There Are No Girls on the Internet - December 21, 2021


TANGOTI CLASSIC: How The Matrix Explains a Trans Experience

Topics
#FreeBritney as a successful online movement The Capitol insurrection was fueled by the anti-abortion movement

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 6 minutes

Words per minute

177.43

Word count

11,792

Sentence count

566

Harmful content

Misogyny

24

sentences flagged

Toxicity

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

47

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
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00:02:06.360 There are no girls on the internet 0.99
00:02:07.780 as a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative.
00:02:14.460 I'm Bridget Todd,
00:02:15.500 and this is There Are No Girls on the Internet.
00:02:19.680 So I'm so excited to let y'all know that on December 22nd, we are getting a brand new Matrix movie.
00:02:26.960 The Matrix Resurrections will have a theatrical release and an HBO streaming release.
00:02:31.700 Now, Keanu Reeves, Carrie Ann Moss, and Jada Pinkett Smith are all back to reprise their roles from the previous Matrix films.
00:02:37.240 And we've got some pretty exciting newcomers to the franchise, too, like Neil Patrick Harris, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, and Christina Ricci.
00:02:45.380 Now, did you know that for many trans people, they see The Matrix as an allegory for trans identity?
00:02:50.700 Let's revisit one of my very favorite episodes of There Are No Girls on the Internet,
00:02:54.340 about how The Matrix explains a trans experience.
00:02:58.280 The Matrix first premiered in 1999, and when it did, it was groundbreaking.
00:03:03.400 In it, many trans folks see a metaphor for the trans experience
00:03:06.620 and breaking down the systems that keep you from knowing your true self.
00:03:10.520 I wanted to know more about this.
00:03:12.140 So I reached out to Emily Vanderwerf, the critic at large for Vox.com.
00:03:18.460 Emily's piece, How the Matrix Universalized a Trans Experience and Helped Me Accept My Own, explores how the Matrix spoke to her own experiences as a trans woman.
00:03:27.840 You can find the link to the piece in the episode description.
00:03:31.440 Now, I was really excited to connect with Emily, but while we were going back and forth to confirm the details of our interview, I could tell something was up.
00:03:40.580 That day, Harper's Magazine published a letter denouncing what is sometimes known as cancel culture,
00:03:46.060 complaining that the freedom of speech and free exchange of ideas are being stifled by intolerant voices on the left.
00:03:52.020 The letter was signed by people like Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling, who has a history of anti-trans speech.
00:03:58.440 The letter fits a common pattern in which people with power attempt to portray public critiques of powerful people as unacceptable,
00:04:05.660 even when they use their power to harm people less powerful than them.
00:04:10.780 Someone who also signed on to the letter works with Emily at Fox.
00:04:14.860 Pretty understandably, finding out that one of her co-workers also signed on to this letter
00:04:19.200 didn't sit well with Emily.
00:04:21.320 She reached out to her employer to let them know
00:04:23.300 and posted a segment of her response on Twitter.
00:04:27.020 The letter, signed as it is by several prominent anti-trans voices
00:04:31.060 and containing many dog whistles toward anti-trans positions,
00:04:34.660 as it does, ideally wouldn't be signed by anybody at Vox,
00:04:38.300 much less one of the most prominent people at our publication.
00:04:41.880 She writes,
00:04:44.420 And while her colleague's signature on this letter made her feel uncomfortable at work,
00:04:48.280 she made it clear that she didn't want him reprimanded.
00:04:51.160 She just wanted to speak her piece,
00:04:53.180 and use some of that free speech that let her claim to revere so highly.
00:04:57.320 Can you guess what happened next? 1.00
00:04:59.760 For the crime of being a trans woman expressing herself online,
00:05:03.780 Emily was harassed, threatened, and attacked.
00:05:07.060 Of course she was angling to have this co-worker fired or punished,
00:05:11.480 said critics on Twitter, 0.99
00:05:13.100 even though she had very clearly said otherwise.
00:05:16.680 The harassment got so bad,
00:05:19.000 Emily, someone who makes her living writing online,
00:05:21.960 had to leave social media.
00:05:24.000 She gave control of her accounts to her friends and logged off.
00:05:28.140 Before she left, she tweeted,
00:05:29.980 the hypocrisy of celebrating so-called vigorous debate
00:05:32.800 only to call out those who offer a counter-opinion
00:05:35.600 for offering such a counter-opinion.
00:05:37.280 It's obvious on its face, but I'll point it out anyway.
00:05:40.600 They do not believe in free speech.
00:05:42.440 They believe in free speech for them.
00:05:45.520 During her time off social media,
00:05:47.480 Emily was still down to talk about the Matrix.
00:05:50.200 And I thought maybe our conversation,
00:05:52.120 and subsequently this episode,
00:05:54.200 would be all about the fallout from the Harper's letter.
00:05:57.520 But honestly, Emily is so much more interesting
00:06:01.400 than any of the points made in that letter.
00:06:04.100 But the implications of Emily being harassed
00:06:06.540 off of her online platform
00:06:07.820 by people who call themselves champions of free speech
00:06:11.000 isn't lost on me.
00:06:13.140 And it wasn't lost on Emily
00:06:14.520 when we spoke about finding freedom online,
00:06:17.500 the enduring power of telling your story,
00:06:19.740 and seeing stories like yours told,
00:06:21.800 starting with The Matrix.
00:06:26.580 Do you remember the first time that you saw The Matrix?
00:06:29.340 It just was like, it opened up doors in my brain.
00:06:34.000 I didn't quite realize it was opening up at the time.
00:06:37.040 It was kind of one of the first ways I started to understand my trans identity
00:06:40.520 without having any clue that's what was happening.
00:06:44.480 I just knew that when I went online and pretended to be a girl,
00:06:47.540 that felt really good in some way. 0.91
00:06:50.660 Pretended. Air quotes are around that for all my trans friends listening.
00:06:53.920 um yeah i i but the matrix was kind of the first thing i saw that really delineated that difference
00:07:04.020 between reality and the internet and the ways that they kind of feed into each other
00:07:09.980 now what's interesting about this is that in the matrix reality is this like gray uh horrible
00:07:19.120 post-apocalyptic landscape and the internet is this bustling busy metropolis but the internet
00:07:25.920 is like where things are wrong where things are not right and reality is like what you have to 0.82
00:07:30.200 accept which is a very pre-coming out like sort of trans experience but it's also you know the
00:07:37.760 movie's not just about trans identities it's anti-capitalist it's um extremely you know diverse
00:07:44.500 and multicultural, you know,
00:07:47.520 certainly the Wachowskis didn't make
00:07:49.480 all the right steps there, 0.95
00:07:50.760 but they were sure trying
00:07:51.880 for the early 2000s, late 90s.
00:07:55.440 So there's a lot more in there
00:07:56.980 than just a story about transness,
00:08:00.300 but there's also a lot of stuff in there
00:08:02.620 about being trans,
00:08:03.520 and that's a really impressive thing
00:08:06.660 to have pulled off at that point in time.
00:08:09.140 Okay, so if you haven't seen
00:08:10.100 The Matrix in a while,
00:08:11.120 here is a quick summary.
00:08:13.120 Keanu Reeves has a routine life as a computer programmer known by his alias Neo.
00:08:18.060 He has this nagging feeling that something isn't right with the world he's being presented.
00:08:22.620 What you know you can't explain, but you feel it.
00:08:27.020 You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world.
00:08:31.500 You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind.
00:08:37.220 Neo meets Trinity, played by Carrie Ann Moss, and Morpheus, played by Laurence Fishburne,
00:08:41.320 who present him with a choice.
00:08:43.620 Take the red pill or the blue pill.
00:08:45.980 If he takes the blue pill,
00:08:47.660 the world will stay as he's always experienced it.
00:08:50.660 But the red pill reveals the true nature of the world,
00:08:54.400 that the real world has basically been destroyed.
00:08:58.400 And what we think of as the real world
00:09:00.200 is actually a computer simulation called the Matrix.
00:09:03.840 And unfortunately, we humans are actually in pods of goo
00:09:07.560 being used as human batteries for machines.
00:09:10.820 You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland,
00:09:14.260 and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.
00:09:18.840 As Emily writes,
00:09:20.780 On its most basic level, the movie follows characters
00:09:23.960 who break free of their real life via the internet,
00:09:26.820 creating online identities that feel more real than their physical ones.
00:09:31.520 Once there, they choose new name for themselves,
00:09:33.980 their clothes become a whole lot cooler and less traditionally gendered.
00:09:37.040 In fact, rumor has it the role of Switch, the blonde side character in The Matrix, was originally meant to be a character who explicitly explores gender in The Matrix, but the studio ended up cutting it.
00:09:48.640 So in terms of the character of Switch, there is this rumor that the Wachowskis wanted this character named Switch to be played by two different actors.
00:10:00.200 I believe it would be a man in reality and a woman in The Matrix.
00:10:05.140 and that was supposed to be kind of an example of like how the matrix could let you explore your
00:10:10.300 truest self because um there is i believe that that um morpheus says at some point early in the
00:10:18.120 film that like who you are in the matrix is like your your brain's self-image so in that case switch
00:10:23.460 would be like oh my self-image is a woman and the only place i can be that is in the matrix and that
00:10:28.000 would have complicated the whole clean dynamic between reality and the matrix so much more
00:10:34.080 The rumor is that Warner Brothers wouldn't allow the Wachowskis to include it.
00:10:38.400 It's been very hard for people to track down the source of this story.
00:10:42.160 I tend to believe it because I have talked to people who heard about it.
00:10:46.360 But, you know, and it also really fits with what we know about the Wachowskis now, which 0.95
00:10:51.760 is, I think, which is, I think, why it might be a little too clean and convenient.
00:10:55.000 But it certainly would have been cool.
00:10:57.340 I wish it had been in there.
00:10:58.380 I think it would have helped me figure some stuff out more quickly.
00:11:01.860 Or maybe it wouldn't have.
00:11:02.960 Maybe I just would have been like, that's cool.
00:11:05.220 When Emily saw the Matrix, she connected with it instantly.
00:11:10.520 Using the internet to become closer to understanding your true self is something both Neo and Emily have in common.
00:11:17.060 My sister and I accidentally shared a Yahoo Chat account.
00:11:24.620 This is back when Yahoo Chat existed.
00:11:26.840 And she was a cheerleader.
00:11:29.000 So she created the name Cheer and Chick.
00:11:31.340 and i accidentally logged in as that one day and it was immediately a barrage of people with
00:11:38.460 male-coded screen names being like hey asl hey sexy you know all of that
00:11:43.000 and i hated it but i hated it in a way that felt good and i liked that attention in a way that i
00:11:53.240 never liked attention i got for performing masculinity all i had to do was change my
00:12:00.000 screen name and suddenly like people were like oh my god you're pretty oh you sound really cool
00:12:05.340 uh cheer and chick do you cheerlead um asl i'm you know 22 male california nice smile and like
00:12:12.940 i mean we were all lying we were all lying in some way that man probably did not have a nice
00:12:19.480 smile he probably had a cold and chilling smile that would scare you if you saw it in the middle
00:12:24.420 of the night but i was lying and i wasn't lying you know i didn't realize i wasn't lying but i
00:12:31.780 that was the true the truest thing i ever did was pretending to be a girl online because it was it
00:12:38.480 was it was so easy in the matrix neo's journey is accepting that he is the one the figure who's
00:12:48.420 meant to save humanity.
00:12:51.380 He struggles to accept this identity,
00:12:53.380 and at times, questions if he'll ever learn how to be the one.
00:12:58.780 But that power was actually within him the whole time.
00:13:01.940 He just had to accept it.
00:13:03.760 It's something that really resonates with Emily. 0.95
00:13:09.100 What I often tell trans women who are newly out
00:13:13.180 is you already know how to do this. 1.00
00:13:15.380 You don't know you know how to do this, 1.00
00:13:17.060 but you are going to understand how to operate in women's spaces and function as a woman in society, 0.98
00:13:23.760 both in all of the good and bad ways that that is implied within the patriarchy.
00:13:29.600 You have this knowledge inside of you. You don't realize it's there.
00:13:33.780 And you're going to unlock it and you're suddenly going to be like, oh, yeah, OK, this makes sense.
00:13:39.740 Talking to women makes so much more sense than trying to do the male bonding thing.
00:13:44.100 um i like going clothes shopping was the thing i always hated and that was one of the ways that i
00:13:50.720 was like oh i'm probably not trans because if i was a girl i'd like clothes shopping you know that
00:13:55.580 sort of that sort of reductive stereotype but really i didn't like going clothes shopping
00:14:00.080 because i didn't like wearing men's clothes now if like one of my friends wants to go shopping
00:14:03.740 that's great it's fun it's a it's a chance to bond and hang out with friends and like
00:14:09.080 there's so much more to womanhood to gender to all of that than what i'm describing but like
00:14:14.080 you already have the base source code for femininity, for womanhood, for hanging out
00:14:20.900 with the girls in your brain as a trans woman. It just, you just need to find a way to unlock it.
00:14:28.140 And, um, that was what I, that was what was happening to me in those chat rooms.
00:14:32.820 I was logging in as a girl, people were treating me like a girl and I got it. I think I'm
00:14:42.440 remembering um there were some intensely validating experiences there when like there would be another
00:14:49.920 woman logged in and she would like message me and be like oh my god it's crazy in here and i'd just
00:14:55.280 be like yes it is it is crazy in here we are two women talking about our experiences of how crazy
00:15:01.260 it is to be logged into this chat room of this barrage and then you know we do some small talk
00:15:06.040 or whatever and it would inevitably come to the point where she was like well you know who are
00:15:10.080 you? Where are you from? And like, I would kind of freeze up because I would describe this girl
00:15:14.260 that wasn't real, but felt real. And I was describing myself. It was the late nineties.
00:15:19.520 So I had this super strong attachment to Reese Witherspoon.
00:15:22.860 Who did it?
00:15:24.340 Yeah. A little bit older than me, but like Tracy Flick in election, you know, a lot of my friends
00:15:30.720 saw her as a villain and I was like, you know, I find her an aspirational figure, but we're not
00:15:35.360 going to unpack that. We're just not going to think about that. And for as annoying as she can
00:15:40.280 be, Tracy Flick is who I would have been. That's that girl I was always describing in the chat 0.90
00:15:44.800 rooms, like kind of driven and type A and a little bit annoying and a little bit irritating, 1.00
00:15:50.420 but inevitably is going to like take over the world. And I think the universe saw how potent
00:15:57.580 that energy was within me and was like, we got to tie one hand behind her back. So I think that's,
00:16:02.520 I think that's what happened. And my joke was, you know,
00:16:05.860 it's just like how the Wachowskis cast Keanu Reeves and Carrie Ann Moss as
00:16:09.260 trans women. Cause like,
00:16:10.260 they are both analogs for trans women in this movie. And, you know, 0.97
00:16:14.460 it was a joke, but it's really true. Like Keanu, like Neo's,
00:16:18.980 Neo's journey towards self-acceptance is exactly what you're describing.
00:16:23.120 And so honestly,
00:16:26.200 honestly, so is the whole thing that Trinity's on.
00:16:28.360 Like Trinity is like a trans woman in like her third year of transition who's 0.52
00:16:32.260 found this like girl at her support group who's like I don't know what I'm gonna do I'm so scared 0.91
00:16:37.400 and then Trinity's like no we're gonna fucking run up some walls we're gonna bring helicopters
00:16:42.960 down you have no idea how much power you have inside of you and yeah it's it's a movie about 0.97
00:16:49.480 it's a movie about what we in the trans community call self-acceptance the moment when you're like
00:16:55.660 okay something's going on here and I need to admit it to myself and maybe you don't even
00:17:00.080 admit you're trans but you do admit to yourself that like there is this world inside of you that 0.59
00:17:06.960 you are not exploring and something needs to be done about that the matrix is really about that
00:17:12.820 and i think it's telling that when it was written both lana and lily wachowski it seemed to have
00:17:18.180 even been closeted from themselves uh the recent documentary disclosure on netflix lily wachowski
00:17:23.680 is interviewed about the matrix and she's like at the time i didn't know but i watch it now and i'm
00:17:27.720 like, oh yeah, okay. Lana Wachewski came out sometime in the early 2000s, came out to herself.
00:17:33.220 She came out publicly in, I think, 2008, 2009, somewhere in there. No, she came out publicly
00:17:39.680 around the release of Cloud Atlas, which was 2012. There were rumors about her for the entirety of
00:17:45.200 the 2000s. And they were pretty cruel and nasty rumors. And I don't recommend going to look up
00:17:52.780 their stories because they are bad. The Matrix was directed by sisters Lana and Lily Wachowski,
00:17:59.400 who would later both publicly come out as trans. In 2012, Lana gave a moving acceptance speech
00:18:04.960 for the HRC's Visibility Award about her journey to self-acceptance and the desire to imagine and
00:18:10.380 build worlds where all people can see themselves fully reflected. I am here because when I was
00:18:15.920 young, I wanted very badly to be a writer. I wanted to be a filmmaker, but I couldn't find
00:18:21.740 anyone like me in the world. And it felt that my dreams were foreclosed simply because my gender
00:18:29.080 was less typical than others. But Lana Wachowski was kind of on the cusp of coming out when they 0.53
00:18:35.820 were making The Matrix. And you can see that within that movie. It is about taking that 0.95
00:18:41.380 journey towards self-acceptance. And honestly, the poor reputation of The Matrix sequels,
00:18:48.920 both of which I really like. And the second of Matrix Reloaded, I adore. I think it's one of
00:18:53.440 their best movies. Both of those sequels are about what happens after you self-accept and the ways
00:18:59.900 that it kind of deconstructs the world in ways that you're not ready for, that you don't always
00:19:03.840 understand. There's this famous meme joke in trans woman circles. That's like, it's the galaxy 0.99
00:19:12.520 brain meme so it starts i wish i was a girl um and the second one is i can just be a girl and
00:19:18.980 the third one is i always was a girl and then the final one the galaxy brain is destroy capitalism
00:19:23.320 because that's what happens is you realize you question the gender binary and you're like oh
00:19:29.040 wait i should i just should be on the other side of it or i should not be on the binary at all or
00:19:33.440 i should be totally removed from the spectrum of gender or whatever your experience is and you're
00:19:38.620 suddenly like, wait, all systems are kind of made up. And you're like, oh, we can just, you know,
00:19:43.860 once you see that, you're seeing the matrix, you can't unsee it. And suddenly you're like,
00:19:48.840 how could we build better systems? Like if human beings require systems to operate and live and
00:19:54.400 evolve, how can we do something better? And that's kind of what the matrix trilogy is about.
00:19:59.720 Let's take a quick break.
00:20:00.440 Transcription by CastingWords
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00:20:55.720 can help your business? Think iHeart. Streaming, radio, and podcasting. Call 844-844-iHeart to get
00:21:02.540 started. That's 844-844-iHeart. If your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to
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00:21:15.920 part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride
00:21:20.420 and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week
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00:22:03.660 See you between the pages.
00:22:05.760 When I was 14 years old,
00:22:08.020 I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.
00:22:11.560 I survived, and I've spent my life exploring
00:22:14.240 how other people survive what should have destroyed them.
00:22:17.820 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. 0.70
00:22:21.460 I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.
00:22:30.100 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.
00:22:34.320 I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.
00:22:38.880 I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.
00:22:46.300 They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.
00:22:50.120 But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.
00:22:53.780 They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.
00:22:57.380 Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:23:08.840 And we're back.
00:23:10.740 At its core, The Matrix is about someone seeking out the framework for understanding who they really are and having a hard time figuring out what it all means.
00:23:20.020 At the beginning of the film, Neo's life is, quote, normal.
00:23:24.640 Life follows a specific routine, but online, things are different. 0.93
00:23:29.300 And while The Matrix can be read as a metaphor for trans identity, built by two trans women,
00:23:34.420 it's pretty interesting that the language of the red pill has been latched onto by anti-feminist white supremacist groups.
00:23:40.460 In those online spaces, being, quote, red-pilled is a means for men to open their eyes to all the
00:23:48.040 ways that women and feminists have misled them. And it's kind of funny when you think about it.
00:23:53.340 Yeah, I think there is this element of trying to build careful, scripted routines for yourself
00:24:00.040 that I found to be often very true of pre-coming out trans people across the board. You don't 0.98
00:24:07.200 entirely understand the gender you were born into, but you can make rules for yourself. You can create
00:24:13.540 a programming language. You can exist within it. That's exactly what Neo's doing at the start of
00:24:18.480 the movie. He has all these routines. He has all these subsystems. He's a program working within
00:24:23.760 a program. And when he breaks out of the matrix, he begins to understand the ways in which he was
00:24:31.580 misled and the ways in which society, the ways in which society did not give him a language for who
00:24:39.800 he was. So yeah, I think there is, I think there is a lot of metaphorical power to that idea of
00:24:47.520 the red pill. Clearly a lot of people have taken different ideas from it, but there is metaphorical
00:24:53.780 power to this idea that you're being lied to. Your life is a program. You do not have free will.
00:24:59.800 You need to develop free will by any means necessary, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
00:25:04.940 And that is such a beautiful idea and a beautiful realization of trans identities that is simultaneously something that apparently spoke to the alt-right.
00:25:15.160 so which is so funny i mean you point this out in your piece that the alt-right sees like taking
00:25:20.480 the red pill as this you know breaking through this lie that you know that has been holding down
00:25:27.520 men and we're so oppressed but it's like actually you're latching on to something that trans women
00:25:32.380 like like a framework that trans women built for you you know it's like very it's like almost kind 0.57
00:25:37.340 of funny oh yeah yeah yeah um it's uh it's horribly hilariously misguided but at the same time 0.91
00:25:47.400 it makes sense because like i said earlier this movie is pretty anti-capitalist not like hugely
00:25:55.240 anti-capitalist but quite a bit and there's this right there's this range of movies from the 90s
00:26:01.820 that are sort of about the ways in which the quote unquote victory of capitalism over communism
00:26:09.980 and sort of the end of history, as the writer Francis Fukuyama dubbed it, the end of history
00:26:17.740 had resulted in neoliberalism triumphing over everything else and capitalism, the best system
00:26:23.500 and all of this. And there's all these movies about, well, then why does that feel so empty?
00:26:30.760 You know, you have, I think, an early example of that is Groundhog Day.
00:26:34.920 Groundhog Day is about, like, being trapped in these routines that don't really make sense
00:26:39.080 and then learning to become a better person through those routines.
00:26:42.300 But right in the year The Matrix comes out, 1999, you have The Matrix, which is about
00:26:46.480 that.
00:26:46.880 You have Fight Club, which is about that. 0.97
00:26:48.460 You have American Beauty, which is about that.
00:26:50.100 You have Being John Malkovich, which is kind of about that.
00:26:53.160 I think The Matrix is the one that's held up best of those.
00:26:56.100 I love Being John Malkovich for American Beauty.
00:26:58.860 Let's not talk about that. 0.94
00:27:00.060 it's like kind of a fucked up movie when you think about it yeah fight club is good but so 0.76
00:27:05.820 many people have taken the wrong message from it that um it's it's also harder to defend at least 0.82
00:27:10.600 with the matrix you can be like yeah a lot of people have taken the wrong message from this
00:27:13.740 but it was directed by two trans women so um but yeah there's this element of anti-capitalism
00:27:21.200 so when people are like i need to reject the prison that society has placed me in
00:27:26.100 they're so they're so close to what this movie is about they're so close to this idea that like
00:27:32.080 even if you don't want to go so far as to say capitalism is broken to say that consumerism
00:27:37.020 is broken the idea that you can find freedom and self and identity in things like in essence i
00:27:44.460 think every major philosophy every major religion rejects that idea things are not ourselves we are
00:27:49.820 not our things so like at the very least that's what the matrix is really talking about so to talk
00:27:56.380 about like to take get that far get that far in grasping its message and get to a place where
00:28:03.220 you're like actually it's talking about how women have made the world bad like i don't know how you
00:28:08.560 make that that swerve but every time i talk about this movie and i talk about it as an allegory for
00:28:14.360 trans identities um you know like vox or someone posts it on facebook and the comments are full of
00:28:19.720 people who are like, no, it's not about that. It's about this. And like, yes, that is absolutely
00:28:23.480 your right to that interpretation. That's how criticism works. That's how our understanding
00:28:29.540 of art and the death of the author and all of that works. But at a certain point, the fact that
00:28:34.600 it was written by two trans women and directed by two trans women has to enter into your
00:28:40.560 consideration of what it's all about. And that for a lot of people, the idea that it's a trans
00:28:48.420 metaphor is mind-blowing. Like a friend of mine, Erin Reed, another trans woman posted on Twitter,
00:28:57.240 you know, the matrix was directed by two trans women. And there's a metaphor for coming out
00:29:00.540 something that simple. And like 50,000 people liked it. And we're like, this blew my mind. And
00:29:06.140 the sis, I just don't know what we're going to do. 0.69
00:29:09.800 Why do you think the idea that the matrix is a metaphor for the trans experience kind of goes
00:29:13.640 overlooked so often? I mean, it's metaphor. Let's take a look at Star Wars. Star Wars is probably
00:29:20.900 the movie before The Matrix. Yeah, it's definitely the movie before The Matrix that changed the film
00:29:25.340 industry the most. And The Matrix lives in Star Wars shadow in the way that everything after The
00:29:29.920 Matrix lives in The Matrix's shadow. So you look back at Star Wars. Star Wars is a movie that George
00:29:36.220 Lucas, when he started writing it, was like, okay, America's the empire, the Viet Cong are the rebels.
00:29:42.080 yet Americans always self-identify with the rebels because, you know, that's how we like
00:29:48.120 to think of ourselves. Our foundational myth is scrappy underdogs overcoming this gigantic
00:29:54.820 colonial power. But we don't think about how the makeup of those scrappy underdogs was all white 0.79
00:30:00.180 landowning men, you know, many of whom were slave owners, many of, and even other people,
00:30:05.100 you know, who weren't slave owners had done other horrible things. And we were displacing
00:30:09.220 indigenous peoples and forcing them to move further and further west. And there's a lot to 1.00
00:30:14.460 that foundational myth that gets written out so we can see ourselves as the rebel alliance in Star
00:30:19.240 Wars. But the movies continue to make more and more explicit that any colonial power like the
00:30:26.240 United States is in line with the empire and the people who are being colonized are in line with
00:30:32.240 the rebels. And yet, you know, we still continue to be like, yep, we're the rebel alliance.
00:30:36.840 It's anytime you take a story that is based in reality and move it into metaphor, there's going to be so many people who are like, yeah, I see this metaphor as directly reflecting my experience.
00:30:46.440 And like, that's fair. That's fine. You know, like all of those interpretations are valid.
00:30:52.560 That's what happens when you're dealing with metaphor. And science fiction is inevitably always based on metaphor in some way.
00:30:59.120 I think it's important to take into mind that two trans women made this film, but I'm also a trans woman.
00:31:03.360 I like the fact that there's this gigantic, defining piece of pop culture directed by two trans women.
00:31:10.040 When I got to interview Lily Wachowski, I nearly crumbled into dust. 1.00
00:31:14.240 Like I almost fell into fell onto the floor.
00:31:17.420 And then she said she'd read my article.
00:31:19.580 And like, I left my body.
00:31:23.880 I went up to heaven for a little bit.
00:31:26.360 I came back down.
00:31:27.180 I was like, yes.
00:31:27.740 if you haven't already guessed
00:31:30.260 stories have been immensely gratifying
00:31:32.380 for Emily's understanding of herself
00:31:33.820 when she publicly came out as trans
00:31:36.500 she'd already made a career out of writing
00:31:38.380 publicly online
00:31:39.220 in a piece for Vox
00:31:41.540 she used the handmaid's tale
00:31:43.400 as a means of coming to terms with
00:31:45.540 and breaking down the walls around
00:31:47.520 what it means to be a woman 0.99
00:31:49.220 at once a kind of freedom and oppression
00:31:52.300 what is it about stories
00:31:54.500 and movies and science fiction
00:31:56.260 and TV shows that really helps you understand the world around you and your place in it. 0.97
00:32:01.780 Understanding womanhood is understanding your oppression within the patriarchy. 0.92
00:32:07.640 That doesn't mean that you yourself are always oppressed. There are a million ways. Well, 0.96
00:32:12.900 there are three big ways that I have a lot more privilege than most trans women. I'm white, 0.97
00:32:17.580 so I benefit from the societal privileges afforded to white people in America. 0.79
00:32:21.820 I am upper middle class and I work for a company that covers, you know, my health expenses.
00:32:27.600 And I live in California, which is a state that has few structural barriers to transition.
00:32:32.540 If you're an adult and you want to take hormones, California is like, great, go for it.
00:32:37.480 Those are three things I have that a lot of trans women in the world, the vast majority 0.96
00:32:41.700 of trans women in the world do not have those three advantages.
00:32:45.800 So that has helped me considerably.
00:32:47.680 And I think especially when you grow up as a seemingly, when you grow up seeming to the world like a white, straight, cis man, you don't encounter a lot of structural oppression.
00:33:01.620 One of the ways that film and television helps us understand ourselves better is exposes us to the stories of other people.
00:33:11.780 um for instance i am never going to have the experience of growing up that uh barry jenkins
00:33:20.460 and terrell alvin mccreary did but moonlight is a movie that opens that window to me i can't
00:33:27.620 completely understand it but i can empathize with it because i've seen through that window i've seen
00:33:31.720 people live those lives and the thing that happens is when you that film and television
00:33:37.340 are such potent, powerful expressions of the self
00:33:44.900 because they're so riveting.
00:33:47.540 They draw you in so much.
00:33:49.300 I know plenty of trans women who found themselves
00:33:51.080 through like video games, which is a similar situation. 0.98
00:33:54.280 You know, they famously would always play the female character
00:33:56.640 and be like, this feels good.
00:33:59.260 Movies and television give you that space
00:34:02.000 to open up and understand yourself better.
00:34:05.560 And at some point I had to confront the fact
00:34:07.240 that the characters I always most identified with were women. I always identified with Willow on
00:34:12.980 Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I always identified with Rory on Gilmore Girls. I just had this thing
00:34:21.040 where I was like, oh, these girls, these teenage girls, when I was a teenager,
00:34:26.080 these teenage girls, they just speak to me on some fundamental level. Similarly, Peggy Olsen
00:34:32.140 on Mad Men. When I became an adult, I was like, oh, she's always overlooked for her work. And my
00:34:36.840 brain would be like, you are not overlooked for your work. So part of it is understanding the
00:34:43.120 structural oppression that women face throughout the world, particularly in the United States,
00:34:47.740 and coming to understand that within yourself and the ways that you see it out in the world.
00:34:52.420 But also there's an element of personal oppression. I wasn't facing the oppression. I wasn't facing
00:35:00.760 the roadblocks that Peggy Olson faced to get my writing noticed, to get things published.
00:35:07.240 The second I was like, you know, I think I'd like to be a TV critic.
00:35:10.520 Like people were like, here's some jobs, white man.
00:35:14.160 And I kind of like, now I look back on that kind of blows my mind.
00:35:18.600 Like I, my qualification was, I was a good writer and I don't want to besmirch that.
00:35:22.700 That is a good qualification to have if you want to be a writer.
00:35:25.940 But I just kind of asked for the job and people gave it to me and like, whoa, what
00:35:30.480 is that so i was not being kept down like peggy olson but i was i was keeping myself down peggy
00:35:37.900 olson was doing all the writing in the back of my brain and this guy was getting all the credit for
00:35:42.080 it and there is an element of yes understanding structural oppression yes understanding the 0.91
00:35:48.780 patriarchy yes understanding the ways that women are are just just the microaggressions that women 0.67
00:35:54.400 face every day when someone's like, hey, sweetie, how are you doing? And you're just like, hey, 1.00
00:35:58.060 fine. But even deeper and more powerful is the coming to understand and conceptualize of yourself
00:36:09.260 as a woman and breaking through the layers of oppression you have placed upon yourself.
00:36:15.620 And the reason the internet is such a powerful tool to do that is because it gives that Peggy 0.98
00:36:21.240 in the back of my brain, an outlet where she can keep writing and she can keep leaving me messages
00:36:27.700 in that writing. And I can be like, you know, this is really interesting, the way that you
00:36:32.460 seem disconnected from yourself as though your true self is someone else. And then be like,
00:36:36.260 oh, it's 2013. Let's put that on hold for a while. So yeah, it is a way in which the larger
00:36:44.620 oppressions of society become visited in the personal oppression of the self, because you're
00:36:49.940 terrified of the thought, if I'm trans, that seems really hard. Can I just try to not be trans?
00:36:55.960 That's what society is asking you to do, is to try to not be trans. And you are manifesting that 0.96
00:37:00.800 within yourself. Film and television helps you break through that wall. I probably don't need
00:37:06.580 to tell you that being a woman online sometimes means dealing with harassment. And the fact is,
00:37:12.080 as we're talking, Emily has been driven off of her own platforms because people don't like that
00:37:16.680 she's speaking up as the authority of her own experience.
00:37:19.820 But for all the bad experiences she faces online,
00:37:22.720 it's also where she builds community with other trans women.
00:37:25.920 Every day, I wake up to two or three Twitter DMs.
00:37:29.400 I leave my Twitter DMs open,
00:37:31.000 because that's how a lot of questioning trans women find me.
00:37:34.200 And that is very important to me.
00:37:35.500 That is part of what I think is part of my reason to be on this planet,
00:37:38.440 is to help those trans women find their way.
00:37:41.720 And I wake up to two or three DMs from guys who are like,
00:37:46.040 hey, you're beautiful. Hey, you know, and it's not even like bad. It's just kind of like,
00:37:50.780 I don't need this. And I just delete them. And like, that's just become, I realized the other
00:37:56.440 day that has become a low level radiation hump in my life. I'm just like, you know what? This
00:38:01.260 is a thing I have to put up with. And I shouldn't have to put up with it. It's not a thing I should
00:38:06.980 have to put up with, but you just get inured to it. You're just like, okay, I'm a woman online.
00:38:12.600 This is just how it is. And that also goes for, you know, being a trans woman online. There are people who really don't like trans women, but I tend to have them blocked or I tend to have them, I tend to not listen to them and just, you know, immediately get rid of them from my feed.
00:38:29.140 there are just as many people who and these are trickier to find usually there are people who
00:38:35.720 fetishize trans identities uh there's people there are there are you know men who um love
00:38:42.580 trans women and like want to but have turned it into kind of a fetish and have turned my identity
00:38:48.740 into kind of a fetish and in the community we call them chasers um i don't know if i'm like
00:38:53.360 breaking a breaking a law saying that among the cis but um uh and like they're harder to find
00:39:01.480 because they're often just like they reply to you and they're like you're great way to go and you're
00:39:06.120 like oh thank you for your support good male ally but sometimes and the problem is sometimes they're
00:39:11.740 what we call eggs you know which is a trans woman who hasn't yet self-accepted but is knocking at
00:39:16.480 that door and like them saying you're a great way to go like i remember when laura jane grace the
00:39:21.240 singer from against me came out i posted a comment on my website the av club where i was
00:39:26.140 writing at the time i posted a comment that was like good for her she did great and it's really
00:39:31.240 good whenever anyone can overcome you know find themselves blah blah blah and if you go find it
00:39:36.180 it's so obviously about myself and i don't know how to say that and it's just yeah but at the time
00:39:42.360 i just was like yay what a great thing and like that's the problem you can't always tell the
00:39:48.320 people who fetishize you from the people who really do just want to celebrate you or the
00:39:51.580 people who are celebrating you because they want to celebrate themselves because there's huge
00:39:55.280 overlap in all of those areas so i guess on some level i just got used to the low level
00:40:02.360 radiation hum of terrible people on another level um i mentioned earlier my best friend
00:40:08.620 and she reached out to my,
00:40:15.840 I had a long, for a long time,
00:40:17.960 I had a secret Twitter account
00:40:19.300 where I posted as a girl named Emily
00:40:21.780 and was talking about my journey toward transition.
00:40:24.680 I had that account for over a year
00:40:27.660 before I came out publicly and I still have it.
00:40:30.000 It's Sandalwood Emily.
00:40:32.040 I leave it up so that people who are questioning
00:40:34.340 can go back and see my journey,
00:40:35.960 go back to the very start in March, 2018.
00:40:38.620 and read all the way through um but uh my best friend reached out to me and dms there and was
00:40:49.620 like listen i really love the stuff you've written because i was writing a newsletter
00:40:53.380 under the name emily emily sandalwood and she just was like i really love the stuff you've
00:40:59.900 written i speak so deeply to mean i'm pretty sure i'm a trans woman it was her like guy account um
00:41:08.620 I will take one million harassing tweets for that one DM, for that.
00:41:17.240 She is my heart.
00:41:20.860 She and I have been through so much together and I adore her.
00:41:28.680 The internet is a terrible place, but it's also a place where you can find the people you need.
00:41:37.240 And I'm in so many communities with other trans people that are closed. 1.00
00:41:43.040 You know, they're Slacks or Discords or Facebook groups or whatever. 1.00
00:41:47.280 And those people have found each other over the internet, usually over Reddit or Twitter,
00:41:51.300 two platforms we think of as gross and horrible and bad.
00:41:56.820 And yes, they are.
00:42:00.820 And yes, I have been subject to Twitter harassment, um, both on a hugely large scale and on a really minor scale where you just learn to tune it out, which is maybe not what you should do. The second I came out, somebody on 4chan, um, doctored up an article supposedly written by me about how, uh, white babies are white supremacy. 0.91
00:42:20.800 that i had supposedly written this and it was obviously fake it didn't use any of boxes type
00:42:28.360 faces it was uh written published under the the my old name and then the last name van werff which
00:42:35.200 is a name i've never used it's so lazy honestly the thing i respect least is the craftsmanship
00:42:44.340 like if you want to try to like get me uh in trouble with people you can at least like make
00:42:51.120 it look real right yeah you google it it doesn't come up i identify myself as a person of color
00:42:56.980 within it when i'm very obviously like just milky white um i and my friends used to call me the
00:43:03.080 milkman corn fed captain america midwestern shocks and so many people have approached me
00:43:13.600 about is this you did you do this and there's so many people who like are online and are just like
00:43:17.860 yep this is yet another trans woman who uh just thinks you know blah blah blah blah blah it's 0.99
00:43:23.780 people project shit onto me all the time now people just project whatever they want to on me 0.98
00:43:28.060 that's the thing i've realized um i'm trying to write about this i'm trying to write about the 0.99
00:43:31.160 harassment trans women in in the world are our phantoms people hear us they see us but they
00:43:39.340 don't really they they have conjured a version of us that they believe in so much more strongly 0.54
00:43:44.760 and we can be in the same room with them and there can be uh something making noise upstairs
00:43:50.820 you know rattling chains or thumping around on the floor and people will be like there's that
00:43:55.180 trans woman again and you can be there be like i'm not that i'm this person i'm someone else
00:44:00.680 and that's all they'll hear is the phantom but then you'll find someone who's in the room with
00:44:09.080 you and sees you and knows you and says, hi, you are the person I've been looking for my whole
00:44:15.300 life. It's worth it. It's worth it for that. When people have, quote, intellectual debate
00:44:22.460 about trans people, they talk about them like they're this abstract concept conjured up for
00:44:27.220 the sake of argument. And even when media outlets wrote about the harassment Emily faced after
00:44:32.000 speaking up when her co-worker signed the Harper's letter, they covered it like some
00:44:36.060 kind of petty ideological workplace dispute. But this is about Emily's actual life and her actual
00:44:42.420 lived experience as a trans woman. Gender is hard-coded into us in a way that I think is hard
00:44:47.260 for cis people to understand or imagine. I think art is the best way to express that. I can tell
00:44:52.480 you all the times until I'm blue in the face that womanhood makes more sense to me, that taking
00:44:57.240 estrogen made my brain come alive in a way it never had, that my body increasingly feels like
00:45:04.460 my body. And before it was just kind of like this abstraction that I existed within that now I can
00:45:10.820 be like, yeah, it would be cool to look like Keanu Reeves for a day, but I would immediately want to
00:45:15.140 come back to who I am right now, because this is home. This is what feels like home. I mean,
00:45:20.480 it would be cool to look like Keanu Reeves for a day. He's very handsome. He's very handsome.
00:45:24.420 Don't know if you've noticed, but more after this quick break.
00:45:34.460 Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense.
00:45:38.920 Will they finally eat the veggies?
00:45:40.680 Will the pesto survive the first bite?
00:45:42.740 Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?
00:45:46.780 And will you finish Episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers?
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00:46:02.140 Bell. Connection is everything.
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00:46:07.200 Think again.
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00:46:32.020 That's 844-844-I-HEART.
00:46:35.260 When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.
00:46:40.720 I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.
00:46:47.100 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.
00:46:50.800 I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, 0.99
00:46:56.220 Shut up. Don't say anything. 0.99
00:46:58.880 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.
00:47:03.420 I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.
00:47:07.980 I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.
00:47:15.420 They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.
00:47:19.380 But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.
00:47:22.820 They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.
00:47:25.960 Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:47:34.920 If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.
00:47:40.840 This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.
00:47:53.320 I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.
00:48:00.440 I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.
00:48:03.920 From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.
00:48:09.960 It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.
00:48:17.440 Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.
00:48:27.040 Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:48:33.080 See you between the pages.
00:48:38.000 Let's get right back to it.
00:48:39.920 Just like Neo used the internet to help understand the true nature of identity,
00:48:44.880 Emily is heartened to see so many people using social media to get closer to who they are too.
00:48:50.300 The thing I always tell people who reach out to me on Twitter.com,
00:48:54.680 they're like, I just don't feel attached to my manhood. 1.00
00:48:59.100 It's usually trans women. 1.00
00:49:00.660 I'm on manhood at all. 0.98
00:49:02.280 And I'm like, it's worth probing that.
00:49:04.600 you might just be a cis guy who has like these restrictions that have been placed on you that
00:49:10.400 you don't feel comfortable with and learning what those are and better defining yourself
00:49:14.680 is fine is good is optimal everybody should have to examine why their gender is the way it is and
00:49:21.640 what about the ways it's been programmed in for them work for them and what don't i'm a very
00:49:26.580 feminine trans woman i've run all the way in the opposite direction of how i was raised but i like
00:49:32.320 it i like wearing dresses and i like you know going out for for for brunch with my girlfriends
00:49:37.100 when we can leave the house um i like all those things that you associate with an extremely basic
00:49:42.980 white lady because i'm an extremely basic white lady but like that feels good that feels like home
00:49:47.620 i want everybody's gender to feel like home to them and i think for many cis people it doesn't
00:49:52.160 and they don't look into it and they don't understand why when it might be just one thing
00:49:56.220 It might be just like, okay, yeah, I'm a cis guy, but this thing where we all sit around and compare notes about women we've had sex with, it doesn't feel good to me.
00:50:07.140 It doesn't feel right to me.
00:50:08.160 I don't like this aspect of my gender. 1.00
00:50:09.960 Then you can cut it out of your life and you'll feel better. 1.00
00:50:13.240 You'll feel more whole.
00:50:14.900 Or maybe you're like me and you sat there and listened to all of that and you were like, oh my God, I feel really uncomfortable right now.
00:50:21.580 there's this element of
00:50:23.040 I feel like a spy
00:50:24.540 like a spy
00:50:25.440 who's like learning secrets
00:50:27.120 about how the other side behaves
00:50:28.780 and I didn't understand that
00:50:30.960 when I was in high school
00:50:31.800 and all my friends were like 1.00
00:50:32.680 yeah I had sex with her 0.91
00:50:33.660 I didn't understand 0.97
00:50:36.300 why that made me uncomfortable
00:50:37.220 at the time I thought
00:50:38.200 it was because I was a good Christian
00:50:39.180 and I didn't like to think about
00:50:40.720 you know sexuality at all 1.00
00:50:41.900 I didn't like hearing other women 1.00
00:50:43.540 referred to that way
00:50:44.660 like
00:50:45.060 it is worth examining your gender
00:50:49.220 if you think you're cis
00:50:50.440 you're probably just going to land on yeah i'm a man or yeah i'm a woman but you might go somewhere
00:50:55.420 more interesting you know i think i see one of the things that i think is really um encouraging
00:51:00.400 to me is the number of people who use he they or she they pronouns which is like yeah okay i'm
00:51:07.580 comfortable being identified as a man or a woman but there is this part of me that does not fit
00:51:13.860 that binary. And that is where the they comes in. It's somewhere in the mushy middle. And most of us
00:51:21.400 live in the mushy middle. Like, yeah, I'm very feminine, but I have several traditionally
00:51:27.180 masculine things I like. That doesn't make me non-binary. I don't want to claim that identity.
00:51:32.000 So that is encouraging to me, this idea that more people are accepting that gender is flexible,
00:51:38.640 That it can change over time, that you can have better understanding of yourself over time, that whatever was hard-coded into you by society is not necessarily what's hard-coded into you by you.
00:51:50.880 I mean, you're seeing so many seemingly heterosexual people now be like, you know, I think I might be bi, or I think I might be pan, because that door is open.
00:52:00.860 and I think that's going to happen with gender and I'm excited for it to happen with gender and I
00:52:05.760 hope it happens with gender because I don't think any of us is holy man or holy woman we're all
00:52:12.100 some combination of things from those those types and then we just we use words and pronouns to
00:52:18.180 describe who we are and it's always an exact really early on in transition I read um something
00:52:23.960 along the lines of there's I don't I think it's eight billion people there's eight billion people
00:52:27.520 on the planet's 38 billion genders. And that seems like a lot, but yeah, gender is a vastly
00:52:34.180 personal experience. And then we create these umbrellas to place them under. And we only had 1.00
00:52:38.020 two for a long time. Now we have a bunch more and that's good. That's great. I think it is an
00:52:43.120 exciting time. I think that in the US especially, there is a dawning awareness of the ways in which
00:52:51.060 trans identities are real and intersect with other identities, be that, you know, womanhood,
00:52:57.720 be that racial identities. There's a much greater awareness of the ways that trans women of color,
00:53:05.160 particularly Black and Latina, particularly Black and Latina trans women are hugely at
00:53:10.780 danger of violent crime. And like, but there is now increasingly an awareness of that. Awareness
00:53:15.220 is not action. Awareness does not save the lives of any of those Black trans women. 0.79
00:53:21.380 But hopefully it makes it easier and better and more just for future generations. And hopefully
00:53:27.080 that life expectancy raises up to a level where the same as any of the rest of us get to lead long
00:53:34.140 and fulfilling lives. And we have things we need to work on in the US, where it's far worse as the
00:53:41.120 uk the uk has become uh just a disaster area for trans people the structural uh barriers they face 0.87
00:53:48.060 the degree to which uh folks with very large platforms like jk rowling are making it harder
00:53:53.260 for people to exist there i live in a country the united states where there's a a extremely
00:53:59.960 conservative supreme court that is making the country demonstrably a worse place for equality
00:54:05.420 and yet they enshrined trans rights basically um like the very baseline level of trans rights let's
00:54:12.980 not go crazy like the least they could do the least they could do they enshrined it because
00:54:17.840 they were like you know what the constitution forces us to do this and like that was the piece
00:54:22.180 was like you know what i don't want to do this but i kind of have to so thank you thank you neil
00:54:28.860 Gorsuch for that. That's not happening in the UK. The UK is increasingly run by transphobic people
00:54:36.920 for transphobic people. And that's going to be a fight we have to win. That's going to be a fight
00:54:42.120 I'm glad to undertake. But also I'm not in the UK. I have trans woman friends in the UK and they are
00:54:48.860 terrified, you know, especially now that the UK is no longer in the EU and they can't just decamp
00:54:54.340 for like Germany or a country that's better for trans rights, you know, I'm going to have to marry 1.00
00:54:59.560 all of them so they can move to the U.S. Where we have the, you know what, I don't want to do this, 1.00
00:55:06.680 but I have to. While Emily was offline, her friends took over her social media accounts
00:55:11.960 so she wouldn't have to deal with the barrage of threats and harassment. Her friends used the
00:55:16.920 opportunity to raise money for House of Tulip, an organization that supports trans and gender
00:55:22.560 nonconforming folks experiencing homelessness as a way of finding a little light amidst all the
00:55:28.080 darkness. So what have the last 48 hours been like for you? The thing I found so interesting is
00:55:34.680 when I was harassed, it was about 48 hours of the worst I've ever been online. And I posted a thread
00:55:42.800 about how hard it had been and just like how I couldn't sleep and how I faced death threats and
00:55:48.860 how I just kind of wanted to no longer exist. Not in a self-harmy way, just like, oh, it's really
00:55:55.440 hard to be alive right now. So I posted that. And a friend of mine who works at Twitter and then
00:56:01.320 people at Vox Media who have contacts at Twitter, both were like, I think I can find a way to take
00:56:06.940 care of this. Instantly, the harassment dropped by probably 90%. And it wasn't because it wasn't
00:56:14.040 happening. When I go and look for it, I can still find it, but I really have to poke around because
00:56:18.680 it's been hidden beneath so many layers and good i'm glad it's hidden beneath so many layers that
00:56:24.900 kind of um hateful speech is i believe you know it exists within society but doesn't have to be
00:56:32.140 on privately owned platforms like if somebody wants to stand in the public square and yell 0.61
00:56:36.180 about how trans women shouldn't exist i'm not going to stop them but they should not be given
00:56:41.460 a bullhorn you know they should not be given a bullhorn a corporation should not come down to 0.93
00:56:45.820 that person and hand them a bullhorn emblazoned with their symbol or their logo rather, and let
00:56:51.120 them just shout into it. Like if they want to shout in the park, whatever. But what happens
00:56:57.380 functionally is that online, they, you know, one person becomes 500 people. Sometimes literally,
00:57:03.200 sometimes they set up 500 accounts. And sometimes it's just like, they shout loud enough that other
00:57:07.780 people start shouting what they're shouting. Other people start shouting what they're shouting. And
00:57:10.840 like, sometimes that's how good ideas spread. But most of the time, that's how bad ideas spread.
00:57:15.640 We know so much about how that takes people who maybe have a couple of questions about trans identities that they're not sure about, and it radicalizes them.
00:57:24.700 It pushes them further and further in the direction of transphobia.
00:57:27.500 And then there's somebody right there reaching out their hand to be like, have you heard about anti-Semitism?
00:57:32.500 Or, you know, have you heard about racism?
00:57:34.940 Here are some of the other things you can do to make the world a worse place.
00:57:38.740 And that person's like, thank you.
00:57:41.260 I didn't know, but now I'm going to try.
00:57:43.660 this doesn't happen with everybody you know i don't think i don't think jk rowling is suddenly
00:57:48.420 going to you know start um i don't think jk rowling is suddenly going to start like hurling
00:57:53.140 racist racist slurs on twitter but this is much like now she's much less likely to examine the
00:57:58.920 way she uses characters of color in her books which is almost never good yeah and you know
00:58:05.060 like like that's just that's the the the prevalence of social media makes it so easy
00:58:11.000 to not self-examine, to not ask those questions of yourself and just like find some of those
00:58:15.760 people with bullhorns and just be like, I agree with you. So my experience with Twitter was
00:58:21.560 I think they could make the platform better if they really wanted to.
00:58:26.560 For all the people on Twitter accusing Emily of wanting to crush free speech,
00:58:31.040 she's actually really open with free discussion and criticism. In fact, she says criticism has
00:58:36.980 been helpful for her own understanding of the world and her place in it. The nice thing about
00:58:41.760 Twitter is if I say a thing and somebody doesn't agree with that thing, who's from a different
00:58:48.560 identity than my own, and they push back against it, that's valid, you know, like there, I don't
00:58:54.940 do everything perfectly. People should criticize me. I'm not above criticism. People have criticized
00:58:59.520 me and tried to make amends or edit the article that they're, you know, not happy with or whatever.
00:59:06.980 and it always feels kind of shitty.
00:59:09.960 You know, you're always like,
00:59:10.880 oh, I can't believe I screwed up.
00:59:12.360 I wish I hadn't screwed up.
00:59:13.740 And you're kind of like taking it on yourself.
00:59:15.740 It's a natural human reaction.
00:59:18.520 But I've learned to not push that out.
00:59:20.840 You know, I've learned to be like,
00:59:22.420 I've learned to have the self-pity.
00:59:24.400 That's okay.
00:59:25.180 That's a human thing.
00:59:26.040 But also be like, okay,
00:59:27.140 when you screw up, you screw up.
00:59:30.100 A lot of people don't learn that.
00:59:31.740 And honestly, me learning it
00:59:33.140 was directly tied to coming out as a trans woman
00:59:35.040 because you kind of have to learn to just deal with you realize all of the ways in which society
00:59:41.060 is telling lies about you and then you start to be like well what are other lies i believe
00:59:46.140 about people who aren't like me i think it is hard to escape the lies that are told about
00:59:53.220 groups that are not like you but it's even harder to escape the lies that you've told about yourself
00:59:57.860 um i uh spent years and years and years and years knowing i wanted to be a girl but thinking that
01:00:06.660 that didn't make me trans i hadn't known from when i was a little kid well actually i had i just had
01:00:12.320 those memories forcibly taken away from me i you know i wasn't in tremendous pain about my gender
01:00:18.200 well actually i was i was hiding it from myself i just felt like an automaton and then one day i
01:00:25.220 read this interview with uh daniel lavery the trans guy writer and he was like i felt my whole
01:00:32.120 life like i was a brain in a jar and now i don't i was like i feel like a brain in a jar
01:00:36.620 and i had known i was trans but i thought there was like a like a test i had to pass
01:00:44.240 i thought there was like a psat for trans men getting into all the elite programs and right
01:00:49.740 up until i published my essay i was convinced that somebody was going to come and say you're
01:00:53.480 not trans enough wow and then i published my essay and everyone was like oh cool your name's emily
01:00:58.040 great we love it and now i have so many people and this is kind of this is kind of a shitty thing to
01:01:03.380 say but i hope people never stop saying it i've forgotten your dead name and like i'm sure they
01:01:08.400 have um but that's also kind of great it's also kind of great to know that like emily makes more
01:01:14.840 sense to the world than my old self did if you go look up videos of me on youtube they're there i'm
01:01:19.160 just kind of sitting there like a lump just like gazing inarticulately into the distance and then
01:01:24.820 somebody will ask me a question and i'll i'll speak up very you know whatever i'll speak up
01:01:28.780 very smartly about whatever it is i'm talking about because my brain you know is is still
01:01:35.140 interested in the same things and whatever but there were so many lies i've been told my whole
01:01:41.420 life that i had internalized about what it meant to be trans about what it meant to be a woman
01:01:45.460 about what it meant to be the intersection of those two identities of trans women about what
01:01:49.500 it meant to be you know a gay or straight or whatever all of these sort of spectrums that
01:01:54.460 we fall on or fall within and i think one of the reasons that uh transphobia has run so rampant
01:02:00.140 right now uh some of it's because we're the flavor du jour which will pass in time um i mean never
01:02:07.060 entirely. Structural inequality never goes away. Some of it is also, we symbolize a breaking down
01:02:17.760 of that order a little bit. We symbolize a breaking down of, oh, if this binary isn't real,
01:02:23.500 what other binaries aren't real? What other systems are inequitable? What other systems
01:02:29.200 can or should even be burned down, how is the matrix real and how is it false? What does it
01:02:37.140 mean to take a red pill? What does it mean to take a blue pill? What are you comfortable with
01:02:40.560 that you shouldn't be comfortable with? And what are you uncomfortable about that you should examine
01:02:44.800 more? What does it mean to live in a world that is not entirely real, that is built for you by
01:02:52.360 people who want to maintain their own power in the name of everything else. And above all else,
01:03:00.680 why is that spider drone living in your stomach? Because that's creepy.
01:03:06.080 Leave it to Emily to send us off with a Matrix joke. To donate to House of Tulip,
01:03:11.180 the nonprofit creating housing solutions for trans and gender nonconforming people in Louisiana,
01:03:15.820 check the link in the episode description. We're taking a break for the holidays,
01:03:19.720 But we'll be back with all new episodes built soon.
01:03:22.860 In the meantime, check out our merch store at tangody.com slash merch.
01:03:26.580 And please stay in touch.
01:03:27.940 Got a story about an interesting thing in tech or just want to say hi?
01:03:36.240 You can reach us at hello at tangody.com.
01:03:38.500 You can also find transcripts for today's episode at tangody.com.
01:03:41.960 There Are No Girls on the Internet was created by me, Bridget Todd.
01:03:44.680 It's a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative.
01:03:47.420 Jonathan Strickland is our executive producer.
01:03:49.460 Tari Harrison is our producer and sound engineer.
01:03:52.080 Michael Amato is our contributing producer.
01:03:54.080 I'm your host, Bridget Todd.
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01:04:04.460 i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what
01:04:24.620 should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm
01:04:31.100 with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.
01:04:37.600 These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with
01:04:43.360 Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
01:04:49.360 If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,
01:04:53.540 welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for
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01:05:21.260 Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook.
01:05:26.540 Every episode, we're trying to help our guests improve their careers
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01:05:32.100 The show's famously super accessible,
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01:05:38.580 We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller,
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01:05:49.600 I'm Nick Turturro.
01:05:50.620 You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard,
01:05:53.860 or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.
01:05:55.400 And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest.
01:06:00.660 I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins.
01:06:03.300 What are you doing with my belt?
01:06:04.540 To Bill Burr.
01:06:05.440 I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.
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