Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Teeth and Taxes

00:00:00.000 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:00:02.580 Guaranteed human.

00:00:04.420 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:00:08.020 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:00:11.960 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:00:15.780 No, I am not your guru.

00:00:19.420 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:00:21.720 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:00:24.660 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:00:28.200 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:00:30.800 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:00:34.320 If you're from the Bay and grew up on the JV Show,

00:00:37.040 then you know Wild 94.9 runs deep in your DNA.

00:00:40.320 Yeah, Wild 94.9 has been the Bay's number one hit music station for years.

00:00:44.500 And every morning we're bringing you the biggest hits, laughs,

00:00:47.720 we've got the biggest giveaways, the day's top headlines,

00:00:50.340 and everything trending in the Bay to start your day.

00:00:52.560 It's all on the JV Show weekday mornings on Wild 94.9.

00:00:55.540 And if you're busy in the morning, you can catch the JV Show podcast anytime, anywhere.

00:00:59.420 Just save Wild 94.9 and the JV Show podcast as your top iHeartRadio preset.

00:01:05.100 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:01:06.560 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:01:07.660 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:01:12.400 Two untameable intellects.

00:01:14.160 This is our hobby. 0.93

00:01:15.020 This is our hell.

00:01:15.860 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:01:18.160 This is POOG.

00:01:19.580 Today's topic, loosely speaking.

00:01:21.020 Jaw tension.

00:01:22.440 Proficient in Excel.

00:01:24.100 Natural deodorant.

00:01:25.540 Okay, I'm ready to say that I'm experiencing extreme jaw pain yesterday and today.

00:01:33.120 And it really hurts.

00:01:35.140 And one of my greatest fears that I haven't probably thought about in months,

00:01:38.560 but think about it constantly,

00:01:40.800 is that one day I'll have to have the surgery where they break your jaw and reset it.

00:01:45.080 I haven't heard about that particular procedure.

00:01:47.760 Okay, so they break your jaw.

00:01:50.640 But why?

00:01:51.180 Right, and then reset it, and then you look different.

00:01:53.060 And I had a family friend's son who had that surgery done and it's, it's an imprint and imprinted me and I carry it with me and I constantly fear it. I've had jaw trouble forever and I just have ignored the pain for a while. I had a bike guard made for $400 million that my insurance wouldn't cover. And then I took it home. It immediately hurt. I was like, cool. And then I brought it back in and they were like, oh yeah, that's not going to work.

00:02:20.620 and so that was pain that i that was an emotional it hurt no it was like it was um the bottom was

00:02:28.220 the doctor the dentist who i actually love lucio kim hello yeah um the dentist who

00:02:34.480 did you say his name yes oh sorry is that safe for his privacy yeah i'll send him business i've

00:02:39.640 sent him lots of business i didn't hear a shout out or something i just like it's sort of tumbled

00:02:43.080 into it lucio kim and glendale shout out he completely convinced me that i needed to floss

00:02:48.220 my teeth twice a day once a day is not enough because you need to break up the bacterial cycle

00:02:52.240 you have to every 12 hours interrupt that hugely helpful and i have research now from my uncle

00:02:57.880 shout out to uncle jeff that and this is terrifying but also you know knowledge is power that there's

00:03:04.700 serious periodontal disease in your family i'm sorry i'm excited there's a lot of evidence now

00:03:10.800 pointing between dementia and gum health and something about the bacteria that goes inside

00:03:17.420 throwing myself off the building. You may still hear my voice. It's because I took the microphone

00:03:20.600 with me. I am on the floor. But listen, let this be a sign that this is also empowering because we

00:03:26.280 can floss, right? We have the power to floss. Is there time? There is time. And I can tell you

00:03:30.460 that because for your, no, it's not too late. It's not too late, but we need to be flossing.

00:03:34.560 I hate to say it. I'm going to say it again, twice a day, every 12 hours. That's what they say.

00:03:39.100 That's what you need to really break up the bacteria. Okay. I'm very excited. And I'm going

00:03:42.640 to say these things so you don't forget i want to talk about periogen periogen okay it's um

00:03:47.840 it should be poog's new sponsor two i want to talk about the breaking of the jaw and your belief that

00:03:52.780 that surgery is coming for you okay because i i don't want to hold on to that belief your belief

00:03:58.360 that i'm going to break down okay i i generously listened and didn't interrupt as much as i wanted

00:04:03.240 to interrupt your absurdity okay so much today first of all you can name one person who got

00:04:09.940 that surgery if you did a survey you could name 700 close personal friends who have severe jaw

00:04:16.820 issues okay okay you're right but so you're not alone for one this isn't you're not special here

00:04:21.640 okay okay thank you no what i mean is i mean i sorry i don't mean you're not special in the um

00:04:27.340 in the alt right i know you think i'm special couldn't be friends with you if we weren't

00:04:32.200 If you didn't, you know, what I mean is jaw pain is a major problem for a lot of people.

00:04:40.600 And so it's unlikely to me that you're a candidate for an outrageous surgery I've never even heard of.

00:04:46.380 My greatest fear is that I have this vision of myself in the supermarket and I'm facing I'm facing the wall.

00:04:53.440 I'm perusing. Let's just say it's pasta. Right. I'm looking.

00:04:56.780 And then a friend wheels by. They hear a familiar voice. Oh, it's Kate.

00:04:59.940 they kate they go to tap me on the shoulder i turn around it is me and they go oh i'm sorry

00:05:04.640 i thought you were my friend and i go no it is me like i just had that image and i just want to say

00:05:10.420 this is kind of a kind of a hilarious friend kate berlant not yeah and then i go no it is me i am

00:05:15.500 kate and then they go oh god i go yeah i probably haven't seen you in years i had to have my jaw

00:05:20.040 and they recognize you like you go like you do any of your like you're still doing the eye cross

00:05:24.680 huh yeah i um sorry that's a fear but i just mean the comedy of your various facial expressions

00:05:30.700 would transcend a new jaw thank you thank you i don't want to have to break my face but i

00:05:35.860 very quickly just a little kind of fun horrifying artifact of me being raised in los angeles

00:05:40.480 is that my parents took me to an orthodontist when i was i was probably like the seventh or

00:05:45.200 eighth grade talk about the jaw stuff and the orthodontist you know had this print out of my

00:05:49.540 face and he was talking about the jaw and then i guess he's pitched to my parents they could

00:05:53.360 squeeze in a nose job or a chin job they were like there was unless we get we get her under there

00:05:58.160 we shave down the jaw a little they truly pitched the orthodontist pitched pitched an opti and sorry

00:06:05.980 an opt-in they could do an add-on with the chin job first of all that's not even their domain i'm

00:06:11.800 sorry i know they're going to the job but honestly the chins as far as away as the nose and i don't 0.51

00:06:16.060 think they're an ent are they was it a nose job they pitched i think it was a it was a chin job 0.95

00:06:20.380 and god bless my parents they never took me back to that doctor good now did they tell you at the

00:06:24.940 time that this occurred a little upsettingly close to that age i think i remember years later

00:06:30.020 my dad kind of like oh my god that orthodontist who said we should get you a chin job or something

00:06:34.720 and i of course was like what do you mean and so that was hard but i remember my mother way i just

00:06:40.280 want to say about this okay i remember being in the orthodontist chair okay i too went and i feel

00:06:44.860 like I begged to go but whatever um and they first were going to correct my underbite no overbite

00:06:52.400 like bring the lower jaw forward a couple millimeters right and so to do that they make

00:06:58.440 a retainer that forces me to really jut it out right all the way under like like a full like

00:07:03.780 basically past the front teeth right the retainer does that to me okay yeah and then you know and

00:07:09.300 my mom's like that's not what her profile is gonna look like right okay my mom was like she

00:07:15.340 has a beautiful profile I'd like to maintain or something she didn't say I like to maintain that

00:07:20.000 sounds like me okay but like I don't know she was just like wanted to make sure they weren't

00:07:24.620 marring me yeah for this like and it was like no that's it that's the over pronouncement for the

00:07:30.660 sake of you know retraining the muscle and then it's going to settle back to a normal place

00:07:34.820 um well the problem for with orthodontary for me okay yeah is you know they send you off when they

00:07:42.580 finally get the braces off they send you off into the world with maybe a rubber guard okay that they

00:07:47.560 tell you to wear to maintain the thing you never hear from them again okay yeah they make no they

00:07:51.900 don't come back at you after a year and say how's your guard do you need a new one okay they treat

00:07:56.000 it whether they they act like the change is there for life and this guard is an afterthought and

00:08:02.780 And guess what? The very moment you leave the orthodontist.

00:08:05.660 OK, it's like I've been dying since the day I was born, Lisa Loeb.

00:08:08.280 OK, the moment you leave the orthodontist is the beginning of the teeth returning to their original form.

00:08:13.040 See, and this brings up that you're exactly right.

00:08:15.040 And it brings up so much anxiety for me of the way that I feel that life is so impossibly worse.

00:08:20.920 It's so barely held together. And like we were never safe.

00:08:25.560 Right. We're never actually held by any structure.

00:08:28.180 It's like the government, needless to say, isn't there for us.

00:08:31.380 but it's like our parents die everyone dies we die our bodies break down it's like are you

00:08:36.780 absolutely kidding me so we're all we're doing is grasping we're sliding down the cave walls

00:08:44.560 and we're holding on our nails are ripping off our skin's ripping off and then there's and there's

00:08:50.080 nails from previous as well there's infinite nails from the previous previous your nail is popping

00:08:54.760 off on someone else's nail that's on a yes and then they go just float just fall and so i'm

00:09:01.160 supposed to just free fall with gratitude which is what i've been practicing lately to to eternal

00:09:06.880 i mean to constant death exactly so i'm supposed to free fall and be grateful on the way down

00:09:11.800 and yet and now i'm just getting flooded with images of paperwork and taxes oh well the paperwork

00:09:17.260 it's just some the paperwork and i think so much of the way i see myself and this is something i

00:09:23.060 need to carry this is something i have to work on is like the way that i am terminally unable to

00:09:30.400 address the kind of facts of life of paperwork right of bills of these things the way that that

00:09:35.640 crushes my spirit in a way and was so pathetic is i think i'm like oh that crushes everyone's

00:09:40.360 spirit right like there's no some people are super are truly perverse and they like get off on that

00:09:46.060 or they're just or i i envy them they're able to do it in fact i have friends like that i see them 0.99

00:09:51.020 And they're opening the bills and they go, oh, damn. 0.96

00:09:53.160 Or they go and they're able to address it in this way that doesn't crush them. 0.99

00:09:57.340 Well, I heard you.

00:09:57.820 I heard you.

00:09:58.800 OK, be one of these people to me where you were like, got to get the taxes together.

00:10:02.580 And even that sort of trope of someone even complaining about taxes, but they're still

00:10:07.720 within the realm of people who are like handling it on time.

00:10:10.120 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:10:11.100 To me, it's the modal space of resentment of the thing by which they are letting us

00:10:18.240 all know they are a participant in it.

00:10:20.060 Right.

00:10:20.260 so it's sort of tax time again i'm so sorry because i was probably trying that on as a way

00:10:24.560 to kind of like pretend you know like i wanted to see what that felt like and by the way when i say

00:10:30.220 oh tax time i mean what that means i'm ignoring emails from my accountant right that i've

00:10:34.780 delegated that to someone else because it's almost like i would rather i feel so inept and so unable

00:10:39.960 to deal with that that world is so terrifying to me and soul crushing that like i'm one of those

00:10:47.000 people who would be scammed like i'm one of those people that those services could bleed dry

00:10:52.680 you mean like if you sign up for turbo tax um like gold or something not specifically them but

00:10:59.080 like whatever turbo flash okay okay meaning meaning a ripoff or a fake right yeah okay i

00:11:05.980 know nothing of turbo tax but but but for example did you hear that click i wonder if that actually

00:11:10.120 popped up on the recording oh god sorry i heard pure uh pure microphone silence okay keep going

00:11:17.740 okay this is humiliating you know when my jaw audibly cracks okay i'm like

00:11:23.080 hollywood meetings okay where where i where and this is it doesn't happen at home because i guess

00:11:30.880 i don't do the following at home okay which is a full performative jaw drop of an expression

00:11:37.480 in response to what the young executive has said right they're like we're actually developing

00:11:43.600 something with Celine Dion oh okay and I go okay and I do it with such force it's not a loud snap

00:11:51.840 I'm truly talking about that or I've almost had to acknowledge it okay I mean is that not humiliating

00:11:58.100 is that not a reveal of all like ringing out in a in a echoey room it's my right and I'm only

00:12:05.300 remembering it now because i in the moment i push it down right okay i can't tolerate what has just

00:12:11.380 happened so i push it down and then i forget and then wake in the night but anyway anyway i was

00:12:15.720 saying something else i was saying taxes anyway taxes okay turboflax okay etc you could get scammed

00:12:21.720 as could i because the absolute disempowered belief okay that we have about our ability to

00:12:27.880 navigate you know the forms of our government etc right i mean the physical forms the paper forms

00:12:33.500 right my super bill for my therapist i mean literally have you seen a w9 have you seen a

00:12:37.820 w2 they're inscrutable and by the way that's the word and they always say they always go oh don't 0.62

00:12:43.940 worry like they're made to confuse you like i've had an accountant say that or someone be like

00:12:47.500 well they make it hard and i'm like well now i that's a system i definitely don't want to

00:12:51.040 participate in because i know i'm never going to understand so why even bother like there's

00:12:54.700 completely oh god like truly this is bringing up my therapy super bill okay let's keep going keep

00:12:59.740 going wait therapy super bill like the super bill to to um submit to my insurance to be like okay

00:13:06.480 you won't cover this therapist totally but maybe you'll cover a certain percentage well that's also

00:13:10.580 where they where you get where most people it's the it's like you know 60 day warranty well no

00:13:15.040 one's gonna send it back they're too lazy okay okay it's the same principle wait i forgot i see

00:13:21.360 this is my adb i don't remember what that metaphor was connected back to literally taxes and then

00:13:26.480 it's impossible right oh no but but wait no but there was some the confusion the no one will do

00:13:30.960 it oh right there oh no super super okay super bill yes so like that's exactly the kind of thing

00:13:37.060 okay for example me getting my antidepressants at the meds town okay yeah sorry at the pharmacy

00:13:41.900 it's like oh and the insurance isn't covering it because they needed prior authorization for

00:13:45.300 the new year blah blah and it's like well you know if you save the receipt okay you save the

00:13:50.000 receipt and you mail it in uh-huh okay you can tell them what happened and blah blah blah it's

00:13:55.720 or die i once did it would sooner write a novel complete a novel literally because at least with

00:14:02.340 the novel there's there's no forms okay it's you in a blank page okay it's direct but the point is

00:14:08.680 once i did it this is what i want to say okay i reject these things profoundly i've operated on

00:14:12.940 the belief of being behind on my taxes for years filing extensions every year yeah literally okay

00:14:17.820 every year on the tax day me too doesn't everyone well no i guess not everyone does no some people

00:14:22.660 that's where you start hearing about them like like jan one being like better get last year's

00:14:27.100 taxes together because you see you end the year so technically you start preparing last year's

00:14:32.100 taxes you see what i'm saying by the way no i don't understand but i'm gonna shake but i'm

00:14:36.180 nodding i'm going yeah but i can't even hear it so basically because you know taxes in april right

00:14:42.900 they're about the previous year and by the way i've been hung up on that so many times i'm like

00:14:49.400 oh it's last year so and and who are these so so everyone has file cabinets is that what i'm

00:14:55.480 supposed to believe everyone has really intricate file cabinets and everyone has their labeling

00:15:00.240 system and and and they're making notes and they keep a ledger am i supposed to have a private

00:15:05.160 ledger of that i'm doing and and by the way and i do panic like yesterday your receipts into a

00:15:11.200 little binder or or like last night i emailed a little job that i convinced myself i hadn't been

00:15:16.380 paid for and i emailed and i was like like i was pissed right it was like 9 p.m i was like

00:15:20.860 hi just circling back on this like wanted to know and then immediately the woman responds

00:15:26.280 immediately the woman responds oh my god we put the check in the mail did you not receive it and

00:15:30.700 then i'm immediately the fool i probably did it's not a huge amount of money but it's like i probably

00:15:34.960 did receive it cash it and forgot and so then i have to be the one who's now bringing them

00:15:39.180 angrily information where's my check chances are i've already spent it right so it's like

00:15:44.200 and then so i responded i go you know i'll double check on my end no i'm not i'm not going to on my

00:15:49.680 end because what is my end my end are piles of hell you look me in the toilet for a pile of mail

00:15:53.960 by the brochures you buy something the brochure where do you put that well manuals no i have a

00:15:58.640 pamphlets manuals man the manual appliance throw away the whole appliance i would sooner throw away

00:16:04.580 the whole appliance what about the box of the appliance people breaking down boxes that's

00:16:08.560 people that have the strength to break down boxes i'm sorry okay but chris he breaks down the boxes

00:16:12.900 around here and it's it takes a courage and a fortitude i don't understand the best i can do

00:16:18.700 is pile boxes inside of each other like a russian doll that to me is containment okay but wait wait

00:16:25.560 i want to trace this back because there was a lot sorry yeah there's a lot yeah no and i was loving

00:16:29.560 it all okay they were all rich sources they were meals and one of them's gonna spoil on me okay

00:16:33.700 overheating in my fleece because i i just want to quickly say that this is a fleece a j crew fleece

00:16:40.220 that I chipped my tooth I have a chipped tooth because of this fleece I'll just say quickly it

00:16:44.620 was on sale and I was so excited it was half off I ran over to John Early who was in the store it

00:16:49.740 was hanging off the hanger and I was holding up the fleece shaking with joy because it was half 0.80

00:16:53.920 off and I said yep I said no I said half off bitch and then at that moment one of the wooden 0.99

00:17:01.120 heavy duty yes sides of the hanger came flinging out of the fleece knocked me right in the tooth 0.89

00:17:06.240 and a very small chip and I'm fine I still have it I mean it's barely there it's a tiny

00:17:10.120 little ruffle that's gone but i chipped my tooth i chipped my tooth i have questions and i'm sorry

00:17:15.400 and i know people don't understand my need for certain details okay was the hanger wooden yes

00:17:19.760 yes i believe it would it wasn't by chance the one at the front of the rack which is the

00:17:26.020 i'm about to grab one you know what i'm talking about where it's like suspended shoulders i'm

00:17:32.380 literally i'm controlling myself from getting up and getting one that i recently acquired okay

00:17:37.200 because I know and it's I know it's radio I want the people to know it's radio and by the way Kate

00:17:42.380 and I and our producer editor Theda we call this radio okay this is terrestrial radio this is

00:17:48.600 this is radio okay don't you love the term terrestrial radio it's so thrilling because

00:17:54.140 it flies through the air of course it's beautiful I interrupted you I'm clear about how I am the

00:17:59.280 same as you okay okay but some of the times that I've transcended it okay so please so for me you

00:18:04.340 know years and years and years the way my mind works to get anything done i cannot you know no

00:18:09.000 balance for me no shifting activities so it is it is i have to put aside taxes okay and file

00:18:15.140 extensions but then not pay then i've often not paid the extensions okay so it's this weird thing

00:18:19.760 where the woman who was helping me out was like you know okay so every two months you print out

00:18:24.440 a voucher okay write a check and send it what everything i'm supposed to remember three months

00:18:29.480 later okay that there's something oil change who's getting their oil change so that's one of

00:18:33.660 The utter laugh.

00:18:34.460 My car has had the light on for scheduled maintenance. 1.00

00:18:36.940 Like, fuck off. 1.00

00:18:39.000 Are you kidding me? 1.00

00:18:40.460 People are driving their cars and fixing them up.

00:18:43.060 No, no, no.

00:18:43.420 And a lot of it's unspoken, okay?

00:18:45.960 And I've often felt...

00:18:47.860 I feel lied to.

00:18:48.900 Not abandoned, betrayed, okay?

00:18:50.780 I feel betrayed.

00:18:51.360 I feel betrayed when I find out...

00:18:52.520 It's like when you said to me,

00:18:54.040 oh, you've been running home

00:18:55.680 and putting on your serums without telling anybody.

00:18:57.560 People are running home and getting their oil checked

00:18:59.020 and going, oh, when was your last oil check?

00:19:01.920 In the 80s?

00:19:03.040 what are you talking about so hang on so i'm supposed to be someone who goes

00:19:07.260 oh let me put a reminder in my calendar to get my oil checked in three months

00:19:11.500 is that what i'm supposed to do wait you're joking about three months it's not that often

00:19:16.460 right i think i'm i'm gonna look it up right now if it's if it's any more frequent than how often

00:19:22.020 do you that's a joke and the car industry's over oil changed right here oh no it's probably

00:19:28.480 mileage here i am even more alone in the world it used to be normal to change every 3 000 miles

00:19:35.520 six months every six months oh no they're saying everything every six months based on what kind of

00:19:39.980 daily mileage the numbers are falling apart on us sorry continuing i had a boyfriend who was really

00:19:45.280 into cars and he stuck the thing because my car was having a problem he stuck something in the

00:19:49.640 in you know i guess the oil tank whatever he said nothing and then he just said like

00:19:53.300 You need an oil change, sweetheart.

00:19:54.800 And I was like, what?

00:19:57.160 It was a real shock to the system.

00:19:59.620 We might cut that.

00:20:00.600 I don't want him acknowledged.

00:20:02.760 Anyway, we should get to a break.

00:20:05.240 That stays.

00:20:06.860 All right.

00:20:07.380 Sorry.

00:20:07.700 Sorry.

00:20:08.260 That stays.

00:20:09.400 Time for the ad.

00:20:10.820 Two little letters.

00:20:12.060 One endless experience.

00:20:17.960 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:20:21.340 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:20:27.340 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune.

00:20:31.080 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:20:32.420 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:20:36.060 No, I am not your guru.

00:20:39.820 And back then, I lied to my parents.

00:20:42.460 I lied to police.

00:20:43.780 I lied to everybody.

00:20:44.720 There were years right where I could not say your name.

00:20:47.680 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:20:50.120 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists, whomever I can to try to find out

00:20:55.100 what actually happened. Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:20:59.460 and not the obvious boyfriend? They have had this case for 30 years. I'll teach you sons of

00:21:05.100 to come around here and my wife. Boom, boom. This is The Red Weather. Listen to The Red Weather 1.00

00:21:12.580 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:21:20.120 and we're back the thing i wanted to say kate okay is that and this is just like you going to

00:21:29.360 yoga class and you're like this is this is it this is this is what makes me feel great and then you

00:21:33.880 know next day missing it and then never doing it again right so i have had these profound experiences

00:21:39.820 where you know so my my model has always been ignore the taxes just try to survive you know

00:21:46.240 hopefully don't get jailed right okay and and instead of turning to the form turn to the novel

00:21:51.700 and try to become a wild success so you could just pay enough to just pay it all off fines 0.98

00:21:57.380 included that's the fantasy now it's a gamble right it's a damn gamble and you live in fear 0.98

00:22:01.420 you live in fear you hope it motivates you again recently i've been like you know attempting to 0.98

00:22:07.100 get caught up and boy oh boy you know talk about surrender okay to the cave what i found was that

00:22:14.340 if i focus on trying to complete the task it's hell if i sat down and just gave myself over it

00:22:19.880 it was practically spiritual when i when i was like i'm pretty sure i just went through everything

00:22:25.160 i have from 2016 when i figured out how to download from chase no a spreadsheet okay from chase that

00:22:32.760 has all of i say 2016 because i only recently dealt with 2016 i'd do 2016 2017 2018 2019 0.95

00:22:40.300 and was really fucked up i'd be hospitalized yeah jace expects you to have printed that shit out 0.90

00:22:45.800 they don't keep the files after a certain amount stop they they toss them what is the internet 0.99

00:22:52.060 even for if not what is the internet for okay it has to go in my pop-in you know what that is i

00:22:57.060 don't have one no a pop-in file cabinet i get emails from expensify from when i was an assistant

00:23:03.000 and i botched the expensifies or no no expedient no no what's no it's expensive and i feel terrible

00:23:09.300 because the only person i've ever heard mention it you know why i'm the one who set up that system

00:23:13.240 for that woman that you were an assistant for i'm the one who set up a expensify because i tried to

00:23:17.340 use expensify i mean me in a spreadsheet i mean impossible i realized are you one of these people

00:23:23.280 some people think a spreadsheet is graph paper yes i did okay that you can write things in you

00:23:31.400 write things in you utilize the graph paper to organize information that's where i've been i've

00:23:35.840 operating from that okay when in fact it's a it's a system for manipulating data okay i mean i don't

00:23:43.280 mean manipulating you know um nefariously okay okay it's it's like it's a you put the things in

00:23:50.220 you can organize it okay but i don't mean organize it in the way you would on a sheet of graph paper

00:23:55.660 i just want to be honest i'm shutting down even just hearing i keep going i'm asking you to stop

00:23:59.580 but please i have shut down i have shut down no i know you have but i just want you to know like

00:24:03.700 one thing okay i'm gonna control it try i dare you to try yeah so let's say i i wrote down every

00:24:08.860 expense i made even that word expense i'm gone continue let's try another way okay i write down

00:24:14.220 a bunch of numbers okay in a in a column yeah and i go what are these okay what do i spend the most

00:24:22.620 on this year guess what christ i go to the top i click something and it rearranges them in order

00:24:29.100 of their size okay that's an example you can't do that on graph paper without mentally doing it

00:24:34.640 do you see barely i just like it's a it's a real mental block and i need to by the way have you

00:24:42.180 ever written on a resume am i gonna have to do ayahuasca microsoft word uh sweet proficient

00:24:47.900 wow no i'm saying it's like you know that's the thing like everyone lies

00:24:52.040 describe themselves like proficient in excel right and the entire microsoft suite and i'm

00:24:56.940 wondering if you have because you are clearly yeah i'm sure i've lied about you've never sought

00:25:00.980 out a job of that nature anyway where resume would be relevant to that personal assistant stuff where

00:25:05.520 they're like and then organize i'm like uh-oh and make the files i mean i was tasked with creating

00:25:10.720 a filing system and it was wait i have a huge i have one better example of excel and i'm gonna

00:25:15.760 bring it okay it's easy i'm gonna keep it simple okay long list of numbers it's amazing the way i

00:25:20.980 i it feels this is good for me to move through to have someone to bear witness to me to move through

00:25:25.840 your vocalized and visual

00:25:28.100 hatred. Because I get really

00:25:30.120 it brings up, it's like

00:25:31.900 really shuts me down and I feel really

00:25:33.920 angry. What's wrong is that I feel you

00:25:35.960 pigeonoling me, okay? You're othering 0.91

00:25:38.020 me as though I'm one of these Excel people. I am

00:25:39.980 not. I am you. I know that you're not

00:25:42.040 the jaw pain staring. I know that you're not.

00:25:44.520 I'm you who has

00:25:45.600 gone into the forest of Excel

00:25:48.060 and actually like discovered

00:25:49.880 transcendence. No, but you have an understanding of it.

00:25:51.940 Clearly. No, I have an understanding

00:25:53.880 of possibility, okay, within it.

00:25:55.840 okay do you have a filing cabinet do you have a filing cabinet no but i have

00:26:04.400 file cabinet box cabinet it's cabinet not cabot

00:26:08.100 and i said that because i think you were confused right file or i was deciding between file and

00:26:14.720 filing oh okay i thought i heard cabot versus cabinet okay no but but i had to catch up okay 0.51

00:26:22.340 so it's a shit show but i had to catch up whatever whatever blah blah here's my example 1.00

00:26:27.240 bunch of numbers in a column okay and guess what you get this oh you're such a fucking asshole 1.00

00:26:32.940 no i'm listening keep going some hatred i do have gentle vertigo from this morning when i woke up 1.00

00:26:37.800 we'll get to it later okay here's a simple example okay write a bunch of numbers in column a 0.63

00:26:44.340 then even there question for you bunch of numbers in column a what the hell are you talking about

00:26:50.560 what is column a for example let's just say column a was flights i took right like flights that i

00:26:56.220 paid for yes so i'm in column a i have the numbers of all the flight is that a number that people do

00:27:01.720 like i don't even know you don't mean the flight number you don't you don't mean the flight number

00:27:05.880 aa426 dl22 okay so column a there's numbers got it i'm creating a simplified stupid example okay 0.98

00:27:16.660 and then you're questioning the stupidity of it okay okay but for example and you're the one i 0.59

00:27:20.720 made about flights i'm just trying to give you the basics okay okay numbers in column a guess 0.96

00:27:25.480 what you can just go and this is a formula and this is my great my greatest pride in excel okay

00:27:30.420 okay you you write equal sign and then you write where you write it where some okay you write so

00:27:38.500 you write it in any other column you feel like it okay you write some equals the point is with two

00:27:44.740 key commands you can know the total of those numbers okay okay that's cool now it's not like

00:27:49.860 well it's like hey ever heard of a calculator no okay the point is then you throw a number in later

00:27:55.040 okay you add another flight you forgot about another dl and it knows okay and it knows and

00:28:00.060 the total on the bottom automatically changes i should hope so i should hope so i should hope

00:28:07.580 the technology is capable of doing that but i see how that can be comforting we are able to engage

00:28:12.660 do that and when your formula is working you're like i'm a hacker wait wait by the way you'll

00:28:17.940 just googling something makes you feel like a hacker but listen you're this is bringing us

00:28:22.400 something i think is really potentially deeply funny which is that years ago i attended some

00:28:26.840 seminar that was about like women in finance

00:28:28.880 i forget what it was called it was like it was like some women were like hey like this woman's 1.00

00:28:39.480 gonna come talk to us and like teach us how to like take control of like the money in our lives

00:28:42.500 and understand things and i was like yeah i was like literally okay i need that so desperately

00:28:46.500 so i go this woman was so captivating for me i decided that i was gonna buy whole life insurance

00:28:52.840 it was a full scam or it's like a full i drank the kool-aid so hard i left soaring i was like

00:28:56.920 i was like i'm gonna have money in my i'm saving for my retirement and i i you know yes and i

00:29:02.400 completely went down the rabbit hole with her talked to her on the phone i don't want to say

00:29:07.600 she's a malicious person but i was i i was so captivated by the certainty in her eyes and her

00:29:13.080 little blazer that i was sure that i could finally be in control and that i was a little or was she

00:29:18.100 both okay and so and you know what i mean and and like i was just small on her small form and and

00:29:26.240 then it was life insurance she was selling life insurance but i couldn't quite grasp that and i

00:29:31.740 think and so i then called my accountant was like okay so i'm bringing on this woman and i'm gonna

00:29:36.380 to do this and they were like whoa and they were like he remember and then because i asked her on

00:29:40.680 the call at least you have an accountant yeah but i asked her on the call i was like so how do you

00:29:44.760 get paid and she was like i get paid through empowering women and i was like uh-oh you know 1.00

00:29:49.640 i had a red flag like uh-oh she was like i love to bring to let women take control of their lives 1.00

00:29:54.680 and their finances and i was like where's the fee yeah and i was like but the fee and she was like

00:29:59.240 i get 0.0 that's that you contribute and so i continue to go forward and go okay i'm gonna

00:30:05.920 to get this insurance and i i don't even know if i can say it i mean i went so far that i literally

00:30:11.180 had because to enroll in this certain kind of insurance they need to take blood to check for

00:30:16.980 pre-existing they need to take your blood and like your piss and your vitals to be like that

00:30:21.880 you're healthy you still like have the policy do you pay for each no i never did it i truly gave 0.65

00:30:27.780 the piss and the blood and then and guess what the nurse said oh i have all your dna now which 0.60

00:30:33.200 was kind of scary because i was like so you're gonna go spread that on a crime scene like why

00:30:36.860 are you saying that and then i chickened out because i talked to my accountant they're like

00:30:39.760 you do not need to be doing that all you need to do is like save like whatever and so but i

00:30:45.540 went so far and there was a moment of the certainty of where i had the golden city on

00:30:50.840 the hill of the of i understand and i i save and i know where the money goes when in reality i

00:30:57.000 hemorrhage cash on dinner and then go where the money go and it's like lately it was the

00:31:05.140 meze platter that's where it all went yeah it's because you needed to have the meze platter

00:31:08.900 and you needed it now we did because there's more flavor diversity in appetizers than there is in

00:31:14.300 the homogeneity of of a typical meal i have to remove my fleas because i'm sweating profusely

00:31:19.700 please do hey by the way i do want to understand about sweat and i want there's never i i want to

00:31:30.380 mine there's no such thing there's no such thing and i'm willing to go on air and say this there

00:31:35.060 is no such thing as a natural deodorant that works and there i said it and and and i'm completely

00:31:40.440 prepared to deal with the consequences yes okay you're gonna tell me here apply this three inch

00:31:44.760 paste to your armpits okay sure yeah that'll physically block it why not also put a piece

00:31:49.960 of vinyl on there to ruin your clothes three inch paste that'll do it yeah i'm talking about

00:31:56.040 something else and write in i want to know which brands brands are listening send me the deodorants

00:32:00.700 i will do a ruthless test but i'm completely at the end and i'm turning to dove i'm going to

00:32:06.620 secret i'll lower my life expectancy to not smell no smell i'm not trying to be cute here okay and

00:32:13.680 actually, I do have some ideas about this, but wait, Kate. Yeah. Natural deodorant is the second

00:32:19.820 biggest lie of the 20th and 21st century. It was calories in, calories out. So I'm meaning to tell

00:32:30.420 you about a product. Okay, great. Here we go. And I can't remember if it works. And I'm afraid

00:32:36.820 to tell what I've done to manage the underarm. Because I cannot with the aluminums and the whole

00:32:42.200 thing okay you just don't do it well i don't do it or i do something else so i do special occasion 0.97

00:32:47.560 like poison deodorant right i don't do that i don't i want it anywhere fucking near my pits 0.93

00:32:52.400 okay god you're i really don't okay i'm stopping now i'm stopping huge news good also um the 0.93

00:32:58.600 aluminum itself and i i'm gonna have to look this up again but it's something like the aluminum and

00:33:04.000 the deodorant is actually what causes the sweat stains okay sweat itself doesn't stain sweat

00:33:09.520 mixed with the aluminums of deodorant causes stains okay now i feel you became bored i'm

00:33:16.540 just thinking sweat stains i mean you mean staining clothes that's not really my issue

00:33:19.720 i've just like i've always been a sweater no but it's some people's issue okay and i want them to

00:33:25.360 understand this principle i want them to have yeah to feel heard too okay and i don't remember what

00:33:30.040 one was okay okay i don't want anything on that membrane i don't think it's safe i don't think

00:33:36.180 it's good okay well i did some reading all right i did some reading what do you mean you don't want

00:33:40.280 anything on that membrane well i don't even want to go there i don't want to stoke your fears are

00:33:43.480 you joking i mean the reason people don't use the poison deodorant is because they're afraid of

00:33:46.940 breast cancer i know but what membrane you mean the underarm your sweat can go out i believe

00:33:54.440 sweat can go something can go in because i brought my mom i brought this fear i i kind of have to say

00:34:00.700 is there research that the deodorant causes cancer do you know what i mean absolutely not

00:34:05.940 however we can't always wait on the researchers to do the clinical studies of pure obviousness

00:34:12.400 ever heard of talc that's true actually talc's terrifying talc they finally got it after 40

00:34:17.780 years they figured out that talc was causing cervical cancer okay and there's a massive

00:34:22.820 class action lawsuit okay okay and i might have it slightly wrong wait i have to quickly say that i

00:34:29.640 was invited to participate in a class action lawsuit against birch box oh no by the way i

00:34:38.760 can't believe it still exists what do they do i this is new york city i was like 22 okay i saw

00:34:43.560 birch box ad where was instagram even born yet i don't know and i was like oh and i signed up like

00:34:49.200 five dollars a month i got one of them i was like this is trash and i unsubscribed so i thought i

00:34:53.900 probably been charged five dollars a month since i was four but like but i got a little postcard

00:35:00.600 that was inviting me to participate of course i did not but what was there wrong what had they

00:35:04.840 done the fine print was too fine i didn't go that far but i think you didn't even want to see how 0.99

00:35:09.100 you've been fucking fucked you know like the box was poison if you touched it once poison it was 0.99

00:35:15.620 something like they weren't sending out the boxes or something i don't fucking know but deodorant 1.00

00:35:20.140 oh yeah the deodorant i was going to tell you about so i did some research okay and it's like 0.74

00:35:24.080 what's bo blah blah blah it's the bacteria feeding on the sweat etc etc etc okay sure so however we

00:35:30.660 know that violently attacking bacteria trying to strip it away okay causes problems causes more

00:35:36.520 you know this is the age of the microbiome okay we don't pour bleach down our stomach to get rid

00:35:42.540 of you know we know we need a healthy amount that's how we do it okay but the only way to

00:35:48.300 get rid of the are you googling no my hands are right here it was the eyes had fallen to a place

00:35:54.520 where i felt like i was i'm like i don't think i'm on the bottom left of her screen you are by

00:35:59.460 the way the bottom left no good that's what i need to know okay um so it's the bacteria that

00:36:05.500 causes the bo if i've let it go and i'm like particularly stress sweating while working

00:36:10.640 there's a very particular meeting and or like hardcore writing and stress that i swear the

00:36:17.420 sweats different i'm like oh god there it is i stink in this particularly because i'm not like

00:36:21.220 that much of a sweater okay now when that happens what i've taken to it and i'm sure i'll get wrong 0.98

00:36:26.260 for this okay i'm sure they'll come after me neo-fucking-sporin pop it on fucking take the 0.97

00:36:33.440 bacteria out it's gone and then i follow up with something i found online island i'll have to find 0.98

00:36:39.260 the exact product probiotic deodorant that's right you're putting bacteria on the surface

00:36:47.400 so that's a healthy surface because i read a study okay no that's not true that's a lie

00:36:51.840 i read an article yeah i read a forum post okay that they were able to cure some people's bo

00:36:59.100 by transferring the b or the transferring the sweat and bacteria from someone without bo's

00:37:05.320 underarms to the underarms of the person bo introducing the kind of good healthy bacteria

00:37:12.260 of that other person's microbiome can you do that with a friend scrape it off it's got to be a 0.99

00:37:17.880 different way it's that's like fecal implant that's like they take the shit from somebody 0.84

00:37:22.000 with a healthy gut exactly kate to retrain un be probiotic deodorant by island deodorant i think 0.69

00:37:30.100 it's called send me the link or actually hi just send me the stuff island neosporin how often are

00:37:36.200 you putting neosporin on your pits very rare okay because what i'm doing is i'm removing bacteria to

00:37:40.740 to replace with good bacteria so i don't think it's a perfect solution like you're at home get

00:37:45.820 out of here okay i take three baths a day okay i know i love to be i mean at this point quarantine

00:37:51.140 literally i am i am two plus i'm two plus i'm one to two a day now the second bath because

00:37:58.720 daylight bath love real rejection of the world as it turns okay nighttime bath of course you know

00:38:06.620 traditional eroticism whatever okay you know of the evening bath i mean i mean we all yearn to be

00:38:13.000 the the detective off duty you know putting the crime scene photos aside and sinking into the

00:38:18.020 bath and then and then you realize and you jump out of the bath and you go sliding around the

00:38:22.440 apartment looking for the phone and then then the library they couldn't have been there between four

00:38:27.880 and eight because the library's closed on easter well the implication by television that you know

00:38:35.020 that the final clue is always revealed through, you know, the B story needs to go.

00:38:42.480 You think it's too obvious?

00:38:43.760 Stop bothering me with your peanut butter cookie recipes.

00:38:45.720 Jesus, I'm trying to solve a case.

00:38:47.900 Well, they're really good.

00:38:48.720 You should have a bit.

00:38:49.640 What did you say?

00:38:50.960 That if you crush the peanuts first, I got to go.

00:38:55.340 Where are you going?

00:38:56.320 No.

00:38:57.260 Guess I'll have the second cookie myself then, says the person, the button at the end of the scene.

00:39:01.900 Oh, my God.

00:39:03.720 That's so funny.

00:39:05.020 Anno Dimini, a.k.a. A.D.

00:39:10.660 We're going to AdStyle, kids.

00:39:35.020 And back then, I lied to my parents, I lied to police, I lied to everybody.

00:39:40.680 There were years, right, where I could not say your name.

00:39:43.640 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California, interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists, whomever I can, to try to find out what actually happened.

00:39:52.320 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:39:57.100 They have had this case for 30 years. 1.00

00:40:00.020 I'll teach you sons of bitches to come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:40:02.600 Boom, boom. This is The Red Weather. 1.00

00:40:07.300 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 1.00

00:40:17.940 Welcome back to P-O-O-G. That's P-O-O-G. 0.82

00:40:21.700 I do want to talk about periogen, okay?

00:40:25.140 And again, classic case, didn't get the cash first.

00:40:28.620 You know, this is just authentic, pray for the cash after.

00:40:31.080 Pray for the thank you cash.

00:40:32.420 product i thought it was a disease no periodentitis periodontal disease uh etc etc yeah no

00:40:41.860 actually it's a classic case you raise oh right right you know what i'm saying with the name of

00:40:45.800 the doctor is the name of the so i mean i've brought this up 1000 times in my life i've 0.96

00:40:50.880 probably said it on poog but how i resent that anal retentive gets shortened to anal because 0.97

00:40:55.720 they're not being anal they're being you know retentive right right right right yeah not being 0.99

00:41:01.160 anus like yeah yeah they're being like an overly tight anus that can't relax right anal was never 0.99

00:41:06.760 the issue um anyway so they need to be anal whatever you get it all right so periogen okay 0.99

00:41:13.960 i really struggle uh with brushing my teeth i don't like it okay i don't like doing it now if 0.97

00:41:20.100 i could take them all out individually place them in boiling water scrub them by hand that's a great

00:41:25.320 dream and screw them back in that's a dream technically that's dentures but you know what i'm

00:41:29.100 okay okay but okay however i think part of the reason that i don't enjoy it seems much more

00:41:34.200 labor-intensive but it would be complete i think the inherent incomplete feeling of brushing one's

00:41:39.280 teeth makes it unsatisfying to me because i don't truly know when i'm done you don't like the

00:41:43.580 minutes oh get it out i'm i like savory delights i might i had a cat who had a you know beef

00:41:50.140 flavored toothpaste right yeah isn't that sweet that is actually adorable and i'm like where's

00:41:55.960 my pate toothpaste the assumption that we want whatever anyway so i and i've been really struggling

00:42:02.660 because i've been depleted in the last couple weeks and so i've been really like last night i

00:42:05.760 i yelled i'm in no mood to brush my teeth but i'm going to go do it anyway and stomped up the

00:42:11.120 stairwell okay i mean and this relates to the taxes and actually an archetype that i think you

00:42:15.160 and me both might suffer from okay the forever child i was reading about it my new um wild

00:42:21.080 unknown archetypes card deck sensational someone actually a poog listener recommended it under

00:42:25.820 under one of our episode things anyway i got it immediately click purchase the forever child

00:42:31.640 doesn't want to do the taxes etc you and me the light side of that archetype okay brings joy

00:42:36.860 sees see that there's more to life than than teeth and taxes yeah yeah and that's great and we we

00:42:42.800 bring light in okay bring light and enjoy and whatever you know the dark side of the forever 0.98

00:42:46.740 child is kind of a refusal to deal with shit that they should be dealing with and thus you know can 0.92

00:42:51.660 be dependent on others and blah blah blah all sorts of things can be irritating but i was like 0.98

00:42:56.180 me and kate really this is you know and i what i believe is nice about poop is that we be the

00:43:01.820 forever child we animate the light side of the forever child and we revel in the in the in the

00:43:06.280 joy of the humiliation of the dark side that's what i feel like i might as my life's work right

00:43:10.580 now really oh growing up or whatever taxes well we will be talking about clarissa pink holistes

00:43:15.400 eventually talk about what clarissa pink holistes aka cpe author of women who run with the wolves 0.82

00:43:21.280 and so much more which i of course own just like every other bitch in town yeah i truly read it i 0.56

00:43:27.280 just want to say that because i don't mean to denigrate it it's real so i can't i've always 0.68

00:43:32.560 felt it was a grotesque embarrassment on the part of consumer brands in general that we we still have

00:43:39.480 to you know haul haul that we still have to manually exfoliate our teeth basically okay

00:43:45.120 pathetic it does seem ridiculous it's like oh we used to wash our hair by rubbing a stone on our

00:43:51.400 head or whatever and then we figured out shampoo we forgot we do it chemically people okay yeah 0.96

00:43:55.740 and then here we are with our teeth still manually scraping yeah so i did some research and i found

00:44:02.480 a thing called periogen okay it's it's a extreme water softener is technically how it works you

00:44:07.980 dissolve it in water you you either you know water floss with it or you swish it around true

00:44:14.500 innovation it's the first thing of its kind switch it around oh my god it actually breaks

00:44:19.500 down plat tartar okay it actually breaks it down over time oh my god i've seen this you may have

00:44:26.720 seen it because i have promoted it it's the only thing that potentially without any manual work

00:44:32.140 will it really seems like this is an ad but i swear to god listeners i we do not i cannot endorse

00:44:37.540 and i will say ew so i'm gonna be before and after but see the after yeah but before not 0.78

00:44:44.240 oh christ i hate looking at this shit anyway okay yeah i guess what this is all bringing 0.85

00:44:50.560 up for me is actually i do like brushing my teeth or something i think the ritual i love 0.97

00:44:55.000 the night i love grooming you know i love grooming i spend six hours on my face it's not instead no

00:45:00.740 no it's not instead periogen is working on the off hours you seem like a hardcore undercover

00:45:06.120 periogen i'm just saying this is like no i know i know and you know what it brings up

00:45:12.840 It reminds me of something genius. My cousin told me when I was a child, when I was going to audition for a few commercials after a summer at Camp Stage Door Manor. I was really struggling with being like how to say the ads because ads are written in such like cheese ball. Right. And so I remember what my cousin said to me. And I think it's genius. She was like, because she was a young actress. She's like, when you are passionate about a product and you're like telling your friend about it, you do talk like that.

00:45:40.800 i know it's true like you are like the thing about dentine right right right okay you know

00:45:48.240 like i'm like i'm like i'm like not i'm like you know how you hate brushing your teeth it's like

00:45:53.280 periogen is the one product in your medicine cabinet that works when you're not working you

00:46:00.000 know what i mean like it's like that is good i should let go of the self-consciousness see like

00:46:04.240 i would go into the ad audition and be a thousand times subtler right than i am when i'm telling you

00:46:09.200 you about periogen and thus have never booked and of course oh my god the jaw pain is absolutely

00:46:15.220 oh yeah i want to talk about your jaw pain so there was no place for me to even get in the fact

00:46:19.820 that i suffer a major jaw life okay jaw-based life i clench i clenched since childhood i clenched too

00:46:26.160 and i grind since childhood my mother said she could hear it down the hall sign of a genius

00:46:32.060 grinding in the night thank you okay and i have ground my i guess incisors down uh

00:46:39.560 you know they could no longer pierce a wolf in the woods okay they're flattened at the bottom

00:46:45.380 um by the way i too have chipped a tooth would you like to know how i did it because i think 0.54

00:46:50.140 it's spookian yeah i feel i've bored you no i'm sorry my jaw just really fucking hurts i'm being 0.75

00:46:56.540 distracted i'm gonna help you i'm gonna help you i have my face massager that's not enough okay 0.93

00:47:02.680 which face massager oof i've got like a skin gym like the two balls that you yeah that's not doing 0.92

00:47:08.660 shit for you okay that's good for skin but that ain't doing anything for your muscle pain okay 0.96

00:47:13.180 here's what you need to do no that's skin too okay okay but it also kind of goes in the muscle 0.99

00:47:19.100 now well yeah yeah but that's what i have to do i have an ice roller no these are all too feeble

00:47:24.820 kate you need to lift up your hand right now look at your thumb okay decide if it's clean 0.57

00:47:31.100 it is and then send it into your mouth the thumb oh yeah massage from the inside yeah yeah i've

00:47:37.180 done that right now i feel like my hand's not clean to fully go in the mouth okay let's try it

00:47:41.680 now okay oh are you squeezing from both sides the muscle is so so tight oh no god that feels good

00:47:53.420 though move it around yeah move it around and then the next thing and you can do this later

00:47:57.000 oh theragun i can't do a theragun that really is so good and then open see you that there's the

00:48:06.740 only child or the whatever in you okay is that you know how to cry in an appealing way

00:48:12.980 that's when your gifts like you've always like oh not appealing appealing is not the word but

00:48:18.880 like you're able to project a babyism i think that serves you yeah okay get get the other side too

00:48:28.720 oh the other side feels fine though it's just this side interesting and then i mean you know

00:48:33.960 my fantasy is oh god hand flavor in the mouth yeah well you know you have to do you have to keep

00:48:39.940 moistening your own mouth with your own saliva while you're doing it so it doesn't sort of dry

00:48:44.980 out in there and then you're just tasting pure hand i know that actually helps jacqueline that

00:48:50.280 really was soothing i'm gonna watch tv and massage my mouth from the inside for like an hour

00:48:53.860 yes and then could you do what else have i done what's that could i over massage never okay oh

00:49:00.540 my god then sorry i just got scared oh no what about strokes you know because my mouth tastes

00:49:07.300 like my hand and i just don't like that i just first of all picture a lemon picture slicing

00:49:13.700 into a lemon okay and dragging dragging the side of your tongue up the open lemon okay now do the

00:49:20.860 other side okay now imagine a jar of pepperoncini peppers okay unhook the jar lower your face into

00:49:28.500 it dip your tongue in and hold it there okay is it watering yet at all no i'm fine what do you taste

00:49:38.340 I don't want to talk about it

00:49:40.500 I don't want to talk about it

00:49:44.460 It's hysterical on the podcast

00:49:45.400 And I respect it

00:49:46.480 I respect it

00:49:47.140 We'll move on

00:49:47.780 Because you're going to go down a spiral

00:49:49.740 No, no, I'm fine

00:49:51.060 You've only been in home

00:49:52.180 You're fine

00:49:52.500 You're safe

00:49:53.080 It's just the hand

00:49:54.540 It's just like my

00:49:55.600 I tasted my hand in this

00:49:57.340 Our editor has broken in to say

00:49:58.700 That she believes the hand flavor

00:50:00.100 Is the most disgusting thing in life

00:50:01.780 How do you feel about food hands after lunch?

00:50:04.840 I always thought that was an indignity

00:50:06.480 Okay

00:50:06.980 and indignity returning to the office you're typing and like your hand passes near your face

00:50:11.220 and you're like oh cool the tuna salad from down the street like has deeply permeated i made a

00:50:18.300 tuna melt for lunch i'll just say that i eat tuna melts with a regularity that would shock you

00:50:24.420 given the fact that i'm off bread i was gonna say what are you putting what are you doing a yam base

00:50:28.680 no what on a plate you see what i'm saying not a tuna melt my book but i hear you well yeah i mean

00:50:34.820 It's what do you put it on?

00:50:36.740 What's the dream?

00:50:37.400 What's the ideal tuna melt?

00:50:38.360 Sourdough.

00:50:39.660 Oh, wow.

00:50:40.860 The ease with which you said it revealed a food snobbery.

00:50:47.080 I mean, I'll do rye, but no, I do.

00:50:50.200 I have an incredible tartine sourdough loaf right now.

00:50:53.500 I know you're going to disrespect this when I say it.

00:50:55.340 I'm furious.

00:50:56.260 The English muffin.

00:50:57.320 The classic.

00:50:57.780 Listen to me.

00:50:58.540 English muffin tuna melt.

00:50:59.700 I'm not anti-English muffin.

00:51:01.160 The English muffin.

00:51:01.760 But I don't purchase them.

00:51:03.040 no i mean i haven't had one in 15 years i want a cinnamon raisin english muffin right now more

00:51:07.620 than i've ever wanted anything cinnamon raisin bagel combined with chive cream cheese oh i 1.00

00:51:15.480 don't know about that for me you're a fool you're a fool if you don't know okay welcome to jewish 1.00

00:51:20.480 cuisine okay first of all how dare you second i had to go there okay and i almost went there 1.00

00:51:26.080 earlier when you've forgotten about the existence of rye but then you said it i could never forget

00:51:30.980 rye no the combo of the sweet and the savory certainly makes its way onto platters okay

00:51:37.860 chives i would eat it for sure you drink wine you drink wine along with a savory meal why

00:51:45.180 wouldn't you have a grape with an onion you'll have a grape with an onion at dinner i'm just

00:51:48.560 saying try it okay okay it's the kind of mistake that some you know it happens accidentally kind

00:51:53.880 of or something okay it's it's perfection i mean it's perfection i was actually thinking

00:51:57.740 about getting bagels this weekend so it's funny you say that that was my big plan i was gonna do

00:52:03.940 a special bagel unlock sunday kind of a thing i uh tried to join noom the other night and um

00:52:10.700 and failed the forms frankly it was the forms in a way noom's an app that's supposed to what again

00:52:17.500 noom is by the way i think noom's a sponsor isn't it not a sponsor we said no we said no

00:52:24.880 because we don't promote weight loss. We don't want to promote weight loss things. So anyway,

00:52:29.380 Noom is an app that I noticed when I was doing my taxes. I go, what's this? What's this $150

00:52:37.140 charge last year? Oh my God. One night in a panic. Okay. I signed up for Noom. I paid $150

00:52:47.160 for something, which is a major investment in the app world. Yeah, that's huge. Okay. The

00:52:53.360 subscription of that kind deciding that I was committing to something and then completely

00:52:57.500 forgot. So the other night I see some Noom ad and I go, let me, let me look at this. Cause I frankly

00:53:04.160 found their numbers staggering. Okay. Okay. And the success people have had, and one of their ads,

00:53:09.060 they act like they're doing something different. And so I'm get curious and I go, are they? I look

00:53:14.540 and their claim is that they're using cognitive behavioral therapy to completely change your

00:53:18.500 relationship to food. Okay, fine. All from the comfort of an app. I actually do believe in the

00:53:24.180 ability of apps to take you through cognitive processes. Okay, I was an early adopter of some

00:53:29.380 rogue apps that have since disappeared. I go like, let me try that again. And then I open it up and

00:53:34.240 it's like, yeah, this app no longer exists. Like, whatever. So I go into Noom. I go, this makes

00:53:39.820 sense to me. I'm exhausted by my food addiction experiences. Let's see, maybe this thing will

00:53:45.260 will help me i was so sold on the marketing they were like it's cbt and then they go and this is

00:53:51.460 the first part of their cbt they go like we want you to identify the reason you want to lose weight

00:53:56.060 okay and i'm like uh and then i was like okay i was like okay and they're like write it in here

00:54:03.160 i'm like jesus okay so i'm like all right where the hell are the supportive questions that are

00:54:08.500 gonna lead me to that answer right of course so i just write in like belly fat okay belly hatred 0.68

00:54:16.100 or something okay like like like i was like i'm not fucking around like whatever and then they're 0.55

00:54:21.020 like it can be an event like your wedding or something okay like whatever and then it was 0.51

00:54:24.880 like okay you put in your goal now you want to dig a little deeper like what's what's it really

00:54:29.140 about they give you three opportunities to dig deeper without helping you cognitively figure

00:54:34.740 out a way to dig deeper so i realize i'm lying there and i just go i don't know and i don't even

00:54:39.500 know if i want to now i was willing to accept that and move forward and then i move forward

00:54:43.700 i put in some bullshit okay belly and then like i hate self or something okay because i wanted them

00:54:49.940 to see the truth you know what i mean or whatever i don't know as if there's a person reading that 0.96

00:54:53.740 live going oh god right yeah so oh and then they start in with like well just to get you started

00:55:02.160 before you even really get into it just a couple tips on day one you know and they started talking

00:55:06.100 about volume eating okay and how you know a bowl of grapes will fill you up more than a bowl of the

00:55:11.060 same amount of raisins and not true i'm like i'm like i know okay and then they started in with

00:55:20.680 something that like basically endorsed carbs oh they had a quiz okay where they said like testing

00:55:26.700 you on your knowledge what's your best bet for losing weight and they were like a was like cut 1.00

00:55:30.800 carbs b was like connect to your local community yeah okay and i was just like fuck you guys i 0.99

00:55:37.200 clicked cut carbs because i knew they were trying to set me up for the fall you know what i mean 0.99

00:55:41.160 no here at noom you can eat whatever you want it's not about that okay and it's like well what 0.99

00:55:47.720 if i don't want to eat carbs because i know they fucked me yeah i don't know this sucks it was a 0.98

00:55:52.820 really dark moment and then i was like i was so disappointed because i bought into the promise of 0.99

00:55:57.240 CBT. And if if it delivered true CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, you know, I'd be selling it

00:56:01.980 right now so hard. And I just it disappointed me. I felt robbed. I had to put an email address. I

00:56:06.920 had to create a password. OK, and that takes energy. Whatever. I knew I'm disappointed me.

00:56:12.360 You don't need noom. You need you.

00:56:16.780 I need a loom and a community with which to loom.

00:56:21.840 you don't need noom you need you i'm i'm about to go get in a bed with a scoop with a cup rather

00:56:31.580 of coconut cult gelato which i would like a free shipment of yesterday and i believe i actually

00:56:37.360 reached out to coconut cult on instagram and i begged for free product this is like maybe a year

00:56:42.640 ago they did nothing this is a new call to coconut cult this is a new call and guess what i'm going

00:56:48.020 to reach out again formally but i love the gelato i'm gonna have coconut cult ice cream in bed and

00:56:53.580 i'm gonna watch the heaven's gate dock and massage my jaw use the theragun on that jaw can't wait to

00:56:57.900 discuss heaven's gate i can't wait for my vehicle to discuss heaven's gate with your vehicle you'll

00:57:02.580 know what that means shortly oh my god okay love you love you that was poog if you enjoyed poog

00:57:11.380 please subscribe rate and review if not we will press charges

00:57:18.020 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:57:24.020 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:57:27.960 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:57:31.760 No, I am not your guru.

00:57:35.420 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:57:37.560 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:57:40.700 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:57:43.360 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:57:50.580 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:57:53.100 Guaranteed human.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - January 12, 2021

Teeth and Taxes

Episode Stats

Transcript