Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Sunday Nice Things： The Only One in the Room

00:00:00.000 You matched on Hinge. You're vibing. Then her energy completely changes. What do you do?

00:00:06.760 I'm Raven Smith, and I wrote and read a real love story about this exact sitch.

00:00:11.600 Listen to the free audiobook now.

00:00:16.940 Hello, all. Welcome to Sunday Nice Things, where I introduce you to a new or new-to-you podcast

00:00:24.500 that I think you're really going to love.

00:00:26.900 Today I'm dropping in an episode of The Only One in the Room.

00:00:32.740 Hosted by Laura Cathcart-Robbins, a writer and recovery thriver and survivor,

00:00:37.560 Laura found herself in an all-too-familiar position.

00:00:41.320 In September 2018, she was the only Black woman in the room at Brave Magic, a famed writer's retreat.

00:00:48.280 After it was over, she wrote about her only one experience in the Huffington Post,

00:00:52.540 and comments started flooding in.

00:00:55.480 These comments were from people of all races, ethnicities, creeds, and nationalities who had felt othered.

00:01:02.760 On this show, Laura beautifully interviews one person every week about their only one story.

00:01:10.840 Her hope is that the only one in the room will inspire a change of perspective in how we all see and hear each other's stories.

00:01:18.300 Today's episode is an interview with Jodi Miller, a comedian, writer, and actress who's been performing stand-up for over 20 years.

00:01:25.820 She's also done four military tours, including going overseas to entertain troops in Afghanistan.

00:01:31.200 Today, Jodi's going to talk about being the only single mother in the room.

00:01:36.420 Hi, I'm Jodi Miller, and I am the only single, single mother in the room.

00:01:42.320 It's, you know, it's indescribable. You just know. You're like, this is my daughter. I forget that I didn't birth her.

00:01:46.940 and by the way that year and a half or even before that for those of you out there that

00:01:52.360 are listening that are trying to get pregnant can't get pregnant have decided that you are

00:01:57.000 going to adopt you definitely need to give yourself some time to grieve the you know the

00:02:02.900 fact that you can't have your own biological child and i did grieve that and it was really

00:02:07.420 heartbreaking because i really wanted my own biological child because i'm hot and i wanted a

00:02:11.800 hot baby guess what though uh my baby is i was like she's hot she's so hot my baby's so hot i

00:02:16.880 talk about it on stage she's gorgeous um no i just i did have to really grieve that and then

00:02:22.560 once i got her then you have to grieve the death of your old life there's a lot of grieving but

00:02:26.340 there's a lot of joy obviously and believe it or not the death of my mom and the birth of my

00:02:30.380 daughter are very similar the way i spent the time in the hospital the way you sort of go on

00:02:34.900 autopilot about okay i have to do x y and z i have to get this in order i have to do this

00:02:39.340 your life is now different you're going home to a new life it was it felt very reminiscent of that

00:02:46.020 hi i'm laura cathcart robbins and this is the only one in the room an independent podcast

00:02:53.100 supported by you our patreon community members please see our show notes to find out more about

00:02:59.020 joining our patreon or if you like more information about anything in this episode

00:03:04.380 This podcast is for anyone who has ever felt alone in a room full of people,

00:03:08.920 which is to say that this podcast is for everyone.

00:03:33.740 Hi, I'm Laura Cathcart-Robbins. This is The Only One in the Room. I am never the only one in this room for a variety of reasons, but I'm also joined by my producer, boyfriend, and co-host, Scott Slaughter, who I call hon.

00:03:50.580 Hi, honey.

00:03:51.300 Hey, honey. So today we're in studio again. Aren't we lucky?

00:03:55.800 We are.

00:03:56.280 We have so many in-studio days.

00:03:57.540 I was thinking some people go to yard sales on Saturdays.

00:04:00.440 We went to a baby party and found a guest.

00:04:04.500 Yes.

00:04:04.840 Instead of going to a yard sale, we went and found a guest.

00:04:07.700 We've literally never gone to a yard sale together.

00:04:11.520 This is about as close as we've come.

00:04:13.340 Yeah.

00:04:13.740 Before I met you, I used to go.

00:04:14.620 The party wasn't a yard, though.

00:04:16.060 It was.

00:04:16.520 So that was kind of part of it.

00:04:18.480 It did.

00:04:19.400 So we're talking to Jodi Miller today.

00:04:21.880 And so she was on AGT, which is America's Got Talent.

00:04:25.740 Thanks for the translation.

00:04:26.300 In case you didn't know.

00:04:28.160 She's the executive producer of the comedy game show Funny You Should Ask, which I love.

00:04:33.420 And we're going to talk about that.

00:04:35.280 She's also the host of The World's Funniest Weather.

00:04:38.560 I don't know anything about that.

00:04:40.160 So we're going to have to explain that to you, Jodi.

00:04:41.940 You don't have to.

00:04:42.100 It's already making you laugh.

00:04:43.100 It is.

00:04:44.260 She is an author of a lot of WTF books. 0.81

00:04:47.500 Yeah.

00:04:48.120 And she's the host of the podcast Don't Call Me Ma'am.

00:04:52.460 Yes.

00:04:52.900 I made that mistake on that Saturday.

00:04:54.760 Right.

00:04:54.980 Well, this is how it came up

00:04:57.520 But she's also

00:05:00.340 Jodi, just help me out here

00:05:01.820 You have an upcoming special

00:05:03.320 I do have an upcoming special

00:05:04.800 It's called Decades in the Making

00:05:06.400 And you're going to be able to stream that

00:05:09.180 In full on YouTube

00:05:10.800 Coming mid-May

00:05:12.580 I'm going to go out on a limb 0.72

00:05:14.780 And say Mother's Day weekend

00:05:16.040 But it could be the day after 1.00

00:05:17.300 Because most mothers like to drink 0.99

00:05:18.920 Myself included

00:05:19.700 So if I'm too hungover to hit upload

00:05:22.200 It'll be a day late

00:05:23.940 But it'll be there and you'll be able to find it.

00:05:26.100 And of course, it's happening.

00:05:27.320 You'll be able to find me on my social media and see where it is.

00:05:29.920 Yes.

00:05:30.420 Yes.

00:05:30.760 I love that.

00:05:32.040 So you'll check to see if it's late being uploaded. 0.99

00:05:35.460 You know that Jodi is hung over.

00:05:37.040 Yes.

00:05:38.080 Full disclosure and transparency.

00:05:40.080 Yeah.

00:05:41.260 So as Scott was talking about, we met you at Michael and Tony's house.

00:05:45.960 Yes.

00:05:46.460 And they were having a party to welcome their daughter.

00:05:50.160 Well, actually not welcome Sabrina, but to celebrate.

00:05:52.820 Celebrate the adoption.

00:05:53.760 The adoption of Sabrina.

00:05:55.940 And to make sure that, you know, we thought it was going to be like 20, 30 people.

00:06:00.700 Oh my God, so did I.

00:06:02.060 So did I.

00:06:05.500 I'm surprised they remember that we were there.

00:06:07.560 Right?

00:06:07.960 It was like 200 people.

00:06:08.980 It was like 200 people.

00:06:09.600 With a bouncy house, some of the best food I've had in a long time.

00:06:13.040 It was quite a show.

00:06:13.800 It was.

00:06:14.380 It was quite a show.

00:06:14.700 And we were shown to different areas, right?

00:06:18.240 Yes.

00:06:18.560 In the front, there's this happening.

00:06:20.920 Inside, you can leave your gifts.

00:06:22.680 And there's this happening.

00:06:23.760 Like it was it was really spectacular.

00:06:27.660 It really was.

00:06:28.280 Yeah, really there.

00:06:29.600 And, you know, I've had several parties and they've been to my parties and they, you know, brought lots of great food.

00:06:35.260 And now my party's pale in comparison.

00:06:38.020 Yeah.

00:06:38.520 To the to the amazing, you know, shindig they just it was just a wow.

00:06:43.840 That was really.

00:06:44.460 I honestly was glad we don't have to put on parties like that anymore.

00:06:47.760 But I was very impressed.

00:06:49.120 I definitely don't have parties like that for a reason.

00:06:50.940 Like my parties are just hang by the pool, casual, in and out.

00:06:54.540 But this was definitely, well, this was definitely a cause for celebration.

00:06:57.320 And I don't know if I brought this up to you guys when I met them, you know, talking about meeting people for a reason and how they affect your lives.

00:07:05.480 But, you know, Michael, I've known for years through the world of stand up and I taught stand up for many years and he was a student of mine and I coached him.

00:07:13.540 And I remember vividly sitting, you know, on my couch in my apartment in the Miracle Mile, the apartment I lived in for 20 years, and he was sitting there and he was explaining to me about the adoption process because him and Tony were, you know, going through it and how you have to match with a birth mom or birth parents and he was really getting frustrated and feeling hopeless because they weren't getting selected and all these other people were.

00:07:37.920 And and we were writing about it, you know, because I'm you know, I talk a lot about, you know, using your personal experiences on stage.

00:07:46.220 A lot of people can relate to them. And it was we were coming up with some great stuff.

00:07:49.060 And I remember him just being so upset, like nobody wants two dads.

00:07:52.660 And I'm like, I do. Can you adopt me? And and then cut to, you know, they get their beautiful daughter.

00:08:00.380 They cut to, you know, cut to many years later, probably 10, 12 years later.

00:08:05.540 No, not Tom, no.

00:08:06.460 It must have been, actually, no, five years later.

00:08:08.900 I'm like, many.

00:08:09.540 I don't even know.

00:08:10.440 I don't know what today is.

00:08:11.380 At our age.

00:08:12.000 At our age, it's just so fast.

00:08:13.720 It was 57 years ago.

00:08:17.220 So I made the decision to adopt myself, and he was the first person I called.

00:08:22.720 And I used their lawyer and their adoption agency.

00:08:26.620 And then, you know, here we are.

00:08:27.960 They have two kids.

00:08:29.020 I have one with the energy of five.

00:08:31.980 Amazing.

00:08:32.420 yeah and tony spadafora was actually a guest on our show so great and he talked about being the

00:08:38.320 only over 50 gay dad at pickup wow that's really funny and you know in his colorful crocs and like

00:08:48.260 he had like this kind of uniform that he wore for pickup and it might just be a life uniform for him

00:08:53.640 but it was it was such a great episode because he's funny so funny so funny but also it was very

00:09:00.960 real like this is and he might have actually been you know we talk about our titles are tongue in

00:09:06.580 cheek but he might have actually been the only only over 50 gay dad right at the in the pickup

00:09:12.580 line for um for their older daughter and i i'm just really grateful that first of all i'm scott

00:09:20.440 knows me i'm very warm i'm not as usually as friendly as i was with you right i i caution him

00:09:28.040 he's so friendly

00:09:29.640 Jodi

00:09:30.420 I have to be

00:09:31.360 yeah

00:09:31.580 he makes friends

00:09:32.960 with everybody

00:09:34.040 with everyone

00:09:34.620 less now

00:09:35.960 than when I first moved here

00:09:37.120 right

00:09:37.720 well yeah

00:09:38.160 I've been conditioned by her

00:09:39.300 I look over my shoulder

00:09:40.760 before I make eye contact

00:09:42.000 is it okay

00:09:43.100 I mean

00:09:43.860 he'll

00:09:44.400 he'll talk to people

00:09:45.580 I'll be like

00:09:45.880 do not talk to them

00:09:46.880 because they're gonna

00:09:48.020 follow us over there

00:09:49.120 right

00:09:49.360 and then we have to talk to them

00:09:50.900 for the rest of the time

00:09:51.900 right

00:09:52.020 and you know

00:09:53.620 he's just curious

00:09:54.480 and he'll ask people

00:09:55.640 what things are

00:09:56.480 and he'll have a conversation

00:09:57.660 anyway i talked to a lot of people that day when you weren't around i saw him before i actually

00:10:03.160 talked to both of you like off to the side talking to people just like listen to me let's just let's

00:10:09.100 get this conversation out now but but i so enjoy talking to you i did i yeah i had a it was just

00:10:15.700 like one of those things i was like oh i'm loving this conversation with this woman oh i loved it

00:10:21.060 too yeah and it was funny because we were just about to leave yeah because i didn't like talking

00:10:25.420 to anyone else there i'm just kidding uh no i was it just here's the thing i dress inappropriately

00:10:30.960 and when you're in southern california nowadays you don't know what you're getting and sometimes

00:10:34.680 when it's sunny it all of a sudden becomes like so hot yeah i was just i wasn't dressed right

00:10:39.580 my daughter was about to pee her pants because we're like body training she just wanted to go

00:10:44.040 to the park she dropped her cookie i was sweating people were like oh let's talk and i was like

00:10:48.740 don't touch me and then and then i'm on the way out and some very sweet guy says ma'am

00:10:56.360 i oh i have to hold back the vomit but then i see this beautiful woman next to him i'm like

00:11:03.820 well he's clearly got good taste in women little did i know thank you thank you that's so funny

00:11:09.600 like that literally her podcast is titled i mean i probably you're probably the only person i called

00:11:14.780 ma'am that day by the way okay 300 and and you guys will talk about this later actually i'm not

00:11:21.240 even going to touch it i do want to say thank you for the compliment um that you gave me in that in

00:11:27.240 that story um your wikipedia page which i was very impressed i'm always impressed when someone has a

00:11:32.580 wikipedia page it says that in 2021 you adopted your daughter and i just thought that's weird

00:11:39.200 it's a weird detail for them to add the adopted part right i don't even know who updates that

00:11:44.300 by the way yeah so it is a weird it is I thought it was an odd detail but but it did you know make

00:11:49.880 me want to hear more about the journey especially since it was added in there yeah so um you you

00:11:56.240 talked about starting with Michael and Tony right so but before that just tell me like like for me

00:12:03.740 yeah I'm someone who never ever babysat or right loved other people's kids or you know when my my

00:12:12.880 dreams of being an adult did not necessarily include children right they didn't exclude them

00:12:17.920 right but it wasn't like my goal in life right and so when i had them i was obviously you know

00:12:24.720 i felt not obviously because not everybody does right walk that back but i did fall in love with

00:12:29.800 both of my boys and then my two bonus daughters from scott so great um but i wasn't a person that

00:12:37.220 that was predicted to have children so I want to know about your journey yeah yeah tell me I mean

00:12:44.240 it's funny that all my friends are like oh yeah you've always wanted to be a mom and I don't

00:12:50.200 actually remember that I think they're confusing that with the fact that I have a very mothering

00:12:55.200 personality and I've always taken people under my wing you know from a young age or been someone

00:13:02.340 that enjoys inspiring other people educating other people teaching comedy you know um just being an

00:13:08.880 advocate for people that you know especially in this industry you know can't seem to find their

00:13:14.020 way or or need just a helping hand and i've done that with a lot of my friends you know throughout

00:13:19.100 my life i was the person that people would come to to ask advice for stuff so i think when people

00:13:23.540 say oh you've always wanted to be a mom i think they confuse that a little bit and then i eventually

00:13:28.720 heard it so much but i was like oh yeah i always wanted to be a mom um but i remember telling my

00:13:32.640 dad because you know i was very invested in my career and and you know just traveling a lot

00:13:37.820 doing a lot of stand-up doing a lot of stuff and wasn't meeting the one and my dad was constantly

00:13:43.840 putting pressure on me he really wanted a grandchild my mom not so much my dad really did

00:13:48.240 so i remember telling him like at 35 i'll get pregnant on my own and like you'd think a dad

00:13:53.220 be like no don't do that like that's his worst nightmare in high school that his teenage daughter

00:13:56.480 got knocked out but at this point he was like yeah do it have sex with someone don't use protection

00:14:01.300 i don't want to know have that baby you know what i mean he was like let's do this so um 35 came and

00:14:07.840 went because i was like i'm not gonna get pregnant right now because look at me i'm 35 my skin is so

00:14:11.680 tight and i've got so much to do and so many younger guys to sleep with like i didn't have

00:14:16.120 any intention of being a mom at that point i still wanted it i think if i'm being honest with myself

00:14:21.120 And right before my daughter came into my life, I was.

00:14:23.480 I think I've always wanted to be in an intimate, loving relationship like you and Scott have this great relationship.

00:14:30.680 I wanted that my whole life, for sure.

00:14:33.740 Not even like the big wedding.

00:14:34.900 I just wanted that partnership.

00:14:37.220 And it's really never happened.

00:14:39.740 I've had, you know, definitely some small, you know, short relationships, but nothing that was really substantial.

00:14:45.880 And I thought to myself, whichever presents itself or they both do.

00:14:50.760 like I'm just going to be open to it it just wasn't happening so my mom unfortunately passed

00:14:55.840 away when I was 41 and sorry that uh thank you and that kind of threw me into a I got very upset

00:15:01.840 one night I remember just thinking like she never got to see me get married and she never became a

00:15:08.100 grandmother and she would have been an amazing grandmother and I felt very selfish I felt really

00:15:13.200 like wow I didn't I should have done it earlier like I said I was going to even though she never 0.54

00:15:17.120 put pressure on me she never did that this is my own it's my own crap so i i grieved obviously for 0.65

00:15:23.280 my mom and then i decided i'm gonna go see a fertility doctor see what's what and he was like 0.92

00:15:27.720 things look great let's do it so as this is all happening you were doing stand-up doing stand-up

00:15:35.420 writing um performing a lot but traveling a lot working you know different jobs this is before

00:15:41.860 america's got talent but like i had a lot of different jobs throughout my life as a lot of

00:15:45.340 people in los angeles do teaching stand-up i taught stand-up to middle school students high

00:15:50.400 school students but mostly adults um like a lot of improv i was in improv companies doing a lot

00:15:56.120 of stuff like that again traveling doing military tours doing a lot of that yeah i saw that yeah so

00:16:01.720 that and those were very rewarding and i'm glad i did it then when i had all the energy and you know

00:16:06.580 it was all great um so by the time i saw my fertility doctor he thought everything was great

00:16:11.260 We did something called IUI.

00:16:12.620 For those of you who know, it's less invasive than IVF.

00:16:15.160 And it wasn't working.

00:16:16.220 It wasn't happening.

00:16:17.100 We did a lot of rounds.

00:16:18.300 And I was getting ready to do another military tour.

00:16:21.200 And he was like, let's try when we get back.

00:16:22.580 And when I got back, things had changed.

00:16:24.000 And he wanted me to switch to IVF.

00:16:25.980 So I was about to start the first round.

00:16:27.900 And I got on America's Got Talent.

00:16:29.680 So I thought, that's why I didn't get pregnant, because I'm supposed to do this.

00:16:33.080 So I did that.

00:16:33.880 That played out.

00:16:35.880 And was that like a, I mean, I can only imagine that it's like the kind

00:16:41.180 of the ultimate to get on america it's definitely you know it's it's a great honor and it's a really

00:16:47.500 great thing to be on it for me and that's a story for another podcast uh it wasn't the best

00:16:54.200 experience it was it was a great experience and a bad experience i've talked about it multiple times

00:16:58.480 not everything is what you think it is when you watch a reality competition yeah yeah so i got i

00:17:04.360 got burned pretty bad but the experience of me being on there and getting a standing ovation

00:17:09.000 from all four judges and you know my yes and my you know my clip being viewed you know millions

00:17:15.480 upon millions of times i mean over and over again it's gone viral so many times was great and

00:17:19.760 amazing so that was great i i kind of want to hear about the burn okay i'll tell you about the burn

00:17:24.760 one second okay okay yeah because it'll lead me to different it'll lead me to this okay okay yeah

00:17:28.580 so you'll finish no yeah so i we'll be right back you matched on hinge you're vibing 0.82

00:17:39.000 Then her energy completely changes.

00:17:41.840 What do you do?

00:17:43.240 I'm Raven Smith, and I wrote and read a real love story about this exact sitch.

00:17:48.060 Listen to the free audiobook now.

00:17:50.780 I can't get pregnant.

00:17:52.660 You know, AGT is played out.

00:17:54.100 I'm actually, everything is sort of like, you know, crumbling around me.

00:17:57.940 I remember my fertility doctor was like, you should do, you know, embryo adoption,

00:18:02.680 which is where you take an embryo and then you put it inside and then you carry the baby.

00:18:06.040 I was, you know, thinking about all these things.

00:18:07.880 And then I really had someone else's embryo. Yeah. And because you can carry a baby. Women can or uteruses don't age the way our ovaries do. So you can carry a baby into your 60s. Of course, my gynecologist was like, do you really want to be pregnant in your mid to late 40s? I'm like, no. So I was like, let's not do that. So I just put everything on hold. And then I got hired for Funny Should Ask on the Pilots. That sort of took off in the amazing direction that did. I became a head writer, became a head writer.

00:18:34.060 and i was like god i i still i think i still want to be a mom because i looked at it like this

00:18:40.760 there are two loves two really specific loves in a person's life the love of an intimate partner

00:18:46.700 and the love of a child and i had neither and i didn't want to leave this life without either

00:18:53.760 you know like obviously i love my parents one of them was gone and i was that hole was very

00:18:58.620 obvious and i was like what if i what if what if i don't experience either i can't control you know

00:19:05.540 by swiping my way through los angeles if i wanted to meet that cool guy who's like ready for a

00:19:10.140 middle-aged woman but i was like but let me try this one more time you know what i mean so

00:19:14.620 i decide i'm going to adopt and then i wait for like a year and a half and that first time i sat

00:19:22.040 with with michael talking about waiting and waiting all came flooding back and then the

00:19:27.320 pandemic remember guys remember that when the world shut down remember it's like it's not really

00:19:31.420 important um so it's just like me and my cat in this new house that i just bought like i'm just

00:19:37.940 sitting there just like oh my god this is my life like and then other cats i'm not even kidding you

00:19:42.200 just started showing up they were like we heard there was like a single childless woman right

00:19:46.320 living in north hollywood get your let's go let's go she'll feed you and i do it's like a small cat

00:19:52.720 sanctuary so i was like okay this is my life and i i remember talking to my therapist online at the

00:19:59.020 time saying look i'm waiting for this child but if i meet a man who doesn't want children already

00:20:04.180 has children i'll be okay with that too if he's like you know whatever whatever the universe is

00:20:08.760 going to bring to me and then i was doing a podcast it was a sunday afternoon i got this

00:20:14.200 text from my lawyer michael's lawyer michael and tony's lawyer he's like so there's a great

00:20:20.520 possibility and i do it i would always do you just send your packet which is like a packet of

00:20:25.240 your life off and a cover letter that's like please give me your baby and i forgot about it

00:20:31.940 because that's i mean normally you don't hear anything it's like an audition for those i was

00:20:36.060 about to say this exactly like that yes yeah you just let it go cut to three hours later i'm on the

00:20:41.060 couch eating a bowl of whipped cream watching gilmore girls it's really good if you don't

00:20:45.780 just eat bowls of whipped cream people i don't know what you're doing with your life but it's

00:20:48.360 really really good coconut whipped cream too from trader joe's there you go it's so good yeah yummy

00:20:52.520 yummy uh just just like that sweet tooth without you know anyway so there i am and i see that my

00:20:57.680 lawyer's calling and i thought oh the packet didn't go through the pdf is a big file so i answer it i

00:21:02.580 say hello david and there was like silence it was weird it was a very deafening sigh you're just like

00:21:08.540 and he just said you've been selected and i said for what right for what and he goes jody your baby

00:21:16.620 was born this morning i need to get on a plane tomorrow in the middle of a pandemic and go to

00:21:22.080 kentucky and then and then i really did lose my hearing gave me chills it was really i just got

00:21:28.940 the chills again too like i feel it every time i say it because the the funny thing is is that my

00:21:34.360 knee jerk reaction was this isn't my baby you didn't tell me it was going to be like this i

00:21:38.420 was going to have three months at least to prepare get to know the birth mother like what do i do i

00:21:41.840 can't get on a plane to go to kentucky we're in the middle of a pandemic i don't know how where's

00:21:45.320 what do i do i was really i was spiraling and i remember literally spiraling i was going around

00:21:50.320 around around in a circle in my living room and my lawyer's like so this lawyer is going to call

00:21:54.640 you this agency is going to call you you need to get this and i was i just was so i didn't know

00:21:58.920 what to do and then he's he took a beat and said okay i know this is the most stressful way this

00:22:03.080 can happen but it's the best way there's no birth father i mean clearly there was one at one point

00:22:08.460 but um but you know he's that those rights are relinquished and the birth mother this is her

00:22:13.020 13th pregnancy so she's clearly wants to give this baby up it's the best way and i remember calling

00:22:19.820 my dad who also was you know praying for i told him too and he had the same reaction well we don't

00:22:24.660 know anything about this woman we don't know we don't know he was he was also because you're scared

00:22:28.320 you're so scared it's so fast it's too fast you know what i mean you were just eating whipped

00:22:31.760 cream i was just eating whipped cream which is now a puddle in my bowl i was like i don't know

00:22:35.420 i can't wait to cream anymore uh my daughter ruined my whipped cream um so i get it together

00:22:41.020 somehow i get on the plane i'm vomiting all the way to kentucky no joke i was so nervous i was

00:22:46.160 like and you couldn't take anyone with you because it was a pandemic so i had no one all my best

00:22:50.180 girlfriends were like please can we come with you and i'm like i wish you nobody they wouldn't let

00:22:54.120 anybody come except for me i get there she was in the NICU she was born uh six weeks early i check

00:22:59.900 in i don't know what i'm doing i'm literally just like a chicken without its head i'm like i'm i'm

00:23:05.120 jody and i have a baby here they're like what uh and then they find it and they're like okay so

00:23:10.180 you're the legal guardian like they don't even say mom yet but they know that it's an adoption

00:23:13.500 situation and then they walk me down this long hallway in the NICU and I turned a corner and I

00:23:20.460 walk in and she's in this little tiny incubator almost start crying and uh and I did I just I

00:23:25.600 kind of collapsed into the nurse's arm because all that you know and then again I was like I

00:23:29.820 don't know what to do and she's like well you know a lot of people do skin on skin and I was like okay

00:23:33.420 yeah my friends but by the way I'm also someone that never I don't I don't love babies I've never

00:23:39.460 been a baby lover anytime and all my friends have kids i love all their kids i love them and they're

00:23:43.880 now adults but they would be like oh hold my baby i'm like yeah yeah don't we're the same i'm with

00:23:49.220 it i'm done i held one at lunch i'm full i don't want to like the head yeah i just i don't um you

00:23:55.420 know what i mean so i was like uh but i you know love children so i'm sitting there i'm holding

00:24:00.580 the baby skin on skin and i'm like staring at the nurse and she's like okay and bottle feed him and

00:24:04.640 i'm like okay do am i supposed to feel something right now i don't know what's happening my lawyer

00:24:08.620 did say if this isn't the right scenario you don't just then you can pull out it's okay so

00:24:14.100 i'm just sitting there like kind of staring off and looking at this incredibly tiny little baby

00:24:18.760 four pounds seven ounces holding her and looking at the nurse and she's like it's beautiful and

00:24:24.220 i have a mascot i'm like what's happening to me and then she takes the baby and she puts you know

00:24:30.040 her back in the incubator and uh you know newborns for those you don't know can't see

00:24:34.960 like you know six inches past you know the very limited sight so i got really close and i remember

00:24:40.560 somebody saying say affirmations to the baby say the affirmations so i got really close and i was

00:24:46.000 like you are strong you are healthy you are special you are beautiful you are loved and like i just

00:24:53.680 said all of that and i was looking at her she's totally asleep this entire time i was there by

00:24:56.740 way she was asleep and then all i said was okay i'll be back tomorrow and her eyes darted open

00:25:05.460 right away and we locked eyes and then tears out of my eyes and i knew in that instant that's my

00:25:11.840 daughter this is my daughter and i called my dad on the way out and i was like that's my daughter

00:25:14.920 and looking at everything i've been through so many things i've been through led me to this point

00:25:22.680 she was always meant to be my daughter everything I went through would led me here and she is

00:25:29.900 supposed to be with me you know what I mean like we just it's it's you know it's indescribable you

00:25:35.000 just know you're like this is this is my daughter I forget that I didn't birth her and by the way

00:25:40.280 that year and a half or even before that for those of you out there that are listening that

00:25:44.560 are trying to get pregnant can't get pregnant have decided that you are going to adopt you

00:25:49.620 definitely need to give yourself some time to grieve the you know the fact that you can't have

00:25:55.380 your own biological child and i did grieve that and it was really heartbreaking because i really

00:26:00.220 wanted my own biological child because i'm hot and i wanted a hot baby guess what though uh my

00:26:05.660 baby is i was like she's hot she's so hot my baby's so hot i talk about it on stage she's gorgeous

00:26:09.600 um no i just i did have to really grieve that and then once i got her then you have to grieve the

00:26:16.140 death of your old life there's a lot of grieving but there's a lot of joy obviously and believe it

00:26:20.000 or not the death of my mom and the birth of my daughter are very similar the way I spent the

00:26:24.340 time in the hospital the way you sort of go on autopilot about okay I have to do x y and z I have

00:26:29.320 to get this in order I have to do this your life is now different you're going home to a new life

00:26:34.600 it was it felt very reminiscent of that and I remember telling all the NICU nurses like this

00:26:39.640 feels like when my mom was dying even though it's a much happier scenario I'm I'm feeling the exact

00:26:45.100 same emotions like and doing a lot of the same thing yes on autopilot doing the same things

00:26:49.760 calling people what do i do you know i had to go back to la come back and get stuff and

00:26:53.660 and then brought her home and you know now she's three and you know it was a rough journey it's

00:27:00.900 very rough being a single mom very very very difficult and it's uh yeah people are always

00:27:08.720 like you're doing it on your own you're so amazing you're a single mom and like i've told you it's i

00:27:12.860 didn't set out to be a single mom i just wanted to be a mom right and unfortunately this is you

00:27:18.940 know we have an expiration date um and you know what i mean we do yeah so wow i'm i'm still stuck

00:27:27.760 on there are two what did you say significant yes yes very significant types of loves yeah in a

00:27:34.700 person's life and that with a partner and with a child and i i have definitely found that to be

00:27:41.920 true you know and I just I just never heard anybody put it that way before and that your

00:27:48.720 decision to get to have the one that you could have that was accessible to you yes um and I love

00:27:57.300 that your dad was just like go get it oh get that go get your baby I don't care where you have to

00:28:03.520 get it you get me and he is I mean my dad is 80 years young and you know my daughter has brought

00:28:09.260 new life into him and my stepmom who is amazing as well they're so overjoyed it's their only

00:28:14.400 grandchild and they're so you know over the moon and they're incredible they're actually coming out

00:28:19.100 to visit in a couple days they're just they it's fun that from the moment i got her they started

00:28:22.340 coming out every six weeks from jersey oh to help which was very helpful yes but they were you know

00:28:27.980 they love it and they love her and you know thankfully with today's technology you know

00:28:33.120 we've FaceTimed them, video call them a lot.

00:28:36.240 So she's, you know, she's grown up seeing their faces constantly,

00:28:40.440 whether it's on the tablet or in person.

00:28:42.860 And that's important because, you know, I'm an older mom,

00:28:46.460 they're older grandparents and, you know, nobody's,

00:28:48.840 nothing's guaranteed by the way.

00:28:49.920 You could be a young mom, have younger parents.

00:28:51.300 You don't know.

00:28:51.960 You know what I mean?

00:28:52.440 So I just want to make sure these memories for them,

00:28:56.440 probably more for them than it is for her,

00:28:58.080 but she'll be able to look at these videos that I take all the time of her

00:29:00.520 with them and, you know what I mean?

00:29:01.820 It's important.

00:29:02.300 I think FaceTime is really cool.

00:29:04.180 We have a 20-month-old in our lives, not ours, but in our lives, and she FaceTimes with her grandmother in London, and it really has solidified their bond.

00:29:18.300 It really does.

00:29:19.300 It really does.

00:29:20.380 It's different than – it's not just like she knows her.

00:29:25.240 Yes.

00:29:25.900 Right?

00:29:26.180 My daughter knew them when they did, so they would come to visit and she would know and then slowly, you know, she would see them and she'd smile and she'd see them on the tablet.

00:29:34.360 And then when they did show up, she was so excited because she could touch them.

00:29:38.300 So she, yes, she's been looking at their faces for a long time.

00:29:42.960 So when I went on this site that was Considering Adoption, is that what it's called?

00:29:49.240 It's called Considering Adoption.

00:29:51.640 And it talks, I wrote down all this stuff.

00:29:54.420 But it really talks about the, there's a stigma against or about single motherhood, single parenthood, actually.

00:30:04.960 And that some of it might come from friends and family.

00:30:08.420 Some of it might just come from society at large.

00:30:11.420 And that if you're going to consider this just to be ready to face that, because the ideal is to loving parents.

00:30:21.600 Right.

00:30:21.720 Right. Loving also being the operative word there, right?

00:30:24.800 Yeah. Right. Yes.

00:30:25.320 Because you could get two parents and one of them's not loving.

00:30:28.120 Or both of them are not loving.

00:30:29.380 Or both of them are not loving.

00:30:31.000 So tell me just a little bit about the obstacles that you found once you got her home.

00:30:36.540 I mean, it's funny because you'll laugh because, you know, as a parent, both of you will know, that first night, I mean, you're kind of so out of it.

00:30:44.940 The first night I actually got her home to California, and we slept, and she was up every three hours, you know, and I had all the bottles ready, and I was ready.

00:30:53.180 I remember waking up, not sleeping, obviously, great, because I was up a lot.

00:30:56.500 A lot of people were up to sleep.

00:30:57.340 But I remember thinking, like, this isn't so terrible.

00:31:00.200 Like, if this is the way it is, you know what I mean?

00:31:02.480 Hour one.

00:31:02.920 Yeah, you're just like, I mean, like, what are people complaining about?

00:31:06.160 Cut to a month later.

00:31:10.040 I think it was one of my worst nights.

00:31:11.880 um it was really bad i uh can i swear on this podcast yeah i figured uh i screamed in my 0.99

00:31:23.000 daughter's face in her bassinet shut the fuck up and then i went to the bathroom cried and 0.85

00:31:28.780 rocked back and forth and i thought to myself well i'm gonna have to return her i'm not gonna 0.98

00:31:33.780 be able to do it i'm gonna have to return all the gifts i'm gonna break my dad's heart not gonna be

00:31:37.060 able to do this i don't know what i was thinking and then i texted my friend who his daughter is

00:31:41.080 three months older than my daughter were very good friends back in new york and he's the same 0.98

00:31:44.180 age and everything so it was very similar and uh i said i screamed shut the fuck up in her face last 0.59

00:31:50.680 night and he goes yeah you can do that a lot and i was like i go well then why doesn't anyone no

00:31:55.860 one talks about it no one talks about it and then thankfully because i have a platform which is a

00:32:00.080 stage i actually and i really am a oh my god i talk a lot about using their uh comedy as therapy

00:32:06.420 and a lot of people do and i can work out a lot of stuff on stage and i remember getting on stage

00:32:10.820 and being like why doesn't anybody tell you that zero to four months is the worst time of your life

00:32:15.940 it is so god awful it makes you question everything you thought why'd you do this and

00:32:21.380 what's happening is you are also mourning the death of your old life on top of it and you think

00:32:25.540 you can still have your old life with this baby and there's a lot of things going on now

00:32:30.100 it was very difficult and my daughter's taught me a lot of lessons so far but the biggest was

00:32:35.200 asking for help i'm a very independent person half of it is because i've had to be and the

00:32:41.200 other half is because it's just you know part of my dna and and i like doing things on my own and

00:32:45.120 i had to really start asking for help and it was after that month that terrible night

00:32:50.600 that people started really i said i started asking for help and people were really generous

00:32:56.340 with that and somebody gifted me five nights of a baby nurse a night nurse great and another

00:33:03.360 comic and it was great and he said i don't the only thing i'm asking you is he was gifted he

00:33:07.140 had twins and some another comic had gifted him and he said i'm just asking you to pay it forward

00:33:11.180 if you ever get the chance and i remember she showed up for the first night and she was like

00:33:17.380 okay go to bed and i was like what and i had like another bassinet set up in the living room

00:33:21.360 and i remember waking up and the first thing i did is i grabbed my phone and i went on the bank

00:33:26.760 of america app and i looked at my finances and i moved things around and i was like oh i'd rather

00:33:31.280 not eat than not have her so i went out there because we were going to do what we were going

00:33:35.780 to do one night a week for five weeks that's how i was going to split it up so i had one night to 1.00

00:33:39.560 look who needs groceries exactly i don't need to eat i mean the only problem with a baby nurse is

00:33:44.340 now you need a baby nurse you need it exactly oh my god so i went out there and i said so i'm going

00:33:49.560 to need you longer than five weeks and more than one night a week and we worked out a great plan 0.75

00:33:54.640 she was two nights a week for a little while and then we moved up to three nights a week until she

00:33:58.220 was six months old and she was you know living in her own room in her crib and it made all the

00:34:03.820 difference it really really made so much difference i was a better better mother a better i was losing

00:34:09.520 my mind i the un like interrupted sleep is is maybe the worst thing you can do something it's

00:34:13.900 torture it is torture so i was losing my mind i was like i don't know thankfully i wasn't working

00:34:18.120 at that time so um and then i got her into daycare and then you get into a rhythm and you know what

00:34:22.900 you mean so i think you know i'm really fortunate that none of my friends put any of that stigma on

00:34:31.300 me like what are you doing they were so supportive of me and they knew that they would say we knew

00:34:35.460 you'd be a great mom this is what you've always wanted they were very supportive of it and i think

00:34:38.740 being an older mom as a single mom is very helpful if i was in my 20s as a single mom no way this

00:34:43.640 would i don't even know what i would do um so that really helped and anyone else who meets me with

00:34:49.340 her they just assume there's some guy somewhere you know what i mean when i say i'm a single mom

00:34:54.700 you know what i mean they're like oh you've got him you know what i mean um so i'm lucky that i

00:34:59.260 don't have that but you know what i do is i put it on myself sometimes i get sad and think

00:35:04.720 she should have a dad you know she should i want her to you know am i am i selfish for doing this

00:35:12.700 is she going to miss out on this is she going to resent me is that i mean she's gonna resent me for

00:35:18.120 a lot of things so i mean that's i mean there's gonna be therapy involved no matter what so i'm

00:35:22.620 like but i think about that like did did i do something really selfish by choosing to you know

00:35:26.980 she could have gotten adopted by two parents you know what i mean yeah maybe they wouldn't like i

00:35:31.680 know i'm the perfect mother for her like i know we're meant to be together but you know you think

00:35:36.060 about these things because she's now at the age where she's really under like looking at a daddy

00:35:41.120 who picks up the kid you know i mean she knows what a daddy is and she looks and there's just

00:35:44.700 mommy she's never been like where's daddy but she will you know what i mean or you know ask about it

00:35:50.320 i have a a friend um who's she has two ridiculously gorgeous daughters um that was a gulp sorry yeah

00:36:00.380 right in the microphone and the dad is is not reliable right um and she had a a spiritual

00:36:10.020 advisor come over after a particularly rough patch where the girls were very upset and he's

00:36:18.740 he held her hands and he said you know your girls chose this path they chose this life this is the

00:36:24.100 life they're supposed to have all you're supposed to do is show up the way you're showing up and

00:36:28.780 love them through it like they're everything else is out of your control but this is where they're

00:36:33.500 supposed to be and she found so much relief in that i just did just hearing that yeah well and

00:36:38.620 And just like the thing, it's like we don't ever have to really wonder because whatever the experience is, is the experience we're supposed to be having.

00:36:48.480 I believe that too.

00:36:49.640 Yeah.

00:36:49.780 And, you know, with our particular, the topics we cover on this podcast, we interview a lot of people who regret one of their parents.

00:37:01.280 Yeah.

00:37:01.380 You know, or the reason that they are the only one who blank is because there was a parent who, you know, was challenging for them.

00:37:12.500 There was a parental relationship that was really challenging for them.

00:37:15.040 And, you know, you have this little girl that you get to devote all of your love and attention to.

00:37:20.700 Yes.

00:37:23.560 We'll be right back.

00:37:26.880 You matched on Hinge, your vibing.

00:37:29.200 then her energy completely changes what do you do i'm raven smith and i wrote and read a real

00:37:36.140 love story about this exact sitch listen to the free audiobook now before you knew what a stock

00:37:41.920 was you traded snacks cards turns that instinct to trade didn't disappear it just grew up with

00:37:49.300 no minimums no monthly fees and 100 free trades td easy trade taps into that instinct because you

00:37:55.560 are made to trade and tdez trade is made to help but i actually um there was another i wanted to

00:38:03.740 talk about dating yeah um but i want to get back to the burn we and you have to and i want to talk

00:38:10.040 about don't call me ma'am so hon you have to help me well you only got a few minutes left i know i 0.99

00:38:14.580 know i know um because i want to talk about that i know you said that she's been in daycare since

00:38:22.120 she was five months and you had the night nurse to give you some relief at night so you could

00:38:26.280 figure out like how to get a good night's sleep again and show up for her yeah it makes so much

00:38:31.240 difference totally does it really does it's like i was the opposite i showed up without getting the

00:38:38.420 help and i worked my way into an ambient addiction and had to leave my kids and go to treatment

00:38:43.440 that's where i met scott 16 years ago but but i wouldn't ask for help right you know i just

00:38:50.580 refuse and I thought the the best way for me to be a mom was to show up no matter what right

00:38:55.900 and it's it's not true you know I think maybe that's the benefit again of being an older mom

00:39:02.680 because when I was younger that's what I'm saying I might have done that as well now with years of

00:39:09.000 therapy and uh and MDMA journeys with shamans like I'm literally I'm not kidding like all of

00:39:15.800 the work I've done on myself has brought me to a place where I I do know you know as the saying

00:39:22.780 goes you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can help anyone else and it definitely

00:39:27.520 clicked for me once the shock of now that I have a child you know wore off to put her in daycare

00:39:35.220 you know because I'm going back to work I want to start getting her acclimated there and she thrived

00:39:38.800 and then having a night nurse and then having you know a babysitter also give me I needed to make

00:39:43.460 sure that i took care of jody as the person and got my some of my aspects of my life back that

00:39:50.780 fulfills me or i would be no use to her you know what i mean and that's what i slowly did and you

00:39:57.020 know we really took a long time probably almost two years to really get to a place where i'm like

00:40:02.400 oh i feel like a version of myself again very again very similar to when my mom died about the

00:40:08.400 same time where i'm started like oh you know what i mean i can do this new life now i've got the new

00:40:14.280 tools and you know again like i look at people that are you know we're younger moms you know

00:40:22.160 that i'm like i can understand how things happen like that yeah you're just like i could show up

00:40:28.100 because you also have a different kind of energy like you know what i mean yes we have as an older

00:40:32.560 parent so it's it's very interesting it's really challenging it is such a hard job raising kids

00:40:40.840 and being present for them that anyone who does it I applaud yeah I mean it's it is what it is

00:40:48.000 and I I learned you know fortunately my kids were little right and I was able to kind of hit the

00:40:53.860 reset button right after you know going through all that and really understood what it was like

00:41:00.260 to be present for them but also understood what you what you're talking about about taking care

00:41:04.400 of myself yeah and that that batting order changed for me all right okay so taking care of yourself

00:41:13.220 yes gorgeous i'm looking at you tell me about dating um i mean it's so it's funny because i'm

00:41:22.060 out there you know swiping through la open to meeting someone it just gets harder and harder

00:41:28.880 the older you get especially in this city i know people love to use la as an excuse but it is true

00:41:34.360 it's true nobody no not nobody but a lot of guys they don't want women my age even if they are my

00:41:40.520 age they want younger women and it's really hard it's really hard when everything is now you know

00:41:48.120 an app compared to old school when i would just go out and i also i'm not out anymore you know i

00:41:53.500 mean i used to be out at the comedy clubs or and and out with my friends and i'm just not now so

00:41:57.580 meeting people in real life is difficult when I meet someone online the truth is is that yes I do

00:42:04.220 really want that love I still really believe that I can have it all of it it's it's but I'm at a

00:42:13.060 place right now where I love my daughter so much that I'm not I'm not lonely you're not pressed

00:42:21.140 I'm not I'm not like I'm really happy I know she's not going to be you know lit well people

00:42:26.360 are like well she's gonna move out one day i'm like no it's the benefits of being an older parent

00:42:29.660 she's gonna go to college she's gonna come right back she's gonna take care of mommy she's gonna

00:42:34.340 change her diapers uh the other day no joke she did she's we're in the middle of potty training

00:42:39.220 so she's half and half and i changed her diaper and she said thank you for what for wiping my

00:42:43.100 tushy mommy and i go you're welcome and then she goes mommy needs a diaper and i go in a few years

00:42:49.580 baby a few years not yet not yet but yeah i'm gonna call that favor back remember when you

00:42:56.340 said yeah i got it when it's okay to say yes ma'am yes that's actually okay you can call me ma'am

00:43:04.160 when i'm in my 70s there we go full circle maybe maybe you have to see how you feel in your 70s

00:43:10.240 guys listen don't call women ma'am yeah don't do it i mean it is like there's no malice in it we 0.98

00:43:15.920 get it but it's like you punched us in our vagina that's what it feels like like that's exactly 0.96

00:43:21.560 where the pain is you're like what and it yeah and it goes up from there up from there we'd rather 0.99

00:43:26.220 be called a whole bunch of other horrible names i always say i'd rather be called a whore than a 0.94

00:43:30.260 ma'am well ma'am equals invisible too yes it does oh my god yeah you start to disappear and it's 0.90

00:43:37.780 but i i we were talking before we started recording i remember the first time i was

00:43:42.580 call ma'am and it's not a it's it was uh it was a milestone that i didn't want to have you know

00:43:50.260 i don't think anybody wants that milestone so you were in a supermarket i was in a supermarket yeah

00:43:54.920 what were you buying oh gosh i don't everything went black after that i don't remember anything

00:44:01.620 else people were trying to resuscitate you like ma'am wake up ma'am um you know and i looked at

00:44:07.620 I mean, he had this very, you know, friendly smile on his face and he was sincere.

00:44:13.300 He was not from the South, which could be an excuse.

00:44:16.520 Right.

00:44:17.620 He was addressing me.

00:44:19.460 Maybe he was in the military.

00:44:21.040 Perhaps. 0.70

00:44:22.080 But it was the opposite of Miss is what he was addressing.

00:44:25.180 Yes.

00:44:25.580 I was not a Miss to him. 0.68

00:44:27.660 You weren't a Miss.

00:44:28.120 I was a ma'am.

00:44:29.000 You're a ma'am.

00:44:29.880 And I love that that's the name of your podcast.

00:44:32.060 Yes.

00:44:32.520 I love it.

00:44:32.960 I listened to a couple of episodes.

00:44:34.580 It's so good.

00:44:35.480 Thank you.

00:44:36.000 It's just so difficult to like navigate in the world of social media too and just everything, you know, AI, everything.

00:44:43.360 I mean filters, everything, it's conditioning our brain.

00:44:46.220 We are already – in our minds we already look a certain way.

00:44:49.760 Like I don't think I look as old as I look when I look in the mirror and I think I look good.

00:44:53.320 But we still have a version of ourselves in our minds.

00:44:56.460 And then we see ourselves in pictures without filters and we're like, oh my god.

00:44:59.620 And then we see other people with filters and we're like, how do they look so good?

00:45:03.140 But it's so confusing and it really, it really wrecks your self-esteem.

00:45:07.620 It does.

00:45:08.160 And so just take that with you, listeners, when you go out into the world and you hear

00:45:12.760 that mmm, change it to a miss.

00:45:15.680 Yes. 1.00

00:45:16.480 Miss.

00:45:17.080 Miss.

00:45:17.580 Would you mind?

00:45:18.640 Miss. 0.99

00:45:19.000 But don't do the condescending miss. 0.87

00:45:20.580 Oh, no. 1.00

00:45:20.780 Oh, miss.

00:45:22.300 Oh, I used to hate it when I'd go into a bar and the bartender would ask for, he'd be like,

00:45:28.220 Oh, can I see your ID, miss?

00:45:31.260 Yes. 1.00

00:45:31.740 And I'd be like, all right, asshole. 1.00

00:45:33.280 Right. 1.00

00:45:33.540 You go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:45:34.020 Right. 1.00

00:45:34.400 Yes.

00:45:34.800 No, no.

00:45:35.180 Yeah.

00:45:35.700 That's not cool.

00:45:36.320 Or when you say, I'd be at a bar and I'd be like, oh, it's her birthday.

00:45:39.880 And they'd be like, let me guess, 21.

00:45:42.200 It's like, I will.

00:45:42.920 That's so annoying. 1.00

00:45:44.060 Punch you in the throat. 1.00

00:45:46.020 Like, we get it. 1.00

00:45:47.380 I don't look 21.

00:45:48.340 I'm not trying to look 21.

00:45:49.460 But I'm not 110.

00:45:50.860 What are you like?

00:45:51.740 I think he wants you to think he's a little turned on.

00:45:53.980 He's like, but he doesn't want to admit it.

00:45:55.880 Doesn't want to admit it.

00:45:56.560 Right.

00:45:57.060 Yeah.

00:45:57.380 Maybe.

00:45:58.040 Maybe.

00:45:58.360 I'm just trying to translate it here.

00:45:59.680 It's still a no-no.

00:46:01.160 I know.

00:46:01.520 Scotty is the diplomat.

00:46:03.400 I am a diplomat.

00:46:04.140 You are.

00:46:04.380 He will see both sides.

00:46:05.520 It's half-fault most of the time.

00:46:07.000 It is.

00:46:07.800 Uh-huh.

00:46:09.180 So, The Burn.

00:46:11.140 So, I'll shorten the story.

00:46:14.780 Most of the people don't realize, but when you see these competition shows, the people

00:46:18.680 that get on the show, for the most part, have been selected way ahead of time.

00:46:21.840 Those open auditions, those people rarely get on.

00:46:24.640 And for me, you know, I had a very small audition with five producers in a warehouse.

00:46:28.800 house i already knew you know that i was going so you show up on the day you know you're just going

00:46:33.300 on to the show and you know in front of everyone i still had to obviously perform for the celebrity

00:46:37.900 judges but you know i'd gotten on that way which most people have so i go i've been performing a

00:46:43.340 long time but of course they want your sad story make it sound desperate you've never had anything

00:46:47.260 in your life you're starving you're eating oh so but i because i'm an actor i'm like oh i can play

00:46:52.000 i can give you b-roll i can make people cry i kept saying do you want me to talk about my dead mom

00:46:56.000 and they're like no save it for the next episode i'm like okay because dead mom right right through

00:47:00.120 so i get up there i do what i do it was a magical experience that no one can ever take away from you

00:47:06.120 it was 3 000 people on their feet you know applause breaks in a 90 second you know very

00:47:11.700 difficult to get in a 90 second spot and you know the judges are up they say everything it's like

00:47:16.600 one of those dream moments where they're saying exactly what you you can't believe it you're like

00:47:19.920 oh my god this is exactly what i've been waiting for and then you know you know all the producers

00:47:25.540 are rushing around me and my manager let's get the b-roll for those of you don't know what a b-roll

00:47:29.120 is it's just behind the scenes stuff that they add in as filler my backstory we're doing everything

00:47:33.920 they're telling my manager get her social media stuff all in order and oh my god I was getting

00:47:38.160 all these emails everybody what are you gonna do for the next set you know because I got the four

00:47:41.380 it was just amazing then it was getting closer to the day that I was supposed to leave for New York

00:47:45.640 for the next round and I wasn't hearing anything and people that I know that got through weren't

00:47:49.480 they already got their stuff and I was waiting and my my personal producer was like yeah we're

00:47:53.160 just waiting on a couple things and blah blah blah blah cut to the morning i was supposed to

00:47:56.940 leave at 6 a.m i get an alert on my phone and it was just a very straightforward email that said

00:48:03.360 unfortunately we're not going to move forward with you thanks best of luck why because now no one's

00:48:10.640 ever going to really admit this but i just know from inside sources of people that work there and

00:48:15.380 transcripts and other producers or whatever there was another comedian on there i'm not even gonna

00:48:19.600 say her name's not important she's a phenomenal comedian who was a mom i was trying to get

00:48:24.920 pregnant so that was an ultra burn we're both white and jewish and i think they were like oh

00:48:31.660 we already have we already have well yeah and she's a mom we're gonna go with the mom one

00:48:36.480 wow not the not the other one who's talking about being uh a jewger as i called myself because i was

00:48:42.240 a cougar but i was jewish so i was a jewger it's a really funny act thank you thank you but i mean

00:48:47.180 But I was like, you know, they they I guess they thought that wasn't going to go over with their demographic, which is fine.

00:48:53.580 But what a blow to be so close, you know, and then I didn't think the episode was going to air because how did they air my episode when I was cut before the next round?

00:49:02.040 That just makes sense. Yeah. And then we found out that it was airing and it was a whole, you know, commercial to commercial bit.

00:49:08.340 it was like everything was six minutes and it my social media blew up it was great it led to a lot

00:49:14.700 of great things but then it was like reliving that over again because everyone was like well

00:49:19.420 where'd you go how'd you get cut what like it was just really and i look i i wouldn't change it at

00:49:24.700 all i would do it all over again this is the business people need to know that this is the

00:49:28.620 business i do know that they used my audition for future comedians that were trying to get on the

00:49:33.840 show like what this is how you get four yeses from the judge they would use mine to show them

00:49:40.340 this is what you do and i of course that just made me so angry like oh let them know also that

00:49:45.620 i got cut for no reason you know it just was like one of those things that you're like what um but

00:49:51.220 you did everything right i did everything right which is why they're using you as a model or i

00:49:55.220 did everything right except yes move to the live rounds yeah i just thank you for telling me that

00:50:00.940 story because i was really curious about that and and the behind the scenes of reality shows is

00:50:06.160 endlessly fascinating to me endlessly so not so not reality so scripted the people don't realize

00:50:12.520 even like all of the favorite you know housewife shows those producers are their prompts they're

00:50:17.580 getting them ready talk about this do this i don't think people realize that it's fine it's

00:50:21.960 entertainment it's enjoyable right all of these shows are enjoyable and the talent is real on the

00:50:26.040 competition shows so there's no you know i mean you're obviously watching very talented people

00:50:29.880 and when you are voting audience you are voting for them but how they get there it's produced

00:50:35.080 it's produced and again i'm i'm totally at peace with it and how it went down i wasn't for a very

00:50:41.920 long time because it really felt i could i almost gave up and i couldn't get out of bed for two

00:50:48.280 weeks and i thought oh this is a sign from the universe i was reading it the other way like

00:50:52.660 try harder fight harder but i think that i thought the universe was like stay down i thought they 0.88

00:50:57.740 were like you're not getting it stay the fuck down and i almost did for like a second and a half and

00:51:02.420 then i had a show at the urban improv and it was just before it aired anything i was doing a regular 0.62

00:51:06.700 spot sold out audience and i got up there and people were clapping and this couple in the front

00:51:12.400 that drove to see me they just loved me just screamed out we love you it was just a weird

00:51:17.120 moment right when the audience was settling down so everybody kind of laughed and at that moment

00:51:21.480 i was like this is why i do it yeah for those people that love my comedy you know what i mean

00:51:26.220 And nobody can take that away from me.

00:51:27.420 Drove and sat in front.

00:51:28.840 Yeah, sat in front and wanted to see me.

00:51:30.420 And that was the turning point where I was like, no, you don't get to take that away from me.

00:51:34.160 Yeah.

00:51:34.780 Yeah.

00:51:35.780 Well, and just really quickly, Funny You Should Ask.

00:51:38.980 Yes.

00:51:39.700 Funny You Should Ask.

00:51:40.540 Funny You Should Ask.

00:51:42.060 I actually really, I shouldn't say actually.

00:51:43.940 I enjoy that show.

00:51:44.840 Oh, I love that.

00:51:45.860 I like trivia.

00:51:47.880 Yes.

00:51:48.560 It's got, well, a test. 0.96

00:51:49.760 It's ridiculous. 0.90

00:51:50.940 I love that. 0.96

00:51:51.840 And so I was thinking, how smart must the people be who write this show?

00:51:55.680 and it's you

00:51:56.980 yes yes

00:51:59.900 and and so can you

00:52:02.060 can you give me like insider on this

00:52:04.080 I want to know do you write everybody's

00:52:06.280 lines so I mean we have a

00:52:08.080 team of writers I've got

00:52:09.280 seven and eighteen right now eighteen

00:52:11.440 amazing

00:52:12.680 content producers as they're called they are

00:52:15.760 amazing when I first started it was me and five others

00:52:18.120 for the pilots everybody

00:52:20.060 is just really brilliant and they

00:52:22.320 scour the internet now that we've been doing it seven

00:52:24.200 seasons it's really hard to find trivia that we haven't done already and you know but people

00:52:29.120 aren't that smart yes that's they're not i know a lot of times and especially when they're on

00:52:35.200 camera too though yeah they get nervous yeah there's like a blank thing like we watch family

00:52:40.900 feud we know the bar is like right i mean i get look we get it but it's so it's you know they

00:52:47.100 they're great at their job and we come up with the jokes and the comedians like to improvise you

00:52:51.880 know with what we've come up with but yes we write the trivia we write the jokes it's very

00:52:55.720 smartly written thank you so it which makes it more enjoyable for me thank you very much so and

00:53:01.540 so it's a great show my my kids do not watch television at all they only stream oh yeah so

00:53:07.600 nothing with yes and cable yes so when i was explaining it to them they kind of drew a blank

00:53:12.880 but for anyone who doesn't isn't familiar with it it comes on so it's syndicated and you can

00:53:19.260 check your local listings funny you should ask in california i believe it's on at four and four

00:53:23.100 thirty on kcal i think maybe but you can also follow us on social media because we post a lot

00:53:28.860 of really funny yeah follow us on social media on instagram um on x on tiktok and youtube funny

00:53:36.140 you should ask you'll see some of the best jokes like some of the best comedians that are just a

00:53:42.220 pleasure to work with and it's really it's really a very special show and i'm honored to be a part

00:53:47.400 of it and the world's funniest weather is also produced by they're both produced uh created and

00:53:51.960 produced by um byron allen and allen media group i love byron yes yeah i've known him for years oh

00:53:57.680 that's so great yes he's amazing and both of these shows you know smart come from his yes

00:54:02.940 really smart and come from you know uh allen media group and i'm the host of that and it's basically

00:54:09.020 a funny weather clip show we show you know what i mean i'm the host of it and then they put me

00:54:12.600 They green screen me in and throw me into tornadoes and landslides.

00:54:16.880 I've been washed away, blown away, and things have fallen on me more times than I can count.

00:54:21.300 That's great.

00:54:21.560 But it's a super fun show.

00:54:22.640 They're both really great shows.

00:54:23.980 Excellent.

00:54:25.080 So we're a little over time, but I couldn't not talk to you for all that time.

00:54:30.220 No, it was great.

00:54:31.100 But I remembered something, and I just want to close with this.

00:54:34.620 When I was saying how I'm not very friendly the way Scott is, and I don't usually talk to people, but I talk to you.

00:54:40.580 Right.

00:54:40.760 i talked to you because of your daughter because she had dropped one of the giveaways yes that's

00:54:46.560 right and i and i picked it up and handed it back to her you know and then she dropped it again

00:54:52.560 which to me is like come play with me yeah right it's like okay we have a little game going now

00:54:57.540 yeah and then i was just so struck by by how beautiful she is really beautiful and not just

00:55:03.300 the way she looks but there was there was an essence there that i got and then you know you

00:55:07.940 were holding her so uh-huh yeah so it was kind of you know it was it was it was courteous to say

00:55:14.500 hello to you and then talk to you but um but that was that was why i keyed into you was because of

00:55:20.240 her oh yeah well she's i she's very special i believe all kids are are special and they bring

00:55:27.280 um an element of luck into people's lives you know what i mean if you're open to it

00:55:33.120 I think we forget, you know, the magic of this world.

00:55:38.140 It's a really difficult situation of the way the world is right now.

00:55:42.100 But kids are so innocent, optimistic, fun.

00:55:47.040 To the core, there's something about them that we forget.

00:55:50.300 And she reminds me every day.

00:55:52.080 You know what I mean?

00:55:52.740 A little bit of that.

00:55:54.240 So I love that.

00:55:55.420 I love that her energy, you know what I mean?

00:55:57.760 And when she's changing your diapers, when you're, then you can let her know that.

00:56:02.140 remember that i can't wait my god you're leaning so into this it's making me nervous it's hilarious

00:56:08.400 it makes me feel completely unprepared for being for being older yeah you have two really devoted

00:56:14.380 maternal daughters to be like i can't wait well i mean it's not so much the diaper changing that

00:56:20.420 it is like her bringing me food and me well you know actually i can't wait for this i can't wait

00:56:25.700 for her to bring me one thing and for me to ask for another another yeah and then she goes and

00:56:30.920 then bring it back and then ask for one more on purpose you know what i mean it's like i get my

00:56:36.040 steps in just from getting her things but also the blah blah blah and you're like i was just in there

00:56:42.640 more milk yeah you have a half i want more more you have so much milk left in there more more

00:56:48.400 and then it's just easier to go and get the milk and bring it back yeah i can't wait to just say

00:56:52.940 more to her um thank you thank you so much thank you guys so much just tell people where they can

00:57:00.780 find you absolutely um so you can find me on all social media platforms at jody with an i jody

00:57:05.400 miller uh comic and then jody miller comedy is my website um i don't have dates on there most

00:57:11.960 of my dates i just post on instagram i'm right now i'm local right now but i'll be doing the

00:57:16.680 road again soon yeah um as my special comes out look for my special on youtube decades in the

00:57:21.460 making and yeah if you like my stuff comment or send me a dm slide in my dms and if you're a hot

00:57:29.260 single guy that wants to be a co-parent of a three-year-old you can also slide my dm and don't

00:57:36.640 call her ma'am yeah but don't call her ma'am don't call her ma'am thank you thank you thank you so

00:57:42.600 much for listening the only one in the room is produced by the smashing and stellar kaylin bean

00:57:48.480 and executively produced by the man, the myth, the magic,

00:57:52.540 Scott Slaughter, who I call Hun.

00:57:55.260 Hey, you're still listening?

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00:57:57.920 Please subscribe right now while you're thinking about it, quick,

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00:58:25.300 I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future.

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Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - July 21, 2024

Sunday Nice Things： The Only One in the Room

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