Vulgar History - Your Favorite Royal's Favorite Royal： Fredegund, Part Three

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00:00:30.000 hello and welcome to vulgar history a feminist women's history comedy podcast my name is ann

00:00:38.380 foster and this is part three of a three-part super special so if you have not heard parts one

00:00:43.700 and two i mean welcome but also you really are gonna want to listen to parts one and two or not

00:00:51.540 maybe you like being confused and maybe you already know everything about fredigand queen

00:00:57.520 of Neustria and her arch nemesis Brunhilde from Austrasia but at this point I feel like

00:01:04.100 I'm gonna do a little recap but the first two episodes are kind of necessary here in a way

00:01:10.980 but I also wanted to give a special extra special welcome to as per the information that I see when

00:01:20.980 I log on to my little database on Spotify people have been listening to this podcast from Luxembourg

00:01:27.320 and from germany so guten tag and bonjour to all of you and i wanted to especially mention because

00:01:36.220 the some of the land we're talking about here or is modern day luxembourg and or germany that's how

00:01:43.480 far fred and brunhilde's empire spread not that they had a shared empire but kind of in a way

00:01:50.200 so we're gonna just jump right in because assuming you've all listened to parts one and two

00:01:58.000 the last thing that happened was uh fredigand kept trying to kill brunhilde 0.98

00:02:03.720 kept not working um she hosted a little dinner party and chopped off some people's heads and

00:02:12.040 here we are so part three this is a little passage that i call fred the queen era

00:02:17.080 so it begins with guntram died finally age 60 in 592 i mean r.i.p guntram but really he was

00:02:27.100 the last of those original brothers still around and it's just time to step aside for the new

00:02:32.180 generation guntram i mean it would have been nicer for him to retire or whatever but go be a monk or

00:02:39.680 anyway R.I.P. Guntram he's gone and his will stipulated that Fred and her son Clothar could

00:02:47.640 retain the same small bit of Neustria that they had and Childebert and his mom Brunhilde got the

00:02:55.500 rest of it so this didn't really change anything it was it was the status quo so because remember

00:03:02.200 Guntram had said that his heir was Childebert because he didn't have any living sons anymore

00:03:08.080 so Childebert took over his bits Fred and Clothar still have the smaller bit so this whole saga

00:03:14.760 started with four Frankish kingdoms divide among four sons and now it's down to two I would call

00:03:21.120 more like 1.5 because Brunhilde and Childebert have like all of Western Europe and Fred Fredegund

00:03:28.640 and Clothar have got like little tiny bit of it maybe the size of like modern-day Portugal not

00:03:34.500 that that's where they were but like that size if you picture like Fredegund controlled like

00:03:39.460 Portugal and then Childebert and Brunhilde controlled like everything east of that like

00:03:46.000 to Russia practically not the again Portugal's not involved in the story I just think of it as

00:03:51.920 a little tiny country in Europe and all the bigger countries around it

00:03:55.380 so this has all been going on for quite some time um Fredegund and Brunhilde were now both

00:04:03.640 in their 40s meaning they were now better than ever before uh smarter more lived experience

00:04:10.360 and they both lived now a majority of their life as regents slash queens slash mortal enemies of

00:04:18.880 each other and so after guntram died things were kind of chill for like a year before brunhilde

00:04:25.240 decided to attack to claim back some land from fredegund which is like i'm so sorry like

00:04:30.300 Fredegund has got so little land Brunhilde has so much but whatever this is this is the whole

00:04:35.820 this is the situation just it's like none of the people in the story are ever going after any other

00:04:43.100 kingdoms or countries around them it's just like entirely just this like self what is it

00:04:48.120 the thing where it's like the snake eating its own head the uro bros it's like all they do is

00:04:53.620 fight amongst each other as a family it's very fest in the furious of them so brunhilde and

00:05:02.840 again like technically clothar is the king of neustria childebert is the king of austrasia

00:05:10.220 and aquitaine but like fredigan and brunhilde are in charge so fredigan was just like i'm a hot

00:05:17.580 woman in her 40s i'm gonna personally march out with my troops because i'm fredigand and that is

00:05:22.020 what i'm going to do and also because brunhilde had done that before both of them were this is not 1.00

00:05:27.060 usual this is not historically what women in their society would do brunhilde i think had usually 0.76

00:05:33.800 marched out with uh her son ahead of her to be like technically he's the king this little boy 0.89

00:05:39.380 but like i'm brunhilde fear me etc friday gun was just like here's what's up i'm gonna just like

00:05:44.800 invent the whole thing of like the warrior queen and the armor marching with her troops later done

00:05:49.720 by um queen elizabeth the first famously by um isabella from ferdinand isabella like fredegund

00:05:58.920 was like and brunhilde to give credit where credit is due they're both just like here's what's up

00:06:04.540 we're in our 40s and this is happening so and the thing also that i think i mentioned a bit before

00:06:11.040 but we're going to get into it here more is that fredegund was very well read about the history of

00:06:18.520 warfare and techniques remember she sort of like invented putting poison on knives by figuring out

00:06:25.060 ways to make snake venom shelf steady or whatever she also partially just i honestly who knows like

00:06:34.720 why did this who is she like she's just this maybe pagan celtic person red hair who is captured and

00:06:45.160 made enslaved by the royal family and then wins over the king and now she's the queen and she's 0.81

00:06:50.940 been the queen for like 30 years or whatever and she just has all this military strategy like where

00:06:55.500 did she learn how to read how can she read latin where is she getting the books from 1.00

00:06:59.780 is she just thinking this up herself because here's what she did so either from information

00:07:08.100 from an old roman book of military strategies and or from the celtic folklore she perhaps learned

00:07:13.400 growing up. But was she Celtic? We don't know. But this is a thing that is a thing in Celtic

00:07:19.880 mythology. So one way or another, Fredegand was the first recorded person to do the thing made

00:07:25.880 famous in the play Macbeth by Shakespeare, where she camouflaged her troops with trees.

00:07:35.440 So they were all carrying like trees and branches, and I guess wearing brown and green,

00:07:40.320 because they like before remember when she got them all to dress up like bretons and bretton

00:07:47.080 stripes so this is like this time she is like what if we just sneak up on our enemy disguise

00:07:53.360 ourselves as a forest carrying branches like we'll just be like this little so every time they look

00:07:59.040 up they'll be like is that people no this looks like trees that's just trees so then they also

00:08:03.920 put bells on the horses which meant that if people looked up and they heard this little like

00:08:09.840 bell ringing they're like that's just the cows i don't know apparently that's part of the plan as

00:08:13.720 well that's not mcbeth so i don't know that part as well so they did this they just like all put

00:08:19.240 on some branches and headed out so when a sentry from their enemy and their enemy being brunhilde's

00:08:25.660 team he reported to his superiors like the woods are moving closer you know he like looked up he's

00:08:31.760 like if you saw that it would be really weird right you'd just be like the woods are literally

00:08:35.980 getting closer every time i look up they've like scoot scoot scoot trees so he was left off by his

00:08:42.200 companions as a drunk that's just like the guy who on the titanic was like iceberg and everyone's

00:08:47.000 like i don't think so the soldiers were in fact reassured by the sounds of bells which they

00:08:52.920 assumed were cows and horses out to pasture and not an army of people on horses disguised as trees

00:08:58.820 so fredigan's troops marched at night as trees i'm sorry i just love it i love the image of this

00:09:05.160 and quietly surrounded Brunhild's forces pouncing out in the morning I guess just like throwing off 0.95

00:09:10.520 all their branches and trees and being like guess what motherfuckers it's not trees it's Fredegund 0.86

00:09:15.380 and her troops and so the thing about this as well so there's a story in Celtic mythology of 0.80

00:09:21.740 somebody who did this and that's maybe where Shakespeare got the idea from because spoiler

00:09:26.220 a lot of information about Fredegund was suppressed for a long time so I don't know if Shakespeare

00:09:31.360 would have heard of fredigand but here's the thing so there's a celtic myth about people

00:09:36.080 disguising themselves as trees to overtake the enemies but it's possible so either fredigand

00:09:41.520 heard that and was like i'm just gonna use this celtic strategy or potentially the celtic myth

00:09:47.500 was created about her doing this and she was the one who invented it so either either way is

00:09:55.100 possible but i would call that amazing fredigand never stopped so then i didn't write it down but

00:10:04.060 presumably they won that battle because i think they did fighting fighting fighting brunhilde

00:10:10.040 versus fredigand but then two years later brunhilde's son childebert suddenly died age 25

00:10:17.040 as did his wife philuba so in this story you're like okay was that fredigand finally being

00:10:24.200 successful but this likely was natural causes or you know not poison or assassination because

00:10:30.840 if it had been the chroniclers would have loved to have said that it was either frederick under

00:10:36.240 brunhilde who are responsible for that and nobody suggested that at all which i think means they

00:10:41.360 probably just got i'm gonna guess dysentery because that's what everybody was dying of in

00:10:45.940 this situation i think there was some plague happening as well actually that reminds me i

00:10:51.560 needed to pass along this comment from my friend on instagram lulu.leslie who has a weather theory

00:11:00.180 so the year 536 which is like six years after fredigan was maybe born so the year 536 has

00:11:08.620 been dubbed the worst year in recorded history this is all lulu.leslie's words why do you ask

00:11:13.960 one or possibly many massive volcanic eruptions plunged the entire planet into 18 months of

00:11:19.900 darkness very few hours of sunlight and just constant haziness and dust blocking out the sun

00:11:25.580 for 18 months this also triggered extreme famine and of course plague but in addition to this 18

00:11:33.460 months of darkness it triggered a mini ice age that lasted another century or so fredigan's time

00:11:39.000 so my guess this is lulu leslie's guess is it all the rain and flooding and the dysentery was all a

00:11:44.940 part of this mini ice age mother earth healing process and honestly i'm so grateful for that

00:11:49.900 information because it was just the amount of rain and flooding and dysentery that comprise like

00:11:57.580 the first 30 years of fredigan's life are just like what is happening but that all makes it all

00:12:03.620 seem kind of more like high stakes sort of if you are these people living in like the year 500

00:12:08.680 whatever and suddenly it's just like oh i guess it's just dark now for 18 months you don't have

00:12:13.820 like weather radar you don't know why that's happening you don't know that there was a

00:12:17.940 previous ice age before in like dinosaur times I don't even know if you know that there was

00:12:22.520 dinosaurs so like of course everybody's superstitious of course everybody's afraid

00:12:26.500 they're probably afraid like okay well seasons are just random now we can't like what would that do

00:12:33.020 to harvest and everything so just kind of like the overall chaos of all of this makes so much

00:12:38.580 sense in context that they're living through this like what's that movie with Jake Gyllenhaal

00:12:42.820 the like day after tomorrow or whatever they're just living through that anyway thank you lulu

00:12:48.840 leslie for that and i also meant to share that i also got a comment from my instagram friend

00:12:52.800 who if you remember when fredigan disguised her troops as bretons and i theorized that meant she

00:12:59.880 put them on like stripy shirts she mentioned bretons striped shirts have 21 stripes it's

00:13:05.640 neither here nor there but if you know you can't so and i bet fredega knew to do the 21 stripes

00:13:13.980 theoretically if that's what she dressed them up as just some little feedback from you and thank

00:13:20.000 you for that so childebert died he was 25 he had a wife her name was philuba they were both pretty

00:13:27.900 useless um pretty uninteresting philuba was the ideal daughter-in-law for bunhilda because she 0.59

00:13:35.120 just like did whatever she was told which is what Brunhilde wanted her daughter-in-law to be like

00:13:39.100 anyway but Childebert do you remember when he had that talking to you from Guntram where Guntram

00:13:45.320 is like you're a man now and Childebert was like got it and then he like got a courtesan pregnant

00:13:50.240 Childebert had children and this was a society which is interesting because so much of it is

00:13:56.780 similar to like Tudor era or whatever but so much of it is not and that takes me by surprise

00:14:02.980 which is that who the mother of children is did not didn't really matter if you were a king

00:14:09.740 and you had children all of those children could equally inherit property it's not like these are

00:14:16.080 the children with my wife and these are children with my mistress and these are the children that

00:14:19.620 whatever one night stand they could all inherit so childebert had left two sons and one daughter

00:14:28.760 so the son because this is also this patriarchal society so the son took over and brunhilde

00:14:37.320 continued on as a regent to the new baby king and then because of this whole weird thing they do in

00:14:43.760 a society where like when you have more than one son then each son inherits some land so childebert's

00:14:49.600 two sons each got their own little bit of land so the frankish kingdoms were now in three bits

00:14:56.380 again so each of childebert's sons could have their own bit and the third bit was fredegund

00:15:01.960 and claudebert claudebert god these names i take a week off from recording and i'm just like what

00:15:08.200 is anyone's name anyway um so these kids so the the little baby kings so including so brunhilde's

00:15:17.900 two grandsons and fredegund's son were 9 10 and 11 years old respectively so not old enough in

00:15:24.760 this era i think you had to be 13 or 15 something like that to like officially be king in your own

00:15:29.340 right and so fredigan and brunhilde had both established so much um power just as the regent

00:15:35.600 for the previous well no fredigan hadn't lost anything fredigan just continued on as regent

00:15:40.440 and brunhilde just seemed like a no-brainer that she would stay on as the regent for her

00:15:46.180 grandsons now which is a very like catherine de medici moment which if you know that story which

00:15:51.980 i feel like would also be its own three-part special on this podcast she was the regent for

00:15:58.900 like three of her sons in a row um so these little boys were technically the king but fredigan and

00:16:06.920 brunhilde were co-ruling the entire frankish area for scope so thank god i actually wrote this down

00:16:15.000 so these kingdoms these three kingdoms was an area encompassing modern-day france belgium

00:16:21.620 netherlands luxembourg western and southern germany and swaths of switzerland so in terms

00:16:28.600 of people controlling this amount of land which if we just say like the frankish kingdoms were

00:16:32.980 all one thing fredigan was in charge of one bit brunhilde was in charge of two bits only charlemagne

00:16:38.800 would briefly rule over as expansive of a kingdom so these two women just like

00:16:45.480 if we're talking significance mega significant but it's like they were allies but also always 0.92

00:16:53.020 trying to kill each other but they both had the loyalty to like frankish lands in general

00:16:58.600 but then the main chronicler of all of this gregory of tours died at around the same time

00:17:06.160 so and he was the one who brunhilde had made him a bishop so he was always kind of like team

00:17:11.400 brunhilde in his chronicles but he also wrote down about all the rain the dysentery he wrote

00:17:16.240 about everything fredigan did all the rumors like thank you for your service gregory of tours

00:17:21.640 for all of this information but he died and then no one really picked up after him to like write

00:17:27.400 down all the juicy gossip of frankish times so there isn't as much info known about this era

00:17:36.660 where Brunhilde and Fredegund ruled most of Western Europe they did and I'm sure they did 0.62

00:17:41.360 cool shit but we don't have examples of it thank God Fredegund's dressing up as trees thing happened

00:17:47.400 before Gregory died one thing we do know that happened is that Brunhilde was she helped to fund 0.98

00:17:55.820 the first ever I think asterisk Christian mission trip to England which wasn't called England then

00:18:02.880 it was called like who's living there was like they're like the angles is what they were called

00:18:09.180 so this mission trip was led by a person named augustine who became later known as saint augustine

00:18:16.420 and it was sort of dreamed up the whole the whole thing was conceptualized by the pope at that time

00:18:24.540 who was gregory the first aka gregory the great aka i think he became a saint later on but here's

00:18:30.620 what's fun fact he was the one who popularized gregorian chants named after him gregory the

00:18:37.860 great so the the thing is gregor the great was like i think we should go i think he saw some

00:18:43.380 like enslaved little english people or angles as they were called and everybody here i'm gonna

00:18:50.960 guess sort of had the coloring of like like a darker tan skin maybe like dark hair sort of

00:18:59.140 like a stereotypical if you think of like the traditional coloring of like the people of ancient

00:19:03.820 rome or greece and they saw these angles these uh captured enslaved children who had coloring like

00:19:12.160 kind of me like pale skin freckles blue eyes um reddish goldish hair and gregory was so taken

00:19:19.900 with them he was like wow they're kind of like these angles are angels he made that pun but in

00:19:26.500 latin so he was like we should go and find like introduce christianity to england and then so

00:19:35.560 augustine was the person he sent and then brunhilde was provided the funds to do this so

00:19:40.300 if we're talking not that we're scoring brunhilde today but if we're talking significance brunhilde

00:19:45.500 funded the first mission trip that and it worked um augustine convinced the king i forget who his

00:19:51.440 name was it's like ethelstan or something uh augustine was successful and then england became

00:19:58.120 christian and then look at the world we live in today so that's were we scoring grunhilde in terms

00:20:05.640 of certificates i think she would get a 10 just for that because england becoming a christian

00:20:10.780 country kind of still is a thing that mattered in the world in the sense of like colonization

00:20:19.840 and evangelicalism and everything and this was this is where that all started

00:20:24.720 so she was doing stuff like that Fred again was not about that life missionary life instead she

00:20:31.740 was working to make her kingdom of Neustria bigger and more powerful so Brunhilde I think

00:20:37.000 like she had so much land she was just like let's take our story across over into England and like

00:20:42.540 she had time to kind of like fund missions meanwhile Fred again was busy just like trying

00:20:47.140 to steal back parts of brunhilde's land that was her focus so finally fredigan having proven

00:20:54.440 herself with the whole trees disguise situation she now had the trust of her troops because

00:20:59.260 remember when she was doing assassinations she tended to hire like or to pay slash bribe slash

00:21:05.640 force uh enslaved people slash unpaid servants slash household staff to do this stuff and maybe 0.97

00:21:12.580 generally they would then die but in one instance they didn't and that was partially because she

00:21:20.240 well just these underhanded things work best for her but also because the troops just didn't trust 1.00

00:21:24.560 her maybe because she was a woman but she proved herself with the whole tree's disguise thing so

00:21:30.500 again she rode into battle with the soldiers who were now cool with her coming along because 0.54

00:21:35.720 they saw that she was this military genius and so she'd heard about how brunhilde would let her

00:21:43.500 young son and or grandson like sort of like technically like lead the group of troops even 0.87

00:21:49.280 though they wouldn't fight because they're children fredigan tactfully let her 13 year

00:21:53.280 old son clothar uh ceremonially lead the troops as a charge through um and this particular mission

00:22:01.220 they took over paris which has been like a thing paris is just like constantly switching hands

00:22:07.080 who's in charge of it because at the very beginning of the story that was the one city

00:22:11.640 that all the brothers were supposed to share so of course that's where everyone kept trying to

00:22:15.260 take over so fredegund and clothar charged through with her troops took control of paris quote like

00:22:22.100 barbarians which presumably i'm guessing means just in kind of like a pretty chaotic and fredegund

00:22:29.340 manner not using you know like polite rules of battle but just like honestly kind of like a

00:22:34.920 bodica mood when bodica just took over or like burnt down london dinium just a similar sort of

00:22:41.780 thing fredigan just like showed up took over just in this brutal manner and here she is so her army

00:22:47.900 won of course they took over paris because she knew what she was doing and everybody was terrified 0.97

00:22:52.100 of her and then she and then because she super knew what she was doing not just like fighting 0.56

00:22:57.820 with the army and like coming up with strategies but she also knew the public relations side of

00:23:04.260 things so she had a ceremonial parade into paris like a victory parade with her son so just to be

00:23:11.480 like hello people of paris here's who is in charge of you now it's me fredigand also my son who is

00:23:17.880 13 so the last time she had been like she'd spent any amount of time in paris was after her husband

00:23:25.040 had just died and she was hiding out and she had to like write to Guntram being like oh no I'm a

00:23:29.900 poor woman with a secret baby please come help me me and now she was like returned to be like look

00:23:35.520 at me now and the people the people of Paris were like we like this we're into this Fred again we're

00:23:41.160 all team Fred again now let's do this and she didn't stop there she kept amassing amazing

00:23:46.680 military victories that made everybody respect how good she was at this at military commanding

00:23:52.160 even Brynhilde allegedly was like yeah she's okay but um Fredegund was so successful

00:24:00.500 like you would think she was almost the monarch even though she was just the mom of the monarch

00:24:06.160 but everybody was just kind of like what's gonna happen when her son Claudebert comes of age which

00:24:13.840 he's 13 so I guess you have to be 15 to be king officially yeah 15 was when Childebert was like

00:24:19.560 i guess i'll go make someone pregnant now so everybody started to suspect like what's going

00:24:24.000 to happen when her son turns 15 like how is she's not going to want to stop being in charge 0.97

00:24:29.540 but like our society does not like women being in charge of things uh the usual thing in this 1.00

00:24:36.440 era was to ship off queen mothers to convents and like hide them away forever but brunhilde 1.00

00:24:41.580 hadn't had to deal with this because i don't know why her son was 25 when he died but she was still

00:24:47.480 like super in charge so maybe fredigand was planning anyway that's what they didn't want

00:24:52.160 they didn't want fredigand to become the new brunhilde and just like cling on to power even

00:24:56.680 though her son was old enough to be a king fredigand obviously would not have wanted to be 1.00

00:25:03.900 sent off to a convent and if she was like she probably trained all the convent nuns into like

00:25:08.620 being an army and then like burned everything down or whatever so everyone was just kind of

00:25:12.740 like what's gonna happen but then i mean shockingly fredigan just died she just died

00:25:20.300 in the year 597 natural causes barely into her 50s so she had spent her 40s just being this

00:25:28.760 warrior queen amazing military commander and then she just she just died like it's very anticlimactic 0.90

00:25:37.160 because yeah there were no rumors that she'd been assassinated which given everything about her like

00:25:46.080 if there's the smallest rumor like if someone made up a fake rumor that would have been recorded 0.99

00:25:50.060 because her life is so controversial so she probably i don't know i do not know what the

00:25:54.840 natural cause was maybe dysentery although she hadn't died of that so many times before 0.64

00:26:00.760 maybe an infected wound maybe cancer i do not know maybe plague so fredegund her body was

00:26:10.420 prepared in the traditional manner which i'm going to talk about because i'm not ready to

00:26:14.720 stop talking about fredegund even though she's dead like here we go so she was embalmed then

00:26:20.180 wrapped in linen strips that had been soaked in aloe nettles thyme and myrrh then she was dressed

00:26:25.420 in her most gorgeous silk outfit and her finest jewels and laid to rest in a plain sarcophagus

00:26:30.820 they weren't able to uh lay her to rest next to her four dead sons because they had all died in

00:26:37.580 like various places throughout the last 30 years like they weren't all in one place but she was

00:26:43.600 laid to rest with great fanfare in paris where she still was having just taken over it next to

00:26:48.800 her husband who had died when they were there also and so her son clothar became full clothar

00:26:57.480 yeah i called him clodiburt before clothar so sorry clothar that's your name clothar became

00:27:04.400 full-fledged king aged like 14 or whatever and we're gonna talk about like briefly what happened

00:27:14.180 after i've got okay so he wasn't as amazing as his mother because who could ever be like who

00:27:21.380 could ever be fred again there's only everyone fred again he's also a 14 year old king like

00:27:25.580 how's he gonna do so in the years like after fred again died clothar's armies were defeated

00:27:34.340 by brunhilda's armies brunhilda ended up winning back most of the land fred again had conquered

00:27:39.560 including paris so clothar wound up with an even smaller amount of land than when his father

00:27:46.440 headfirst his father remember chilperic one of the original four brothers who got kind of the

00:27:53.100 smallest part of then so nostria was now even smaller than then brunhilde didn't continue

00:28:00.600 taking over though she didn't take over that little tiny piece of land she just kind of let 0.99

00:28:04.640 him have this humiliatingly small area which i guess was kind of her power move but also when

00:28:10.960 she went to paris she didn't disturb fredigan's tomb or even move it which she could have so i

00:28:15.900 feel like that's a sign of sort of respect you know queen recognized queen and brunhilda still

00:28:24.820 alive so this is kind of like a little epilogue for you so remember her son died so then her

00:28:32.360 grandson was the king but then the grandson died but he'd also had a son and this is the benefit

00:28:36.700 of like starting having sons when you're 15 so brunhilda stepped in for a third regency so she's

00:28:42.240 like 70 years old and now she's the regent continuously again but this time for her great

00:28:47.720 grandson and by now the noble men were just like still like still like you're still here

00:28:53.440 her plan at this point was to combine um because the whole like how it kept messing things up like

00:29:01.880 when somebody died in the frankish kingdoms they would no matter how many pieces of land there were

00:29:06.900 they would then re-divide it up so that each other's sons would get a piece of land but

00:29:09.860 brunhilde was like forward thinking she's like what about one kingdom um there's this whole

00:29:17.920 complicated thing that you can read about in the book the dark queens i've talked about it a zillion

00:29:22.140 times and i will mention it again i was just focusing on fredigan's story but there's this

00:29:26.980 huge thing where she was she's going to double cross this one army general but then he heard

00:29:31.520 about it so then he double crossed her so he tricked Brunhilde's four great-grandsons as they

00:29:38.000 headed out with an army now these great-grandsons were like six eight nine and ten like again

00:29:43.100 they're just kind of ceremonial little kids they were surprise attacked by Clothar and his forces

00:29:50.480 so Fredigan's son Clothar still around despite the fact that Brunhilde's sons and grandsons

00:29:56.220 keep dying so young clothar has got some good resilient genes so there's these four great

00:30:02.900 grandsons this is a fucking nice bookend because it started with the four brothers so one of the 0.92

00:30:08.300 great grandsons fled the other three were captured back at the palace brunhilde and her great 0.94

00:30:13.040 granddaughter were also captured by clothar's forces so clothar was able to capture them all

00:30:17.160 because of this guy the whole double cross of it all so everybody was brought to clothar the

00:30:22.980 brunhilde the daughter and the three sons they were able to capture the two older boys so clothar

00:30:29.760 was just like brunhilde finally in her in his grasp and so he knows that like she was the one

00:30:35.640 who his mother had been warring against like her whole life um he knew that his mother was trying

00:30:41.940 to kill her the whole time but also he knew that these were these were his enemies like if he was 0.91

00:30:47.580 ever going to take more of the frankish kingdoms he had to get rid of all these people if he gets

00:30:52.320 one of the boys then another one would take over and it just never stops so clothar ordered the

00:30:59.340 two older boys to be executed which they were probably by axe the youngest boy because remember

00:31:05.380 those three was sent off to be raised by a noble family in neustria clothar's kingdom why was he

00:31:13.380 spared probably because clothar was his godfather which is wild um that i keep forgetting that this

00:31:21.880 is like literally all in family and clotho took seriously the duty of being godfather but also

00:31:26.900 because of the way that boys keep dying he maybe maybe thought like i might need this guy to be

00:31:32.020 my heir one day so who knows the great granddaughter the little girl was also spared

00:31:37.860 from execution she was who knows what happened to her no one rose down but let's just assume

00:31:43.480 she was shipped off to a convent like every other girl in this story and then clotho was left to 0.67

00:31:48.980 decide what to do about brunhilde the options were usually ship her off to a convent because

00:31:56.880 again that is what they did but remember last time she shipped off to a convent she like teamed 1.00

00:32:01.480 up with autovira and then had this secret sexy marriage and then like anyway like you know 1.00

00:32:07.060 sending brunhilde to a convent isn't going to stop her even if she's 70 years old

00:32:10.480 but it was what was complicating things was the one missing grandson so there's the four boys two

00:32:16.840 of them were executed one of them was sent off to be raised as a potential heir the fourth boy

00:32:20.840 had escaped and no one knew where he was so if this little boy ever popped up again

00:32:25.380 and brunhilde was around she would be able to verify or corroborate his identity and there 0.88

00:32:32.380 would be chaos war all over again because that boy could come back and try to take over

00:32:37.280 but then also everybody knew now that fredigan was dead brunhilde was the smartest and most

00:32:43.680 clever person in this entire extended family and as long as she was around she would still have 0.99

00:32:50.120 some power and some followers and so it was decided that brunhilde would be executed so she

00:32:57.500 was brought out into a field i'm not sure this is all outdoors i guess because they were all

00:33:03.400 on army campaign and that's tense i don't know she was this is wild brunhilde was accused by

00:33:11.780 clothar of all the things that fredegund had literally done she was accused of killing four

00:33:16.680 kings that being um sigebert her own husband um she was accused of the suicide of her second

00:33:24.200 husband meravich she was accused of the jailhouse murder of fredegund's stepson clovis um and then

00:33:30.620 also was blamed for the death of clothar's toddler age son who probably just had dysentery like every

00:33:35.900 other little boy in this story um wildly in this list of kings and heirs who she was accused of

00:33:41.920 killing most of whom fredigand had killed or were dead because of fredigand he also included

00:33:47.780 brunhilde's own two great-grandsons who clothar had literally just executed so these were some

00:33:54.980 fako charges that she was being charged with um she was found guilty because this was not like

00:34:04.640 a fair trial obviously this is all just a performance shot slash sham and a lot of it

00:34:10.180 was meant to exonerate fredegund from being thought guilty of anything because that's

00:34:14.420 clothar's mom and he wanted her name to be cleared and as we'll see he wanted her he

00:34:19.360 wanted fredegund his mom to be remembered as just this like really good person slash

00:34:26.420 mother slash not warrior assassinating pioneer so because brunhilde was found guilty of all

00:34:35.360 these things officially she was now considered to be guilty of all these things she was again

00:34:41.900 70 years old outdoors stripped of all of her jewels and finery and so she just stood there

00:34:47.340 shivering and just like you know a nightgown type thing and again people kind of thought like well

00:34:56.360 what will her punishment be like sent to a convent probably um maybe sent to prison i don't know but

00:35:03.580 clothar decided that her punishment would be execution as well um and it was pretty awful

00:35:11.040 so she was tortured for three days um then was led outside and towards a camel which is like

00:35:19.660 why is there a camel are we not basically in france what is going on uh the answer is cloth

00:35:26.840 was inspired so kind of like his mom fredigan read about like the trees disguise and stuff

00:35:31.560 so cloth was also knowledgeable about like what other people are doing in other places

00:35:36.740 he's probably inspired by what the byzantine empire did to humiliate deposed tyrants

00:35:43.000 and the byzantines had gotten the idea from egypt aka a place where camels lived

00:35:48.400 so what the whole process was is that brunhilde was paraded around

00:35:53.200 backwards like she was sitting backwards on the camel the camel's facing frontwards

00:35:57.320 it was supposed to be sort of like a mean way to be the opposite of a victory parade

00:36:03.120 and brunhilde even if she didn't know where cluthor got the idea from but she probably did

00:36:09.280 she was also smart in her culture the visigoths a similar thing was done with a donkey just to

00:36:15.420 humiliate somebody who was like an enemy of the king the subtext of all this uh also i mean the 0.93

00:36:22.480 text is awful enough but the subtext sort of highlighted her foreignness because she was a

00:36:27.640 visigoth she wasn't frankish like the other people and so there's a big crowd there of men

00:36:36.400 i guess the army who clothar had been with they jeered and yelled insults at her but she was just

00:36:42.380 like i feel like psychologically like had left her body at this point because she was 70 something

00:36:47.500 year old great grandmother in the sixth century who'd just been tortured for three days so i'm

00:36:51.820 sure she was just like ready for the sweet release of death at this point so then they brought out

00:36:57.400 horses and different um chronicles suggest different things there may have been one there

00:37:05.160 may have been four two maybe three but all the sources agree that the horses were wild and

00:37:10.220 unbroken and Brunhilde was tied to them by her hands feet hair head or maybe all of these things

00:37:17.180 again the sources vary but tied to these wild horses Clothar gave the command and the horses

00:37:23.080 began to run and that is how Brunhilde died ripped apart slash stomped on by wild horses

00:37:31.800 which is kind of like Fredigan's final revenge on her but I don't know if Fredigan would have

00:37:39.320 she was she was more tidy with her assassinations but that was the story of how fredigan's son

00:37:47.120 clothar took control of a united single frankish kingdom by killing all of the other kings

00:37:53.280 but the story's not done yet so because the thing is that the kingdoms didn't want to be united

00:37:59.940 so clothar agreed to let them each have their own mayor but clothar would still be the king

00:38:05.020 of everything and this did not work out well because the mayors all took lots of power and

00:38:11.200 he wound up his legacy was sort of um kings without much power to them just a sec so what

00:38:19.440 does this say so later divisions produced the stable units of austrasia neustria burgundy and

00:38:28.540 Aquitania, but, yeah, so Clothar was succeeded by his son, Dagobert, who became Dagobert

00:38:55.000 the first but what happened with him

00:38:59.400 so there's still the the division all the assassination um which continued for like

00:39:14.160 another hundred years until somebody called peepin the short finally deposed the last

00:39:20.160 merovingian king in 751 and this established the carolingian dynasty which charlemagne was famously

00:39:26.720 part of ah here we go this is just from wikipedia so it says the merovingian boy kings remained

00:39:33.440 ineffective rulers who inherited the throne as young children and lived only long enough to

00:39:37.780 produce a male heir or two while the real power lay in the hands of the noble families who

00:39:42.340 exercised feudal control over most of the land um dagobert was immortalized in a french song

00:39:51.160 which in french is called le bon roi dagobert the good king dagobert which is a nursery rhyme

00:39:56.680 about how he's um pretty useless which is a pretty sucky way to be remembered but um

00:40:06.740 so fredigan's descendants so it was fredigan's descendants who became who were the kings of the

00:40:13.120 merovingian empire the single considered king of the franks for the next several decades not

00:40:19.060 brunhilda's descendants because her son who ran away never came back and all of the other ones

00:40:23.760 were all killed as young children but the merovingian dynasty they became known as the

00:40:29.660 do nothing kings because the mayors had all the power um and honestly i feel like this is a

00:40:39.560 sliding doors moment where clothar just sort of was like i'm gonna reinvent my mother fredegand

00:40:44.100 is this kind of like saintly woman not like technically a saint but just this sort of like

00:40:48.760 person who was like a cool mom and didn't go to battle at all and then i don't know if he had 0.98

00:40:55.760 embraced having women in power maybe his dynasty wouldn't have been so stomped over

00:40:59.700 so basically right after brunhilde's execution clothar set about erasing both brunhilde and

00:41:06.260 fredigan's accomplishments from the historical record he did this by he didn't name any churches

00:41:13.260 for his mother he didn't apply to make her a saint which would have been pretty easy because

00:41:17.220 like guntram was made a saint like anyone could be a saint if the king wanted it to be the chronicles

00:41:23.820 so the historical record were edited to remove any of the accusations of fredigan's misdeeds

00:41:29.260 particularly the stuff about her maybe being adulterous even though 303 witnesses

00:41:35.400 you know supported that she was not so basically all the cool parts about fredigan were just like

00:41:41.260 covered over leaving just behind the memory of a fake woman who never existed

00:41:45.960 this placid docile and doting mother whose greatest accomplishment was giving birth to clothar

00:41:51.660 so why did this happen it's definitely because fredigan and brunhilde's successes

00:42:01.220 made the men who were in control of everything terrified to let queens or women do anything

00:42:06.560 ever again because they fredigan and brunhilde both proved that like if someone is capable and

00:42:13.900 knows what they're doing and can garner some support like it doesn't matter what gender you

00:42:19.020 are you don't have to be a man to be successful so especially fredigan's ascent from slave

00:42:27.140 enslaved person to queen to military leader like everyone was just like this is like fredigan and

00:42:34.140 brunhilde broke through that glass ceiling or whatever but the men who were left behind after

00:42:38.800 they died were all kind of like well we cannot let that let's just like kind of like re whatever 0.99

00:42:44.580 like glue back together that glass ceiling we don't want any women to know that that's even 1.00

00:42:49.100 possible to do which is part of why they removed everything from the historical record 1.00

00:42:53.020 in fact they changed laws or just practices so from then on other queens of the merovingian 0.68

00:43:00.520 dynasty weren't ever allowed the same amount of control that fredigan and brunhilde had 0.95

00:43:05.020 um to like in the next little while two queens who briefly served as regents for their young 0.84

00:43:12.420 sense were quickly sent off to convents like the men were just like we can never let a fredigan

00:43:16.760 brunhilde moment happen again and then the carolingians who took over after were even worse

00:43:24.520 if you can imagine so they were terrified that women could take as much power as fredigan and

00:43:29.500 brunhilde had had and so they allowed their women slash queens even less freedom from their era a

00:43:37.460 smear campaign continued so although clothier had tried to be like fredigand she was my mom that's 1.00

00:43:44.080 it nothing else to know about her the carolingians to try and make it seem like women with power are 1.00

00:43:50.300 just like evil seductresses or whatever to try and show the women and girls of their society like 1.00

00:43:57.740 don't do this because it's weird and unnatural for women to have power they just didn't want 1.00

00:44:02.680 anyone to ever emulate what Fred again and Bernhilde had done and so really in this area 1.00

00:44:13.700 of like France Germany Switzerland Luxembourg Belgium etc women did not really have any royal 1.00

00:44:22.600 authority in those lands for centuries potentially the first one was Blanche of Castile 700 years 0.98

00:44:31.060 later Catherine de Medici 900 years later like a long time later both of them Blanche and Catherine

00:44:38.400 gained their power by being the regents for their young son slash kings and there wasn't another

00:44:44.380 queen rivalry like there wasn't a woman in power in western Europe let alone two women in power 0.99

00:44:52.960 who were enemies of each other until maybe Queen Elizabeth the first and Mary Queen of Scots in the

00:44:58.700 16th century so way later um in the 12th century renovations were done to the church where Fred

00:45:07.700 again had been where her sarcophagus was left um her sarcophagus was unearthed and she was given a

00:45:13.460 new ornate marble slab the new and improved memorial holds a scepter and wears a crown

00:45:19.960 but there's no face on it I mean hopefully because it was painted on but it has now faded

00:45:25.660 it wasn't like they just didn't think she deserved having a face painted on unlike every other person

00:45:32.140 who died in france who i've ever talked about on this podcast her tomb was not destroyed during

00:45:37.320 the french revolution in the early 19th century her tomb was moved to the basilica saint denis

00:45:44.100 and placed next to her ancestor-in-law clovis the first who was the first merovingian frankish king

00:45:52.260 this also reunited her body with the tombs of her grandson and her great-grandson so

00:45:58.560 the other Merovingian kings um honestly the part that like bothers me the most about all of this

00:46:07.200 like I'm glad she's a cool tomb I'm glad she's like you can see it now you can visit it but the

00:46:12.440 inscription on the tomb which I guess was put there in the 12th century and maybe this is because

00:46:17.360 um her son had deleted all the information about how cool she was but all all it says

00:46:25.140 in latin is queen fredegund wife of king chilperic like that's like the 10th least interesting

00:46:33.860 thing about her that she was the wife of chilperic i mean it is an interesting thing

00:46:39.740 because she became his wife because um his first wife was sent off to a nunnery and then the second

00:46:47.020 wife was murdered by him to marry her but still it's just like oh there's like all of the respect

00:46:53.320 to people who are wives and mothers but Fred again was uh not just that and to be remembered that way

00:47:03.520 just like a racist everything I've talked about for the last what like three hours on this podcast

00:47:10.260 so i've been stressing about this it's time to score muse fredigant i made myself notes so if

00:47:19.880 you ever if you haven't you should listen to the podcast that's called the rex factor super good

00:47:25.700 podcast the hosts of these two british guys and so their first season was they went from the very

00:47:31.220 beginning of like english history then through all the kings of england and they went through

00:47:37.740 all the kings of scotland now they're going through all the royal consorts and so and they

00:47:42.720 score them that was one of the podcasts that inspired me to set up a the scandalous scale

00:47:48.040 for this podcast because i think it's just such a nice way to sort of like to be able to to compare

00:47:53.560 and contrast the different people we've been looking at anyway so the way that they do their

00:48:01.400 podcasts often is they'll go through the biography and that's the first part and the second part they

00:48:06.080 just kind of like because there's two of them they like talk and debate what should the scores be

00:48:09.580 so in sort of a rex factor like way i made myself some notes because instinctively and i asked this

00:48:16.840 on instagram on everyone basically it was an agreement i'm like what should fredigan score

00:48:20.640 be and everyone's like it should be a 40 it should be the first perfect score it should be like 25

00:48:24.940 000 you should like invent a new score just for her i'm like instinctively like the fact that it's

00:48:30.980 three episodes worth of stuff to talk about it's like I want to give her a 40 out of 40 the highest

00:48:38.020 score anyone's ever gotten um the high score currently is Queen Margot has a 37.5 Joanna of

00:48:46.820 Naples has a 33 but these are the categories I score people on and I don't want to be swayed by

00:48:52.180 my own personal um reverence and love and affection for Fred again so I made myself notes so I can try

00:48:59.600 to be objective about the scoring because even though this is like a special three-point episode 0.70

00:49:04.660 it's unfair to the previous women i've scored to suddenly change the scale or the categories 0.89

00:49:10.380 etc so for scandaliciousness now the things that i've written down for her scandaliciousness 0.96

00:49:16.980 are and there is some overlap between her scandaliciousness and her scheminess because

00:49:23.360 because the they're fake categories and she did things that are both so for instance um 1.00

00:49:30.980 so scandalousness uh winning the heart of chilperic slash seducing him slash becoming

00:49:38.940 his mistress like her ascent from enslaved person to mistress of the king to like the queen

00:49:46.880 is inherently scandalous remember how at the very beginning of the story there was the four brothers

00:49:52.280 and the one was like i think it's not cool that some of us four brothers are like fun in love with

00:49:58.600 servants like it clearly was scandalous to the people at the time and then the fact that he

00:50:04.420 didn't like the first wife was sent off to the convent but then he didn't marry her he married 0.99

00:50:09.560 gil swintha but then he killed gil swintha to be with her like just the i don't know like the tits 0.99

00:50:16.180 out power of that like whatever the female version of big dick energy is like she had it and he was 0.98

00:50:24.020 just like would do whatever she wanted and that's also interesting too because Jill Perrick was this 1.00

00:50:29.180 famous sort of like womanizer um dirtbag but once he met and fell in love with Fred again like that

00:50:36.700 was it like he did whatever she said he loved her so much he worshipped her scandalous I also kind 0.65

00:50:44.640 a scandalous point not that each of these things is one point but a point towards her scandalous

00:50:49.100 score um the way that she arranged the assassination of sigibert um immediately postpartum the fact

00:50:56.660 that she gave birth to a baby in a bunker and then when she saw the army wasn't gonna do this

00:51:01.400 she just like got these coerced these two boys to go and do it and well the poison knives that'll 0.55

00:51:08.280 be more scheminess but like anyway the way that she um that also ties in with her just giving no

00:51:14.300 fucks about the sanctity of churches the way that guntram was like oh if only we could like find a

00:51:19.500 way to arrest eberulf and she was like what if i just send a guy into the church and take him like 0.99

00:51:23.840 why are you like pretending like this building has power the way that she um arranged the

00:51:29.240 assassination of pretext status during easter mass like that was very scandalous to people at the

00:51:34.940 time i presume because there was just this common understanding that churches were sacred places

00:51:40.380 and frederick and is like but what if they're not um scandalousness the absinthe poisoning 0.93

00:51:47.940 when the city heads came to her and she was just like what if i just kill you the dinner party axe

00:51:54.480 murder i think is just like very scandalous and maybe sort of an inspiration for the red wedding

00:52:00.340 on game of thrones and then all of the attempts to kill brunhilde and childebert were scandalous

00:52:07.200 because I think Guntram was always like you need to stop doing that like there's a way to do this

00:52:11.200 and it's like sending armies and blah blah blah just her overall efficient way of just like

00:52:16.540 cutting through the red tape to do stuff anyway scandalousness I said all that stuff and nothing 1.00

00:52:23.340 has persuaded me to give her anything less than a 10 like she is a 10 out of 10 scandalousness 1.00

00:52:27.680 honestly if all she ever did was seduce the king into killing his wife like that's a 10 like she's 0.96

00:52:34.580 just come on this is a 10 so for scheminess again I listed seducing Chilperic like she knew I don't 0.94

00:52:43.360 think she was like oh no I've been carried away with love and now I'm in love with the king like

00:52:46.740 her actions later on show that she wanted maybe she loved him too but she clearly knew the sort

00:52:51.820 of power she could get as his queen and that's like Anne Boleyn vibes right not just like it's 0.66

00:52:57.780 his mistress but as his one and only queen scheminess the military victories the disguising

00:53:05.040 as trees the Breton stripes um all of her military victories which is like literal scheminess like

00:53:13.240 she made some good plans and then she won these battles because they're such good plans

00:53:16.400 um her assassinations the attempted assassinations are also very schemy um the fact that they didn't

00:53:23.820 all work but some of them did like it doesn't make it any less scheming she was constantly

00:53:28.280 scheming she couldn't remember that part where guntram just was like what if you just like go

00:53:32.180 live in this castle and she's like great and while i'm in this castle i'm just gonna like

00:53:36.080 try and kill brunhilde again scheminess is like the oxygen she breathed and also i think it's

00:53:43.460 also shows her scheminess how when her husband died and she was just like i need like i don't 0.68

00:53:49.720 want to get married i have this secret baby oh the secret baby that's both scandalousous and

00:53:55.760 scheming anyway how she wrote to guntram being like oh no i'm just a poor woman with a baby

00:54:00.180 like won't anyone help me so tricking him to protect her but then also lying that she's

00:54:04.940 pregnant to get out of those boring dinner parties full-on 10 out of 10 scheminess can't imagine her

00:54:12.500 can't imagine one scheme left that she did not do significance is where i'm just like

00:54:19.780 that's why i've been sort of stressing about it but i so i ran back and reread some stuff about

00:54:24.140 like the history of the franks and like the merovingian dynasty and stuff so

00:54:28.960 because the significance category is one that's kind of there it's both it's just so that we're

00:54:36.820 not just measuring people just on scandalousness and scheminess like we want to give a will around

00:54:40.680 like there's people who did cool stuff but they're they weren't very scandalous and that was good 0.66

00:54:45.840 because they weren't killed like women being scandalous and schemey throughout all of human 0.72

00:54:53.060 history tended to often um not do well it's not a world that rewards that and that's part of why

00:55:00.360 i like to reward that in this podcast but people who weren't who were scandalous but didn't have

00:55:07.040 significance basically the significance categories here for people who have that but maybe not so

00:55:13.760 much scandalousness they found other ways to be significant so i'm just like concerned about

00:55:21.100 fred again because like even brunhilde when you look at the fact that she financed the first ever

00:55:27.780 christian mission trip to england and then it worked and then england became christian and

00:55:33.180 then that led to like the reformation and then that led to like new england and like the colonies

00:55:41.140 and like evangelical christianity that is still a force in the world today like that's a 10 for

00:55:48.020 brunhilde fredegand didn't do that but here's what she did do that i put in the significance

00:55:53.560 category the murder of sigibert like she assassinated a king significant her military 0.60

00:56:00.900 victories significant she helped to um expand the territory of her country even though later on her

00:56:08.720 useless son lost all of that it was significant to these military victories and it's significant 0.99

00:56:14.060 that she had military victories as a woman because in this era women were not not leading

00:56:20.560 battles and then so she did and that was significant even though the record of that

00:56:27.240 was sort of like erased for a while um she invented or popularized um finding ways to make 0.98

00:56:36.120 poison shelf stable so you could have poison knives for your assassinating needs like remember

00:56:40.820 the by like the third or fourth assassination attempt the people had like a special pocket

00:56:45.980 in the knife to put the poison in like an innovator um the tree's disguise is significant

00:56:53.000 not just because that's like so cool but also because it's in Macbeth and that's like a famous

00:56:57.660 part of the play Macbeth and then it became part of Celtic folklore and or she learned it from

00:57:05.100 Celtic folklore so that's like a major thing that she invented the breaking of the glass ceiling of 0.56

00:57:11.980 sitting as a judge in civil cases Brunhilde also did that but they both did that and that was like 1.00

00:57:17.720 women had not done that in this era before she did not that like and from then on women were judges 0.72

00:57:23.560 it's like no so that's like she did these things that were significant but how many of them echoed

00:57:29.620 through time and changed the world and that's kind of where i sort of think about the significance

00:57:33.960 category it's like how different would the world be if this person hadn't been in this place in

00:57:39.100 time and then her son united the frankish kingdoms which lasted a while um until the

00:57:48.620 carolingians took over but like her son united the frankish kingdoms like instead of having that

00:57:52.760 dumb rule of like every son gets a kingdom so you spend all your time just with the sons fighting

00:57:58.740 each other her her son united the frankish kingdoms um and that reminds me of just another 0.96

00:58:07.140 comment from facebook um bebovich underscore bebovich said considering that the line of

00:58:15.520 frankish kings descended from her son and not brunhildas or any of the other women in the story

00:58:20.180 i think that's very significant which it is but it's just like how how significant is this

00:58:27.500 like at first i feared that her significance score would be low but if it is you know i have

00:58:33.160 to honor that and be truthful about it but looking at all these things i feel like her significance

00:58:38.700 is in fact very good and i'm going to give her an eight for significance for sexism did i even

00:58:48.160 write notes because this also seems kind of straightforward so living in a society where 1.00

00:58:54.420 she always had to have a man protecting her she was not to be queen on her own um she was accused

00:58:59.540 of adultery and of being a witch the troops didn't trust her until she proved that she was 1.00

00:59:05.140 a military genius like she how much sexism did she deal with the fact that her like entire legacy 0.99

00:59:10.420 was erased after she died is a 10 for sexism so when you add that all up it is 38 which is 0.5

00:59:22.100 higher than queen margot a new record fredigand i'm just typing her in here into my little document

00:59:30.220 38 i wonder if anyone will ever get a 40 like i can't imagine anyone doing more than fredigand 0.99

00:59:38.600 on anything but also just because again i don't want to disrespect the other women who i've scored 0.98

00:59:44.400 on the scandalousness scale by changing anything now i considered like should i give some sort of

00:59:49.380 like special power veto to myself where i can just like assign bonus points where i feel like

00:59:53.700 someone's score is too low i'm like no because that's not fair to the other people who have

00:59:57.940 scored but what i am going to do is just to show how significant fredigand is to me uh that she

01:00:08.560 has been to the podcast that i hope she is now to all of you i'm going to rename the scandalous

01:00:16.420 scale, the Fredegund Memorial Scandalicious Scale. I'm just typing it.

01:00:28.220 Henceforth, when we are grading anybody,

01:00:36.380 it's going to be, we're going to like, let's see how they score on the Fredegund Memorial

01:00:40.820 scandaliciousness scale scandalicious scale on the fredigan memorial scandalicious scale

01:00:49.220 she's at the top i'm happy about it it's not a perfect score but i mean like who

01:00:56.900 is perfect the point of this podcast isn't to try and like find the perfect person and then

01:01:02.620 be like now the podcast is over we found the perfect perfect person it's just to kind of like

01:01:07.380 measure what struggles do people have um how much tits out skin deliciousness did they have

01:01:14.980 like fredigan at the top at this point i think she deserves it uh let me know what you think

01:01:21.900 about the scoring i guess though um instagram is where you can mostly find me i'm not even at that

01:01:27.940 part of the podcast yet where i talk about that stuff maybe i am um yeah so on instagram we're

01:01:34.600 at vulgar history pod you can send me dms there with your thoughts as well um on twitter we're at

01:01:41.200 vulgar history you can support me on my patreon which is patreon.com and foster writer so that

01:01:51.180 is where there's various tiers i think i've talked about this before but basically if you pledge one

01:01:56.500 or two dollars per month then you get early access to the regular podcast episodes um if you pledge

01:02:03.000 two dollars a month you also get to vote in polls and then if you vote

01:02:07.240 and then if you pledge five dollars a month which is different in different currencies so it's like

01:02:12.560 five dollars u.s currency um then you get to listen to the

01:02:17.620 so there's different rewards for different levels so if you pledge

01:02:27.060 any amount over a dollar per month you get early access to episodes of vulgar history I mean it's

01:02:34.160 not like five weeks early but it's like a couple days early so that's your little treat and then 0.98

01:02:39.840 if you pledge five dollars or more then you get access to special mini episodes so this asshole

01:02:47.040 episodes where I just talk about men who suck in history and I do one of those every month even

01:02:54.260 when we're on hiatus from vulgar history i feel like the next one i might do might be charlemagne

01:02:59.580 because his name came up in the story and i'm just like what's his deal anyway so that's all

01:03:05.160 if you go to patreon.com and foster writer i've also got an exciting new um url for the store

01:03:13.820 so it's at vulgarhistory.store like vulgarhistory.store which is where you can find our

01:03:20.480 merch including fredigund merch we've got that's so fredigund we've got she's just being fredigund

01:03:27.680 and then other fredigund based things as well as tits out merch if you do go there

01:03:34.940 vulgarhistory.store use code titsout t-i-t-s-o-u-t for free shipping in the u.s or use code titsout10

01:03:43.020 the numeral 10 like t-i-t-s-o-u-t-1-0 for 10 off and so that's just to give you some help if

01:03:50.920 you're not in the u.s a little discount and um i've mentioned it a gazillion times but i want

01:03:58.220 to mention it again because it's such a good book and i will be talking about it more when it comes

01:04:03.500 out probably so the dark queens the bloody rivalry that forged the medieval world by

01:04:10.360 shelly puhack a book that is coming out february 2022 so just a couple months away from now and

01:04:16.440 thank god for this book thank you very much to the publishers who got me an early access copy of it

01:04:23.680 because that's where i got so much information about fredegand about brunhilde about about the

01:04:32.340 whole situation thank you to bloomsbury usa who is the american publisher of this book um

01:04:48.420 yeah for getting me early access to it so i could do this podcast and that's it for now um

01:04:57.960 there will be a new season of vulgar history coming out at some point when will that be 0.97

01:05:04.140 who's to say but in the meantime keep your mask on keep your tits out love you all talk later 0.98

01:05:27.960 The war is over and both sides lost. 0.99

01:05:33.920 Kingdoms were reduced to cinders and armies scattered like bones in the dust.

01:05:38.920 Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight.

01:05:46.780 But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins.

01:05:51.140 This is old school adventuring at its most cruel.

01:05:54.320 Your torch ticks down in real time, and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job.

01:06:00.520 This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make.

01:06:08.080 This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back.

01:06:12.820 Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on youtube.com slash the glass cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day.

01:06:23.360 See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark.

01:06:53.360 the lore, there is nothing we don't cover on our show.

01:06:56.600 Right, Jeremy?

01:06:57.360 Ooh, girl, you know we are famous for rabbit holes,

01:07:00.260 Disney-themed games, and fun facts you didn't know you needed,

01:07:02.960 but you definitely need in your life.

01:07:04.560 So if you are looking for a healthy dose of Disney magic,

01:07:06.900 check out Disney Countdown wherever you get your podcasts.

01:07:10.740 Oh, please, not that music.

01:07:12.480 That music gives me nightmares from my childhood.

01:07:14.860 Could we get something a little bit lighter,

01:07:16.620 some lighter music here?

01:07:17.980 Are you a fan of true crime TV shows?

01:07:20.960 And what about Unsolved Mysteries,

01:07:22.640 the show that jump-started all of our love of true crime.

01:07:25.920 I'm Ellen Marsh.

01:07:27.280 And I'm Joey Taranto.

01:07:28.660 And we host I Think Not, a true crime comedy podcast

01:07:31.960 covering some of the wildest stories

01:07:34.020 from your favorite true crime campy TV shows

01:07:36.720 all the way to Unsolved Mysteries.

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01:07:41.260 you'll think about true crime in a whole new way,

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01:07:46.260 New episodes of I Think Not are released every Wednesday

01:07:49.000 with bonus episodes out every Thursday on Patreon.

01:07:52.640 And every Monday, you can listen to our True Crime Rundown,

01:07:56.240 where we go over the top true crime headlines of the week.

01:07:59.860 So come and join us wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Vulgar History - September 29, 2021

Your Favorite Royal's Favorite Royal： Fredegund, Part Three

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