00:00:00.000hello and welcome to vlogger history the feminist women's history comedy podcast and this is a bonus
00:00:14.320episode so we're about to start season seven part two this whole series is about marie antoinette
00:00:21.020it's called how do you solve a problem like marie antoinette season seven part one we were
00:00:24.940kind of looking at what was happening in other places during marie antoinette's life like
00:00:29.460specifically a lot of what was going on in the United States. Season 7, Part 2, we're going to
00:00:34.520be looking at Meanwhile Back in France, what was happening in France. We're kind of setting the
00:00:39.200stage for what Marie Antoinette was up to. And a lot of that involves Versailles. And Versailles0.90
00:00:45.740was, as we know it, was very much invented by Louis XIV. And I had done this episode about
00:00:51.720Louis XIV on my Patreon. So I have a series on Patreon where when there's a man who I encounter
00:00:57.860in a story who's terrible, or honestly, a woman who is terrible, just a person who I don't want
00:01:02.600to celebrate, a person who maybe I want to learn a bit more about, but who is not really a regular
00:01:08.200vulgar history type person. I do those on the Patreon in a series that's called on Patreon,
00:01:14.340So This Asshole. But, you know, just because of the way that some podcast apps don't like
00:01:22.260swear words, we're calling it. So this goofball. And so this is an episode from Patreon. And this0.89
00:01:27.000is so for people who join the patreon at the five dollars per month or more level uh they get
00:01:32.380access to all these bonus episodes and this one i'm just making available to everybody because
00:01:35.840it really sets the scene for what we're going to be talking about starting on wednesday with the
00:01:41.060upcoming next episode of vulgar history so this is me from a bit ago i learned about louis the 14th0.91
00:01:48.160and i shared what i learned and the thing about these episodes the so this asshole slash so this0.77
00:01:53.020goofball episodes. They're more casual than a Vulgar History episode, which you might be like,0.75
00:01:58.340Vulgar History is already pretty casual. But I'll say, because it's for Patreon,
00:02:02.640it's a bonus thing. I learn some things and then I share it and I don't use as many sources as I do
00:02:08.800for a regular Vulgar History episode. But part of that is because when you're researching these
00:02:12.500very famous men from history, there's always a book or even just like the Wikipedia entry has
00:02:17.820got kind of everything you need to know. You don't have to dig around as much. Anyway, this is a
00:02:22.200bonus so enjoy this discussion of louis the 14th hello and welcome to so this asshole of vulgar0.55
00:02:37.040history it's been a podcast just for you the patreons i'm so i'm happy to be sharing this
00:02:45.020story with you i got a bit off of the regular monthly schedule for recording these because
00:02:49.740his like life and also what is time but here we are talking about louis the 14th aka louis
00:02:59.820cator's aka marie mancini's ex the one that got away so he is an extraordinarily well-known
00:03:08.020person i just didn't know about him myself until recently ish because i have never really studied
00:03:15.960this part of French history. Like there's a TV show called Versailles several years ago. I don't
00:03:20.760know, like 10 years ago. And it looked really beautiful. And it took, it has taken me a while
00:03:25.900to realize that I just like, don't watch costume dramas that much. And I was like, oh, this is a
00:03:31.980show I'll like, but it's a costume drama. And it's also mostly about men characters, which is like
00:03:37.840two strikes against it for me. Like again, all the respect for costume dramas, Rain, my favorite show
00:03:42.460of all time. Since I've been doing this podcast and doing history work, like costume dramas are
00:03:46.520not a restful thing for me to watch because it feels like work a little bit. So when I'm watching
00:03:53.200TV, I like to watch, lately, old seasons of Survivor or Murder, She Wrote. Anyway, so I was
00:04:00.040like, okay, Versailles. The men have the most beautiful wigs. I think the show is well known
00:04:03.740for having beautiful men, long hair, wigs, but also, so it's a historical drama, mostly about
00:04:09.060men and also about a history like a time period i do not personally know a lot about which is
00:04:15.420like the same time the same similar issues as when i first tried watching the white queen
00:04:19.800the elizabeth woodville show on stars because before i knew about the war of the roses i was
00:04:24.980just like i don't know what this story is anyway so i've avoided thus far in my life learning about
00:04:31.060lou the 14th until now and i'm gonna share with you what i learned by reading the wikipedia article
00:04:36.520I know there are several new members of the Patreon since the last time I posted a So This
00:04:42.020Asshole episode. So just as a reminder to everybody, because the men we talk about on
00:04:46.860this show are really well known, I don't need to do very much digging around to find information
00:04:53.440about them. And also, this is a fun time to just chat me and you, you know, it's, I do less
00:05:00.480research for this show because I don't need to do as much research because the facts are just there
00:05:04.480in the world. So my source for this is literally just the Wikipedia page, but I edited out all of
00:05:10.580the boring military bits because that's not what I'm here for. That's not what you come to me for.
00:05:15.840That's not what I'm about. So Louis XIV, who is, oh wait, let me just check because I think
00:05:21.440Google remembers me looking at this before. So the list of the longest reigning monarchs, I think
00:05:26.580Queen Elizabeth II is like inching her way up towards Louis XIV. So Louis XIV was king for
00:05:33.52072 years, 110 days. Elizabeth II, as of the day I'm recording this, which is September 3rd,
00:05:42.000has been queen for 70 years, 209 days. Is she going to hold on for basically two more years
00:05:48.020just to get ahead? I don't know, maybe. But he reigned for so long because he started off as
00:05:54.200king when he was very young and he stayed king until he was very old. So he was born September
00:05:59.7405th. Oh, it's just almost his birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday episode of So This
00:06:05.120Asshole. So he was born on September 5th, 1638. His parents were Louis XIII and his wife, Anne
00:06:12.940of Austria, who, again, I'm just going to double check, but I think was Habsburg. Anne of Austria
00:06:19.500was, oh, for sure. Yeah, she's Habsburg. She's from Spain. She became queen of France. Anyway,0.81
00:06:26.100she's a pretty formidable person as we will see so he was named Louis Diodonnet which means Louis
00:06:33.100the god-given um and he bore the traditional title of French heir apparent Dauphin so at the
00:06:38.660time of his birth his parents had been married for 23 years his mother had experienced four still
00:06:43.760births before this um and so this was very much like it was the rainbow baby moment so he was
00:06:50.080sort of a divine gift his birth was a miracle of God and his relationship with his mother was
00:06:55.420what it says here, uncommonly affectionate for the time. Like we've talked about this. This is
00:07:00.080the era of like Hortense Mancini, like parents and kids do not spend time together. Like this is
00:07:05.580circa within the era of Anne of Denmark, James I's wife, who everyone was so freaked out that
00:07:15.340she wanted to like spend time with her children. Everyone's like, what are you doing? So he spent
00:07:19.080time with his mom, unusual. The two of them, they were great pals. They're both greatly interested
00:07:23.340in food and theater. Like she was interested in that. And then he became interested in that
00:07:27.260because they hung out so much and they had a close relationship. So importantly, it was his
00:07:32.880mother who gave Louis his belief in the absolute and divine power of his monarchical rule. So the
00:07:40.540whole thing about absolute power crept absolutely may or may not have been right about him, but
00:07:44.880that's certainly what his deal became. So his father sensed his own death coming. I guess he
00:07:53.380was sick or something. So when Louis was four years old, this was happening. The custom at the
00:07:59.680time would have made Queen Anne the sole regent of France, like the regent while Louis was a little
00:08:04.900boy. But Louis XIII decreed that a regency council would rule on his son's behalf because he didn't
00:08:11.380have faith in his wife's political abilities, which is like mistake number one, but he did
00:08:17.020make her the head of the council. So then he died. And four days after he died, Queen Anne had the
00:08:25.460will annulled by the parliament of Paris, which abolished the regency council. So like he had,
00:08:31.280like he didn't have faith in her political abilities, like four days after he died,1.00
00:08:34.060she was like, fuck you. So this made Anne the sole regent of France. And yeah, so she kind of1.00
00:08:41.820was in charge. One of her most important political decisions, maybe the most important,
00:08:46.500was to nominate our old friend Cardinal Mazarin, the uncle of the Mazarinettes, as her chief
00:08:52.360minister. Yeah, so she wanted to give her son, I'm talking about her because this like really
00:08:56.160sets the scene for like, Louis is a little boy for a lot of the story. She wanted to give him
00:09:00.520absolute authority and a victorious kingdom. And so she chose Mazarin as her right-hand man
00:09:05.460because of his ability to like be schemey and his total dependence on her. Let's see. So she
00:09:11.760protected him by arresting and exiling her followers who conspired against him. Um, she
00:09:16.140left the direction of daily administration of policy to Cardinal Mazarin, who I have to just
00:09:20.340tell you, I'm being very good on this podcast and the main podcast to always call him Cardinal
00:09:24.420Maserat, but I started thinking of him as Cardi Maz. And that's, I have to like translate to
00:09:30.520myself, Cardinal Maserat, not Cardi Maz. There's a lot of play setting, but it's important. So
00:09:36.120a civil war known as the Fronde, which is the French word for the slings used to smash windows.
00:09:43.160So like slingshots. So a civil war known as the slingshot erupted in France. So Anne and
00:09:50.860Cardi Maas had, basically people were mad at them. She believed in the divine right of kings
00:09:57.420of France. The people who were their enemies did not like them and maybe did not believe in that
00:10:02.160also. So yeah, so she advocated a policy in all matters relating to the king's authority,
00:10:07.720a very radical one. She imprisoned any aristocrat or member of parliament who challenged her will
00:10:12.720because she wanted to transfer to her son an absolute authority in the matters of finance
00:10:16.720and justice. So the Fronders were not, I don't know. It just seems like, again, I don't know
00:10:23.040a lot about the history of France, but it seems like it's just like perpetual revolutions happening,
00:10:28.700people not being fans of the government, which I guess is why she wanted to give her son absolute
00:10:32.760power, et cetera. Paris erupted in rioting. Louis was 12 at this point. A mob of angry Parisians
00:10:40.180broke into the Royal Palace and demanded to see him. And they were in fact, I guess, I don't know,
00:10:45.000armed or whatever. They were led into the royal bedchamber. They looked at him, he pretended to
00:10:50.060be asleep, and then they left. This threat to the royal family made Anne decide to flee Paris with0.95
00:10:56.300the king and the courtiers. Eventually, a political compromise was reached. The court returned to
00:11:02.360Paris. And this would have been long-term traumatizing for Louis, obviously, and explained
00:11:08.280his later distrust of a paris and be the aristocracy so and that's i don't know so the
00:11:15.860frond ended then there was a second frond started another slingshot based war named war i guess
00:11:21.880they weren't just warring with slingshots so this was another upper class insurrection again queen
00:11:27.980anne was pretty crucial in defeating the frond uh mazarin ended up going into exile for a number
00:11:35.200of years. The Fronders this time claimed to be acting on Louis' behalf and in his interest against0.98
00:11:41.020his mother and Cardi Maz, who they did not like. Anyway, so he eventually came of age, became the
00:11:47.620king, and then the Fronders kind of lost steam and just petered out. They kind of ended. Cardi Maz
00:11:53.340returned from exile and Anne was no longer their regent. During this period, Louis is a hot young
00:12:00.340we know what happened he fell in love with cardi mez's niece marie mancini but his mother and
00:12:05.620cardi mez ended this by sending marie away from court to be married in italy to that guy who was
00:12:10.620terrible and who she later escaped because he tried to poison her etc so i'm just skimming0.99
00:12:17.760past because this is talking things we know about marie mancini yeah so she wanted to marry
00:12:23.340louis to the daughter of philip the fourth of spain so a spanish wife so louis was declared
00:12:29.600to reach the age of majority 1651, Cardi Maz died 10 years later, at which point Louis assumed
00:12:36.240personal control of the reins of government and astonished his court by declaring he would rule
00:12:39.960without a chief minister. So the treasury version bankruptcy, he's not doing great.
00:12:47.860I think it's around this time. I'm sure I'm going to get to it later in these notes where he just
00:12:50.880kind of like forcibly moved the whole court to Versailles so that they could be there trapped
00:12:55.160with him. Lana Wood Johnson has talked about this, I think, in some of the vulgar peace theater
00:12:58.780episodes, maybe the main episodes too, but he, or maybe he just did like DMs with me where I was
00:13:04.660like, what's this deal? But he, to stop them from being able to complain about him, he just kept
00:13:10.160them in thrall to him all the time, trapped everybody at Versailles. I guess that's what
00:13:13.720the TV show Versailles is about. Again, haven't watched it. So yeah, there's issues with money
00:13:19.660and things. This is part of why presumably he was borrowing money from Hortense Mancini's
00:13:27.460horrible husband and that was the whole reason why he wouldn't annul their marriage because he
00:13:30.500needed the money from him as a money lender so uh one of his more infamous this is a section
00:13:36.220called relations with major colonies because this is the big colonize a palooza for western
00:13:42.060european nations so there was the black code or the code noir which was a decree that sanctioned
00:13:49.340slavery but attempted to humanize the practice by prohibiting the separation of families um in
00:13:55.260french colonies only roman catholics could own slaves and the slaves had to be or the slave
00:14:00.200people had to be baptized so i don't know this is apparently one of his more infamous degrees
00:14:05.200decrees french colonies multiplied in africa the americas in asia during his reign french
00:14:10.700explorers made discoveries quote-unquote in north america france also tempted to participate actively
00:14:16.600in jesuit missions to china so he's just like going all over the place he's like the french
00:14:23.020this is like i'm gonna guess this is like the peak of french influence internationally his
00:14:29.980librarian and translator arcadio huang was chinese so he's uh got some international
00:14:36.040influences there as well so domestically the success of all this colonization work um increased
00:14:42.520the influence of the crown and its authority over the church and aristocracy thus consolidating
00:14:46.820absolute monarchy in France. Here we go. So by forcing his nobles to stay at Versailles, he
00:14:53.700achieved increased control over the French aristocracy. He turned the palace into an
00:14:58.500irresistible combination of marriage market, employment agency, and entertainment capital
00:15:02.460of aristocratic Europe, boasting the best theater, opera, music, gambling, sex, and most important
00:15:06.800to him, I guess, hunting. And also because he just like hated Paris. So apartments were built
00:15:13.800to house those who wanted to stay there, but the pensions and privileges necessary to live in a
00:15:18.660style approved to the rank were only possible by waiting constantly on Louis. So an elaborate court
00:15:25.040ritual was created where the king became the center of attention and was observed throughout
00:15:28.520the day by the public with his excellent memory. I don't, this sounds almost like a photographic
00:15:33.120memory level, like a Mary Lou Henner situation. Lou could see who attended him at court and who
00:15:37.840was absent facilitating the subsequent distribution of favors and positions. So only the people he saw
00:15:43.420would get money which encouraged people to just be gazing at him all the time he also controlled
00:15:49.760the nobility through censorship which involved opening letters to discern their author's opinion
00:15:54.100of the government and king or it says moreover by entertaining impressing and domesticating
00:15:59.340the aristocrats with extravagant luxury and other distractions louis not only cultivated public
00:16:04.220opinion of him but he also ensured the aristocracy remained under his scrutiny so they're too busy
00:16:08.900trying to impress him to do another fronde situation. I like the details in this next
00:16:16.280paragraph. So his extravagance at Versailles extended far beyond the scope of elaborate
00:16:20.960court rituals. He took delivery of an African elephant as a gift from the king of Portugal.
00:16:25.580He encouraged the nobles to live at Versailles. This, along with a prohibition of private armies,
00:16:29.820prevented them from passing time on their own estates and in their regional power bases,
00:16:34.240from which they historically waged local wars and plotted resistance to royal authority.
00:16:37.660so he basically turned the old military aristocracy into becoming ceremonial courtiers which weak
00:16:44.820their power in their place he raised commoners or the more recently ennobled bureaucratic aristocrats
00:16:51.300so it is believed very vague descriptor but this tracks with what i'm figuring out louis policies
00:16:59.260were rooted in his experiences during the front when men of high birth readily took up the rebel
00:17:03.480cause against him so this victory of the nobility may or it ensured the end of major civil wars
00:17:10.100within france until the french revolution about a hundred years later and that was lots of things
00:17:15.460are going on but the thing is louis was like good at being king in the context of what that looks
00:17:22.340like and means in a way that like his grandson was not if the grandson if the louis during the
00:17:29.360French Revolution as his grandson. The one played by Jason Schwartzman in the movie. So yeah, under
00:17:35.700Louis, France was the leading European power. Most wars pivoted around its aggressiveness.
00:17:41.300No European state exceeded it in population and now it could match its wealth central location
00:17:45.000and very strong professional army. But here's the juicy slash more interesting part. That was just
00:17:50.820kind of place setting. So personal life, marriages and children. So his wife was Maria Teresa of
00:17:55.160spain they had six children but however only one child the eldest survived adulthood which is louis
00:18:03.100le grand dauphin also known as monseigneur i like there's another person who i'm not talking about
00:18:10.780here but around the same era who's called la grande mademoiselle like french people great
00:18:16.120nicknames. So Maria Teresa died in 1683. And despite evidence of affection early on in their
00:18:26.800marriage, Louis was never faithful to Maria Teresa, but like, nor was he expected to be.
00:18:31.120This was the whole thing about like the maîtresse en titre, the whole official mistress thing that
00:18:36.280Charles II was like, let's do that in England now too. So it's like, no, he was not monogamous to
00:18:42.360her and no one expected him to be. And that wasn't the way the court ran because the mistress had
00:18:45.560all this power, right? So numerous mistresses, they all have fabulous French names. I'll just1.00
00:18:53.000say a couple of them. Francoise Atanaïs, the Marquise de Montespan, who is, I think, well-known,
00:18:59.960Madame de Montespan has talked about. He had seven children together. He also had this, you know,
00:19:05.000sort of frenemy slash like maybe lovers thing with Olympe Mancini. So through his various
00:19:12.020liaisons with his mistresses, he produced numerous illegitimate children, most of whom he married to
00:19:16.300members of cadet branches of the royal family because they were cool with illegitimate children
00:19:20.180in France. So he did marry again. So his second wife was Françoise d'Aubigné, the Marquise de
00:19:26.660Maintenance. Maintenance means now in French, doesn't it? Like the Marquise of now. And now
00:19:33.260for a quick advertising break. The war is over and both sides lost. Kingdoms were reduced to
00:19:41.520cinders, and armies scattered like bones in the dust. Now the survivors claw to what's left of
00:19:48.800a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight. But in the shadow dark,
00:19:54.780the darkness always wins. This is old school adventuring at its most cruel. Your torch
00:20:01.480ticks down in real time, and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job.
00:20:06.740This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make.
00:20:14.420This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back.
00:20:19.160Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on youtube.com slash the glass cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day.
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