00:15:42.760am I going to like hang out at the bar
00:15:45.680after and try to like I actually could see that for myself like waiting oh I completely saw it
00:15:49.860like that I would like wait afterward and these are not even like people that like something about
00:15:54.420them it was really shocking because I would never think of myself as being attracted to like
00:15:57.920that that overt sexual or just like that like guy who's like it was so mystifying to me and then it
00:16:04.300fully worked and it was really amazing to feel like I'm truly in the palm of their hand and like
00:16:07.760any eye contact they made with me felt so loaded I was like sir I am not here for that you know
00:16:13.700and then um hysterical but then i was like going home at night being like maybe i would like hire0.98
00:16:18.700like a guy like that to fuck me like you know i was like on the website like angels and0.98
00:16:23.320no demons or something i was on some website looking like it was like angels and cowboys1.00
00:16:29.780or some website like prostitutes yeah and i was like would i like do that you know no i know and0.98
00:16:35.420then i was like god it's expensive and then i you know but begging for free prostitutes0.73
00:16:40.220yeah but uh oh but i'll just say i was with john and i was like you tell him he's really looking
00:16:47.540at me yes of course and john was like okay hey they're actively stripping like this is what the
00:16:52.900job is i'm dying and i'm like that's really amazing that is like the theater and then that
00:16:57.780obviously points to the inherent theater of sex right so huge topic here huge um but i was gonna
00:17:03.460say that i think the masseuse but i was gonna say i think i do get uncomfortable in massages maybe
00:17:08.040because i'm worried that the masseuse that like she'll think that i'm hoping it'll lead to sex0.52
00:17:12.600and maybe that's right that's crazy okay let's go to break yeah let's go to break and i because
00:17:16.940i'm not totally done talking about massage i won't lie okay there's more to be said
00:17:20.140okay hi guys we're back we're back we're back we're back i mean i i was thinking about this
00:17:32.300well your joke about like being an only child and you can't imagine having a brother the sexual
00:17:37.100attention would be unreal or whatever yeah or you don't imagine you don't know how people
00:17:40.300have siblings or whatever and i was thinking about this morning while brushing my teeth i was
00:17:44.060thinking about you saying that because what's so funny about that joke is like that's not the case
00:17:48.180and so it's like revealing the profundity of your only child perspective how excited i am yeah like
00:17:54.060yeah i was almost like wait how would i even describe like what that relationship is like
00:17:58.040like so sad i can't even fathom it the ultimate that's like the real side like i it's actually
00:18:02.420beyond my comprehension i mean yeah it's um i think it would have been good for me ultimately
00:18:07.260well you know it's kind of a weird thing that i sort of enjoy sometimes like a family that has
00:18:12.280like my mother has two sisters right she has no brothers right and i know that family and i think
00:18:16.860about the family and it's sort of like okay what like if they had produced a male what would that
00:18:21.900male have been like do you see i'm saying like there's something fascinating about it like because
00:18:25.660i know like does your mother do your parents have siblings yes and that's all i'll say no
00:18:31.440do they both have my mom has a my mom has a a living sister and my dad has a living brother
00:18:37.900what about the ones who are gone well okay actually were those brothers my dad only has
00:18:42.360one brother my mom has a sister and had a brother okay so in the case of your dad just sort of
00:18:49.960imagining your dad has a brother you said yeah so like imagining what your dad's sister may have
00:18:55.500been like oh my god incredible i can't if i've never thought of that i know it's huge okay so
00:18:59.780my mother is two sisters you know very conscious of sort of that generation in that family of these
00:19:05.660these three women and what they're like as a result of coming from these two pairs and it's0.88
00:19:09.680like what if there was a brother the the just imagining the phantom sibling i actually all
00:19:16.140of a sudden i'm comforted of like i just had a moment where i was like i could just pretend i
00:19:19.520have a brother and see how that goes like like uh perform acts of having a brother alone or
00:19:26.700yourself like oh i should call my brother yeah yeah or like i i said this once in my act but
00:19:31.700talking about like when i had an mri to look at my my tailbone everything's fine folks although
00:19:36.860there was a hairline fracture and i was in the mri and i was feeling anxious and claustrophobic
00:19:41.560and i pretended i had a daughter and i was like i have to be strong i have to oh i have to after
00:19:46.420the mri i'm gonna go pick up my daughter from school you're obsessed with picking up your
00:19:49.640daughter i know i am as as a grounding point i'm obsessed with my daughter and like i think that
00:19:54.880like there is a way of like inventing that then forced me to in the moment feel some kind of
00:19:59.260inner strength or like I have a daughter like you know some presumed like level of responsibility
00:20:03.680and so similarly maybe I can pretend I have an older brother or an older sibling and that will
00:20:10.400give me some feeling of security in my darkest hours I don't know no no this is interesting
00:20:14.900almost like can you create the uh like oh what would my brother say about this like could you
00:20:20.420experiment with that could you like push the archetype outside of yourself as a psychological
00:20:24.580perspective and go like you know create this brother in your head who may who you're like
00:20:28.960well my brother tell me about you know blah blah blah or something i don't know it's kind of
00:20:32.560interesting i think that's really cool i think that's very useful similarly people say you know
00:20:36.780oh if you're going through you know trying to figure something out in your personal life what
00:20:40.380would you tell a friend right what advice would you give a friend cognitive behavioral therapy
00:20:43.940is would you talk the way you talk to yourself to a good friend okay like would you say to your
00:20:48.920friend it's all like oh you lost that job your life's over right right you know or whatever or1.00
00:20:53.220like oh they dropped something would you yell you piece of shit okay the way you do to yourself when0.98
00:20:57.860you drop something or whatever right and they're like what would a good friend say it's like or0.99
00:21:02.000what would you say to a good friend how would you talk them out of it and the trouble is you got to
00:21:06.500be like i'd lie to that friend right right like that can go the wrong way if you're like well i'd1.00
00:21:11.180tell them their life's not over but i'd know it is then you're a piece of shit but usually that's0.99
00:21:16.440not how we see others we're more generous but i keep getting off what you were trying to talk1.00
00:21:21.120about which is the spa and i'll just say like yes the spa was never a place i really love uh bodies
00:21:26.660of water i love soaking so with you going to the korean spa kind of a glorified communal bath like
00:21:33.220that was very wonderful for me and similarly i'm dying to take you to ideal hot springs hotel and
00:21:38.860we'll be soaking and it's all i could think about keep the language positive and about yourself0.98
00:21:42.900poog fans again i feel you say you don't say you are pieces of shit for not hosting them0.97
00:21:48.320you say i i would love to see the poog hags go to two bunch poms you mean to go to them as in0.95
00:21:56.080their instagram account and comment on why didn't you give it or do you mean you'd like to see them0.99
00:21:59.520go and enjoy the spa just a sort of little wreck i'm just imagining that like the instagram
00:22:06.520whoever manages that account seeing people flooding in no flooding in and gently saying
00:22:11.160like you know i felt sad when i found out that they weren't hosted or like yeah well i had never
00:22:15.980heard about two bunch palms and then i heard about it on food podcast right and now i'm considering
00:22:20.760planning a trip right right right but but but yeah i think really i am into massage i used and
00:22:26.500body work you know what i want to do and i have a couple phone numbers that i've been given and i'd
00:22:30.760be curious to talk about it with you and our listeners some energy body work thoughts some
00:22:36.500energy healing well yeah i mean but it was usually energy healing is technically not manipulation
00:22:41.860like right physical manipulation of tissue right right you're having a fan i know what you're
00:22:45.780fantasizing about i know what you want i know exactly what do you want what you want the thing
00:22:49.260we saw on the goop show okay you want to be writhing on a table yeah you're worried no i
00:22:55.440wasn't even going to the betty dodson episode i was going to the that healer guy no neither was i
00:22:59.500i was talking about just the the arch back the like the arch the possession the exorcism yeah
00:23:04.700the exorcism yeah yeah that sounds cool to me i'd be curious to see what comes out and you start
00:23:10.560writhing against your will yes or you know or i mean obviously that's the laugh is it would be
00:23:15.680against your will just as you hoped or whatever you know like oh good i feel my back arching like
00:23:21.480but but yeah but yeah yeah that's that's what i want well i similarly because i right now i'm
00:23:25.640interested in that my therapist who's been suggesting for a couple years now that i try
00:23:30.600emdr right therapy let's review what that is somatic therapy yeah so it stands for eye movement
00:23:38.600desensitization and reprocessing which is a psychotherapy that's um and again a classic
00:23:45.720i refuse to be labeled an expert to even correctly describe what this is but it's i think used to be
00:23:52.520labeled an expert as though that was what they've been doing to us against their will
00:23:55.760but it's like typically i think people can have a lot of help with i think specific like traumatic
00:24:02.400incidents but i think it's also about kind of just rewiring the neuropathways like response
00:24:08.200to certain triggers and it sounds kind of psychedelic and i'm curious and yeah my she's
00:24:13.560been she's brought up a few times and i've always been like and then but now i'm kind of like let's
00:24:17.560go there because i've been doing yeah my therapist actually if you can believe it suggests i not come
00:24:22.680as often. And so, um, but this, no, it actually was, she was right coming more than once a week.
00:24:28.960No, no, I was doing once a week, but then I was kind of talking about, because I have an addiction
00:24:33.040to thinking and over processing. And she was out of town for a couple of weeks and I was actually
00:24:37.520doing really well. And it kind of forcing myself to kind of process myself was like profoundly
00:24:43.580healing. And so she was like, this is great. And she was like, listen, I'm not kidding. Like,
00:24:47.260maybe you should pull back a little bit. And I was like, God, you're good. And that's a real
00:24:50.360therapist no right no no you know what sorry i'm so excited she's right and so i i took so now i'm
00:24:55.640doing every other week and on this last session and i find that it's like more productive like
00:24:59.360i have more to talk about and it feels more yeah um and she brought up she's like i think we should
00:25:04.680do that so i think i'm gonna do it in two weeks and it's kind of psychedelic and she and she well
00:25:08.720she said she was like yeah i think you'd be really responsive she's like i find the actors that do it
00:25:12.700really can go there because it the therapy kind of demands that you have that you kind of give
00:25:18.540into your imagination like it is an imaginative process and so yes i actually wonder if i'll be
00:25:23.800able to i can cry in front of my therapist but i definitely there is a level that i do still feel
00:25:29.540locked as we all do or maybe as i do locked in some kind of a persona in therapy so yeah i wonder
00:25:35.040if i will be able to do the full basically this would involve me like regressing to like being
00:25:39.940like a baby which sounds pretty great wait specifically did the therapist say yeah no
00:25:44.980therapy is i'm not saying that emdr is that right but i want she wants you to do that i would be
00:25:49.940going back into like childhood stuff and and she was like yeah i mean you might like a lot might
00:25:55.380come up you might like feel fully like childhood and i'm like yeah let's do it no right because i
00:26:00.000think it's almost like like the most like the what remains for me from when i read about that
00:26:04.900like a million years ago and i think in noonday demon um oh yeah sure in terms of depression it
00:26:09.900was like do you like that book yeah people love it well one of the reasons i love it is you know
00:26:14.500it's like 500 pages or whatever like if you're depressed and you're spending some time dealing
00:26:19.520with it like you could just go into that book and the book will hold you that's so nice it'll hold
00:26:23.580you just in the space of like okay i'm depressed and i'm reading about someone dealing with it
00:26:27.340like it's not i don't know but it was almost like the the vibe to me it was almost like okay we're
00:26:32.700scrambling we're gonna like through eye movement stuff like through this physical neurological
00:26:38.380thing we're gonna scramble your brain a little bit around these locked in totally indelible
00:26:43.260in the campus as you say yeah you know these traumas right so it's like it's like a it can
00:26:48.220be a trauma therapy right it can be whatever and so yeah it's very um i'm into it and like there's
00:26:53.600a method that i've done a couple times that she's taught me of like tapping which is like you kind
00:26:57.280of cross your arms across your chest you tap one shoulder tap the other tapping's big there's a
00:27:02.840number of modalities and i've had like a couple i've done a couple of those maybe like in times
00:27:07.080of stress but i am curious but as you're saying kind of rewiring neuropathways or kind of like
00:27:12.280and this is also an ocd thing right it's like i know when i get stuck on a certain loop it's like
00:27:16.380picture it like the pure driven snow right and there are these grooves yes and you go back and
00:27:20.860back and forth and it's like the powder like imagine like driving the new snow so the pathways
00:27:25.340are gone and i'll just say quickly this feeds into obviously no need for it to be plant medicine and
00:27:31.260such and i would like to just plug that um this brand silo sent me some mushroom or you know
00:27:39.140psilocybin gummies for micro dosing. And that's actually something that I've been curious about
00:27:44.060because psilocybin, you know, they say it can have really positive effects specifically for OCD.
00:27:48.860I wonder, I wonder if I could do micro dose. Like I never did, um, uh, mushrooms or anything like
00:27:55.740my early days, because as I always heard, like the high of the mushrooms is that it like
00:27:59.860blows out all your serotonin all at once. And like, I can't, and then I was like,
00:28:03.740so then I'll be depleted for the rest of the month or whatever.
00:28:06.380I think you should I think you should reach out to them and ask them. They're very knowledgeable on the chat. And I think the whole microdose thing is that it's so it's almost imperceptible. Right. So I don't think it would do that. And in fact, it's a lot of times treated for depression or things like that. And I'll just say to the listeners, kind of a cute anecdote. I took, you know, it said like, oh, take two to three for a microdose. You know, you're not going to feel it. And I was like, I'll take one just to start. And I proceeded to get fully high and called Jacqueline like screaming with joy, had like very psychedelic experiences with some texts in my house.
00:28:36.380house was doing like yoga to like acoustic prints you were writhing a little on the phone writhing
00:28:42.520you're in you're in um so nice i was in cat cow you're moving between cat and yeah i was doing
00:28:48.140cat cow calling jacqueline on facetime and this is how i knew that i was that i was high was that
00:28:53.200i went on my deck and i was like enough is enough and i swept my deck really violently but it felt
00:28:57.540so good and then i'm like why am i afraid of my deck why am i afraid sometimes of my deck and it's
00:29:02.760like the spiders the spiders so i took a broom i wiped away so many spider webs i took down a wasp
00:29:09.200nest and then to be clear this wasn't like a huge football wasp nest like a small wasp nest but the
00:29:14.920kind of thing that would ordinarily terrify me of course and i destroyed it now did you smash it or
00:29:19.800did you simply like hit it like a baseball into like uh the yard i hit it down and then i smashed0.54
00:29:25.180it no so you you killed the wasps and i don't mean that i'm not accusing you of murder i mean i'm0.85
00:29:31.100actually worrying about your own danger you are free to accuse me of murder because i did murder
00:29:34.220them and the wine i'm deathly afraid of wasps and bees more than spiders snakes anything like that
00:29:40.220and they're preventing me from utilizing the space and i'm sorry but it's me or them and i took down
00:29:44.440the wasp nest no no no that's kind of that's a perfect example of an activity that'd be way too
00:29:48.500terrified to do not that it's necessarily smart to like to bash a wasp yeah it's quite literally
00:29:54.800like isn't that the same thing as um waking a bear or whatever like it's literally yeah like
00:29:59.260i think you're not supposed to try to disturb the nest you're supposed to like try to get it as far
00:30:04.000away from you and again if this had been like an active nest there's wasps flying in and out of it
00:30:07.700i never would have gone there right this is like this is like the size of like maybe a golf ball
00:30:11.500okay so i was hoping you were gonna give a ball i was hoping you were gonna give a ball because
00:30:15.820you said football earlier golf ball size wasp nest gone anyway and then we had um but it was
00:30:21.140really nice and i am gonna do it again i think i might do it tomorrow but uh i did uh i did it is
00:30:26.940that thing of like, oh, allowing for kind of like creative, like nonlinear thinking or kind of being
00:30:31.780able to focus because I, of course, I'm so destroyed by ADD, being able to feel focused,
00:30:37.920but not enforce on myself something of like, I have to work on this for an hour, you know,
00:30:42.840like instead of being able to be like hyper focused for seven minutes, feel something and
00:30:46.360then move on and have that be okay. No, no, no. We must abandon these exterior ideas of what
00:30:53.400progress on anything looks like we must abandon. You help me. You are you trying to work according
00:31:00.860to other people's rules of working is so laughable. I know. I mean, because it's like it's literally
00:31:05.520like it's insane to do something to give yourself over to the way someone else's process looks on
00:31:12.400the outside. Right. As though that's going to create the same interior experience that you're
00:31:17.780having when you're working on something so like yeah yeah those like so so theta just theta just
00:31:23.540theta theta mentioned like those books that are um like the habits of like famous writers there's
00:31:28.660books like you know and and i've read those books because of course right i'm always looking
00:31:33.760i'm always looking looking looking and um and so i've read a couple of those i was gonna say to you
00:31:38.380you might actually find them quite freeing because what it does is it reveals uh you know it's like
00:31:44.440okay this super famous prolific writer uh they get up at 6 a.m they drink they drink a fifth
00:31:50.320of scotch or whatever and i have no clue if a fifth is even a large amount it just sounds like
00:31:54.300a thing people say yeah i couldn't tell you like a fifth scotch and then like and then i nap for
00:31:59.620two hours and that's when i have my best dreams okay like you know like and they're like and
00:32:04.160they're like a huge lunch followed by another nap and then a walk okay and whatever and then
00:32:08.680they write for five minutes and then you know but then at 2 a.m like it's just like totally they
00:32:13.500have a confidence that their way of getting it done it does not matter what it looks like it
00:32:17.040doesn't matter if you were to for you know it's like they can only describe that like 100 years
00:32:22.340later maybe they would probably say i do see that as like the sometimes i try to animate the
00:32:27.500archetype of what i see as this male genius thing which is exactly that which is i do
00:32:32.040i just go i make a film yeah like like i don't i don't pitch film to you i am art
00:32:39.720i am an artist i i find the actors i i go it's in me i you see i am um genius i am genius like0.97
00:32:47.820that kind of shit yeah do you ever write a little drunk what's that do you ever write drunk well0.91
00:32:53.140i'm looking to do more of it because no i think maybe i should have a drink i because i really0.99
00:32:59.080like i'm very i have this is huge i a long time ago i a long time ago like in some terror of like
00:33:05.220slipping into alcoholism or something i was like i will never drink alone i will never drink alone
00:33:07.940and I literally this year had like my first glass of wine alone like because I so funny but also I
00:33:12.360didn't feel like I was gripped by some like I just genuinely I'm you know tragically a social
00:33:16.920drinker so it's just really the only way I do it but I was thinking like oh yeah there is that one
00:33:22.200night I went out and I you know had some wine with some friends and then came home and was like0.87
00:33:26.540writing by the way I think it was probably pure shit but like I was like oh there is something0.95
00:33:31.360real there yeah I don't know but that's kind of what I'm like oh like the microdosing mushrooms0.96
00:33:35.700like maybe that will kind of push me into some kind of new but then i remember reading like oh
00:33:39.740i think it was fitzgerald you know wake wakes up at dawn you know writes for four hours has a big
00:33:45.160lunch and then he's free for the day you know and it's all about just like walking among the0.99
00:33:49.100dandelions and like yeah fucking your wife or whatever like like that's no well well these0.99
00:33:55.780male archetypes are huge for me and i don't even like of course they are it's all we have i mean0.99
00:34:00.240not to be but it's like no right but it's all we have and so it's like if i don't use those
00:34:04.280then unfortunately I will not I will miss that particular flex of personality like I have to
00:34:10.480actually like lean in and go like lean in not lean in you know what I mean like uh like I like
00:34:18.760I'll go like what would an arrogant like male and I actually have to go like to different time
00:34:23.840periods almost like yeah it's it's that thing it's like okay no what if I were a 70s like new
00:34:28.860wave French you know whatever that genius thing that really helps me sometimes totally no I don't
00:34:33.340have to pitch like you know like 10 pages on why this like belongs in the marketplace right like
00:34:39.020why not just be that we have to go to break again but i'm soaring and i want to talk more about
00:34:42.780actually why actually booze can serve uh your writing practice i'm really excited okay great
00:34:47.840okay and we're back and we're back so i'm very i'm very excited i'm very excited because i well
00:34:59.760couple things. This may have come up on Poop before. I think it has. I don't know if it
00:35:03.100made it to the final edit. The thing about specifically about how I bought like at Target
00:35:08.260years ago during my convalescence at my parents' house trying to heal every part of myself before
00:35:12.620reentering society. And I was never afraid to use Target as part of my seeking. And you did it too.
00:35:19.500They were right there with you. Okay. And healing in the aisles of Target, one product at a time.
00:35:25.120and that included part of me this is so artist way artist date you know like giving the inner
00:35:30.840child that which it maybe like didn't let itself have earlier so you go into the toy section okay
00:35:35.840oh sure you walk get in the sandbox with your kids yeah yeah i know but what i like about it
00:35:43.300is that it's not with your kids it's like yeah that's the audacity it's like you don't have the
00:35:47.720excuse of your kids so like yeah so anyway whatever but there's something to be found in
00:35:51.700every aisle of target and uh and so i got this little game this little electronic game i feel
00:35:57.600like maybe this came up this already whatever i'll say it and then we'll move forward but just
00:36:00.880yeah this little electronic memory game that was very simple had one game in it plastic thing with
00:36:06.620like you know whatever it one memory game where you have to remember a number two numbers ago
00:36:11.080basically over and over again okay in a series of numbers okay and i bought it because i was
00:36:16.620I had done these like tests on lumosity.com. It was very like my brain has problems. I'm going
00:36:22.280to work with what I have. I'm going to fix up, optimize. I'm going to fix everything up. And it
00:36:25.840was like attention and memory are the two areas where, you know, the learning difference between
00:36:29.760that and my other cognitive skills. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm going to bring it up to speed and then
00:36:34.000I'm going to be unstoppable. So I got this little stupid memory game and I play it and I play it0.98
00:36:37.780every night in bed before I falling asleep. And my score, let's just say is like 70% or something,0.98
00:36:42.840right one night I have like two cocktails at a local restaurant with my parents okay I go home1.00
00:36:49.620I get in bed I start to play the game I'm through the roof oh my god yes this is a goddamn brain0.99
00:36:56.880training game this is this is the absolute most numeric you know like linear like fucking SATs0.99
00:37:04.780like everything we associate with being alert awake and whatever yes and the fact being that0.57
00:37:10.220in my brain and this is that thing the thing that we said in the past on poog is that add i remember
00:37:15.040hearing this from someone who was like a tutor that add students like they do their homework
00:37:19.080better when they're tired because because it slows their brain's not so active you know it's
00:37:24.580brought down to a manageable and useful level like too much activity you can't get a worksheet done
00:37:28.840so that's like a pretty stunning kind of thing and it like would piss me off the idea that like
00:37:33.260oh you know so so i wouldn't drink while working you know because society has one0.99
00:37:39.620expectation of what that means fuck you like totally i am running my own fucking thing over0.99
00:37:44.240here and so it just it's like i have to seriously consider whether there are some benefits to two0.99
00:37:49.900cocktails and that's how i do my taxes i mean like that's even the joke oh my god by the way
00:37:54.980that's genius like that's the it was numbers i mean it was numbers it was memory it was attention
00:37:59.140like cocktails and taxes that helps i'm not even saying i have to do my creative work that way my
00:38:02.840creative work might be better when it is under the problem of the quote problem of the add which is
00:38:08.400an expansive kind of the gift piece of the add might be fully alert on coffee soaring letting
00:38:14.340the gift slash like disorder of add serve us and maybe taxes is where i need the booze like you
00:38:21.060know and it's just like fuck everything else there's there's there's i mean i i don't know0.80
00:38:24.560is this nietzsche like there's no way there's only my way but it's like yeah like what do you need0.94
00:38:30.820to do to get done the thing that you desire to do well listen i'll just say it's this is one of my
00:38:35.860life mottos which is um years ago i was in uh one of the only acting classes i've ever taken
00:38:40.680and i don't know what happened but i was wearing this certain pair of boots something about the
00:38:44.880acting teacher asked me my boots or something and i said like i don't know the boots help and
00:38:48.620she said if the boots help wear them and if the boots help wear them is a huge anchor for me
00:38:54.940because it's like that's it that's all it ever is and that's also me yes when i saw aaron brokovich
00:38:59.980and it changed my life and i started animated like the hot like woman lawyer archetype i was
00:39:04.360like wearing heels doing my homework because it really helped you know so it's like oh my god
00:39:09.080yeah similar it's like it's like if the boots help wear them one of my college essays that had
00:39:14.080a very specific question so it couldn't be my my like generic college essay right you know it was
00:39:19.800um whatever it was but but i ended up writing about how like wearing this like purple mascara
00:39:24.180like helped me do my homework yeah okay and like and then it was a ritual act and and whatever and
00:39:29.440not like I'd put on the mascara, but, but if the boots, uh, work, wear them, right. The boots help
00:39:34.340the boots help wear them is, I'm sorry, we've landed on another POOG thesis. It is an absolute
00:39:39.920thesis of the show. Yes. Okay. Because it's like people confuse the method for the goal and the
00:39:47.140opposite, right. Where it's like, okay, if you want to write a book and then you, you go, how do
00:39:52.860people write books and you do that. I mean, it's also like, you know, this thing, seek not to
00:39:56.600follow in the footsteps of your masters seek what they sought right right and then and then that's
00:40:02.040going to be whatever footsteps you take it's like the same thing it's it's like don't model your0.95
00:40:07.200writing after like someone else's what their practice looks like from the exterior fuck that
00:40:11.460it's also this thing of like okay i'm having two things that i want to say but i just have this
00:40:16.280image of myself kind of as like a joke what if i woke up at 5 a.m tomorrow and just saw what that
00:40:21.360felt like yes it's like wake up at 5 a.m make coffee and be like i'm gonna write now do you
00:40:25.200know what i mean like why not i do know like like you know it'll hurt by the way we all know i won't
00:40:29.640do it but like maybe i will but like but just something about that because i was thinking about
00:40:34.120who we think we are how we think who we think we are what maybe who we actually are like the
00:40:39.040things that actually might serve us that we've never done because they seem so far outside of
00:40:41.980our personality it's like the provisional personality is james hollis or was it young
00:40:46.180says but it's like the provisional personality what that prevents versus like one soul right
00:40:51.260and like what is the soul actually what's the actual teleology of the soul and so sometimes
00:40:55.100this this like this regressive or this personality or this persona that we have is something else
00:41:01.520no no this is huge okay it really is because well i i would argue maybe i am the monk waking up at
00:41:09.0004 a.m well also i mean and this is a way that i trick myself into sort of experimenting with
00:41:13.560things is like the extreme is more exciting to me than as we know balance or anything like that
00:41:17.960So I'm more excited by like, I'm more likely to commit to meditating four hours a day than