Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - The Bleed

00:00:00.000 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:00:02.580 Guaranteed human.

00:00:04.420 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:00:08.020 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:00:11.960 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:00:15.780 No, I am not your guru.

00:00:19.420 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:00:21.720 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:00:24.660 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:00:28.220 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

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00:01:05.100 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:01:06.540 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:01:07.640 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:01:12.380 Two untamable intellects.

00:01:14.160 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:01:15.000 This is our hell.

00:01:15.860 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:01:18.120 This is POOG. 1.00

00:01:19.560 Today's topic, loosely speaking, the face of a bitch. 1.00

00:01:22.980 Toxic shock. 1.00

00:01:24.700 Eureka moments.

00:01:25.540 you know just to dive right in you know it's interesting hey listeners Jacqueline asked me

00:01:32.060 mere moments before recording if I was mad at her and by the way I'm absolutely not but

00:01:37.900 you know what it is what I'm PMSing bitch finally I think it actually I think it actually is the 0.58

00:01:45.620 rage percolating it's not fair and it's actually by the way this is not something to be proud of 0.94

00:01:52.100 because you're i feel so close to you i'm able to relax a little bit by the way i want to be

00:01:57.280 clear i was not raging just a little bit like say anything diminished yeah yeah no it's just

00:02:01.200 like my energy a little on the edge and i feel on the edge because i'm quite literally on the edge

00:02:06.720 of um yeah just hemorrhaging blood for days as am i literally i got the alert i was sorry i'll let

00:02:15.200 you speak because you're on the edge no please cut me off make it end i was just gonna say i

00:02:22.040 was just going to say that yesterday I was extremely grumpy. Okay. And I sat down in front

00:02:27.880 of creative work. Okay. And I was just, you know, filled with all of the sort of, you know, the hate

00:02:34.260 of one's every creative effort, that kind of thing. And I was like, this can't be right. And

00:02:41.420 I was like, just, this is bad. And so I was like, I'm going to check clue or whatever the app I was

00:02:46.440 using okay uh going in and it was like you're due tomorrow okay and i was like yes tomorrow i know

00:02:54.620 that's the best feeling i was like yes and then i like settled and i crossed my feet like you know

00:02:58.960 like you're lying on your back on a couch and you cross your feet over the by the ankles it's like

00:03:03.120 a real settling in position really cozy yeah and i grabbed my youngin book the addiction to

00:03:08.560 perfection um the still unravished bride marian woodman and i still need that i settled into that

00:03:15.040 and I accepted that I didn't have to do the work, but okay. I was like, I'm going to give

00:03:19.060 myself a break because my new thing, and you may recall me screaming about this over the last

00:03:25.540 couple of years is I read about four books in a row on optimizing one's life according to one's

00:03:32.400 menstrual cycle. Okay. I know. And you really are the sage on this. And I, I of course know nothing.

00:03:38.400 No, it's, it's very exciting. And I actually, because I feel like every time I try to bring

00:03:41.960 it up. I always forget what the essences are, but I, so I pulled them, I pulled them so I could get

00:03:46.680 them out quick and fast. Okay. To the listeners and to you. All right. But basically what's very

00:03:50.920 compelling about it all to me is that it's not just the two days before or whatever, or the week

00:03:58.760 before or whatever. Like it's not like you're, you're normal, normal, normal, normal. And then

00:04:02.420 there's this PMS and all hell. Okay. It's actually literally a cycle. There's no edge in that sense,

00:04:08.980 right it's a cycle okay so in other words no day is the same right because every day is moving

00:04:16.020 towards or away literally in terms of the hormones it's it's not nothing nothing nothing and then a

00:04:20.780 thing thus okay so you're always in the cycle you're never not in the cycle right this was the

00:04:28.180 big thing that was exciting to me here's how they define the four phases are you ready so this is

00:04:31.800 from the optimized woman okay it's got a ridiculous photo on the cover of a woman i think i've told 0.99

00:04:37.340 you about this that it's just like it's the face of an of a bitch in the late 80s it's the only way 0.98

00:04:43.640 I can describe it it's like and by a bitch I mean like she's embodying the spirit of what basically 0.99

00:04:49.100 it's a kind of disaster because she's embodying the spirit of what people who would be upset that 1.00

00:04:53.060 there's a woman trying to optimize her business life according to her menstrual cycle would look 1.00

00:04:57.320 like do you know what I mean they're like yeah that's exactly the nightmare I expect to come in 1.00

00:05:01.640 here so anyway yeah you ready so the first phase so there's four there's the reflective phase okay

00:05:07.880 and that's during the period okay that's the bleed they like to call it and i like that too

00:05:12.780 okay and that's a passive time and that's a time when you have lower energy and increased need for

00:05:17.340 sleep blah blah blah okay even hearing that frees me because i'll just say that's one of the main

00:05:22.680 things about me around my period is i'm such a sleepy little angel and last night could not keep

00:05:28.860 my eyes open i was texting you in theta at like 10 40 and i was like i cannot keep my eyes open

00:05:35.000 fell asleep slept through the night eyes open gently the dull eyes fluttering awake at 7 a.m

00:05:40.560 but i was like still so tired and then i proceeded to stay in bed for a whopping two and a half hours

00:05:45.020 i mean i had coffee in the meantime yes you know but i brought the coffee into bed and i still as

00:05:49.980 you can detect in me there's i think i may after poop take a nap no absolutely okay well get ready

00:05:56.280 for just hearing that, that my body needs more sleep right now, frees me to actually give into

00:06:00.400 that impulse. This is the whole thing. If you don't give, well, the big thing that I like is

00:06:04.560 that if you, according to this whole system, is that if you honor the needs of the particular

00:06:09.860 quadrant, okay. And even quadrant defines it as discrete areas when it, which de-cyclifies it,

00:06:15.740 but you know, for lack of a better way of describing it. Okay. If you don't give the

00:06:20.800 phase of the cycle what it's due then it takes it out of the next phase okay so for example if you

00:06:28.240 don't rest during the bleed okay if you don't go into the reflective period if you don't treat that

00:06:35.600 right if you don't rest whatever then i love this when it's time for when the hormones are to change

00:06:40.260 and now you're moving into the active phase or whatever right which i'll get to then you don't

00:06:44.860 have the energy there i mean it's like literally the most obvious cyclical concept right like we

00:06:49.440 know this we know that if you don't sleep at night like you're tired the next day so it's like yeah

00:06:54.000 similarly here so honor the cycle honor the cycle so here are the four segments okay so uh we may

00:07:01.060 find that we so this is the reflective phase this is the bleed we may find that we can't face

00:07:05.300 activity and first of all the fact that they call it the first okay the beginning of the cycle is

00:07:11.160 always intrigued me that starts with the bleed because i don't know if like me i always think

00:07:17.420 of it as the end that's not how i've conceptualized yeah yeah totally and that to me is misogynist 0.69

00:07:22.240 okay okay no truly it's because it's like it's like the period is this fucked up thing that

00:07:28.600 happens at the end of your good month yeah right versus like the bleed is the beginning everything

00:07:34.200 was going so well until yeah so we may find we can't face activity takes added willpower and

00:07:39.940 effort to take action blah blah blah right wait we can even find ourselves staring out a window

00:07:43.520 go wait sorry this is i wait i'm breaking in i'm breaking in with something that's completely off

00:07:48.040 topic it might be edited out so i as everyone knows here i have a microphone to my face and

00:07:53.200 i have headphones on i never can hear my own voice the headphones i'm realizing i only hear 0.51

00:07:58.400 your voice jack the first time i've never you know i never hear my own voice ever and i hate

00:08:03.000 like do you hear what i'm saying when we're recording you're never self-monitoring never

00:08:06.800 under any circumstance i never can hear my own voice well i don't know how you've survived

00:08:10.820 because it's the only thing by the way neither do i and i don't know okay no i know it's it's 0.67

00:08:14.960 hitting me right now and so like i'm like why do i even fucking have these on well i'm just hearing 0.83

00:08:19.880 you so couldn't i just hear me no no you need them to hear me because otherwise your microphone 0.96

00:08:23.860 would pick up me okay it just sucks that i can't hear myself and i never have let's let me just

00:08:28.440 ask you something kate okay okay great and then we'll move on sorry we need an upgrade we need a 0.98

00:08:32.580 full upgrade of audio equipment i'm drowning over here no there's been i can't hear my own goddamn

00:08:36.700 voice who knows what i'm modulating to the listeners i have no control over my own voice 0.87

00:08:41.140 so if i sound i don't know how you survive like i hear like the echoey radio tones of me across

00:08:46.580 america that's heaven on earth to hear it would improve my performance to be able to hear my own

00:08:50.800 voice instead it's like you're looking in a monster mirror you're looking in an audio monster

00:08:54.720 mirror exactly and you must feel diminished compared to me because you hear me sounding

00:08:59.020 radio and gorgeous only and then you hear yourself and then for me i'm just sitting in a room

00:09:03.660 talking. I'm just sitting in a room over here. And you hear yourself worse than you normally would

00:09:07.500 because you've got headphones on. Yes, because I'm muffled with the earphones. No, there's no

00:09:11.260 romance of being on the radio for me. You can try one of my tricks that I use, okay, for this

00:09:15.800 equipment that we're going to upgrade just to slightly. Remember we did this with the Zoom,

00:09:20.260 another thing that failed us? Sorry, Zoom. But pull the audio head ear jack just a slightly bit

00:09:26.980 out of the Scarlet Focusrite. And this is where I constantly run into my own limitations where I'd

00:09:31.600 rather just suffer than do the slightest thing to improve so let's just continue and i'm just

00:09:35.340 gonna wait i'm gonna wait for the full upgrade and everything's fine and let's if anybody wants

00:09:39.840 to send me upgrade audio equipment you know what i want i'll drop to my knees me too as well because

00:09:44.040 of course you need the audio to be consistent okay and i've had problems as well yeah um like

00:09:48.240 i just breathed weird and my mic cut out so okay and believe me i'm not like futzing around with

00:09:54.360 the connections okay people always assume that women are sort of swooning onto their mic arms

00:10:00.180 yeah you're knocking connections out left and right okay um we need that cut you off and you

00:10:06.020 were really you're explaining the cycle so you're saying now my mind i have to like look at the

00:10:10.820 things and read them and i'm gonna try to not do that too much obviously i expect it to be cut

00:10:16.340 when i it's a disaster okay i'm gonna but i highlighted for us the early from the beginning

00:10:22.500 of the book quick breakdown okay so reflective phase passive hard to do activities might find

00:10:29.160 ourselves staring out the window in a daze, unconnected to the world in the sense of urgency,

00:10:33.280 which normally fuels our day. Sounds like heaven. We can find ourselves more accepting and tolerant

00:10:38.140 and more able to compromise and to let go of our desires and needs. Okay. So that's a sort of

00:10:42.380 benefit. Okay. You're weeping. You've dropped to your knees. No, this is all, this is all hitting

00:10:46.600 me so hard. This will change your life. I need the book now. Okay. You need the book now.

00:10:52.060 Okay. It's wonderful. And we'll plug them all. Cause there's a few I've read that are like

00:10:56.440 leading to all of my information here okay but okay so here's what's so beautiful about this

00:11:00.880 book okay because this is called the optimized path or whatever all right so the idea is that

00:11:05.760 every phase of the cycle is not just oh this is shitty in this way this is shitty in that way

00:11:10.940 sleazy sleepy snoozy and snazzy okay okay it's each phase is optimal for a particular kind of

00:11:18.120 activity so every phase is good okay if you're doing what's supposed to be done during the

00:11:22.660 phase okay yeah being awake when you're supposed to see sleeping obviously you're not good same

00:11:27.020 same in the other direction right so so here we are okay are you ready all right so the passive

00:11:30.660 phase is the optimum time to slow down to nurture our bodies and give them the space to rest and

00:11:37.580 renew okay now it is the time to let go of all our cares to simply be who we are in the present

00:11:42.660 moment to be creative through daydreaming okay and to go with the flow and to connect with us

00:11:47.940 what's important now they get into extensive detail okay this is the i've read the books the

00:11:52.200 books the books they've poured in me and so i can kind of let a little bit of the froth come out

00:11:55.980 you are now a vessel for the yeah yeah basically there's this it is very much like going to the

00:12:00.200 cave bleed in the darkness okay and you meet god and you yeah yeah you get down you you're stripped

00:12:07.080 bare but truth is faced and then what's exciting about the order of this is that premenstrual is

00:12:12.920 going to be the last one and it's kind of the most exciting okay so like these are like a little

00:12:16.900 boring but then get ready because it's all heading towards premenstrual and it's going to change your

00:12:20.840 life this is interesting because i almost exclusively do psychedelics while bleeding

00:12:24.820 i know you've mentioned that because you mean you sort of look up and you go huh no just like

00:12:30.540 naturally it's just like no i'm not sure i'm not looking at the calendar again like oh look no the

00:12:35.740 weekend that i i i'm really committed to you saying oh look so there you are you're like you're

00:12:42.400 like you're like oh look no it's just me high on lsd that you feel the need gushing blood on the

00:12:49.940 six train yeah well i want to get into this because while we're in let this not to force

00:12:54.160 a structure but while we're in the reflective phase of the bleed can we spend a little more

00:12:57.840 time talking about bleeding because i love it will never fail to shock me every now and then

00:13:04.980 i zoom out and i go oh so profuse bleeding that's non-stop for days got it and i've always been a

00:13:12.000 heavy of course you have no it's so sometimes it's so typical of you to be a heavy bleeder

00:13:16.660 i gush like i just violently it's funny because you don't maybe that's where you

00:13:21.460 excrete because we know that you're constipated permanently right so maybe you know what we know

00:13:27.360 you're constipated right so maybe it's through the blood that's private well you talk about

00:13:32.100 all the time no i don't wait are you teasing no it's not actually private it's known no of course

00:13:38.020 i've i've outed myself as chronically constipated but you haven't you have very i didn't think i

00:13:43.200 making a transgression there's no confirmation needed i know continue oh my god you are on it

00:13:49.120 but i bleed no no but i bleed because here's the thing technically i i am too but i'm wildly like

00:13:54.340 only terrified of like you're what wildly premenstrual as well oh sorry okay yeah right 0.59

00:13:59.920 so technically i'm on edge too but i'm fucking suppressing it out of fear okay because i don't 0.98

00:14:05.200 want you to abandon me i'm sorry i don't like the grin i would never abandon my sick face i would 0.87

00:14:11.660 never i would never abandon you and you're so free to be i'm not proud of my mood right now 0.97

00:14:17.980 but it's um no it's good it's good it forces me to face shit you know it's exciting okay i mean

00:14:23.900 what what's well just rest in the safety of knowing i love you and that i'm not going to 0.80

00:14:28.560 abandon you and i'm not mad at all by the way i'm wearing like a bleeding strap this is like a

00:14:34.440 schmata from the 80s that my mother it's so cozy to hear you say schmata because that's like you 0.79

00:14:39.560 know a jewish i guess yiddish my mother says it i've never heard it come from your mouth

00:14:44.100 yeah it's funny when those words just roll out i love it because yeah it's one of the few things

00:14:52.180 that when i was hideously depressed okay made me feel like i was alive yeah the bleeding made me

00:14:58.720 feel like i was alive bleeding like my body is chugging along even if i'm just lying there yeah

00:15:04.060 it's kind of cool like it's still doing something life finds a way one of the first like i'm

00:15:09.480 thinking about because like getting a period's always like oh this is terrible it's like i'm

00:15:13.800 recalling one of the first times i ever heard it referenced as a good thing which was like

00:15:17.060 my aunt or something being like who's like always very naked and like walking around and being like

00:15:21.900 oh i finally got my period i feel so much better and i was like probably six like i was very young

00:15:28.540 but i remember just being like that sounds cool yeah and sometimes very rarely but sometimes the

00:15:33.540 period is accompanied with relief oh well you know for the mood sufferers the greatest relief in the

00:15:38.800 world i know i need to drop an egg right now that's actually not what's happening i guess

00:15:42.560 but i need to though i know it is well this is the thing that happened to me on the playground

00:15:47.500 dropping the lining i'm sure i've told you on the playground as a child like two girls were like do

00:15:53.160 you know what getting your period is like do you know what and i was like yeah um so every month

00:15:57.040 the body prepares to potentially fertilize an egg and then the uterine lining is shed okay that's

00:16:02.600 what my mom told me right and so the period is the uterine lining being shed they're like no it's when 0.99

00:16:07.620 you bleed from your vagina you fool you know and I was shamed I mean you gotta you know you gotta 0.99

00:16:14.040 know your audience you gotta too smart for her own good I mean that's such a self-aggrandizing 1.00

00:16:18.280 story but honestly why would you tell any other kind about yourself I mean just you know whatever

00:16:22.640 but yeah I think I'm more stuttered over trying to say something about the body preparing whatever

00:16:26.580 it doesn't matter who cares okay yeah but I'm just saying right now I need to I feel like my

00:16:30.140 mood will break as soon as I gush blood I believe so as well because the moment that you actually 0.97

00:16:34.840 it breaks right i mean it's like or the moment that the bleed comes is the moment it fucking

00:16:39.720 gave up the ghost that's not the right expression but like it's like okay i guess we're not getting 0.72

00:16:45.760 pregnant okay okay it's like the uterus throws up its hands drops everything yeah yeah send it out

00:16:53.360 boys you know what i mean yeah clear it out okay but but but yeah so i i do feel like it's this

00:17:01.020 relief and then i kind of yeah i was able to kind of like the period only becomes gross

00:17:06.220 the moment it touches the sanitary pad slash agreed anything disposable really right because

00:17:13.960 like i don't even think the period is gross when it like bleeding through jeans to me is like such

00:17:18.240 a like like so fabulous in a way the satisfaction kind of yeah it's really carnal and like i think

00:17:24.140 i just bled through my jeans and then like obviously it's like oh no did i bleed through

00:17:27.200 my jeans and you check like you lean down on the subway and glance between your own legs and you're

00:17:31.440 like yeah i did okay and it's like it's kind of like impressive that it moves through denim you

00:17:36.580 know what i mean yeah and soaks through mattresses in 45 minutes i mean i like how do we have anything

00:17:41.980 how do we have any possessions how do i have anything at all and there's nothing more depressing

00:17:46.720 than i hate bleeding on my bed it's just devastating i pretty much got it down now it doesn't happen

00:17:51.940 anymore but i'm always on the edge i'm always catching it right before the worst happens yeah

00:17:57.100 I mean, I don't have that thing and I am not someone that I mean, are you familiar with this concept like putting on a pad when you know your period is coming?

00:18:05.400 Like as in in advance.

00:18:06.640 OK, that sort of thing.

00:18:08.220 Like it like blows me away.

00:18:09.480 That's the kind of like preparedness that I don't have.

00:18:12.080 Do you sleep in a tampon?

00:18:13.200 Oh, yeah, sure.

00:18:14.900 Oof.

00:18:15.240 See, I'm scared to do that because I didn't make the switch to organic tampons until.

00:18:19.940 OK, we have to go to break.

00:18:20.920 I'm so excited.

00:18:21.960 And then we'll talk about my my iconic switch to organic tampons.

00:18:25.380 Oh, I have a lot to say about that realm, okay?

00:18:27.660 Of course.

00:18:28.420 Okay.

00:18:29.200 Okay, we're going to break.

00:18:33.020 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:18:37.080 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:18:42.340 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune.

00:18:46.180 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:18:47.520 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:18:50.820 So no, I am not your guru.

00:18:54.380 And back then, I lied to my parents, I lied to police, I lied to everybody.

00:18:59.820 There were years, Ryder, where I could not say your name.

00:19:02.800 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California, interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists, whomever I can, to try to find out what actually happened.

00:19:11.640 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:19:16.240 They have had this case for 30 years. 1.00

00:19:19.000 I'll teach you sons of bitches to come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:19:22.180 Boom, boom. 1.00

00:19:23.280 This is The Red Weather.

00:19:26.560 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:19:37.540 Okay, we're back.

00:19:38.280 We're back.

00:19:38.680 Get a tampon at night.

00:19:39.820 Tell me more.

00:19:40.360 So I'll just say that I was always using, like, I was using, you know, hell tampons for forever.

00:19:46.520 And then, I don't know, two years ago, someone was like, you should only be using organic cotton because it's like, so.

00:19:52.660 bleached and by the way and i'm of course glossing over the environmental ramifications of of like

00:19:59.220 all of these products of course sorry this may come i'm probably gonna isolate a lot of viewers

00:20:04.300 here i cannot use diva cup for 400 reasons and it's literally none of your business

00:20:11.000 but okay but i'm just saying and listen and i also i don't want to be a diva cup alarmist here 0.97

00:20:17.520 scare anyone but i do i have a few friends that have had some serious fucking like uterine 0.97

00:20:22.180 prolapse shit in their 30s from not using it correctly so i just feel like there is a lot of 0.98

00:20:27.580 under education yes of the suction yeah i have a couple friends who've had real pelvic floor issues 0.98

00:20:33.140 from when the diva cup is used correctly it is safe like many things but it's pretty easy to

00:20:38.360 not use it completely correctly and i have a couple friends have had real pelvic floor issues

00:20:42.620 from it and is it the suctioning because it is a section i really squeeze it it's like you squeeze

00:20:48.260 it closed to insert it and then it opens that's like the exact same thing you do when you're

00:20:52.740 trying to like get something to suction to a window it's like you close it to remove the air

00:20:59.000 yeah right yeah doing that to your like cervix i can't really talk about the cervix without

00:21:04.080 shuddering because about throwing up immediately yeah have you touched your own cervix um so

00:21:09.700 embarrassed to say i don't think i have i mean maybe i don't know i mean you know there's no 0.54

00:21:14.140 ding dong i mean there's no ding ding when you hit it right so like you know i'm never completely

00:21:18.580 sure here comes like our episode on cervical orgasm i mean is it well there's some you know 0.99

00:21:24.380 one falling silent into marveling at the pussy i was brought back to a gynecological trauma 0.99

00:21:31.800 of you know they spray whatever on your on your cervix to look for whatever and then sorry that 0.99

00:21:37.900 was involuntary this woman was like no this woman was like this was so horrible it's like they spray

00:21:42.520 the like iodine or something to like look you know for whatever and then like numb it no to like

00:21:48.140 identify the like cancer or something you know what i mean yeah yeah spray it on whatever and

00:21:53.540 so it's like they spray it on and then she was like sort of like like someone who really enjoys

00:21:57.420 cleaning up okay she was swabbing to get the iodine off like at the end of the thing and i'm

00:22:02.420 like leave the iodine like i'm happy to have it leak out for weeks he said she was like i just

00:22:09.660 like to get it really clean and she just i kept feeling the swab no swab swab swab swab swab

00:22:16.100 is literal hell what was i doing grinning uproariously like a little angel yeah and

00:22:22.340 then i and then i can i have a consultation while i'm here i stumbled out like and like i was

00:22:27.300 incredibly nauseous i think i vomited on the street i was like do we need to go back in

00:22:31.020 i'm like wildly googling like yeah it's like it's like but yeah i love the bleed i love

00:22:36.460 bleeding through jeans i also feel like you can bleed through jeans and kind of go about your

00:22:40.540 business like that's a huge realization like you don't actually have to run home i remember with

00:22:46.180 my friend at the movies like she's like like bled through her jeans to a point of absurdity you know

00:22:50.100 what i mean like like like a nine inch like circumference okay and i was like we'll finish

00:22:55.840 the movie oh yeah oh yeah yeah but yeah the tampons like there's been a switch right like

00:23:01.420 we know now we cannot be stuffing violent cottons i had a memory to me just really quickly talk

00:23:08.560 about bleeding through traumas i just remembered in high school and this friend doesn't even know

00:23:11.840 this wow and she listens to the podcast so this is coming out live that um like 15 16 years old

00:23:18.220 sleeping over at her house woke up and there was like i hadn't like doused the sheets there was

00:23:22.980 like a quarter size they're like two quarters of blood and i discovered this like at dawn

00:23:28.620 tiptoed into the kitchen to find cleaning products. And I kneeled next to my sleeping

00:23:34.240 friend and like worked the stain out. I know. Like exercising more like responsibility than

00:23:41.240 I had ever in my life. Like that was the moment I grew up for the, like, it was like my first

00:23:44.740 reckoning with my own body and with responsibility for one's own body. Like I got the stain out,

00:23:51.120 heart pounding, fell asleep, woke up, the stain was gone. Yeah. I've gotten a few stains out and

00:23:56.300 i was deciding i was deciding whether or not to because i'm like well i succeeded in getting a

00:24:00.280 stain out so do i want to reveal myself now you know what i mean like do i want to be like so you

00:24:04.940 know how um that chair in your house is clean uh wasn't always whatever but the fear of like oh i

00:24:11.500 also constantly i'm afraid that i'm getting my period on like any person's couch oh of course

00:24:16.640 oh my god i was like swiping the bottom of my like swiping yeah just to check if something has

00:24:22.180 Sitting on your hand.

00:24:23.160 Yeah, like sitting on my hand.

00:24:24.460 Well, first of all, I've made my hand numb sitting on it.

00:24:26.960 Well, I just simply have to say, OK, because last week I said I did the first verse of

00:24:32.640 Ani DeFranco relevant to the genius.

00:24:35.220 OK, I did.

00:24:35.900 I was four years old.

00:24:36.740 They tried to test my IQ.

00:24:37.980 Well, the next verse is I was 13 years old, woke up one morning, thighs covered in blood

00:24:42.540 like a war, like a warning that I live in a breakable, takeable world, a breakable, takeable

00:24:47.220 body and never increase, never increasingly possible world.

00:24:50.240 No, no, no.

00:24:52.180 do it kate do it i was covered in blood like a war like a warning that i live in a breakable

00:24:56.560 takeable body an ever increasingly valuable body that a woman had come in the night to replace me

00:25:00.540 deface me oh my god i got it alone from the time in between my mom and some maggots

00:25:05.900 i don't need anyone to hold me i can hold my own i've got highways for stretch marks see where

00:25:12.020 i've grown okay now um okay i just i i think knowing lyrics is is actually so deeply intimate

00:25:19.820 in a way that like i simply i had to show you that that lives in me i'm like annie's 12 years

00:25:24.880 old and two more shall be a whore nobody ever told her it was the wrong way i have like sublime

00:25:28.260 lyrics that's like my sublime horrible that was the first i mean i think about those lyrics now 0.92

00:25:34.580 i was 12 years old singing those 13 like my mother had a right to be horrified and what was

00:25:39.100 the lyric you were singing i was just singing the beginning of wrong way by sublime all right

00:25:42.680 daddy's old and two more 0.99

00:25:44.920 shall be a whore 1.00

00:25:46.020 nobody ever told her it's the 1.00

00:25:49.040 wrong way

00:25:50.800 no yeah and my mother like 1.00

00:25:52.680 horrified listening and being like

00:25:54.560 what is this okay I remember

00:25:56.360 sublime I remember my mom

00:25:58.840 her ripping the CD

00:26:00.760 out of my hands I mean

00:26:02.440 it can get your it cheers me up

00:26:04.680 in a store when I hear Santeria

00:26:06.440 oh okay are you kidding if you want to turn on

00:26:08.840 Garden Grove

00:26:09.660 what about april morning down to the beach i gotta try it in the street i know every word

00:26:15.360 i know every single word of that song the only um i like launched into learning spanish by learning 0.73

00:26:20.160 um you know uh caress me down yeah yeah that's like my entry point into spanish that'll be gay

00:26:25.180 are you ready for this i visited bradley knoll's grave okay thank you for holding on like you were

00:26:31.360 holding that for a delivery it's just i think the people would be thrilled to hear that you

00:26:35.020 love sublime okay i think like that's like really important for the podcast for the people to

00:26:39.720 understand yeah wait but i couldn't find the grave because the family has it like so controlled that

00:26:43.840 i was like the long beach cemetery wow um was there like shrine elements on it or anything

00:26:48.820 or was it just sitting alone we did eventually find it and there of course was like a blunt on

00:26:53.200 it oh really like someone had like smoked part of a blunt and then like and like put it out on his

00:26:57.580 it must be funny to have your family like or like to have a family member that means something

00:27:01.520 culturally and then like that their grave is always covered with like trash of like what could

00:27:06.880 be your least favorite part of your family member's personality do you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah

00:27:11.380 of course it's like an issue wait but there's something you said that i was dying to like go 0.95

00:27:14.760 moron it was it was in the sublime realm okay not spanish wait where were you oh i know we're 0.95

00:27:19.400 talking about cotton we're talking about organic cotton we can go back to that that's fine we can 0.93

00:27:22.420 go back to the bleed anyway now i do organic cotton and i don't um this is not a paid ad but

00:27:27.900 i will just say i no longer sleep in tampons also because i was absolutely traumatized by an article

00:27:32.420 i read on toxic shock maybe like six years ago about this like gorgeous supermodel who oops

00:27:37.820 fell asleep in a tampon woke up both her legs were numb they were amputated like six hours later

00:27:42.560 all right i'm not i'm not kidding anything okay i will never recover from this and so now i go on

00:27:49.440 no i'm just gonna say i no longer sleep in a tampon but i do love like finks period underwear

00:27:54.340 and I want free ones now

00:27:55.520 because they're not cheap, sweetheart.

00:27:57.020 I was one of the first people to buy Thanks.

00:28:00.260 Oh, wow.

00:28:00.860 I have no clue.

00:28:02.060 I just mean I saw the ads and purchased immediately.

00:28:04.900 I guess now there are more styles.

00:28:07.700 There's like a million brands.

00:28:09.060 And there's a few more.

00:28:09.940 I saw, actually, I was reading last night

00:28:11.360 an article talking about like Motibody or something.

00:28:15.500 There was a series on that I'm interested in trying.

00:28:17.920 But I'm kind of like, I still, okay.

00:28:20.540 The problem with the period underwear

00:28:22.000 is that the goal is to not leak through it.

00:28:24.340 to catch it yeah and i've been very impressed with how much it's no it catches it okay a fourth of a

00:28:30.380 cup or whatever okay it catches it however like if i could truly have it my own way if i were just

00:28:35.660 out in a field and my only thing was to bleed right yeah it would be to bleed onto fabric

00:28:41.160 that soaks it up but doesn't stop it like the dream would be like if i could live true

00:28:45.880 okay it would be like 30 towels and i like lay under the moonlight okay and it just soaks it

00:28:53.460 and then i toss the towels into the river or whatever okay i mean like the basin of cleaning

00:29:00.180 in the river to be clear for next time i'm picturing like you know white linen to like

00:29:04.300 really show the blood yes like if you were like lay upon the linen and then wring out the blood

00:29:10.840 into the stream and i'm picturing kind of salmon you know streaming stream being fed by it the

00:29:16.240 salmon are fighting upstream and then my blood joins the fight yeah and then a bear nearby well

00:29:21.960 also thing i mean it's like the fact that menstrual blood attracts bears is kind of like 0.99

00:29:26.180 you know just another kick in the dick for another period having gals you know what i mean 0.78

00:29:31.460 that myth like that's not real because like i remember like i went camping no i just i'm sorry 0.98

00:29:35.900 i'm interrupting myself because i was trying to be inclusive by saying period i was trying to say 0.88

00:29:39.260 people have periods and i said period having gals so i fucked it up i regalified it anyway sorry go 0.77

00:29:45.420 on go on no but i was camping and on my period and i genuinely was like will it grizzly catch me 0.97

00:29:50.500 because i'm a bitch whore you know like i actually internalized that well um but they won't someone 0.99

00:29:55.620 said to me that they used to think like that they thought oh fuck let me see if i could get this 0.99

00:30:00.960 right but the period was just like a sign of the fall from grace like it means you're not a virgin 0.95

00:30:06.880 or something it's something weird like that like back in the day whatever it doesn't matter

00:30:10.660 i don't have the thinking all right so are you ready let me just take you into the dynamic phase

00:30:14.380 but yeah i think you know what i'm not putting anything in there anymore it's not meant to be

00:30:19.280 right what do you mean no tampons just after what you just said with a toxic shock no but you can

00:30:24.760 still wear a tampon just don't wear it for more than six hours yeah but here's what i'm saying

00:30:29.100 okay if something could kill you after six hours i'm kind of like what's happening at three no

00:30:34.560 jack and you can't just why we're not i mean by the way you can do whatever you want but are you 1.00

00:30:39.660 seriously now saying you're just never going to insert a tampon into your vulva or vagina vagina 0.99

00:30:45.460 Yeah. Right. The insertion. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. You know. No. Right. Right. I know. You know the difference. Yeah. I'm more vulva focused. Yeah. I mean, who who isn't? Right. Some people. Well, no. Right. Some people are more vagina focused. You're saying. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Definitely. So I just I know the people and I don't care about the people. I mean, you know what I mean? OK. We don't we go where we go. The people go where we go. But I do want to give you the other phases. OK. Because they will free you further. 1.00

00:31:15.460 i want the phases i really do so the reflective you go into the cave you commune you meditate

00:31:21.140 and also according to some of the other books you're able to pick up like deep and profound

00:31:25.680 insights during the bleed true i truly believe that fantastic i think that is so real when you

00:31:31.280 really give into it i just want to be like squatting in the dirt kind of bleeding into the

00:31:35.580 earth and like that's what i want okay so so i really believe i'm like okay the bleed's happening

00:31:40.840 I'm going to I'm going to do that so that the other parts of the cycle, for example, dynamic phase comes next.

00:31:47.440 Approximately days seven to 13. We emerge right after you're bleeding.

00:31:52.340 Yeah. So once our menstruation starts to end, we emerge from our hibernation like state.

00:31:57.220 We're no longer sluggish. We have more energy, stamina, et cetera.

00:32:00.340 Sharper intellect. OK. Tasks we couldn't face now can be done quickly.

00:32:05.740 Clinical and logical choices, blah, blah, blah. Right.

00:32:08.180 strong urge to make changes in the world and they're like this active phase is obviously the

00:32:12.620 optimum time to start new lifestyle regimens just make changes in our life and work to start new

00:32:17.440 projects to initiate action right okay fine you know it's not the most inspiring time of the

00:32:23.320 month for me i mean like it's just i my problem with this whole thing is that i always find myself

00:32:28.040 like okay cool we're off to the workplace for seven days oh great starting new habits my favorite 0.76

00:32:33.340 fucking thing in the world right and so that's like the real like okay boys okay maybe i should 0.98

00:32:38.900 be a bitch more i'm like i'm kind of enjoying like because i feel the safety of the friendship 0.99

00:32:44.840 like oh being a bitch i feel the safety of the friendship so it allows me to animate my inner 0.99

00:32:48.880 bitch and there's something about right now like being annoyed like it's working through me right 0.99

00:32:54.180 now keep going no no i love it and you know it's going to be a goddamn shock because it's very hard 0.99

00:32:59.340 to get me there but when I'm there there's hell to pay okay so like one day I'm pooped me crying 0.91

00:33:05.680 is not that right it's like one day I'm pooped when I'm in a bad mood oh wow like it'll be

00:33:12.400 hysterical I think okay do you stomp around I'm a stomper I stomp and slam when I'm in full rage

00:33:17.660 there's that but when I am just like because such a big part of my like active ego or whatever is

00:33:24.600 like is like there's always a solution we can find a solution for this like this positive

00:33:29.380 thinking whatever that when i am like in that other state i feel like it's so it's like it's 0.98

00:33:33.900 unexpected it's like me being like yeah that fucking sucks i don't know i can't even do it 0.98

00:33:39.900 while i'm not there like it'll shock you there's no hope it's trash i don't know like yeah there's 0.98

00:33:44.920 freedom in that it's freeing it's like and so when it happens i really try to lean into it all

00:33:49.160 right that's very smart so then we got the expressive phase days 14 to 20 ovulation okay

00:33:54.440 so this is this is interesting this is ovulation okay now this is where we're starting to decline

00:34:00.740 in energy levels okay so we're less action-oriented less assertive blah blah blah okay good level of

00:34:06.500 physical energy but unlike the dynamic phase emotions and that sort of thing becomes more

00:34:11.520 important now optimum time to support projects rather than drive them okay my ideal state

00:34:17.780 and then uh to make new connections with people to create outcomes as a team rather than as an

00:34:23.720 individual it's very corporate sounding um yeah and then like the energies and abilities of this

00:34:29.260 phase define the meaning of being female okay and so i mean they're kind of saying like no but

00:34:35.460 here's the thing it's because during ovulation is when the body's looking to get impregnated right

00:34:40.220 yeah so there's all these like i've seen ted talks and stuff about like schedule the big

00:34:45.460 presentation when you're ovulating okay because you are more communicative literally like the

00:34:51.900 pheromones of your ovulation they can't say no to the big deal and then all the boys all the boys

00:34:58.180 back at the company they'll take you out for a guinness pat you on the back right right yeah

00:35:03.540 but anyway okay and then here we go all right here we go scheduling your big boardroom pitch 0.98

00:35:08.020 around like your ovulation makes me want to fucking kill myself no no i know but like lean in 0.96

00:35:15.240 and then lean out or no i don't even know what the well it's like you know sadly if you're gonna 0.99

00:35:21.700 to do this you have to you kind of have to do it in secret right well yeah they don't want to hear

00:35:26.300 it they don't want to hear about it but they should okay and their businesses would be do

00:35:30.900 better if they utilize the optimized if they welcome to this fact okay like a corporate office

00:35:39.120 is aware that people get tired at six and have to leave right yeah that's something and and if that

00:35:44.480 wasn't the case then product are they aware of that well that's why people go home including

00:35:48.740 the boss i mean because the typical work day yeah because they they they are tired unless you're at

00:35:53.440 a startup baby there till 3 a.m grinding grinding but even those optimizers technically know this

00:35:58.960 i'm just saying if they i mean no one's gonna do it and i get why there's all sorts of problems

00:36:03.340 all right when we get back we'll talk about the creative phase the one i'm most excited to

00:36:07.220 repurpose and reframe because it's what's commonly known as the premenstrual phase yes i don't want 0.80

00:36:12.140 to hear any fucking complaints about the period talk on this episode okay if you don't like it 0.92

00:36:17.700 leave. All right, sorry, we don't have to do that. All right. 0.98

00:36:24.500 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:36:28.560 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:36:33.700 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune.

00:36:37.700 It was hard to wrap your head around. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:36:42.320 So no, I am not your guru.

00:36:45.900 And back then, I lied to my parents, I lied to police, I lied to everybody.

00:36:51.340 There were years right where I could not say your name.

00:36:54.320 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California, interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists, whomever I can, to try to find out what actually happened.

00:37:03.160 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:37:07.760 They have had this case for 30 years. 1.00

00:37:10.520 I'll teach you sons of bitches to come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:37:13.700 Boom, boom. 1.00

00:37:14.800 This is The Red Weather.

00:37:18.080 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 0.67

00:37:28.800 I just want to say that something about, this makes sense with your cycles, me feeling, you know, me kind of animating the bitch today or just letting myself really go into it. 0.94

00:37:37.260 I feel like I would give really clear advice right now. 0.98

00:37:40.300 Yes.

00:37:40.640 you know like i wish i had an advice like a call-in show right now because i feel like i

00:37:43.760 would have this kind of ruthlessness i wouldn't feel as totally careful with people's feelings

00:37:49.160 i feel like i could just really give it no i exactly here's what i'm saying the pre-menstrual

00:37:54.600 what you're in right now cuts it's a hacking away of everything that doesn't belong doesn't

00:37:58.160 like is bullshit clear it out it's a clearing out kind of like monthly energy and there's even a

00:38:04.260 desire to like prepare for the bleed apparently by like clearing away everything anyway but the 0.85

00:38:08.800 so let me give you the definition and then we're going to go deep into you in it okay are you ready

00:38:12.860 okay so the creative phase already better branding for the you know whatever all right so the 1.00

00:38:18.980 expressive phase gradually flows into the phase which many women find the most difficult the

00:38:23.200 premenstrual phase again not inclusive language but whatever you're not going to find it in that 0.93

00:38:27.600 if they're talking about sinking your cycle to a corporate fucking pitch they're not going to 0.83

00:38:33.740 understand gender although some of the books not this one but the other one i read is actually 0.96

00:38:38.040 like they are inclusive great all right so we'll be promoting them all right like the dynamic phase

00:38:44.100 we are more self-oriented and we can experience a lot of active desire and drive to do things

00:38:47.920 because this is interesting premenstrual actually has some active energy to it the premenstrual is

00:38:52.700 one of the active ones okay unlike the dynamic phase this can be a phase of reducing physical

00:38:57.380 energy and stamina and of strong emotions and passions right now here's here it is our ability

00:39:02.000 to create in this phase is everything okay it can be i was really waiting for it i skipped a

00:39:09.800 paragraph because i was like oh god all right but anyway okay so here it is however okay our

00:39:15.560 ability to create in this phase is not just limited to creating things but also includes

00:39:18.200 mental creativity however be aware that our thinking process

00:39:21.440 an audible yawn just in case i know just right into the microphone um however be aware that

00:39:30.580 our thinking presses can easily get out of control making us feel anxious and fearful needy

00:39:33.980 judgmental and critical okay okay but this can be the most potent time in the entire cycle it's a

00:39:41.200 great time for using intolerance to fuel the clearing out of mental emotional and physical 1.00

00:39:46.500 debris okay i'll feel that get it out it's amazing how many women go through frantic cleaning 0.72

00:39:50.960 and tidying a few days before menstruation stopping you now last night this is completely

00:39:57.040 out of character for me at around 9 30 p.m i did all my dishes cleaned my stove swept the floor

00:40:05.580 and did some targeted mopping preparing for the bleed unheard of no it's real it's real all right

00:40:13.020 you said the cleaning thing right the mind's ability to create extrapolate and imagine makes

00:40:16.780 us a powerful time this is such a corporate term for blue sky thinking okay but and eureka moments

00:40:22.700 eureka moments is huge in the 80s in corporate culture yeah it's a filament uh yeah okay that

00:40:29.920 was me doing my edison a filament of light yeah i have no interest in robotics and i just want to

00:40:37.160 declare that now i don't care about ai i'm scared like like i'm loosely scared but like i you're not

00:40:45.460 afraid i don't know i just i'm not into like people like they have robots now that know you 0.72

00:40:50.260 better than you know yourself i'm like no shit like i just i don't turn it over i don't know i'm 0.72

00:40:55.000 i'm not interested right you're like if that's how we go that's how we go kind of or you just 0.96

00:40:59.620 don't buy it i just cannot bring myself to be that excited about technological advancement

00:41:04.820 well generally or fear you can't do the fear side either i certainly can't participate in the fear

00:41:09.980 of it because it's just like what am i gonna do you're like when it's like oh soon they're gonna

00:41:15.000 have a computer i get excited about medical stuff like sure you know oh you know trying to keep like

00:41:19.620 the parents alive as long as possible or something like and trying to hold on for dear life to my own

00:41:25.280 mortality but in terms of like and when i say interested i don't mean like the implications

00:41:30.480 or kind of like the social ramifications i just mean like i'm bored by electricity

00:41:36.380 no i understand i don't really know it's like something about like and i used to always feel

00:41:41.760 angry like because okay these are images that are really pushed down like young girls throats of

00:41:45.940 like girls can make robots right as like some kind of like elevated like the pressure to code

00:41:51.540 now as a young girl yeah the pressure to code is so violent okay it's like yeah it's like what if

00:41:57.900 we don't want to what about the theater too feminized okay yeah this like over intellectualism

00:42:03.740 or this like over this like idea about those modes of the idea that like somehow being interested in 0.84

00:42:13.780 robotics is a fucking virtue but i just got angry i just thought of like the image of like a 14 year 0.63

00:42:21.620 old girl like building a robot and like finally everyone can relax because you know and i'm just 0.99

00:42:26.460 like fuck off no no no no i i am i couldn't be more with you robots are for nerds no it's um 0.99

00:42:36.060 it's very it feels very much for the parents pride okay our daughter's into code i won't let 1.00

00:42:43.280 her have a barbie yeah okay i know wait but i'm dying to say something that was in response about 0.96

00:42:48.580 the robotics what led you to say robotics shit um what led me there oh corporate corporate oh yeah 1.00

00:42:56.240 oh yeah but yes the cleaning the getting rid of things and then your bitch attitude okay is 1.00

00:43:02.860 is one that when i'm feeling it i'm so empowered by it i'm like oh great okay i once heard a my 1.00

00:43:09.920 meds doctor say that someone else said that like women are only in their like right mind like

00:43:17.500 right before they come like it was something about like like almost like the premenstrual 0.89

00:43:25.040 it was a reframing of like we have to stop seeing premenstrual as like when women are crazy and need 0.97

00:43:30.300 to be you know strung up and and okay if they don't behave they need to be strung up and run 1.00

00:43:35.980 out of town or whatever okay it's like but like you know like stay in line like plug it up plug

00:43:42.500 it up okay it's all Carrie they yeah they yelled at Carrie when she's bleeding um yeah but it's

00:43:49.100 that same sentiment and it's like what was I saying huh couldn't tell you um by the way that

00:43:56.320 sounded I didn't mean that in like in like a rude way I meant like I meant I'm so sorry I didn't

00:44:01.520 mean I see how that was interpreted I just meant like I enjoyed it because it was it was exactly

00:44:05.400 the thing you know where i couldn't tell you i just meant i'm with you like i couldn't tell you

00:44:09.200 like i'm following you step by brick by brick yeah um i don't know i can't remember oh when i'm in

00:44:17.860 that state right when i'm in that state i'm like this is my truth i've gone on twitter on that

00:44:22.340 state because i'm barely on twitter i've gone on twitter premenstrual dropping things on there like

00:44:27.320 you can find it and and a lot of them love that and i'm like it's like 4 a.m and i'm like dropping

00:44:31.220 like five in a row this isn't about like strategically yeah like right one after another

00:44:35.220 and i'm like i'm gonna say it people yeah and one time i even was like i'm in a very bad mood if

00:44:39.500 anyone has any questions for me you're gonna get the truth if you ask them i that's i love that

00:44:44.700 exactly what you were like that's the exact sentiment you had before feeling that's like

00:44:49.340 i'm about to tweet like robots to me pass you know like overemphasis on technology is you know

00:44:59.400 a lie right I'm the Jenny Holzer of period culture yeah home design is a trap no no yeah I'm like

00:45:08.920 I'm like because I'm not in it right now I'm not in it despite you know being premenstrual like I

00:45:13.120 don't have it yet and like that thing in me but when I will when I do I'm gonna like straight up

00:45:18.980 be like get evidence like I'm gonna be like all right Kate text me and it's like it just because

00:45:24.800 it feels like oh i'm stating my needs finally okay yeah and then part of the thing is like

00:45:30.220 because that's so you know it's like this because i don't have practice expressing my anger when i

00:45:36.300 do it it comes out like amateur right you know and that's always embarrassing to me like when i'm 0.98

00:45:41.780 like like i remember yelling at this guy once like um i don't want to see your fucking face 0.90

00:45:47.440 i think that's cool i know it was pretty good okay but it was like yeah it was like 0.97

00:45:53.140 sounds good and um as someone who's constantly hemming and hawing and revising my spoken

00:45:59.360 sentences halfway through and following up and prefacing prefacing and aftering you know to

00:46:05.220 make sure i was understood clearly when i'm in a state where i'm not doing that you better watch

00:46:10.540 out you better watch out i'm actually realizing sometimes also in this state i feel like simple

00:46:15.280 like how i feel kind of declarative right now like i was actually talking to someone earlier

00:46:19.480 kind of not giving them advice necessarily we're talking about a romantic issue they're having

00:46:23.580 whatever and i was like you can't expect people to be something they're not hell yeah and it's

00:46:29.260 amazing how like the simple clarity of that right now i'm like looking at my own life and i'm going

00:46:32.580 it's it's you cannot expect people to be something they're not you drop expectations of like

00:46:40.260 expectations of others what are they based on your own ideas of how someone else should be 0.99

00:46:45.280 why the fuck you're literally just breeding resentment who the fuck do you think you are 0.98

00:46:50.060 for yourself why do you think that you get to define what anyone else i'm sorry but it's time 1.00

00:46:54.460 to put down the magnifying glass and pick up the fucking mirror folks honestly yes okay shut the 0.99

00:47:02.100 fuck up but keep going yes like okay keep going no no i just like no no go you felt like you had 1.00

00:47:10.140 a realization a profound realization that like shut the fuck up is the key philosophy that's 1.00

00:47:15.240 all you need because I was like saying that to myself I was like in that moment I was like we 0.98

00:47:19.380 make our lives so much harder than they need to be the other thing is like you know expectations

00:47:23.900 like I think of myself as having very low expectations of other people because I don't

00:47:29.300 expect people to call I don't expect people to make plans I don't expect any of those things

00:47:33.000 right so I think of myself it's so easy so then I'm just like when people are coming at me about

00:47:37.780 getting on the phone and I'm like I don't like getting on the phone like it's literal hell to

00:47:41.460 me oh it's just five minutes well five minutes will drain me for the rest of the day so do you 0.99

00:47:45.400 value my day or don't you you fuck you know whatever it's just why is it so hard to just 0.99

00:47:50.320 say these are my boundaries and stand by them yeah it's hard people really and this is all like 1.00

00:47:56.760 when i read five books on codependency in college okay and it changed me okay but it was like you

00:48:02.600 can establish your boundaries you can establish what you are and people can walk away oh yeah

00:48:06.940 you have to be okay with that and i'm always like i'm okay with it and the people just keep

00:48:10.840 arguing with me. I'm like, you don't like me, so leave. And they're like, but no, I want. And it's

00:48:16.080 like, yeah, you want me according to your terms. Yeah. Like, I'm not saying you have to stay. I'm

00:48:20.060 not saying accept me and stay. I'm saying like, this is what I have to give. You know what I mean?

00:48:24.860 Like I have ADD. I don't pick up the phone. I live on do not disturb. Literally. My phone does not

00:48:30.020 ring. If it does, it's a fuck up because the doctor was calling and I turned it off for one 0.96

00:48:34.380 second. Like, that's how I live. And yeah, people like get really annoyed. And it's like, that's on 0.98

00:48:39.820 them here's the way I kind of think okay I tend to think I have certain things about me that I'm

00:48:45.500 not or can't change I accept the consequences but they don't want to because they want the good

00:48:52.800 stuff without the bad stuff you know yeah it's hard because well also if you were someone who

00:48:59.180 was like super isolated and had and had no and like didn't nurture connection or relationship

00:49:04.100 that would be one thing but you are capable of that right so it's like yes you know there's a

00:49:08.680 there's a reading of what you're saying is like oh but then you're just in isolation right or like

00:49:13.460 we can't come to like the kind of the tragedy of being alive oh i don't know if this is a tragedy

00:49:18.560 being alive it's just the truth of like the importance of intimacy and connection and like

00:49:22.240 like you can't meditate for 600 years alone in a cave on top of the mountain like that actually

00:49:26.940 doesn't bring revelation like you're in the world for a reason yeah it's like we actually come to

00:49:31.560 learn of ourselves more deeply through connection like we need it and so no absolutely i'm not

00:49:37.140 saying like like well the other thing is for example it's like but I want to be in touch with

00:49:41.500 you and I'm like okay well guess what I'll text you all day long let's just say for example you

00:49:46.900 can be in complete touch with me all day long I will give you my emotional like everything I have

00:49:51.580 to give emotionally you know I'll give you right and they're like but I want the phone and it's

00:49:57.920 like you know what I mean like they just like don't accept it and so it's like that's the thing

00:50:02.460 Like I have certain things that I believe I give that I do think are superior or what

00:50:07.440 it is superior, but balance out for the others.

00:50:09.860 Right.

00:50:10.300 So like, cause you're very on the phone, like for me, like needing to talk to you or something,

00:50:13.980 but do you feel, because I feel like I'm in the rhythm of talking with someone like you.

00:50:17.840 Okay. 0.66

00:50:18.240 And this was the genius of you starting poop. 1.00

00:50:20.260 I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, bitch. 1.00

00:50:22.820 If you're in with me every day, I'm used to you. 1.00

00:50:25.760 You're like, you're like a chair.

00:50:27.720 So you're not, you're not the external, like forcing your way into my consciousness.

00:50:32.040 Right.

00:50:32.400 you just got to get in and once you're in my water you're in okay and honey let me say the

00:50:36.100 water is warm again if you miss a couple weeks you might feel almost like you might feel like

00:50:41.440 there's some resistance like it's like because suddenly i get the only way i can describe it is

00:50:44.960 like scared again but we always get back though oh yeah but it's just like there's plenty i'm

00:50:50.000 willing to offer i also like you know i also have like a emergency clause like of course you're not

00:50:55.900 a monster it's like you know i'll drop everything whatever absolutely okay but my rhythms in order

00:51:01.940 to do any like I remember in college this one guy was like you're a terrible friend and I was like

00:51:06.640 I am working so hard like literally just to survive the basics of like eating sleeping and

00:51:12.260 doing the homework you know very depressed whatever and like yeah that's all I can do and

00:51:17.260 what it happened I remember this guy was like called a couple times I can call back run into

00:51:21.180 him on campus and he's like chatting or having a great time because of course me I'm like the

00:51:24.840 fool with no memory who's just talking to him and like do you want to get something to eat and like

00:51:28.900 we go we get something to eat you know it's a good time and then like towards the end after 0.99

00:51:32.960 we're walking back he launches into like how i'm a bad friend and all this kind of stuff

00:51:36.520 and i was kind of like i'm sorry like i'm not going to participate in this play where i'm a

00:51:41.380 bad friend like you're not owed anything for me yeah you're just conflicts is not abuse you're 0.99

00:51:45.240 not fucking owed shit motherfucker okay yeah like you know like when did like okay you defined the 1.00

00:51:50.660 rules of the friendship apparently in your head of what it should look like and that's the thing 1.00

00:51:54.040 because it also it's it's a willful denial of someone else's being when i'm saying i hate being

00:51:59.840 on the phone and the other person does not care then i'm then i am the teat right you know it's

00:52:04.980 really hard yeah because i know i've made you my teat at times but like it's also it's so it's like

00:52:10.500 our life's work in so many ways in relationship whatever kind of relationship it is it's so hard

00:52:16.000 to recognize the other as truly other like other people actually don't think like you like you know

00:52:20.640 It's like, oh, other people don't think like you.

00:52:23.640 They don't have the same experiences or perspective or feelings or histories.

00:52:26.800 So it's like, that's truly hard to remember sometimes because we're constantly, I say

00:52:32.340 we, I get into the trap of overthinking, interpreting other people's behaviors or feelings or, you

00:52:38.300 know, and it's like, you have no idea what cognitive behavioral therapy, mind reading.

00:52:43.700 Similarly, if you actually want to engage and have relationships, you have to realize

00:52:47.700 other people are not you and that they're completely separate from you.

00:52:50.640 and that way someone you can engage in people's boundaries and go oh you don't like that yeah i

00:52:55.140 really need this either i can say hey are you capable of giving this to me and you have right

00:53:00.280 that's what consent is you can say i can't give that to you i can and then you can go well then

00:53:05.040 i'm gonna go find that elsewhere or you can say i'm now i know the limitations of this relationship

00:53:09.520 and now i can approach it with new perspective and that's like where where i anyone wants to

00:53:14.760 call me directly for advice my number is 214-625-55 i would never do that on air and they

00:53:20.180 stand but but i've noticed that they just stand there going no i want it my way which is a real

00:53:25.660 feeling we all have at times yeah and you know but but and i i'll probably get a lot of hate i'll

00:53:30.760 probably get a lot of hate now for this because people will be triggered remembering like you 0.99

00:53:34.940 know the friends in their life that are like me well fuck you i guess i am coming into my face 0.98

00:53:40.080 here i want to say like i want to say a quick thing which is like very just like poog whatever 0.99

00:53:46.200 me but like so now that i'm kind of like a bitch today and i'm loving it and also kind of the 0.75

00:53:51.040 realizations i've had in the last three days about myself in life like now i'm like i should 0.74

00:53:54.120 write a book you know it's like i have like a series of revelations and then i'm like well

00:53:58.320 here's my book yes you know and i suddenly feel like i'm an expert and that i have i mean the

00:54:02.920 grandiosity is well write it shocking because here's the good news i'm like i'm gonna write

00:54:08.340 a book called the war on solitude well we have to wrap we have one of the greatest books i ever 0.89

00:54:13.440 read it's a manifesto um fuck it's about being alone and it's genius okay what is it it's called 0.85

00:54:20.040 like alone the a manifesto okay i'm gonna find it it's huge there's a hysterical thing about 0.99

00:54:27.320 woman passing a ship in the night and turning off her little light after being a sea for like two

00:54:31.860 years and then just turned off her own light so they wouldn't see her so they wouldn't see her

00:54:37.240 all right oh my god send it to me now okay enjoy everyone this was great and by the way here comes

00:54:41.420 the energy of the bleed. Okay, bye. That was Pug. If you enjoyed Pug, please subscribe,

00:54:47.560 rate, and review. If not, we will press charges.

00:55:11.420 I lied to everybody.

00:55:13.240 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:55:16.180 I'm going back to my hometown

00:55:17.420 to uncover the truth.

00:55:20.000 Listen to The Red Weather

00:55:20.920 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:55:23.280 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:55:26.060 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:55:28.600 Guaranteed human.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - April 20, 2021

The Bleed

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