Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - The Birthday File

00:00:00.000 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:00:02.580 Guaranteed human.

00:00:04.420 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:00:08.020 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:00:11.960 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:00:15.780 No, I am not your guru.

00:00:19.420 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:00:21.720 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:00:24.660 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:00:28.220 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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00:01:05.120 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:01:06.560 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:01:07.660 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:01:12.400 Two untameable intellects.

00:01:14.160 This is our hobby. 0.93

00:01:15.020 This is our hell.

00:01:15.860 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:01:18.140 This is POOG.

00:01:19.580 Today's topic, loosely speaking. 1.00

00:01:21.020 Virgin mouth. 1.00

00:01:22.760 Enforced regression. 0.99

00:01:24.480 Two-layer bell.

00:01:25.540 A happy birthday, Mr. Bertlant.

00:01:33.980 Thank you.

00:01:35.320 Happy birthday to you.

00:01:42.320 Oh, it's true.

00:01:44.480 It's my birthday.

00:01:45.160 I wanted to go high.

00:01:46.080 I didn't have it.

00:01:46.720 Can you believe it?

00:01:47.500 Recording Pook on my birthday.

00:01:48.940 It really is, I think, a good omen.

00:01:51.860 It's not an omen.

00:01:52.760 It's just a good energy.

00:01:54.340 No, I know exactly what it is.

00:01:55.540 I'm going to tell you what it is. OK, because there was a moment last night where there was

00:01:59.740 the question of the pristineness of the birthday. I was like, well, tomorrow is my birthday. So I

00:02:03.940 don't know if I want to. Of course. Yeah, no. Right. Of course. And so it's this idea, right,

00:02:08.360 that the birthday is a pristine day. You have to be very careful. Anything that would just

00:02:12.740 normally get scheduled, you almost feel like you feel robbed by those who are asking you to do

00:02:17.960 something normal on that day. You're like, well, it's my birthday. I know. And yet then sometimes

00:02:23.840 you clear everything you like clear the schedule like no one will interrupt my birthday I mean

00:02:28.620 this is more me than you probably and then like don't have any plans or anything no of course

00:02:32.920 like okay announces what hell you're in yeah yeah I um you can kind of tell in the tenor of my voice

00:02:40.340 I don't know how I feel today I um I'm typically not actually okay how do I this is a I actually

00:02:47.780 don't you know how we can't see ourselves yes um i can't see myself i have a real blind spot around

00:02:55.720 how much i care about my own birthday like some people are very like i care heavily about my

00:03:00.640 birthday and that's like right and they know it that is you know that is what it is unmistakably

00:03:06.840 i absolutely care but i also because i historically never know people's birthdays and in fact it was

00:03:15.000 I think in the last year that I made a point of being like the people I love, the people I feel

00:03:18.380 close to, I need to know what their birthday is. Yeah. Get it in Cal. And that's when I just want

00:03:21.700 to do a shout out to G Cal because you can put it in there reminder every year. As do I a little

00:03:26.340 recurring, recurring. Yeah. You have no excuse. You have to do it because I will say it really

00:03:32.040 does matter when people, when people remember I got the first happy birthday I got was of course

00:03:36.720 yesterday a day early from a dentist who harassed me

00:03:41.100 not my current dentist but a dentist that i went to in new york city when i was like oh you mean

00:03:47.700 or something the dentist was in the chrysler building oh wow no see that's beautiful shines

00:03:54.600 like the top of the chrysler building from annie of course am i about to there's a lawsuit about

00:03:58.540 to be launched on the heels of poog right me like 11 a.m a dentist appointment the chrysler building

00:04:03.320 can you imagine went in there yes the dentist was strange he told me i had almost a virgin mouth

00:04:10.160 he's like you have you practically have a virgin mouth disgusting not kidding and then he said

00:04:15.260 that i had gorgeous tonsils meaning because you didn't have any work i don't i don't even know 0.71

00:04:19.420 i don't even know and i remember i was wearing a mini skirt and i was like uh-oh and he made some

00:04:25.740 i don't remember but he made some comment about my skirt that was just barely like it wasn't to

00:04:32.240 the point where i would like have thrown a glass of ice water in his face yeah but it was just that

00:04:36.640 line where i was like i mean if he had said it to me now well any comment any comment about your

00:04:43.520 skirt must be when you're getting in a chair that that that lowers your back down and elevates your

00:04:49.380 pelvis and opens your mouth yeah no comments there should be no acknowledgement of the lower half of

00:04:54.280 the body and the dentist agreed okay and it's like hey can i get that um heavy uh lead blanket

00:04:59.960 please you know that's what i want i don't feel safe going backwards okay unless i'm covered

00:05:04.480 waist down x-ray you i'm so afraid of x-rays yeah but i i'm not shocked the x-ray metal blanket they

00:05:11.220 give you i'm always crouching behind it like i put it all the way up like protecting my lymph nodes

00:05:16.720 like i put my arm like i'm completely it's terrifying because it makes you feel like

00:05:21.680 you're in 1952 yeah yeah this is truly civil technology just some lady's gonna radiate me

00:05:27.940 to hell at 11 a.m. And then she's like, oh, I didn't get it. We got to do another one. I'm like, 1.00

00:05:32.620 well, there goes another egg that I may or may not be using. Bitch. But anyway, that was my 1.00

00:05:38.480 first birthday response was from that doctor who I haven't seen in 4,000 years. And was it a happy

00:05:45.560 birthday? We haven't seen you in a while. It was like an auto-generated happy birthday to Kate.

00:05:50.320 Here's my question. Was there a single coupon offered of any sort? Was there a single discount

00:05:55.700 of course not doctors don't give coupons you go hey ever heard of sephora why don't you try doing

00:05:59.900 what they do it means a lot to a lot of people yeah it means a lot to a lot of people although

00:06:04.720 you know what i will say i was in there the other day okay i've racked up the points as you can

00:06:08.600 imagine okay oh same that you know are you vib whatever i forget what i am a platinum a rouge

00:06:14.500 i don't know i'm something okay and i've got like 30 000 points or something or 3 000 i don't know

00:06:18.980 keep saving keep saving keep saving and they yeah and they keep and i'm yeah i'm waiting for the

00:06:22.940 the plane or whatever you know this before a plane yeah like like like how high can i go but

00:06:28.360 it's like they're like do you want to use any of your points today and i was like i'll try that uh

00:06:32.340 blah blah something skincare and they were like sorry that's the birthday present like you

00:06:36.820 literally can't use your points to buy the item in the shelf that's in the little glass or in the

00:06:42.320 little why do i need this to be correct the acrylic box the plexiglass yeah by the way

00:06:50.780 yesterday this is how deep sephora and marketing goes yesterday i thought about my sephora gift

00:06:56.720 that is sick no yes and i've seen others mention it recently i've seen people like what is it a

00:07:01.760 double nars palette a bumble and bumble i hope so mini bottle i mean hair product from and we'll

00:07:08.300 get into hair today but hair product from sephora it's um well here's here's a fun question if you

00:07:14.420 could lose one section from the sephora what would it be fragrance i love that fragrance

00:07:18.080 okay dare i say i mean of course i mean i don't even bring up candles let's get real candles 0.68

00:07:24.340 get out of here this isn't your purview candles now yeah it's part of fragrance pathetic

00:07:30.040 yeah no the fragrance someone requested we talk about fragrance no did they mean fragrance the 0.84

00:07:35.940 poison the poison that's in things or do they just mean scent no i think this person wanted

00:07:41.140 us to discuss scent scent which i will say well that i i've always romanticized the perfume bottle

00:07:47.040 on the vanity of course the spritz on the nape of the neck of course you have actually i guess

00:07:50.460 you don't put it on the nape of your neck not nape but um see this is you the commitment to

00:07:54.840 language over even the meaning of the language okay the lyricism yes the nape of the neck

00:07:59.420 lyricism above meaning always always but i i due to my chronic migraine status could never

00:08:08.800 maybe i want to say five years ago or something on my birthday i was like i'm gonna go to barney's

00:08:13.600 buy myself a perfume i bought myself a perfume right took it home proceeded to get a raging

00:08:18.400 migraine and i had to give it away oh wow yeah i had to regift it and then you recall what brand

00:08:26.400 i know you recall the brand what what brand minimum it was i'm suddenly feel embarrassed to

00:08:30.260 say what it is which i don't know why it was diptyque makes perfume i don't think that's

00:08:35.380 embarrassing brand perfume i don't know why would i be i mean inherently like i don't know what i

00:08:39.620 was expecting you to say what am i afraid of yeah you're afraid of being exposed as having bad taste

00:08:44.540 i think right you're by the way that is in plain language exactly what it is correct no so i i got

00:08:52.960 over it i was like oh i just can't wear perfume and then i have so much hair that whatever product

00:08:56.660 i use in my hair inevitably becomes my fragrance right right then i now that i have my migraine

00:09:02.700 injections amovig still waiting to get the endorsement deal i can use fragrance again and

00:09:08.660 i have been using a perfume and i feel protective over it i actually don't want to utter its name

00:09:13.400 on the airwaves can you believe that what do you think about that hoarding because guess what

00:09:17.600 you'll be walking down the street you'll be walking down the street you're going to smell it

00:09:22.280 someone's going to yell out you know pooh hag okay and you'll go yeah i know i smelled my perfume on

00:09:28.160 you okay you cannot influence with your own perfume it's actually you know it's actually

00:09:32.560 interesting i wonder if the perfume brands run into this issue which is that the celebs that

00:09:37.160 wear their perfume don't want

00:09:38.640 everyone to wear it. I mean, this is

00:09:41.100 one of these things, right? It's one of the few things

00:09:43.420 where people want their own signature

00:09:45.140 and yet... Well, it's like the Le Labo

00:09:47.320 Santal or whatever the Le Labo

00:09:49.300 one is that everyone has and it does smell

00:09:51.120 great, but you do start to feel a little bit

00:09:53.120 like a little, like a little cheap

00:09:55.080 trick. A little soldier. Wearing everyone's...

00:09:57.260 Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, everyone's

00:09:59.300 wearing it. Well, I remember

00:10:00.640 my early origins with perfume,

00:10:03.660 okay, like my first foray.

00:10:06.280 Are you ready?

00:10:07.160 body shop uh white musk do you recall it it was it was it was a more warmer vanilla-y kind of you

00:10:16.300 know musky fragrance that i really enjoyed and then this is like like 14 i remember sunflowers

00:10:24.800 by elizabeth arden really blew blew the scene wide open in my um i don't know the six among

00:10:32.140 the sixth graders or whatever we all wanted sunflowers by elizabeth arden and then years

00:10:37.860 later i experimented with tommy girl in high school and a young man said to me is that tommy

00:10:45.980 girl and i was humiliated you know for someone to just sort of spot the scent he was flirting with

00:10:51.980 you novak oh of course i missed it of course i think a tommy something i don't think it was

00:10:57.240 tommy girl it was like in a short aquamarine bottle and then i had mark by mark jacobs yeah

00:11:04.440 was mark jacobs important to you there was a moment where yeah it was sort of just the sense

00:11:09.660 of at the mall and in bloomingdale i was like oh my god the mark jacobs stuff like yeah because

00:11:14.200 particularly as like a child okay in the designer section mark jacobs is inherently going to appeal

00:11:22.520 because it's got some whimsy to it and i'm not and you know whimsy is not it's not whimsy it's

00:11:29.800 not whimsy i'm after but with mark jacobs it has like like i had like a little shrunken dark purple

00:11:35.700 corduroy jacket with huge you may recall used to wear it in these village with humongous buttons

00:11:43.420 yeah i do remember that huge okay shrunken it was it and i mean i felt like king of the world in it

00:11:50.540 Oh my God, I know.

00:11:51.380 I remember, I think my mother got it for me on sale at Bloomingdale's.

00:11:55.000 Oh yeah.

00:11:55.660 I remember I had it like a-

00:11:56.960 We weren't sure if the size was going to be right.

00:11:57.780 We thought it'd be too big.

00:11:58.600 Years later, it was too small.

00:12:00.360 I remember snagging a 60% off Christmas, post-Christmas sale, Mark by Mark Jacobs, turquoise blazer.

00:12:07.600 Yes, yes.

00:12:08.520 That looked like a movie usher, like an old timey movie usher.

00:12:13.500 Yes.

00:12:14.420 Actually recently, my mom was like, can I get rid of this?

00:12:16.520 And I was like, how dare you?

00:12:18.380 um and so it still exists the same with me and the purple even though it's it's been missing that

00:12:23.920 one of its humongous buttons for years you know it's funny there's like a quality to there's a

00:12:29.680 quality to like items like that that like i don't know i just like it you know that that's the kind

00:12:35.180 of thing like like that jacket like a conversational uh starter to bros like those are some big buttons

00:12:42.100 yeah you know what I mean like what these yeah like like like the bro sort of reacting to

00:12:50.680 like a thing of fashion like I don't know it's like but anyway I know who was fashion for I mean

00:12:55.620 it's a whole different episode Marc Jacobs fragrance fragrance um well we should acknowledge

00:13:00.760 that some brands have begun to reach out after our fashion requests you know bless it we were

00:13:06.140 blessed in other stories they they heard us you know forget them and then remember them remember

00:13:11.540 we forgot that they had sent us stuff so rudely and then re-remember and then re-remember and

00:13:16.000 then uh excuse me oh my god i haven't even talked about my cough you have it hasn't emerged yet

00:13:22.980 Jacqueline Jacqueline i bought a humidifier at 10 p.m last night at target i drove to target

00:13:28.600 before closing to buy a 29.99 humidifier that i'm in the process of staging staging a return

00:13:35.600 i love target before closing by the way i haven't been to a target in ages incredible

00:13:41.300 well i didn't really know i mean those who know me know i those who know me know that's my my

00:13:46.200 see if a target is difficult to access important for me see i think a place like target if you

00:13:51.020 don't if it's not easily accessible then you miss out on that whole experience like for me the

00:13:55.760 target that's closest in my place of origin los angeles it's like in hollywood it's it's like

00:14:02.100 too much of a i'm not going to go there it's too inconvenient here i'm currently i feel

00:14:08.060 comfortable saying i'm in pittsburgh um you're saying that jacklyn's security concerns always

00:14:16.740 like weigh heavily i'm like should i not reveal i'm in pittsburgh but what would that even do

00:14:20.940 it's a small city and maybe i'll get some pittsburgh uh recommendations um i want to

00:14:27.840 say that i'm sorry to have grandstand on my phone but i did just get an email from a woman who tried

00:14:32.020 to con me into buying life insurance um and then i had to tell her and then i was trying to tell

00:14:37.580 I was like, but how do you get paid? She's like, I get paid through empowering women. I was like, 0.94

00:14:41.380 okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. She's like, I get paid through. Yeah. And I was like,

00:14:46.820 and by the way, she was so good. I started to believe out of the goodness of her heart.

00:14:50.160 She wanted to help me. Wow. Like I, it started to work. I was like, you're so right. Like she

00:14:54.960 just wants to lift up gals. Anyway, I had to pull out the deal last minute. I got close. I got

00:15:00.680 blood drawn. What? Like I was getting close to getting life insurance. Yeah. She convinced me.

00:15:05.020 she prayed on me because i was clearly didn't know what i was doing no here's my question

00:15:08.620 isn't life insurance for those you leave behind i mean i mean like isn't life insurance still

00:15:13.780 unclear no i was gonna get whole life insurance which is like oh right what does that money into

00:15:18.380 an account every month it's like a savings thing right and then i guess when you're 65 you get to

00:15:24.440 go on a hawaiian vacation i don't know how it works but um but all i know is i got close and

00:15:30.400 then to the point that i had she convinced me to get my blood drawn because they have to like

00:15:34.040 take your vitals to see if you're going to die in four days before they give you the plan

00:15:37.540 so and then the nurse who took my blood was like i've got all your dna right here no and i was like

00:15:42.700 do you want a la croix and then she left and then i panicked and spiraled and called my mom and was

00:15:47.040 like i just gave my blood to someone i don't know who you know completely but anyway anyway target

00:15:54.640 just want to say went in around 9 40 last night got picked up a humidifier picked up some uh some

00:16:00.560 shampoo and some visine and was amazed by the target by just the sheer experience of it and

00:16:07.620 realize that it's been something that's been really missing from my life well target was a huge

00:16:12.220 part of my convalescence at home my parents during that time i would go to target um as a kind of

00:16:19.100 public park okay target i would just sort of okay i gotta get out of the house okay i did my uh my

00:16:24.980 yoga i did my uh job seeking emails okay now i'm gonna take a break and and um drive over to the

00:16:33.820 target parking the big lot you know head in get a starbucks place it in the front of my cart with

00:16:40.620 my purse and roll that sucker around that store and i use every part of the store it's a it's a

00:16:46.660 meditation it's an active meditation yeah every part of the store became an opportunity to visualize 0.95

00:16:52.140 the life I intended to lead okay so I'd go sometimes I'd even pick up small items with

00:16:57.580 the idea of okay I'm gonna uh I'm gonna get this tray that's on sale it's golden it's from the

00:17:02.880 holiday see this is this is a classic it's a simple tray it's golden because it's part of

00:17:08.880 the holiday edition like I'm gonna use it on my desk as an inbox okay GTD but it's like it's no

00:17:15.060 different than a simple gold tray this is the key you have to look at the holiday items which go on

00:17:21.700 extreme sale the moment the holiday occurs and often days before okay and recognize what yeah

00:17:28.220 doesn't read as christmas when it's not christmas recognize what doesn't read as halloween but

00:17:33.440 reads as merely gothic okay oh the other seasons so for example halloween and target has some of

00:17:39.920 the most incredible animatronics okay but that's a separate issue we'll get into that later we have

00:17:43.840 to go to break but like a candelabra a black candelabra oh yeah okay that's a halloween

00:17:48.880 candelabra. Sexy. Why isn't that

00:17:51.040 part of my gothic lifestyle

00:17:52.940 year-round? I can get it on sale.

00:17:54.920 And if I really want it, I could spray paint

00:17:57.020 it. I could change the color.

00:17:58.760 These are the kind of thoughts I have when I'm trying to get

00:18:00.900 my life together. Alright, we gotta

00:18:02.800 go to break.

00:18:06.560 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast

00:18:08.740 called The Red Weather.

00:18:10.620 It was many and many

00:18:12.600 a year ago in a kingdom by the

00:18:14.900 sea. In 1995,

00:18:17.000 my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared

00:18:18.860 from a commune it was hard to wrap your head around it was nature and trees and praying and

00:18:24.060 drugs no i am not your guru and back then i lied to my parents i lied to police i lied to everybody

00:18:33.160 there were years right where i could not say your name i've decided to go back to my hometown in

00:18:38.040 northern california interview my friends family talk to police journalists whomever i can to try

00:18:43.140 to find out what actually happened isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies

00:18:47.660 in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend they have had this case for 30 years i'll teach you

00:18:53.420 to come around here and my wife boom boom this is the red weather listen to the red weather

00:19:01.260 on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

00:19:05.340 all right hey hey yeah i guess i feel a little birthday something today i can't quite put my

00:19:19.500 finger on it well it's just the constant the constant i mean birthdays not getting enough

00:19:24.800 texts there i said it i think that's what it is i'm not getting enough texts and i got early

00:19:30.620 one of my close friends texted me about something else and i got news for you 0.57

00:19:33.420 your community is in la they're not even up yet i have friends all over this goddamn globe it's

00:19:39.900 freaking 4 p.m in london no i am it's true i uh you received a on a non-birthday related text 0.54

00:19:48.460 the ultimate indignity yeah that was like oh like my friend who's staying at my house was like

00:19:53.340 you got a package and i'm like do you have any idea what today is and it doesn't because again

00:19:59.180 I actually vehemently don't care. Like that's, that's my, that's my public stance on birthdays

00:20:06.020 is like, of course I've historically been so bad with remembering birthdays of people that I love.

00:20:10.440 Right. Again, I'm taking steps to change that. So I, I feel love from people who I love. I don't

00:20:17.180 need them to express it. And yet here I am. I actually do. I actually apparently do need the

00:20:23.380 birthday email or the birthday text or the call. And I have started taking, so for example, last

00:20:28.580 night when you alerted me thank god that it was your birthday today i ran to my calendar to see

00:20:33.440 if it was in there because i have started adding okay yes the birthday it's the only way and the

00:20:39.720 hoping okay next year i'll know in advance right yeah but like i don't know there's something about

00:20:46.900 and we might have already discussed this on poop but there's something really really like broken

00:20:51.560 I think about whatever you want to frame the I don't know how broadly it goes whether it's

00:20:58.520 America okay but there's something broken about our like I think it's just it's pounded into us

00:21:05.680 from age one two three it's your birthday what are we gonna do for your birthday okay this

00:21:15.260 kind of thing okay whether it's school whether it's whatever this your day and it's it's so

00:21:22.460 embarrassing you get hooked on that in some way where they've told you over and over again you

00:21:28.580 know that that birthday means something and then you can't help but feel sort of there's something

00:21:34.020 i don't know i feel like birthday just turns you into like a two-year-old inherently with the with

00:21:39.140 the emotional needs of a two-year-old i know it's like enforced regression yeah it's institutionalized

00:21:44.800 regression and it's institutionalized depression and it's very also because i've i'm really turned

00:21:50.460 off when people care about their birthdays so much when people are like my birthday it's like

00:21:54.800 get a you know i mean it's just but then and yet here i am caring well i used to as a child i mean

00:22:01.940 my birthday was like a known like stress because i would get very anxious about you know about

00:22:06.940 planning a birthday or whatever and and then i would always the build up and then i would always

00:22:10.440 cry so it was like this thing so like i've told i think we talked about in pook like my dad like

00:22:14.960 comforting me at the bowling alley no no no so like this girl's like hand or like finger got

00:22:23.900 like stuck in you know twisted in the little local bowling alley party i had her finger like

00:22:30.700 twisted and she cried and like so it became her day it's hysterical no it's just like i felt really

00:22:35.700 bad that it happened and it was like oh god something bad happened at the party and i like

00:22:39.820 went into the bathroom and like cried and then like my dad came and like sort of talked me out

00:22:44.400 of it and like he was good at like talking me out of that kind of stuff but really it was just the

00:22:48.960 pressure the build-up the pressure it would fill up in me and what if something isn't right and

00:22:54.040 this fear and basically this fear of being sad on my birthday and when you're afraid of being sad

00:22:58.920 exactly well you just nailed it you're checking every moment am i sad am i sad am i being

00:23:03.940 mistreated checking in constantly constantly and so it's like this ongoing thing and then

00:23:09.500 i remember like like around like seventh grade or something like doing some like camping or something

00:23:13.900 and it was like it was like this switch for me where i realized because i used to as a child

00:23:17.380 because of my birthdays okay think that i would never be able to have a wedding okay because it

00:23:21.980 would be it would be the same thing oh my god on my wedding day okay like this thing's gonna happen

00:23:28.620 like i'm gonna cry the perfection the fear and so i had to go the other way the wedding day is

00:23:34.020 the guaranteed depressive state i mean the guaranteed depression of a wedding oh well

00:23:39.200 and i mean at least the models reflect it like okay bridal magazines right they're like the

00:23:45.220 models are they look depressed okay because they don't want to look corny right it's like they

00:23:50.600 don't want to look corny right right the magazines are like no this is fashion so you have like the

00:23:54.800 like the sunken chested model like look and they're like depressed moody model bride is like 1.00

00:24:02.980 what the chic version that's very funny you know they don't want to have like there she is on her

00:24:08.280 wedding day like with like stepford smile so they've gone the other way and it's it's just

00:24:12.600 gone too far where it's just like it's like yeah it's sadness on sadness but i had this realization

00:24:17.360 like like out in nature or something like where i was like no like life is about like the textures

00:24:22.860 of the imperfections blah blah blah blah blah blah and so it's like i i sort of made peace and

00:24:28.120 i've become someone who doesn't react negatively to for example a baby crying during the vows

00:24:34.300 yes of course no we love the texture of imperfection must be embraced okay i mean

00:24:38.500 dear god with a live event are you kidding with a live event you think oh please your aim is

00:24:42.760 perfection then why is it live the baby crying is the only indication of the fact that it's live

00:24:46.740 but i exactly i have this vision of myself like okay sometimes it's really helpful to go with

00:24:52.500 your darkest fear of your life right so i go like yes i'm turning 54 i'm alone at a dive bar in

00:24:57.480 Cincinnati right and it's like sounds great first of all it sounds great but I'm there I'm having

00:25:03.260 like a beer okay I'm alone and then the bartender we start chatting a little bit and I go actually

00:25:09.000 it's my birthday no and he's like you're kidding you know and then he gives me like a free pint

00:25:14.400 and then he talks to me and it's like even drink beer no I'm saying this is my greatest fear of

00:25:20.980 future in which I'm drinking yeah yeah okay like that you would even be in that context doing

00:25:25.760 something you don't enjoy like i'm so divorced from this person now yeah you're just you're

00:25:30.900 disempowering yourself by imagining that in the future you wouldn't even order the drink you like

00:25:34.540 no i'm just like drinking yingling by the by the gallon and i'm alone and like yeah yeah so i think

00:25:43.460 it's that version of myself that i like last night i did and this really surprised me it was like

00:25:49.560 midnight my birthday and i almost i wasn't actually going to cry because i actually don't historically 0.89

00:25:54.600 cry on my birthday, but I was like, am I going to fucking cry? Like I just had this feeling

00:25:58.760 and I was in the mirror putting on my moisturizer and I had this moment where I was putting on the 0.96

00:26:02.780 moisturizer and I looked in the mirror and I smiled at myself in this really pathetic way

00:26:06.460 to try to like, I guess, be like, we're okay. You're okay, kid. Like had this moment and kind 0.97

00:26:12.300 of tried to be like, here I am. Like that's the hell of all, of all birthdays, celebrations,

00:26:19.460 weddings, anything. Right. Cause you, you can't escape the feeling that you're, that you're

00:26:23.700 relying on an institution to somehow inject joy into your life. Right. It's like, and also the

00:26:29.620 idea that, you know, the idea that festivals, holidays are really escape valves for the

00:26:34.580 population to release like their depression in there. So they can go back to work. Right. So

00:26:38.400 it's like, Hey, we'll, you know, pay you starvation wages and life will be pure hell and

00:26:42.240 you won't be able to afford insulin, but you're going to get, you know, you're going to get a

00:26:47.120 half day off on your birthday and you're like, I'm free. It's like, and by the way, you're not

00:26:51.780 needless to say but i just mean like so you get this little crumb yeah from uncle sam

00:26:58.740 that's like i'm abstracting it to the point where it's becoming like the government to me but

00:27:03.700 no of course yeah um it's like the whole life insurance lady emailing me happy birthday

00:27:09.740 how dare you oh wow you know it's just well that's really sick you know because

00:27:15.540 they're coming for you because you're it's your birthday because they know that that

00:27:20.360 triggers thoughts about aging and mortality for people totally so for for whole life insurance

00:27:25.340 to reach out on your birthday is really sinister i know i agree but there is this feeling where like

00:27:29.660 you know it's really hysterical the feeling of like well thanks dentist or like thanks sephora

00:27:34.800 like my friend judy didn't remember but you did like it almost like works like it's like almost

00:27:42.220 like no it does thank you it works you are highlighting exactly what it is is that it works

00:27:47.280 that's the problem is that it actually works and that's the thing about it's like the thing when

00:27:52.280 people who are really good at remembering names oh yeah people who are really good at remembering

00:27:56.340 birthdays i have a level of suspicion about those people even though i also envy them they seem so

00:28:01.180 together and it's like if someone it's the thing of like um celebrities who are hyper focused on

00:28:07.220 names so they can they meet the person shoveling mashed potatoes onto their plate at whatever

00:28:12.820 situation they're in and they're like the guy's like i'm marty and they're like marty thank you

00:28:17.000 for the mashed potatoes, Marty. Oh, here's Marty with the mashed potatoes. Marty, don't give me

00:28:20.520 too much. I'm trying to watch my way. Right. So they drill in. Marty goes home flying high. Right.

00:28:26.140 I'm dying. I'm dying. Liam Nielsen, whatever his name is. Remember, you know, I'm somebody,

00:28:31.800 I'm Marty to him. Right. And it's amazing what that does. You can, you can go through your life

00:28:37.240 enacting abuse, monstrous acts of abuse. But if you remember Marty's name, then you are a saint,

00:28:44.740 a permanent saint a saint well similarly you can be peddling whole life insurance yeah and then you 0.80

00:28:51.100 then you email me and i go god damn i mean by the way if it had been a personal email not an auto

00:28:55.180 i did get a personal kind of business related email from someone i barely know who's you know 0.77

00:28:59.520 kind of barely a business contact but i got a direct email and i went wow a direct email it

00:29:04.420 worked giving you birthday yeah like salutations man happy birthday to you i'm like hey how did

00:29:08.900 you know you know yeah right you see you know that's smart okay you know what it is it's like

00:29:15.440 business if you quietly yeah it's good business if you quietly note when people on instagram

00:29:20.340 whatever announce it's their birthday you quietly note it in a little book and then and then you

00:29:25.380 don't you don't tell them you don't do it via the app okay because the app serves you the information

00:29:31.000 and so yeah it's like poking someone on their birthday it's hey do you want to wish these

00:29:33.900 people a happy birthday says the app okay yeah and i'm not saying that a wall post means nothing

00:29:38.540 it's better than nothing okay absolutely but if you quietly write that down a little date book

00:29:43.280 okay you come around next year it's like you're you're stockpiling power the following year okay

00:29:48.860 it's outrageous like me getting your birthday in my calendar like for today like like it's in there

00:29:54.660 i put it in yesterday right like you think i'm not going to be like prepped within and until my life

00:30:00.900 for your birthday next year it's like yeah but gather the power and then just come at them with

00:30:06.040 a private direct email text just hey just wanted to reach out and say you know who's doing the

00:30:11.140 private little book this might sound like a brag but i'm gonna just go ahead and say it just do it

00:30:15.640 i shot half a day with weird al years ago oh wow okay weird al who of course is my twin is that

00:30:22.060 where you got that photo yes i was on an episode of comedy bang bang with him right he was such a

00:30:28.160 delight couldn't be more of a pro sweetheart angel right yes i start getting on my birthday email and

00:30:35.000 by the way, today I'm like, it better come in an email that looks startlingly personalized.

00:30:41.780 Wow. Okay. So much so that like the email comes in and it's like, weird out. I'm like, wait,

00:30:45.840 what? And then I open it up and it's like, what did it say last year? Let me go my email and find

00:30:49.940 it. I mean, I should only hope that it comes in. Can you imagine if I open it and it's in there?

00:30:55.000 Wait, where am I? I'm in promotions. I'm in hell. Okay. It's not here yet. Hang on.

00:30:59.460 al oh my god okay so this is crazy this is my email from him last year kate and it just says

00:31:06.280 al yankovic to kate kate please forgive this intrusion but with the world being as crazy

00:31:11.500 as it is right now i'm assuming you've completely forgotten and i need to remind you it's your

00:31:15.600 birthday that's a good line be sure to use this information wisely and celebrate accordingly

00:31:18.960 very funny oh my god i responded which is humiliating but not at all i think it's the

00:31:23.720 right thing to do. But the point is I am sent into a state of shock. How the hell did he note

00:31:29.960 my birthday? So does he go home? He works with, he meets people professionally. He calls his

00:31:34.080 assistant and goes, let's get her on the birthday list. The assistant notes my birthday, puts it in

00:31:37.880 the calendar and the assistant's job is managing the birthday calendar. So if you cross paths with

00:31:42.640 him, you're getting that email. Extraordinary business. Extraordinary business. And also I've

00:31:48.180 heard this myth about Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise has a similar thing. If you work with Tom Cruise,

00:31:52.780 you're in the permanent file the birthday file okay oh wait and you get something specific is

00:31:57.140 there something specific gift that he always sends yes it's a specific coconut cake from some bakery

00:32:01.820 in los angeles oh right and he will send you it's like a 60 cake you will get on your birthday for 0.54

00:32:07.480 as long as you goddamn live on this earth a coconut cream cake from tom cruise no so i want 0.67

00:32:13.640 to just pause and reflect on the sheer i'm just gonna take that in the sheer financial weight 0.99

00:32:18.620 what's he spending 90k a year on birthday cakes oh my god easily when you say everyone who worked

00:32:26.020 with him what i mean it's not the entire set i mean it's not the entire crew i mean it's not

00:32:30.360 even the entire cast right no who is it it's like you work with him you form a connection

00:32:34.080 of some sort i just did a little math yeah let's just say every day you're sending one that's

00:32:38.800 almost 22k no yeah well here's the other thing i have to say about about birthdays okay it's like

00:32:43.980 your birthday is not a one in a million like can you believe it everyone it's my birthday

00:32:48.380 today as though it's a one in the million it's a one in a 365 right yeah yeah like and it's coming

00:32:54.340 next year too so like these people especially and i feel like we've discussed this but like that

00:32:59.360 insist on the birthday week you know this thing it's my birthday week i'm worried i fall into that

00:33:03.920 i'm worried i fall into that because i'm like too much pressure on the one day i want to dinner

00:33:07.320 before i want to do the day after i want to like i'm kind of like the birthday week i don't enforce

00:33:11.520 a week of course not but i'm kind of like you know what i think the three days kind of events

00:33:15.020 around i think a three-day buffer that sounds about right to me no definitely but i think that's

00:33:20.680 i think we're gonna have to go to break but but i do think that do you think it's really crass that

00:33:24.940 i brought up the weird al stuff i think it's beautiful i mean the only concern would be

00:33:29.080 that um like weird email itself maybe i shouldn't read on air it feels a little like i'm giving away

00:33:34.560 his trick no i think we're fine we're fine to yeah we're fine we're fine i just want to wrap

00:33:38.980 up on that oh birthday three-day thing kate yeah to me it's more about um the way you get your

00:33:44.300 birthday week so to speak isn't by saying hey everyone it's my birthday week you know i am

00:33:48.460 about my birthday so i need a full week okay instead you treat it with a spirit of generosity

00:33:54.040 around dates oh it doesn't have to be on my actual birthday exactly that's one friend you go well

00:33:59.220 whenever you whenever you're free free this week i'd love yeah i'd love to get a meal with you

00:34:02.160 spread it out spread it thin spread it out but it's it's about generosity of scheduling that's

00:34:07.320 how you play it yes that's the angle that's the angle all right we're going to break

00:34:14.300 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:34:18.520 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:34:23.460 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune.

00:34:27.300 It was hard to wrap your head around. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:34:32.280 No, I am not your guru.

00:34:36.040 And back then, I lied to my parents, I lied to police, I lied to everybody.

00:34:40.940 There were years, Ryder, where I could not say your name.

00:34:43.700 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:34:46.600 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists,

00:34:49.420 whomever I can to try to find out what actually happened.

00:34:52.780 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:34:55.680 and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:34:57.360 They have had this case for 30 years. 0.98

00:35:00.280 I'll teach you sons of **** to come around here and my wife. 0.97

00:35:03.320 Boom, boom. 0.99

00:35:04.620 This is The Red Weather.

00:35:07.640 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:35:10.120 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:35:13.700 are you ready for this i thought about reaching out and and then i just said i'm just gonna buy

00:35:23.460 i'm just gonna buy i got a um keratin hair treatment to uh make dealing with my incredibly

00:35:29.340 long hair easier uh during this this theater run and wait talk to me i thought keratin was

00:35:35.940 strictly for straightening well that's that's the illusion they're hoping to break well they

00:35:39.620 have quite an illusion to break well yes they do okay so here's the deal so a couple things well 0.98

00:35:44.380 actually maybe i shouldn't name the brand eh fuck it gussie d-u-s-s-i okay i ordered i paid i was 0.97

00:35:52.040 advertised to on instagram i received the kit direct to home keratin treatment i have been 0.98

00:35:58.820 flat ironing my hair before shows like i'm back in my own teenage life going straight yes so i wear

00:36:05.340 a ponytail during my show okay i wear a ponytail during my show get it off my neck okay get it up

00:36:10.660 get it away get it clean i'll play with it my hair's down to play with it a lot and so i just

00:36:15.340 ended up out of sheer you know time and energy to get a clean ponytail that's just doesn't

00:36:22.820 non-distracting i'm not wrestling with a single shark's fin you know the shark's fins that happen

00:36:28.300 when you're trying to do a ponytail little shark fins yeah of your own hair like anyway yes i feel

00:36:33.940 such a need to explain because there's such shaming around flat ironing even and and disrupting the

00:36:38.580 natural curl etc but anyway here's a point they're like will it destroy my curl okay no it'll just

00:36:43.760 remove the frizz okay that's that's the claim okay the curl pattern is not ruined just removes the

00:36:48.940 frizz okay and i have no problem with frizz but whatever and it makes it easier to you know blow

00:36:52.720 out and whatever and whatever so i did it but i did it as a kind of stress relieving activity before

00:36:57.480 my show and i didn't leave enough time and so i skimped i skimped yeah i didn't like fully do it

00:37:02.480 And so once now I'm sitting here once again, wondering if it's the product or it's me.

00:37:05.820 I got half assed results.

00:37:07.300 OK, so anyway.

00:37:08.480 Well, you skimped on what the amount of just the time it was in there.

00:37:11.460 Sorry, I felt like this was boring.

00:37:13.020 And so I just was like skipping like I just was like getting out of it.

00:37:16.340 Like I was just like, I skimmed, I skimmed.

00:37:18.720 Anyway, I tried Gussie.

00:37:19.800 OK, I don't know how to tell you people.

00:37:22.160 And I liked it.

00:37:23.160 I liked it.

00:37:23.820 OK, I liked it.

00:37:24.880 Doesn't help with detangling because that's my my hair is so long right now.

00:37:28.380 Yeah.

00:37:28.800 And the tangles.

00:37:29.820 I mean, it's down four hours later.

00:37:31.920 I've got a snarl.

00:37:33.220 OK, oh, yeah, I don't wash my hair.

00:37:34.880 I mean, in three days, I have a hair pie that could drown a nation.

00:37:38.460 OK, yeah, it's completely.

00:37:40.240 Yeah, it's one piece.

00:37:41.980 It's like beaver tails back there.

00:37:44.520 Yes. Does it happen near the nape of your neck, dare I say?

00:37:47.580 Because that's that's where the tangles happen.

00:37:49.380 Yeah, it's there, but it's also towards the end.

00:37:50.880 I mean, my hair is really long right now.

00:37:52.900 Oh, I'm getting a getting a call from a number I don't recognize.

00:37:55.980 I bet it's someone trying to refinance my car loan.

00:37:58.460 You should turn the phone over, right?

00:38:00.340 I know.

00:38:00.980 Because it's distracting you.

00:38:02.180 I'm so sorry.

00:38:02.640 It really has been over.

00:38:03.920 I don't care.

00:38:04.840 I'm just saying my hair's never been longer.

00:38:07.700 I care.

00:38:08.580 I'm not in the mood to get a haircut.

00:38:10.080 I'm not in the mood to get a haircut.

00:38:11.640 Of course, you have to prepare for weeks. 0.66

00:38:13.600 The woman who cut my hair, who I really came to depend on her, came to depend on her haircut.

00:38:18.980 She moved.

00:38:19.880 And I wish her the best.

00:38:20.800 But it's, you know, it's hard for those she leaves behind.

00:38:24.280 And I had a haircut from someone who, are you sitting down?

00:38:27.480 Yeah.

00:38:27.860 Came.

00:38:28.460 she straightened my hair before she cut it oh we talked about this i think which i should have had

00:38:32.800 alarms go off and i should have said what the hell theta just popped up her eyes wild with fear for

00:38:39.340 me you don't remember this okay because i too went to a place and i specifically straightened my hair

00:38:44.920 it's completely wrong you don't do that with curls that's psychotic no the whole and so she and i was

00:38:50.600 like i'm affable i'm easy i'm cool i'm not gonna be one of those divas who says what the hell are 0.63

00:38:54.680 you doing? So she straightened my hair and I got wrapped up in that. Oh my God, look how long it

00:38:58.360 is. Wow. Oh, look at a totally different person. You're going to cut my hair while I look like a

00:39:02.860 different person. This is not, I under no circumstance wear my hair straight. So she

00:39:07.880 cut my hair straight and then styled it out. And then, you know, two days later I'm looking in the

00:39:12.560 mirror. I'm like, Oh cool. I have a bell that's hiding another bell inside of it. Like it's like

00:39:17.360 just two like chop, chop layers. Well, yeah, there's nothing worse than the, the, the insane

00:39:23.280 two layer bell yeah i have like a short like it's it's gonna take for you like look it's a bell

00:39:29.340 resting on a bell right no no or when they call it a shelf sometimes like they hate when you say

00:39:35.100 that like they hate when you're like you're like yeah i just don't want like that really like

00:39:38.640 severe um like clear clear two shelf two shelf uh layer and like it's almost like you're saying

00:39:46.620 it's like a part that's like a hatchet and i just take a hatchet to your head i actually prefer a

00:39:50.960 blunt hatchet almost to the curl over like because at least there's like some honesty in that you

00:39:56.040 know what i mean like versus layers that have been cut specifically for straight hair but like i

00:40:01.140 remember once googling and i i i feel like we talked about it but whatever i i remember specifically

00:40:06.500 googled for curly hair specialist in new york i wanted to get out of the diva sean universe okay

00:40:12.420 because i always come out of there looking um so my curls are so wet so shiny so juiced hideous

00:40:20.380 that surely temple on birth control yeah yeah and it's like and like because they're so

00:40:28.700 anti-frizz there that they'll do anything utterly sexless so it's like oh don't get me started on

00:40:35.120 the sexlessness of hair and i was talking about this with john early always yeah hair and television

00:40:40.960 and tv almost uniformly sexless uniformly bad well it's like it's impossible to get a yeah

00:40:48.160 No, just like, particularly with curls, they see you. I, this is my eight out of 10 going into a

00:40:55.280 set. Okay. Yeah. They're going to go, Oh my God, look at these beautiful curls. And they're going

00:40:59.140 to proceed to wet down my hair. They're going to proceed to with a curling iron, go over my natural

00:41:04.740 curl. So instead, so I can't, I come out looking like Daisy Fuentes. I have like gorgeous, sexy,

00:41:12.440 like TV mermaid hair. And I'm like, that's not in any way who I am. I can't, those aren't my

00:41:17.920 curls. And I know, I know. And then I feel like a eunuch, like any of the kind of, I just, it's

00:41:25.020 completely degrading. It's horrible. So rarely do they let your just hair exist. I've only a couple

00:41:30.640 jobs. They let me exist as I am. And, um, and this is also something, if you watch hair in TV and

00:41:38.120 film is the first thing to take me out of it a character's hair who's like i remember seeing i

00:41:43.700 think it was true detective season who cares but it was with rachel mcadams and it was like the 0.63

00:41:48.500 first frame i turned it off season one loved it had so much fun kakosa whatever the fuck i was in

00:41:53.940 it season two i saw one frame i'm out i logged off i was like absolutely not because rachel mcadams 0.69

00:41:59.100 had like sexy hombre she had like and it was just like that is the styled hair of a woman who's 0.96

00:42:06.160 raking in 8.2 0.99

00:42:08.200 mil a year like it was just like it was

00:42:10.240 completely outrageous and this

00:42:12.200 is a small town detective who the 0.71

00:42:14.140 hell do you think I am I'm supposed to 0.99

00:42:16.140 eat this up I don't care how much god damn 1.00

00:42:18.080 character backstory she's doing it's being 1.00

00:42:20.140 erased by the hombre completely

00:42:22.420 erased okay number

00:42:24.040 one issue in it you are

00:42:25.920 like I could not agree more and I've even fallen

00:42:28.160 prey as you I mean no one has

00:42:30.220 fallen prey to corny

00:42:32.060 hair like me okay and it's

00:42:34.320 pray and it's like at the hands of others and it's devastating and you just because like i've

00:42:39.340 learned this over and over again hands of others is a great title for a book

00:42:42.580 well like you know i and i recently was on seth meyers and i just came in with like wet hair and

00:42:50.940 it just dried naturally and i went on you know and there was some backlash um but i prefer it to

00:42:57.160 you have to fight you have to you have to fight for it for personality no and the smooth um we

00:43:03.420 I saw it happen with Carrie Bradshaw's hair on Sex and the City.

00:43:06.500 I hate to go there. 0.97

00:43:07.820 But in the beginning, her hair was wild.

00:43:10.100 It was subversive. 0.70

00:43:11.680 There was a radical nature to the frizz, to the largeness of the hair, that which cannot be contained in uncontainable femininity, dare I say. 0.86

00:43:18.860 And then as we go on in seasons and then the movies, oh boy. 0.54

00:43:22.180 And then the new images coming out, we're scared because what we have is a shellacked Cocker Spaniel on Easter morning.

00:43:29.260 Okay.

00:43:30.660 Right.

00:43:31.060 So it's a it's a it's a pristine I literally had the experience you're talking about and I won't say where but of going in them saying wow your natural curls amazing so just we'd love so maybe we'll just use the iron destroy it just to they implied the idea that they always pitch okay is that they're going to grab a few curls from your natural mane of curls and they're going to accentuate they're going to clean up the curl at the end of those and those will just kind of be offsetting and building and then they start doing that.

00:44:00.000 and it's that kind of thing it's similar to like cutting your doll's hair and suddenly the doll

00:44:03.380 has no more hair okay it's like they do one curl and then pretty soon they had gone with a

00:44:08.280 centimeter thick okay that that narrow curling iron yeah around my entire head yeah every single

00:44:15.660 hair had been recurled you couldn't even call it going over the natural curl no it was like

00:44:20.060 take a piece of hair brush it out and completely recur how is that enhancing my natural curl no

00:44:26.800 there's a fear of curls we live in a structurally anti-curl nation well there's also have you

00:44:33.260 noticed i always i always used to feel that um people wouldn't recognize me if they were used

00:44:38.380 to seeing me with you know my straight hair or hair back or whatever and then curl it would not

00:44:43.420 recognize me and i'm like oh yeah i'm like so you never had the face memorized it was like it was as

00:44:49.920 if the curls it was as if the curls were like were squiggly lines around my face like blurring

00:44:55.840 you know like they were they were blurring and wiggling my facial features somehow i forget

00:45:00.300 that my hair is so big and curly like i forget that that is a defining feature of what people

00:45:07.640 recognize like like that that is carrying me right is is the big huge curly wig i forget that i mean

00:45:13.340 the face is certainly a confirmation but out of the court like the face is merely a confirmation

00:45:17.320 right at this point the corner of the eye they go is that caper lamp they turn they wait well i'm

00:45:22.940 I'm not trying to suggest here I'm being stopped, you know, on every corner in America, but I just

00:45:28.500 mean, it did happen to me a couple of times with friends or people that I kind of knew where I had

00:45:33.660 the mask on in the era of COVID, of course, that we were still very much in and being like, oh,

00:45:39.060 they're not going to see me. I have my mask on. I have sunglasses on. And it's like, oh, I'm walking

00:45:42.440 around with a goddamn mop top. Like they're going to know. And honey, my tits, anyone knows those 0.99

00:45:48.000 anywhere I go. Yeah. And your, your, your body and your physicality are very specific. You kind 1.00

00:45:54.620 of tromping down the street and a little silken blouse. You just, yeah, you flounce around. You

00:46:00.720 have a flouncing energy to you. Tap dancing down the street, begging for attention at every turn.

00:46:06.240 Yeah. Wait, by the way, did you post, because we found, you know, the listeners will, I think,

00:46:11.260 be really excited to hear. We found a picture of the original mushrooms. We found the actual

00:46:16.240 dinner from the mushrooms the whole time yes my phone reminded me and i gasped honestly let's get

00:46:22.400 real apple's doing a nice job with the reminder photo albums i actually have something to say

00:46:27.860 the reminding no but here's what i think here's theta has broken in to say that the indignity of

00:46:34.820 well this is the biggest truth and you can also say this about instagram facebook any any of these

00:46:39.840 things just oh cool uh so this is just a portrait of weight fluctuation okay because what is one

00:46:47.720 like if you have a if you juxtapose a series of images the eye the brain naturally looks for what

00:46:53.820 has changed that's what the brain does it looks for what's different here and so it draws attention

00:46:58.440 to that but what i'm saying i'm appreciating from apple cornily enough okay is hey look here's a

00:47:05.180 video compilation of for example our friend gordon okay i just received a and it said gordonzo

00:47:10.460 because that's what i call him and so a thing pops up my phone says gordonzo yeah okay and it's just

00:47:14.760 a collage of gordon that's cute and i sent it to him and it's delightful and it's also delightful

00:47:19.620 because then it's like those can be fun and it's like look this is how i've seen you like these

00:47:23.760 are the photos i chose to take of you yeah yeah like in your phone do you have the thing where

00:47:28.560 it organizes by people probably yeah you ever go through that and like check of course what's under

00:47:32.880 me i'd wonder and then it's also fun to see what other things are under so it'd be like if i saw

00:47:37.600 like a poodle you're not in there i feel like it's incorrect because it highlights people where

00:47:42.000 i'm like that's not one of my close people well that yeah closeness they they're not on top of

00:47:48.280 at all okay no even sheer volume of photographs surely i have more photographs of you than some

00:47:53.140 of these folks that are coming up but um have you confirmed them ever what this is micro i'm just

00:47:59.820 saying, have you confirmed them? There's a process in the Apple thing where it asks you if it's the

00:48:03.300 person and you go in and go, yeah, that's me. Yeah, that's me. My phone thought I was someone

00:48:07.220 else. And I was like, excuse me. Well, that's what I was going to say. That's what is kind

00:48:11.240 of shocking. I'll see what Apple thinks you look like sometimes. Oh, my God. Oh, right.

00:48:15.960 And I always mean to send it to you like, oh, look, Apple thought that, you know,

00:48:20.600 my poodle was you or whatever. Right. Put that in among the other pictures. And that's sort of

00:48:26.260 like fun listen i i know we're wrapping up soon but i just wanted to say we're talking about

00:48:30.480 birthdays you want to know a friend of mine who has been the most who has shown up the most for

00:48:35.280 my birthdays who showed who showed me generosity jacqueline novak who when i was turning i don't

00:48:41.220 even know what birthday it was but went to diner in brooklyn yeah favorite restaurant i believe it

00:48:46.340 was us john early derone derone yes we were all there you were running like five minutes late

00:48:52.900 Cause you're like, I just puked. Yeah. I puked outside from car sickness. Yeah. You like

00:48:57.000 vomited like a block away. You stroll in, we proceed to have a very lavish meal where we

00:49:02.100 order, I think a bottle of bubbly, whatever check comes. I have every expectation that we're all

00:49:08.200 going to throw our cards down. I would never in a million years. Jacqueline Novak swoops in with

00:49:12.000 her card. Oh, it's on me as if it's absolutely nothing. My knees buckled. I slid down off the

00:49:17.200 booth onto the ground and it was so stunning to me i could not believe it and you were just like

00:49:23.440 you're like of course it's your birthday could not believe it flash forward a couple years later

00:49:27.400 you take me out for steaks we have cherry steaks and martinis yeah and similarly you you insist on 0.57

00:49:34.040 the check and i just you really taught me how to live and that's the thing we need models we need

00:49:39.200 we need people to show us how to live and you really showed me how to live that day and for

00:49:43.740 that i love you forever happy birthday i'll tell you this because i haven't yet delivered but i

00:49:47.860 will tell you that early this morning i sought out your address your current address where where are

00:49:52.540 you staying right now my mouth is i was going to try to get something there before we record but

00:49:58.100 that was not done but there's still time the day is not is not over but i wanted to shock you

00:50:03.060 because you unbelievable because you have these desires because you have these needs you're

00:50:07.900 someone that it's worth delivering on them I really appreciate that let's get it in stone

00:50:13.880 for all my friends listening I really need it as you know I'm an only child I will be inevitably

00:50:18.300 orphaned at some point as will all of us but I won't have that anchor of a sibling and so I

00:50:24.740 really need the friends to kind of come come in there and with that I ask confirmed for me your

00:50:30.360 birthday so my birthday I'm gonna say it now and I'm never gonna say it again I mean I don't mean

00:50:34.120 to you i'll tell you i know that it's on my calendar i do not okay i do not go public i do

00:50:39.340 not say hi everyone it's my birthday online because that's just i'd rather just you know

00:50:43.080 let it quietly pass i'll say here my birthday is july 16th and they hide it in charity i'll tell

00:50:47.520 you that much hey um it's for my birthday and in lieu of gifts i i um i would love you to donate

00:50:53.960 and donate to the rainforest good for them but it's a birthday announced nonetheless let's get

00:50:58.620 real absolutely i see what you're doing i see what you're doing and so it's september 3rd is

00:51:03.420 the point i'm comfortable with no friends acknowledging my birthday but poog fans i'm

00:51:08.720 fine but if the poog fans can carry you and me through birthdays i don't need anyone else huge

00:51:14.440 all right this was a great way to start my birthday we'll say it was an honor i love you

00:51:18.620 that was poog if you enjoyed poog please subscribe rate and review if not we will press charges

00:51:33.420 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:51:36.920 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:51:40.840 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:51:44.660 No, I am not your guru.

00:51:48.320 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:51:50.620 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:51:53.560 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:51:57.080 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:52:03.420 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:52:05.920 Guaranteed human.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - July 20, 2021

The Birthday File

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