particular and i actually

00:07:09.280 can't believe they like kept it i'm like i'm 100 not aware that i'm being that i'm on camera that's

00:07:14.660 so funny like i see myself having completely dropped it but is it your best work potentially

00:07:19.600 oh i was gonna say something about retaining the smile this is reminding me i'll just say

00:07:23.580 quickly of an anecdote john early once told me of seeing a woman he was hanging out with some

00:07:30.220 woman he knows and her like new husband and the three of them were hanging out or something and

00:07:35.400 then she came in because i'm always like the performance of domesticity right and like yes

00:07:39.600 so much of why we all carry out those patterns is literally just because we want to replicate

00:07:43.600 what we saw on tv right so it's like being like and i've fallen prey to that too of just like

00:07:47.820 like being the wife with the cocktail tray. Right. It's like you can ignore everything in your body

00:07:55.160 screaming, get out, leave him because of the, if you just perform it, you know, enough. Cause we

00:08:02.060 just, we all on some level think we're just in a, in a movie, but so he recalled seeing the woman

00:08:09.200 smiling, taking their empty glasses or empty plates, right. Turning into the kitchen to return

00:08:15.820 the plates and that she had the smile lifting up the plates and then he caught her off camera so

00:08:22.200 to speak turning away still smiling so she was completely alone that this is perfection she was

00:08:28.220 completely unobserved but she retained the smile that's what I'm talking about that's I'm interested

00:08:32.600 in that when the performance continues when you're alone because I feel myself continuing to perform

00:08:37.880 alone right or I think for me because I spent a lot of time alone as a kid but as an adult I tried

00:08:43.500 to kind of dwarf that time as much as possible or i um it's not as i'm sometimes i find myself

00:08:51.020 being alone performing being alone of look at me with my journal oh you know or it's like me on the

00:08:56.600 bed being like i'm gonna read tonight yeah no no no you know and then it's completely me and my

00:09:01.780 my friend growing up we like were very aware of this and as small children we were like we referred

00:09:09.900 to it is the camera in the upper left corner of the room okay amazing it was like it was like

00:09:15.580 and it was like it was like way we like almost call each other out on like brilliant you know

00:09:20.300 we were just very aware of oh look at us we're 12 and we're look at us like prancing across the

00:09:26.120 street you know what i mean like we were we were constantly you know stepping back and and whatever

00:09:30.620 but well i wanted to respond i was wildly writing down the word mirror scary um mirror possessed so

00:09:37.060 a couple of things. One, there's something I've realized recently. I'm trying to figure out if

00:09:40.720 it's mirror or if it's via a camera on the phone or something. There's something where if you

00:09:45.640 accidentally get a delay, what are you reading? I'm not kidding. Nothing. I'm truly completely

00:09:50.500 staring. I decided for dramatic effect to just say it plainly. You know, I would admit if I were

00:09:56.000 like, I actually love it. OK, no, no. This is what's fascinating. OK, because there's something

00:10:01.500 in your posture where it almost looks like your right hand is resting on a mouse. My right hand

00:10:06.820 was resting like this on my table on the edge of the table no this is a constant issue of i'm like

00:10:12.580 picturing in my mind i'm imagining a gmail gchat a little place you and me aren't afraid to inhabit

00:10:19.120 even though it's not hip anymore honey it's not 2008 okay yeah but who was gchatting mere weeks

00:10:24.380 ago you and me that's true actually that's the point i'm trying to make is that we very briefly

00:10:28.520 you're listen to you you're ashamed you're ashamed why no i just it was i was trying to say the way

00:10:34.760 that technology expires so quickly is always interesting to me and that gchat is just gone

00:10:40.340 and and so that's why i know no but that's why i'm so thrilled because somehow you were like are

00:10:45.560 you here or something you were almost like this old town like it was that kind of vibe yeah i saw

00:10:50.320 you was available on gchat and i was like how utterly kinky it wasn't even on purpose but i

00:10:55.280 love chatting in the corner of gchat like there's something like those conversations you know in

00:11:00.580 absence of real space real spaces to inhabit anymore all we have is windows right and so it's

00:11:06.260 sort of like what does it feel like to be inside i've always felt like dming and twitter doesn't

00:11:11.140 feel like a safe mode of communication because what it feels like to me is there's this huge

00:11:15.140 massive public kind of place and then there's a small blue curtain okay a dark twitter blue curtain

00:11:20.580 terrifying and you slip behind that curtain to chat with someone at any second it could be exposed

00:11:26.340 to the entirety of the world that's how it feels to me i'm always afraid i'm going to tweet like 0.99

00:11:30.800 a photo of my vagina yeah yeah like or that somehow it does feel like some desperately 0.97

00:11:36.460 personal thought or criticism of a public figure that you're dming is going to slip into the ether 0.99

00:11:42.360 my cousin rachel would do this thing that's like i think i forget what she called it you know

00:11:46.780 twitter roulette or something it wasn't that but it was something like that it was like it was like

00:11:51.600 she would type in like a crazy like tweet or something okay and just like hold it up like

00:11:57.200 almost like there's nothing between you know right this tweet going out and me pressing sent like

00:12:04.680 just to that terrify you like to go on the edge yeah that's fun it's really scary it's a dangerous

00:12:10.160 game um but wait gchat feels pretty safe to me and but cozy for some reason isn't that funny

00:12:17.540 there's nothing tactile about the internet we can't actually feel it and yet somehow that still

00:12:23.780 becomes translated where google chat feels safer you know it feels more intimate completely well

00:12:31.080 here's a huge question okay that no one's amused by but me oh someone's at my door

00:12:36.360 mr post is it the milkman or the postman either way it's a man

00:12:41.420 there's my man wait sorry what was i just saying because i had something for us you were saying

00:12:48.460 gchat oh yeah here's a big question yeah okay but no one's interested but me but i think you

00:12:53.380 will be in a certain section of our listener what do you imagine the back of a web browser

00:12:59.160 window to look like oh uh a box okay so like web browsers right like you know you have multiple

00:13:07.700 windows open let's just say right has the mailman left i see fear in your eye fear in my eyes yeah

00:13:12.480 you don't want the neighborhood seeing you with your recording equipment again

00:13:14.940 so self-conscious about being a terrestrial radio broadcaster can't believe it um so every window

00:13:22.640 right is you know we can move windows so they're in front of each other and in back of each other

00:13:28.420 so we have a sense of them in space right like we have a sense of them behind in front whatever

00:13:33.040 go behind a web browser in your mind what does it look like to me it looks like no it doesn't exist

00:13:39.420 anywhere because this is a two-dimensional thing of pixels right there's an implied to me the

00:13:43.880 assumption is that so you know the top of a browser or the zoom window or anything is sort of like

00:13:48.860 silvery gray right so i just imagine it's kind of like you know a plain silvery gray back there like

00:13:54.380 it's just on the back and maybe a little serial number in the center cute do you imagine anything

00:13:59.340 i picture like the back of a box like if you were just to peer into an empty box brown like what

00:14:04.580 we're seeing is kind of this projection on the front of the box not brown i picture an 80 and

00:14:09.660 you give it dimension it's not like just a i give it dimension how thick how thick is a window i

00:14:15.320 actually think it goes pretty far back i think like the back of the of the browser window is like 0.71

00:14:19.820 a hallway to me it's like peering down a hallway this is big fucking news and this is why i

00:14:25.680 congratulate myself for posing this question I love that question okay wait so like let's just

00:14:31.320 say okay you open oh my god can't even imagine the architecture of the internet is something that

00:14:37.600 is undiscussed yeah undiscussed and yet it's where we spend all our time and has the use of words

00:14:43.860 like web the metaphors right that this is a question of language metaphor and Foucault okay

00:14:49.180 okay it is you know the worldwide web okay the web has a kind of like any direction right yeah

00:14:57.480 you hit a link and you shot off somewhere is there an organization is it so when you say a

00:15:03.020 hallway like behind a gmail yeah window what is there in the hallway like i i i know the file

00:15:09.880 cabinet like you know like a file cabinet like you open it up and it's like all that empty space

00:15:13.640 it's empty behind it it's not filled with your other browser windows in your mind no it's empty

00:15:17.720 every single one this is fascinating every oh the back of a box right okay okay like i think

00:15:23.620 a file cabinet is almost good like you're pulling out the file there's the screen but then you look

00:15:28.200 behind it and it's just and then let's just say you decide to open another window is that a new

00:15:32.980 file um yeah like that's a new thing yeah because i feel like i experience it pretty much as like a

00:15:40.220 pretty flat piece of paper but i give it the the tactile quality that they give us on the edges of

00:15:47.220 the thing i guess it's like almost like i see the browser window like a little flat screen tv

00:15:51.140 i'm not proud okay like i thought how could my relationship to the internet change if i chose

00:15:58.420 to imagine that on the back side of every browser window was a faux leopard a furry bag because i do

00:16:05.340 here's what's hard about coming to work so to speak even when it's um you know from your own

00:16:09.400 bed yeah here's what i don't like cold laptop in the mornings you mean just the chill of a cold

00:16:15.360 metal of a laptop i once saw a lizard lounging on my laptop and then in the dead of summer going

00:16:22.040 into my bedroom my laptop is next to my bed there is a lizard wow lounging on it was actually

00:16:26.440 exquisite it's like that's my my dream of los angeles as a kind of you know airplanes and

00:16:32.500 helicopters and lizards and palm trees and lipstick and an abandoned high heel on the corner

00:16:38.360 sunset and vine you know my kind of like that's like for me the romance of la is like a city in

00:16:44.180 the desert where a lizard comes into your house yes and it's just like seeking comfort how big

00:16:50.420 was it was it like a little like it was very adorable i mean it must have been five inches

00:16:54.340 tail included tail included well no i'd say well it's always a question you know is the tail part

00:16:58.520 of the height or not i know because when you if you were to stand up you know do you ever think

00:17:03.920 about if we had tails yes like proper tails like not a um horse's tail which is a horse's tail and

00:17:10.880 I apologize. It's hair from the start. There's no nub there. It's not five inches of hard

00:17:17.220 tail covered in hair. Right. Because, you know, some animals like that's a good question. 0.91

00:17:23.520 Fur goes longer than the than the vertebrae. By the way, can you believe a horse's tail?

00:17:30.560 No. The main is shocking. Like the sexuality of horses. Right. Is something we all know

00:17:35.380 about and that horses are hot and like and all of that. Well, they also have those butt 1.00

00:17:40.200 plugs that have the horses like you can you can wear a horse's tail but it is like the just 1.00

00:17:45.920 dramatic sexuality of the horse it's so over the top what is it is it the legs for me it's the ass 0.99

00:17:53.280 and the tail well I think the fact that I think I think it's like a human ass with the tail of 0.99

00:18:02.200 folks okay well this is like the problem with like um is it orangutans one of the ones with those 0.98

00:18:07.680 really like red like red bulbous asses that look like they're okay they're like they're at their 0.98

00:18:16.600 butts like look like pain like their butts look so much like pain um that you gasp at them and 0.94

00:18:25.060 i actually think this is one of the unfortunate reasons that sometimes people will gasp at

00:18:29.660 you know a perceived deformity or something or or you know injury or something right so if someone

00:18:36.200 has a crazy burn on their face or scars maybe you know be rude to gasp and horror and clutch your

00:18:43.740 own body right but but i wonder if it comes from like if an injury or scarring reveals the way that

00:18:52.360 it imagined pain went down yeah yeah the imagined pain it's like i mean it's that classic thing where

00:18:57.420 it's like people think that the person's scar still hurts or something you know they touch them

00:19:01.560 gently or like people like right and it's like my scars are scars like I feel nothing you know

00:19:08.040 please don't gasp right right as if and generously in your your empathy for the pain that's witnessed

00:19:13.820 but I wonder I don't know what I'm trying to do cut slack I'm trying to cut slack for the room

00:19:18.200 I'm actually horrified that I got a scar on my knee this summer lifting myself out of a swimming

00:19:23.360 pool scraped what I thought was a harmless scrape let's see we're clocking in on February this was 0.95

00:19:29.720 in july kate kate i scar on my knee vitamin e oil my ass and now i have a permanent scar in the 0.98

00:19:38.340 center vitamin e why is the oil in the ass as in they say you know vitamin e oil will take a scar 0.99

00:19:45.340 away yes actually i don't think i i think i dabbed it on once vitamin e my ass i thought you said i 0.97

00:19:50.580 had a scar here and a vitamin e no no but okay and i wanted to know i'm so and i said why i'm so 0.97

00:19:57.360 I mean, I have this scar now in the center of my knee.

00:20:00.200 I want to talk about scars.

00:20:02.060 But I also want to continue about mirrors.

00:20:05.040 When we get back, I'm going to tell you about mirrors.

00:20:07.620 And I'm going to tell you about the scar on my hand that's inexplicably there from the most tiny of injuries.

00:20:13.360 And I'll tell you how it happened when we get back.

00:20:18.040 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:20:22.120 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:20:27.360 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:20:31.260 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:20:32.600 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:20:36.240 So no, I am not your guru.

00:20:40.000 And back then, I lied to my parents.

00:20:42.620 I lied to police.

00:20:43.900 I lied to everybody.

00:20:44.900 There were years right where I could not say your name.

00:20:47.860 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:20:50.540 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists,

00:20:53.220 whomever I can to try to find out what actually happened.

00:20:56.560 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:21:01.300 They have had this case for 30 years. 1.00

00:21:04.240 I'll teach you sons of bitches to come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:21:07.300 Boom, boom. 1.00

00:21:08.580 This is The Red Weather.

00:21:11.620 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:21:22.960 Welcome back, people.

00:21:24.140 I have a scar on the top of my hand, okay?

00:21:25.840 it's subtle but it's there you know and oh my god sorry keep going you're just reminding me

00:21:32.560 of a scar story continue keep going keep going so there's a rubber band on your wrist and you

00:21:39.680 go to drag it off to use it with like the middle finger of your other hand the nail of my own

00:21:45.220 finger lightly scraped the top of my hand i guess i didn't tend to it or spf it or nothing but there

00:21:50.480 no blood nothing a tiniest scrape you ever saw in your life and now it's a full scar my other

00:21:57.040 hand scars are famously uh toaster burns from me trying to reach into the microwave and paw a tuna

00:22:04.280 mill out with the pads of my fingers i drop it down into the cheese and i pull i pull the tuna

00:22:10.200 mill and the tray oh via the tuna toaster oven i'm hearing and then sometimes my excitement

00:22:15.260 the top of my knuckle goes into the top of the toaster oven really sorry i just tuna melt

00:22:20.960 toaster oven what i feel like a toaster oven is such a fantasy of like

00:22:25.920 like 96 yeah but to me like 94 the dream i guess my childhood dream of like the normal family would

00:22:33.640 be like a ford explorer and a toaster oven and i feel like now actually toaster oven i'm suddenly

00:22:38.960 shocked by the hygiene of like a toaster just those open valves like the top of a toaster is

00:22:44.080 just open for all hell to break loose and enter the toaster wait there's no open oh to enter the

00:22:49.960 toaster is a free-for-all to let in let in anything or to let out let in anything or let

00:22:55.640 out but kate then it's burnt at 350 degrees so who cares okay well i'm referring specifically

00:23:00.760 to a trauma what's floating in well i'll tell you what's floating in hun i i have never had

00:23:05.860 you know magically no mice no no cockroaches no vermin in this home i recently put a piece

00:23:13.820 a toast at my toaster this was shocking it was english muffin terrified well get ready i toast 0.99

00:23:19.820 it i had i forgot about it and then like maybe 40 minutes later i was like oh fuck that toast and 0.84

00:23:25.220 i was like i'll just like let's find a way to eat it i reached and i grabbed the toast there is a 0.97

00:23:29.720 live cockroach pulsating on the toast i screamed to the high heavens i the cockroach disappeared

00:23:38.600 almost instantly i'll just flash disappeared or left truly was so fast it just what do you mean

00:23:43.820 it disappeared vanished i was watching it it absolutely vanished it ran it ran or it vanished

00:23:49.420 no no no what i mean is did you see its exit no or did you suddenly see the fact that it was gone

00:23:55.800 it was just kind of gone like like it was wiggling wildly i screamed i tried to i grabbed like a broom

00:24:01.960 and i was like kind of hitting around the toaster to try to see if i could like smash it and by all

00:24:07.820 accounts have vanished by all accounts yours that's like okay okay wait okay this is boring

00:24:16.000 but no it isn't we keep digging i'm sorry you're right it's not boring i loved every second of it

00:24:20.780 and we dig in see you run you run from the story but i think the story itself has more to dig through

00:24:25.880 like i constantly run was it burning alive in there we'll never know but i almost threw away

00:24:32.340 the toaster out of right sheer fear i almost threw away the entire toaster because i can't

00:24:36.500 live with that toaster anymore knowing instead i you know took out the toast tray got rid of i was

00:24:40.320 like well any like legs or arms or eyeballs or any remnants are now gone you could vacuum throw

00:24:45.800 away a perfectly good toaster about to step too far i'd rather just live and fill yeah yeah and

00:24:50.380 so but the toaster oven promises that sealed environment which it does not provide you're

00:24:57.260 saying on top of the toaster is just an open a bird could fly why do i feel like my toasters have

00:25:02.560 absolutely no oh my god i've realized what's happening here it's a crisis of language something

00:25:08.180 else no what you're saying toaster oven are you not so i'm talking a toaster you're referring to 0.99

00:25:13.040 a goddamn fucking two slicer cartoon two slicer two slicer that's not a toaster oven i know i'm 0.98

00:25:21.140 saying that the toaster is exposed and i want to sure oh okay i thought you said toaster oven this 0.99

00:25:26.380 whole time no i've never owned i was not raised with a toaster oven i've never owned one were

00:25:30.540 you raised with the toaster oven yes were you raised with a dishwasher yes this is i was raised

00:25:36.880 with a dishwasher that was and i'm not exaggerating never used food washed my dad that was his you

00:25:43.840 know domestic labor so to speak was the dishes so much so that he refused to use the dishwasher

00:25:50.760 oh my god so i was raised with a deep fear of the dishwasher right or like not knowing how to do it

00:25:56.840 And even now as an adult, I really, I'm still afraid.

00:25:59.920 Oh my God.

00:26:00.460 Could this be real?

00:26:01.360 I've never, I've never filled a dishwasher alone.

00:26:05.120 I've never like been, I've never taken the initiative to fill it up because I feel so

00:26:09.300 nervous about the rules and how to stack them.

00:26:12.460 I've helped.

00:26:13.380 I've handed dishes to someone else.

00:26:14.900 Here, you put them in, but I've never taken it upon myself to confidently load the dishwasher.

00:26:19.140 Treat it like having machinery.

00:26:20.220 Yeah.

00:26:20.440 It feels very, and there's something, I think because I'm an only child, there were only

00:26:24.400 three of us so there weren't like there weren't that many dishes but something about the dishwasher

00:26:28.660 to me also was like the dream of christmas morning with like children running around and like

00:26:33.060 grandma's here you know and placing dishes in the dishwasher yeah and being like oh my god wasn't

00:26:39.160 lunch it's like and oh you know oh god the woman loading dishwasher imagine living in that family

00:26:45.400 oh oh god wasn't lunch devastating or whatever it's like your dream wasn't lunch i feel like

00:26:52.800 my family is not big on lunch in general like there's just sort of because everyone's sort of

00:26:57.660 eating at different times throughout the you know mornings slash afternoon it's all an approach to

00:27:02.260 dinner for us generally it's dinner's coming what do you need lunch lunch disappears no it's all

00:27:07.640 about dinner it's always been about dinner well like it's like people talk about having lunch

00:27:11.880 with friends want to meet for lunch i mean a big lunch however give me dinner or give me death

00:27:17.220 because lunch is hell see i actually prefer huge lunch lighter dinner well that's the classic eat

00:27:23.280 like a what do they say a a king in the morning a popper in the evening oh my god a king in the

00:27:29.300 morning popper in the in the afternoon it's something like that

00:27:33.240 an apple if you're lucky right and i'm not at night you sneak out and you lick up the scraps

00:27:42.700 of the king's meal right you have like the torn the edge of the torn baguette that your lover

00:27:49.100 left on the table me and my cousin um and sometimes like you know maybe these are ancestral

00:27:54.420 things um we've always talked about the pleasure of kind of eating something that's a little bit

00:27:59.940 unpleasant like a stale piece of bread or some stale crackers crackers and eating it as if yeah 0.89

00:28:04.920 um we are you know sometimes i mean for us it's a lot of times jewish sort of nazi germany kind 0.69

00:28:10.960 fantasies okay we're in it let's eat this like we're in a we're in a concentration camp and we

00:28:16.360 found this little bit of bread and we snuck behind a window and then and then we sit there and then

00:28:21.780 we eat what we're eating with that experience yeah i mean that feels familiar i guess tell me

00:28:26.680 if i'm wrong but the holocaust as psychological play cannot be understated in my home growing up

00:28:32.820 and i know this is also true of my cousin i want you to tell your holocaust thing i think about

00:28:36.640 all the time which is one of the funniest things in the world about your ankle about your ankle

00:28:40.380 my ankle wait the wind hitting your ankle right please tell right so i i you know jump to well

00:28:51.900 well two things okay well okay i'll get to your ankle okay but i just want to like say the thing

00:28:57.440 i was going to say first which is so like the classic is um my mother would motivate herself

00:29:04.560 to clean up the kitchen speaking of dishes okay um she would go like almost nightly okay it was

00:29:10.360 like i'm gonna pretend that there's 10 minutes until the nazis get here okay and i have to clean

00:29:16.940 the kitchen before the nazis get here i'm gonna look at the clock it's 603 so we'll say

00:29:21.860 6 13 if the kitchen's not closed we're all getting hauled off by nazis okay pretending the nazis are

00:29:27.840 coming yes and the weird thing about it is that it was never clear it was just the nazis are coming

00:29:33.080 in 13 minutes that's how long or 10 minutes that's how long we have to clean okay but it was never

00:29:37.500 totally clear like if it's not clean are they going to take us away i think that was the

00:29:40.780 implication right right right so that was just it's it's like it's like nazis is the i thought

00:29:45.340 it was like how embarrassing the nazis coming into your house and and it's a mess right like

00:29:49.380 they're there like you're there to host them while whatever so yeah so there was that i mean also my

00:29:56.040 mother you know famously this is always the image to describe but it's like it's a hot july day and

00:30:00.960 i want to go to the pool or something like that whatever i'm excited you just said july yeah i

00:30:04.920 know and it's because what i meant okay what i was trying to imply and i didn't know there was

00:30:08.740 time to explain was this kind of thing i've heard like the southern literary tradition of like

00:30:13.620 the july grass or whatever okay i once heard a guy in a poetry writing workshop like be like

00:30:19.140 the july grass okay and i was like oh my god anyway a july day a july day okay and you know

00:30:26.980 the i want to go to the pool whatever and i come down and my mother is in the den with the with the

00:30:33.060 blinds fully drawn in darkness you know watching schindler's list and turns to me and says i want

00:30:38.500 to watch a little schindler okay okay so like watching schindler for her as she says as she

00:30:44.140 calls it a little schindler like let's get cozy and watch a little schindler is that's how she

00:30:48.860 gets cozy and i and i have inherited this it's the same i mean she also she watches jaws well

00:30:54.420 she's in the next room she plays jaws jaws is her comfort wow she like knows every word to jaws and

00:30:59.640 she hears jaws playing in the next room while she's like doing dishes or something so like

00:31:03.280 schindler it's that thing where there's there's there's historical horrors can be a comfort

00:31:10.460 because they're in the past they already happened right it's like i don't know it's kind of that's

00:31:16.280 interesting so you were saying i'm so sorry i i insisted on well setting the table so to speak

00:31:21.580 for the yes the holocaust stuff which is just i always jump there and then there'd be these

00:31:25.340 there's these moments in my life that are completely moments of luxury and comfort okay

00:31:29.980 where i'm clutching um you know a starbucks on the streets of new york okay and i accidentally

00:31:35.820 my pants there's a space between where my pants end and my shoes begin and i feel a little cold

00:31:41.420 air and you know i've been rudely awoken at 11 a.m or something like that and strolling the streets 0.87

00:31:46.140 of new york and a cold breeze is my ankle and i find myself thinking this is what the holocaust

00:31:50.780 must have felt like yes okay yes like the ice hitting your ankle yeah and those little moments

00:31:57.060 of well the could i it's like a moment of minor discomfort becomes a way of then saying you know

00:32:03.220 how would i empathy i mean this is part of why i like like watching these like watching old war

00:32:08.240 movies i really enjoy asking myself how i'd fare in war like like if you if we were drafted in

00:32:14.620 World War Two as men? Quite well. People with high anxiety. I just want to interrupt, but I've been

00:32:20.800 told because I have high anxiety OCD tendencies that when actual stress is presented, like actual

00:32:26.960 moments of like, oh, this is an emergency. This is chaos. This is oftentimes people with the anxiety

00:32:32.080 actually are really able to manage those moments. Absolutely. And that's and I'm sure I've brought

00:32:36.980 this up on Poogh and I know I talk about it in my depression book. But my grandfather,

00:32:42.600 chaplain in the war had suffered depression in the war never felt better 0.79

00:32:47.680 yes i love that story there was finally reprieve did you go to the because i went to the holocaust

00:32:53.280 museum in the eighth grade and i what i remember the most was it became a competition for who could 0.55

00:32:58.420 cry the hardest or grieve i i adore this at the museum so i was i was going to the holocaust

00:33:04.780 museum i went to an all-girls school all of the girls their knees buckling you know kind of being

00:33:09.220 like like because i always i went to school with like but everyone had a relative many of them

00:33:14.020 probably were jewish yeah so like my best friend i had friends whose relatives did perish or were

00:33:21.360 survivors do you have any perished and so and some of them i had met or not really because they were

00:33:25.260 um in spain no sadly no you see i feel right now this thing tickling in my stomach which is a

00:33:32.180 desperation to interrupt to let you know that i have direct relations who perished oh i know that

00:33:37.120 you do and i want you to drop it i'm just acknowledging the like the panic like the

00:33:40.960 how quickly can i get to it like the proximity to trauma or or pain yeah as a legitimizing of

00:33:48.320 course of course well i had to die you know that that kind of thing that's major i once had a

00:33:53.480 therapist directly asked me after like i'd seen i've been seeing him for a while he was like are

00:33:57.900 you jewish and i was like yeah and he was like you know because you're processing a lot of ancestral

00:34:01.480 um you know ancestral trauma and he's like did you have relatives that

00:34:06.320 let me guess did you lie and say yes did you lie and say yes

00:34:09.820 but i was like i was like no it's hysterical oh he was like but you know you still but i was like

00:34:17.180 but you know my my father was born in the early 40s and his parents took him to dachau hilarious

00:34:23.620 like to be like this would have been you and my dad was definitely raised with a lot of that

00:34:29.100 you know they named him tony to be like right say you're italian like there was a lot of fear

00:34:34.160 and my dad's a jew named tony right right no um i was gonna say um a jew named tony sounds like

00:34:41.360 a fabulous cassavetes film hold on wait wait there's something like oh wait but i was saying

00:34:48.340 about the school yeah and all the girls oh yes okay well this is like my favorite topic of

00:34:53.240 conversation i couldn't cry and i was like come on cry cry cry you know and i and i wasn't able

00:34:57.900 and i was devastated no no this is hysterical okay i actually didn't go with the school it was

00:35:02.640 maybe we did i don't know i can't remember but i remember first going with my parents

00:35:07.080 and my dad like says this thing to me now like he's like i remember you were really like

00:35:12.200 i guess this is like i was 11 or something and my dad says that apparently i was like i was like

00:35:17.100 but the nazis got it in the end right like i was like they prosecuted them or whatever right

00:35:23.580 like i was really concerned about like whether the nazis got it in the end and then like yeah i also

00:35:28.900 think like what for you was like the hot referenced thing because i have an answer and i'm curious if

00:35:36.020 it's the same but like the thing that people would recognize if if the holocaust museum in dc was like

00:35:40.380 uh was a movie or it was a you know art show okay what's the thing everyone's talking about when

00:35:45.400 they leave about you know it was really something let me guess the passport no damn it the shoes

00:35:50.700 the shoes thank you yeah yeah okay they like and then you gotta imagine the person who all right

00:35:55.840 we gotta explain it right we got oh well well they say when i saw the shoes that's when it

00:36:00.280 yeah that's when it hit and and just for anyone who wasn't brought to our nation's capital to see

00:36:05.360 this there is a you know massive pile of shoes okay brutal that children's shoes huge huge huge

00:36:13.540 to give a sense of the scale of the death right is look they had you know look at all these look

00:36:18.840 at this huge pile of jewelry that they took off the bodies before burning them whatever look at

00:36:22.340 these shoes and you know it was the way it was making the intangible making the infinite making

00:36:28.640 huge numbers um you know visceral right and like i just like imagine imagine knowing the person

00:36:35.360 whose idea it was to do the pile of shoes just knowing the person one knowing them and then

00:36:42.540 imagine how hard it is not to bring that up yeah or you're the person who came up with it

00:36:48.800 and you're like doing like the inaugural tour you know it's like the ribbons being cut and you're

00:36:52.960 like that was me like like look at you know because it's a creative insight right yeah here's

00:36:58.940 a question how brilliant how brilliant a piece of work should a monument to a tragedy be interesting

00:37:05.180 before it gets in the way of the morning when it gets again you know it's a problem right like you

00:37:12.540 you might have your criticisms of um of the freedom tower okay chris chris hysterically i 0.98

00:37:19.080 just say this really quick chris hysterically has like a bit about how stupid it is that they like 0.97

00:37:24.540 made the freedom tower um 17 fuck when did we achieve our independence from britain 1776 0.99

00:37:31.460 okay but he's like he's like he's like so stupid because that's like a number that's only about 0.95

00:37:36.380 when we like separated from the british so it's like he's like take that al-qaeda remember 1776 0.99

00:37:42.360 where we kicked your ass wait is that on the freedom tower the freedom tower was made to be 0.99

00:37:48.040 17 1766 feet high oh my god so irrelevant who cares i did not know your ass well the well the 0.99

00:37:58.720 the world of the freedom tower let's talk about it i don't think much of it honey and first of all 0.93

00:38:04.640 Did you go? Because I was I was in I was a freshman, sophomore.

00:38:10.200 I would go down at night.

00:38:12.100 I was living in Chinatown and I would take long walks and go down to the holes. 0.88

00:38:18.740 I would go down to ground zero.

00:38:20.840 And at that point, it was just still like gutted.

00:38:23.760 Did you feel alone or did you feel the camera in the upper left corner of the room while you were mourning and walking?

00:38:28.360 Because I was never alone.

00:38:30.020 I was always with a friend.

00:38:30.960 no but but there was the curtain or there were there was um a fence around it right that was

00:38:35.020 blocked but there would there would be holes in the fence yes and i would peer through the hole

00:38:38.440 in the fence and but it was all just narrated by katie couric like in my mind it was all just

00:38:43.240 you know well it was of course televised right that's a pretty tasteful monument right they

00:38:47.860 didn't build over essentially right they they retained the absence meaningfully and made it a

00:38:53.140 leave the wound open as kristeva would say yes and this is nice second time kristeva has come up

00:38:58.180 resist healing come up and i love it um and then they built the tower right and so it's like now

00:39:03.880 what do you think is the tower just like next to the hole must be right yeah turn right at the

00:39:08.440 holes you can't miss it i mean i do think like filling it with water is about as good as you

00:39:14.520 can get filling filling it with like a fountain they're always like water we have water water's

00:39:19.480 always the fallback water is is tragedy's only answer like let's just water they're like fountains

00:39:27.080 well fountain time i mean you must have taken a trip to the vietnam memorial at some like in

00:39:33.640 one of your trips sure okay i feel like the vietnam memorial was very celebrated for its

00:39:39.200 understated quality or whatever right yeah of course but yeah like what like divine like how

00:39:44.960 do you not like okay it's easy to be uninspired by whatever the freedom power but if it were a 0.51

00:39:51.520 deeply um subversive piece of work i've been kind of fucked up you know what i mean no no of course 0.83

00:39:57.380 that's what's funny to me wait so is all the business that happened in the world trade center 0.86

00:40:02.500 now it's all just condensed into the freedom tower like all the like is all the business

00:40:06.780 like are the businesses still in there well some chose to move

00:40:11.040 were they like but some of the businesses are in there actually every single business that had

00:40:17.280 existed in the towers was forced into the freedom tower it was a tax break yes but they were

00:40:24.720 told they got no other option no that's that's a joke all right i actually am unaware of the

00:40:29.600 businesses that went on were they they were beyond government like there were also people

00:40:33.360 that were just like had like companies i don't even think there was any government

00:40:38.000 it's a financial it was commerce it was commerce and finance the world trade center center right

00:40:44.320 no no trade is the one i was trying to hit not center trade trade as in as in you were like right

00:40:51.120 right the world i constantly feel that i focus on the wrong word the sentence or i place really i

00:40:59.940 think this is a constant issue for me is assigning value to the wrong word in the sentence and it's

00:41:04.080 something that i think i've retained from the embarrassment i a public speaker freeze up

00:41:09.540 terrified in a classroom setting of reading passages out of a book of reading my own work

00:41:13.920 right utter horror and for many years also fear of speaking up to present an idea i was like so

00:41:19.120 so quiet and i take a look at her now and i remember a couple times i would read the sentence

00:41:25.500 and i then would be aware and torture myself for 14 years after the fact that i had placed the

00:41:30.560 emphasis on the wrong word do you remember that thing this was such a hack thing a hack teacher 0.91

00:41:35.320 reference sort of placing the emphasis on the wrong syllable that's a hack that sucks yeah

00:41:42.800 you've never heard that you've never heard it i've heard it okay okay okay yeah well i know

00:41:49.340 john early loves this is he loves this like um this is not syncopation this is syncopation

00:41:57.880 this is syncopation i don't know you've never heard john early say this no oh my god i would

00:42:02.740 think it was like maybe in the first 10 minutes of meeting like this would be something you'd

00:42:06.340 discuss it's like no i can't do the the wrong version but it's like this is syncopation it's

00:42:13.040 not like this is syncopation it's like this is syncopation i've never heard it wait what are

00:42:22.020 other teaching cliches okay we do have to go to break you may get a snack walk me through what

00:42:26.820 you've eaten today after the break i can't wait

00:42:32.740 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:42:36.800 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:42:41.980 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:42:45.980 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:42:47.320 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:42:50.940 So no, I am not your guru.

00:42:54.720 And back then, I lied to my parents, I lied to police, I lied to everybody.

00:42:59.400 There were years, Ryder, where I could not say your name.

00:43:02.400 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:43:05.280 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists,

00:43:08.100 whomever I can, to try to find out what actually happened.

00:43:11.440 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:43:14.360 and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:43:16.020 They have had this case for 30 years. 0.92

00:43:18.960 I'll teach you sons of a** to come around here and my wife. 0.90

00:43:22.020 Boom, boom. 0.97

00:43:23.300 This is The Red Weather.

00:43:26.340 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:43:28.780 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:43:32.400 you'd like to know what i ate today so far nothing you know why let me guess you're fasting

00:43:41.060 i had a sleeve of saltines in the in the late night i i had a sleeve of saltines i remembered

00:43:47.140 they were there i was gonna bring up saltines earlier proof that i am in fact psychic um why

00:43:53.040 do you enjoy them when you were talking about eating this the bread and kind of like imagining

00:43:57.420 that you were in some yeah well this is this is what i believe about melba toast

00:44:01.520 the value of melba toast is the value of melba toast that it resists being eaten

00:44:07.960 okay and it's it's something that i long to remember i want a food that fights back for once

00:44:14.260 okay i'm tired of the foods just going in so easy and beseechingly okay just enter my mouth

00:44:20.660 the humiliation of a pizza having a point at the end like oh let me make myself real skinny so i 0.92

00:44:26.360 you just kind of sneak in your mouth and then slowly will widen i'm like this is pathetic i 0.99

00:44:31.840 will eat i will eat you from the crust in melba melba's brutality through your mouth okay melba's 0.99

00:44:38.980 the violence of melba okay it is it's like you chew into it you go this can't be right

00:44:45.540 this can't be right something's and that's why melba toast is um subversive grape nuts similarly

00:44:53.260 through god i went through a period of adulthood or a sign of like graduating to grape nuts like

00:44:59.540 adulthood you know once you have a mortgage to pay you start pouring grape nuts and grape nuts

00:45:04.600 are to me heaven the feeling that they might the way they might break my teeth i want it now i love

00:45:10.660 it so much really a dangerous food god i kill for some grape nuts and i i want them now there was a

00:45:16.200 period where i would wake up at like like 6 a.m where i'm not supposed to get up till 9 a.m supposed

00:45:20.840 to you know whatever okay but about i wake up starving run downstairs eat eat a bowl of grape

00:45:26.760 nuts in like a in a fury and then go back to bed and i cannot tell you how good it was now i do

00:45:32.440 believe that was the sugars from the previous night screaming from my belly for more okay which

00:45:36.520 is a theory around sugar okay it's like the back the bacteria or whatever your your gut that loves

00:45:42.040 and eats sugar that's like part of why people are like i can't not eat for three hours or whatever

00:45:47.880 okay my stomach will hurt and it's like that's not your stomach yelling at you it's the bacteria

00:45:53.380 that love sugar screaming for more you have to starve them of it okay right right is it hysterical

00:45:58.880 um the the fasting intermittent fasting i'm yelling for it anyway what have you eaten um i

00:46:05.140 made i well i of course had a cup of coffee with my steamed oat milk don't you get tired of that

00:46:09.920 oat flavor though no to me it's pure cream honey i used to make my own nut milk like every week

00:46:15.980 and then i bought oat milk one day kind of to be like let's have fun how do you know someone makes

00:46:20.260 their own oat milk don't worry they'll tell you about it or whatever it's that old joke i don't

00:46:24.820 know how do you know someone's a vegan right don't worry it'll come up that's what it is don't worry

00:46:29.500 it'll come up yeah sorry but i uh no it was me don't apologize sorry don't apologize sorry okay

00:46:35.300 so coffee without milk and then i made unusual for me i made a smoothie with oat milk frozen

00:46:42.600 blueberries almond butter pre-frozen they arrive from the store frozen or you froze them wild

00:46:48.780 organic blueberries arrive pre-frozen pre-frozen okay no no and they say the nutritional content

00:46:54.420 the nutritional content of frozen berries are often higher than the fresh berry i repeat

00:47:01.500 the nutritional benefits the nutritional density of a frozen berry or a frozen vegetable is often

00:47:09.120 higher than that of a fresh

00:47:10.920 vegetables. Just like

00:47:12.780 a baby that's killed is permanently

00:47:15.080 younger.

00:47:17.180 Okay, okay.

00:47:18.360 Okay, we can go.

00:47:20.020 Okay, okay, okay. No, no, but what I'm saying is

00:47:22.560 you freeze the berry while it has its most.

00:47:24.920 Well, no, they chop the broccoli and then they freeze it immediately

00:47:27.020 so it retains that kind of

00:47:28.560 as opposed to degrading in the truck

00:47:30.740 and degrading on the shelf.

00:47:32.600 And then I have. This is you about

00:47:34.660 your visualizations of

00:47:36.640 our food. Nutritional degradation.

00:47:38.520 on trucks specifically okay the belly of a boeing the belly of a boeing jet

00:47:43.980 food transportation and water searing in plastic i just is one of my favorite things

00:47:49.920 at 350 degrees in a truck making its way across the rust belt and eventually arriving at your

00:47:58.400 door yeah yeah with a with a plastic leeching into the water beyond comprehension plastic

00:48:03.540 leaching plastic leaching is one of my most i mean i think about my career plastic leaching

00:48:09.820 right and death wait your career oh no the three things okay that was a big part of your

00:48:15.260 what were we just talking about i don't remember it's gone food breakfast yeah after that well i

00:48:22.980 forgot to mention that i had some protein powder in my smoothie which is not a usual thing for me

00:48:27.100 because i'm afraid of the lead in these protein powers is that a thing protein powders oh yeah

00:48:33.020 toxicity don't even get me started well i know toxicity in general is an issue but toxicity in

00:48:37.940 general i fear but yeah a lot of the kind of store-bought protein powders they're not screened

00:48:42.440 versus the foraged in the local or just like a very like like a protein powder that might be

00:48:50.740 triple screened for heavy metals okay i want a triple screened protein powder i mean i don't

00:48:57.080 drink smoothies often.

00:48:57.920 Is the smoothie relevant?

00:48:59.900 Barely.

00:49:00.740 The smoothie has achieved, obviously,

00:49:03.000 and you were one of the early satirists of Jamba Juice,

00:49:06.600 just to be clear.

00:49:07.440 Thank you.

00:49:08.280 Okay, okay, one of the early-

00:49:09.880 Thank you, I really appreciate that.

00:49:11.300 The humiliation of that.

00:49:14.600 You know, however, a few years ago,

00:49:18.200 well, I mean, the first laugh, right?

00:49:20.340 The first laugh about Jamba Juice was,

00:49:23.140 you think you're being healthy?

00:49:24.560 But consuming 90 apples, 700 berries, six bananas.

00:49:30.500 I mean, leave the berries out of it, but the issue is the apples, the bananas, the oranges.

00:49:33.780 No, but the sheer density is what I'm saying, okay?

00:49:35.740 You've eaten the equivalent of 60 bowls of fruit, okay?

00:49:39.740 Okay, in one thing, and have just jacked yourself so high on fruit sugars, okay?

00:49:45.060 Fructose.

00:49:46.020 Never to come down.

00:49:46.660 Okay, America's great failing, fructose or whatever.

00:49:49.620 Fructose, sorry.

00:49:50.760 Okay, and...

00:49:51.860 Mango.

00:49:52.760 Mango.

00:49:53.680 Frozen mango.

00:49:54.560 frozen banana we added we got some more moisture in there with orange juice you're like great great

00:50:01.800 so direct direct juice that yeah so it was like you know whatever disaster america grew more

00:50:08.300 metabolically uh no no i i don't mean that as metabolically challenged i don't mean that as

00:50:14.240 acute i'm vertically challenged i actually mean the metabolic syndrome yes is the problem in this

00:50:19.480 country okay not see was that a glance at your phone it's okay if it was i'm not kidding i swear

00:50:25.540 my phone is over there being plugged in so it's your nails right now just not when i glanced down

00:50:30.220 i was looking at the table that's fine that is fine i wanted to know because this is helping me

00:50:36.420 learn okay instead of going now she's done it well she's now she's done it okay no distractions no

00:50:42.320 no this is great all right wait but i was really excited about yes so the metabolic syndrome is

00:50:48.440 what most of us suffer from here okay in the states i think it was reagan and big corn and 0.91

00:50:53.820 whatever in the gmos basically we all got fucked okay and we all have fucked up metabolic dynamics 0.97

00:50:59.820 now that are not our fault and dr robert lustig will tell us all it's not sloth and gluttony of 0.99

00:51:06.320 course not we are not you know having all these problems that we have due to sloth and gluttony

00:51:10.280 it is baked in okay it's baked into the very bread we try to try to eat okay so anyway so

00:51:16.600 smoothies are a joke in that one sense but here's why i've gone back to smoothie a few years ago

00:51:22.380 i love using it as smoothie i love pluralizing yes smoothie the poetics of smoothie okay the

00:51:31.300 yeah um juicing juicing juicing juicing juicing right smoothie though you know this is my point

00:51:39.160 right okay all the all the talk is about juicing right oh don't stress the digestive system get

00:51:43.860 the pure serum of the vegetable right into you etc etc right however you are missing the fiber

00:51:49.400 fiber okay and apparently if you use a strong blender and which isn't this day honestly you

00:51:55.700 know the others have gotten up i don't think it's all vitamins or yeah yeah it was vitamins or bust

00:52:00.500 for a long period of time where they're saying you can't long time you cannot fully break apart

00:52:04.880 the cellular structure of the fruit with your average blender you're merely blending the

00:52:09.460 Vitamix crushes molecularly, I would argue, pulverizes to a point where whatever needs to

00:52:15.340 happen is happening. So it's a sort of green smoothie period that I got into. OK, where it

00:52:20.280 was the better way to get my greens is pulverized, not green juice, but pulverized greens themselves.

00:52:25.600 Right. So I got kind of kind of into that. I'm thinking of revisiting. I actually I developed

00:52:30.100 my own neighborhood smoothie at Smillers in New York City when I was living there.

00:52:34.520 It's pronounced Smilers, but I think it's funny to mispronounce it. Smillers. It's clearly one L.

00:52:39.200 it's obviously smiler okay okay but i like to treat it like it was a certain neighborhood

00:52:43.100 store let's go to smillers anyway i would get so new york full of bad smoothie options that are

00:52:48.180 just fruit-based hell right i know okay hey let me put some ice cream in it for you too you know

00:52:52.980 and whatever generation is that one of the big culprits can't remember well they do sell smoothies

00:52:57.440 as well but yeah anyway pulverizing the greens sorry continue and then dropping i like to drop

00:53:03.120 a few berries okay a few red berries into the the green smoothie sugar high antioxidant okay just

00:53:09.240 exactly to get some of the fruit flavor that i enjoy to kind of and i called that the rose garden

00:53:14.340 okay i i self-named what i would order at at smillers okay and told them and i think it

00:53:22.100 finally made it onto the menu no it didn't jacqueline yes they said like we're getting a

00:53:27.620 new menu and that one's going on okay and it was called the rose garden because it was all greenery

00:53:32.220 than with dabble of red that's brilliant i still i'm like so envious or something that you would

00:53:37.500 have invented a smoothie would end up on the board i now to be clear i don't recall seeing it on the

00:53:42.120 board yet i recall talk of it yeah i mean i don't want to be a bitch but i kind of feel like i didn't

00:53:47.980 really make it to the movie i'm so furious because i don't have the details to support the feeling

00:53:53.820 and the feeling is one of absolute truth okay but i guess i could be sort of shuffling

00:54:00.060 the truth aside like in order to barrel towards me explaining that i named it the rose garden

00:54:06.860 because i did think there was sort of an elegance to the word rose garden it's lovely even though

00:54:11.500 there was the problem of obviously that could imply that there's a rose flavor i would take it

00:54:16.020 i would too but then the people wouldn't have it all right pull me back hey i feel myself slipping

00:54:20.220 i know i know oh right eating food in that way um but yes i'm starving but last night i was

00:54:25.600 watching um the terror an amc program that i'm enjoying nightly and um it's sort of these men

00:54:30.720 the terror yeah it's these men on a ship surprise surprise there's nary a woman to be seen in the

00:54:38.740 program there's three okay there's three women that occasionally appear okay but it's just

00:54:42.580 here bent over uh an oil rig also what's funny kate about that right so that is what part of

00:54:54.740 your genius okay is that you can finish a sentence okay because you'll just get you'll go for it

00:54:59.580 just say oil rig okay like a woman bent over an oil rig now an oil rig technically is a massive

00:55:05.680 structure yeah an oil rig i think is like the entirety of the ship or whatever right yeah yeah

00:55:11.180 or it's bent over one area of the oil race yeah like you're bent over a small barrel i'm just

00:55:16.060 picturing being bent over some like piping yeah i know exactly what you're picking yeah of course

00:55:21.420 okay and it's just but it's um but i but eating saltines while pretending that i'm in the arctic

00:55:28.780 with these men you know and and enforcing the saltines into my mouth it was heaven in the

00:55:34.460 darkness going one cracker after the next and and putting them in and feeling them be so dry and

00:55:40.060 knowing that I could get up and get a drink of water, but instead enjoying the over dryness of

00:55:45.520 it and it filling my mouth and almost this feeling of sawdust. I must. I'm so thirsty.

00:55:52.460 Harvest for winter. I've barely had water. Yesterday, I would say I had a glass and half

00:55:57.080 of water. Today, I've had less than a glass. What am I doing? Thoughts? I haven't had a single sip

00:56:02.140 of water today. Surprise, surprise. The room is spinning. It's not, but I am so thirsty and I'm

00:56:06.520 starting to sweat in my my juilliard sweatshirt i'm i'm really hungry and i think i'm but you

00:56:13.040 know when you know you're gonna have a really big amazing dinner you have one planned i just know

00:56:19.400 i'm gonna eat yeah a big old and therefore what you know no so so i'm happy i know i'm gonna

00:56:25.060 order italian feasts so i'm like i don't want to you want to be as hungry as you can when you

00:56:29.800 arrive at it yeah i want to really be able to enjoy that feast but i'm hungry you know it's

00:56:34.960 huge for me, and we can leave in a minute, but I just want to say this, which is, you

00:56:40.120 know, eating socially is hard, okay? Or knowing that you're supposed to get your sustenance

00:56:46.000 from an event you're attending is stressful to me, particularly if it's, you know, catered

00:56:50.160 readers. Not that I go to a lot of catered events, but yeah, I don't technically speak

00:56:53.920 theory. You can't rely on catering, dear God. Dear God, okay, they sweep through at speeds

00:56:57.960 unknown, whatever. Yeah. Okay. But I've found that what works for me is to not show up

00:57:04.780 at events with questionable amounts of food starving eat a little something at home okay

00:57:10.920 yeah and then when i show up at the event my eyes are not trailing the cater waiter right

00:57:16.820 with a ferocious desperation that alienates those i'm supposed to be having light conversation with

00:57:22.800 yeah instead you're focused solely on the chicken saute that's moving quickly away from you i mean

00:57:28.560 those events feel like such a thing of the past am i am i wrong now i realize because it's a year

00:57:32.980 now of not eating in front of people i think my manners have completely they've just completely

00:57:37.420 dissolved so that food in front of me it's i think i'm a smacking it's going right in i mean i think

00:57:43.680 i've completely lost any kind of social performance of eating oh yeah yeah yeah and um what's there's

00:57:49.360 oh there's been experience for me where like there's food on my face i know there's food on

00:57:52.960 my face like chris is like there's a chip on on the top of your lip yeah resting on the top of

00:57:59.120 your lip and i'm like i know i just haven't gotten to it yet like yeah i literally know

00:58:04.040 you know what i'm saying i can feel food on my chin right and not my chin catches a lot and not

00:58:08.340 wipe it away immediately yeah or i'm just like or sometimes i am shocked by how much food there is

00:58:12.500 on my face these days like i turn to the mirror i'm like oh my god like it's just yeah well we

00:58:19.940 should we should honestly leave because i'm so hungry now the hunger has taken hold is starting

00:58:23.920 to now gravitate toward my language skills?

00:58:27.300 Absolutely.

00:58:28.340 I really enjoyed exploring Judaism. 1.00

00:58:31.660 Some of the modern brutalities. 1.00

00:58:33.080 Fear.

00:58:34.160 Some of the modern brutalities 0.99

00:58:35.360 jettisoned by the da-da-da's.

00:58:37.900 I would kill for a bowl of grape nuts with whole milk.

00:58:39.740 I am going to have that too.

00:58:42.180 Great.

00:58:44.320 That was POOG.

00:58:46.620 If you enjoyed POOG,

00:58:48.080 please subscribe, rate, and review.

00:58:50.440 If not, we will press charges.

00:58:53.920 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:59:02.100 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:59:06.040 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:59:09.840 No, I am not your guru.

00:59:13.500 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:59:15.800 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:59:18.740 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:59:21.400 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:59:28.640 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:59:31.140 Guaranteed human.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - February 09, 2021

Smoothie

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